Fic: as it fell (you rose to claim it) - Part One
Title: as it fell (you rose to claim it)
Author(s): freakykat
Rating: NC-17 eventually
Characters/Pairings: Luke Snyder/Noah Mayer
Summary: I let it fall, my heart, and as it fell you rose to claim it. It was dark and I was over, until you kissed my lips and you saved me.
PART ONE
Six months later
"This sucks."
Noah glanced up from where he'd been folding his shirts, raising an eyebrow at his friend, his mouth not quite turning up in a smile. "For an English major, Gabe, your vocabulary could use some expanding."
Gabe rolled his eyes, leaned his hands on his thighs and gave Noah a pointed glare. "You're abandoning me for some stupid job in some po-dunk town. I think I have a right to be a bitch about this."
"This is not what makes you a bitch, my friend." He ducked at the pillow that flew toward him. "Also." He held up one finger. "Station manager for a television studio is hardly a degradation or outside of my field." Then another. "I've asked you a dozen times to come with me." And another. "po-dunk, really? Who even says that, Gabe?"
"I do."
"Well, okay, that totally makes it valid." Noah turned back to his suitcase, pushing the clothes down with his hands to make them all fit. "You never realize how much crap you have until you move." He glanced around the bedroom, pausing briefly at the framed photo on the bedside table before forcing his stare away, concentrating on the task at hand. "I think that might be it."
Gabe leaned over to take the picture off the side table, looking at it closely before offering it to him. "You love this one."
Noah shook his head, snapping the case closed. "I don't want to have reminders of -- the only way I can make it through this if I start fresh." He shrugged at Gabe when he raised an eyebrow. "It's not like I need a photograph to remember him or our life. I have memories for that." He pulled his bags off the bed, signaling toward the other side of the bed. "Can you grab those?"
Gabe picked up his equipment bag and the box of CDs he'd packed before turning toward him. "Anything else?"
Noah took a moment to look around the room then shook his head. "No, I'm done here." He walked out of his old bedroom, glanced around the other rooms briefly, finding nothing for him. Gabe opened the door and Noah walked through it for the last time. He threw his keys under the slat of the door frame after locking up and together they carried everything out to Noah's car, stuffing the last of his things in the backseat.
"What are you going to do with the condo?"
"Ryan is selling it."
Gabe got that look on his face, the one Noah knew meant he wanted to punch someone -- Ryan, probably -- in the face hard. "He making you --"
"Gabe. It's part of the settlement. He bought me out and -- they're buying a place so."
"I really hate him."
Noah wished he did too but the end of their marriage hadn't technically been Ryan's fault. Noah made the stupid mistake that put the period at the end of that sentence. He grabbed Gabe by the shoulders, locked their gazes together. "It's done, man. Ryan is happy and that's -- that's good."
"What about you?"
Noah shrugged, letting one side of his mouth turn up. "I'll get there." He turned his wrist to look at the time, eyes widening when he realized how behind schedule he was. "Come on, I need to drop you off at home before I head out."
Gabe groaned, leaning his head on Noah's shoulder. "Is this really the only way, Noah?"
"It's not forever, dude."
"Yeah, just until we make enough money to get our own production company going, right? Which will take what -- four hundred years?"
Noah smiled for the first time in a long while. "Have you always been a Debbie Downer, Gabriel?"
"I prefer Negative Neil."
Noah placed his arm around Gabe's shoulder, trying not to roll his eyes. "I'm the guy whose marriage ended with his husband -- who I thought was the love of my life by the way and with my luck he probably is -- taking the business we built together along with selling the only home he'd ever known so his husband could start all over again. With his high school sweetheart."
"Who happened to be a girl, don't forget."
Noah pointed his finger at Gabe. "Exactly."
"I told you not to date a bi-sexual."
"Don't start, Gabe." Noah had heard enough to last him a life time. Ryan hadn't left him for Taylor because she was a woman. He knew you couldn't help who you loved. Ever.
"Fine. Fine." Gabe climbed into the passenger seat and Noah went around the car, settling down as he turned the ignition.
"So you finally saw reason and stopped thinking about your mystery guy?"
His hands gripped the steering wheel as he slid easily into traffic. They'd gone over what happened that night a thousand times. Noah believed in fate. For weeks after his encounter with Luke (and he cursed himself endlessly for not having bothered with last names), he'd tried to find out more about him. Gabe even went so far as to attempt to bribe one of the hotel's managers for the name but nothing. A web search lead to a dead end (except for an endless amount of links about the bible which...not helpful). Without a last name there was no way to find anyone on the internet. He'd known what Luke looked like but that didn't really help.
"It's useless to continue searching. Wasn't that what you said?"
He felt Gabe's eyes on him as he drove.
"Uh-huh. You throw away the note?"
Noah focused on the road, blocking out the snort he heard from the passenger seat.
"That's what I thought."
Maybe it was stupid but that note was the only solid evidence Noah had that Luke existed. Waking up alone in the room shouldn't have been as surprising as it was. Or made him as angry as it did. For some reason, he'd felt like they had connected. That Luke might have needed something from Noah. What that was he hadn't known but it was there -- that vague sense he could have helped Luke with the tremendous burden of pain he carried.
He ignored Gabe's pointed silence, focusing on the road ahead. He wanted a fresh start, a chance to make sense of his life. Noah knew better than to think too deeply about the note Luke had left behind. It burned a hole in his wallet, where he'd taken to keeping it folded up, pulling it out whenever he needed a dose of hope.
Luke hadn't wanted to keep in contact but his reasons for it meant something that Noah didn't understand completely.
Maybe he was pining for a fantasy, like Gabe kept telling him, but he trusted his gut. Always had before, even if it took him places he didn't expect, and he believed there was something to that night, to meeting Luke.
He might never see him again in his life but the possibility he represented, the fact that he knew there was a connection to someone out there would be all he needed to aim for.
Noah smiled, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he half-listened to Gabe talking about visiting him in Oakdale.
Oakdale.
His future would be there.
-- --
"Are you listening to me, Luke?"
He rubbed his eyes hard, the hangover from the night before still pressing against his temples and when he looked up at Chris, there was a buzzing in his ears.
"Of course I did. You're being loud enough."
The vein in Chris's head popped out, making Luke smirk at him. He couldn't help it if his mere presence drove the good doctor to tearing his hair out.
"You could die, you know that?"
"Don't be dramatic, Chris. Please."
The other man sputtered, shaking his head while he tried to regain control over his speech. Luke watched him clench his hands into fists and imagined Chris was counting to ten in his head. Maybe even twenty. Luke tended to raise blood pressures with his mere presence at times. He figured the moment was one of those.
Chris seemed to rethink his strategy, rounding his desk and settling down on the chair. Folding his hands together, he stared at Luke for a long while, clearing his throat before asking, "Or is that the point? You trying to kill yourself, Luke?" Luke saw Chris' face closing off and he prepared for the words that followed. "This is about him. I know it is."
Luke glared back, his fingers clutching on the armrest, knuckles white. "We're not doing this."
The silence that fell between them pulsed with emotions that neither one would ever want to have addressed. Since the night of the funeral, Chris had attempted to talk with Luke about what happened twice. Both times he'd failed and left it alone.
Surprising both of them, Chris didn't stop as he had in the past. "Yes, I think we are." Head bent down, it seemed to take Chris some time to gather his thoughts. Luke stood up abruptly, starting for the door but Chris moved fast, blocking his way. "You can't run away from this forever. Do you understand that?"
He huffed out a curse. "You accusing me finally?"
He couldn't stand the way Chris' eyes softened, hand reaching out for Luke. "It was an accident. You didn't mean--"
"Was it? He left me. For you." Chris stepped away, eyes wide with shock and a tiny part of Luke enjoyed that. "Yeah. I knew. I'm not stupid. I'd suspected for a while but after he broke up with me and you two didn't -- I thought I was wrong. But I wasn't."
Chris swallowed. "He wanted to respect what -- he didn't want to hurt you."
Luke felt the heat in his chest, his face, hands trembled with anger and resentment. "Maybe I didn't pay attention because I wanted to hurt him."
Doubts filled Chris' eyes and for one moment Luke thought that he would be punished. That it would be over and he'd pay for everything. But he saw the moment Chris realized what he was doing.
"You want me to hate you because...I don't even know why, Luke. The car accident was just that. An accident. Stop punishing yourself."
He shook his head, pushing past Chris and opening the door. He felt a hand grip his arm and turned, furious at Chris for doing this to him.
"You're sick. The pain you keep having that you've ignored up to now is your body telling you that you need to stop."
Luke yanked until he felt his arm loosen in Chris' hold then walked out into the bright hospital hallway, pretending he couldn't hear Chris calling him. Changing his mind halfway, he turned back, shoving his hands against Chris chest and pushing hard. "Maybe you don't blame me but I blame you."
Chris looked shocked, mouth open as he stared at Luke.
"What? You're really surprised about that? You were sleeping with my --"
"He was your ex, Luke!"
"Because of you!"
"No, because you weren't in love anymore!"
They both froze at the words and Chris closed his eyes, taking a step toward him. "Luke."
"Fuck off."
Striding away past the anxious nurses in the hallway, he moved toward the exit as fast as his feet could take him.
He wanted to be outside. He wanted to be able to breathe. He wanted the heaviness to lift even for just a second.
He wanted to be back in that hotel room with Noah.
-- --
He sipped his coffee, leaning back in his chair, closing his eyes and listened to the bustle of the evening crowd at Java. The sounds took him back to a simpler time when he'd ordered endless cups of coffee while cramming for one exam or another. When Maddie and Casey had been happy, laughing at everything especially Luke. There had been so much life in front of them.
"Snyder."
Luke sighed, opening his eyes to stare up at Casey. Think of the devil... "Go away."
Casey dumped his coat on the chair and it scrapped as he pulled it back to take a seat. The noise set Luke's teeth on edge but he kept his face blank. "What is it you want?"
"I don't want a damn thing from you. But apparently you're slowing killing yourself and my wife is upset about that."
He bit his tongue hard and kept the words from tumbling out. There were things he could never take back. "Tell my dear cousin that I'm fine. Oh, wait. Right. You dumped her and married someone else, didn't you? Okay. Tell my dear friend that I'm fine. Now if that was all." He waved a hand toward the door, catching the flare of anger in Casey's eyes. He waited for the same argument they'd been having for months to start but for whatever reason Casey changed tactics on him. It was disorienting having that happen to him twice in one day.
"You know that I love you, Luke."
He narrowed his eyes because there was more to that. He knew better than to expect Casey to say those words without a reason.
"But you're a piece of shit right now."
And there it was.
"Thanks so much, man. Glad to know you think so highly of me."
Casey thumped one hand on the table. "Jesus Christ, Luke! Do you have any idea what you're doing to us? To your family? Maddie wakes up every day sure that she's going to get a call saying you're dead. From alcohol poisoning or a drug overdose-"
Luke's temper flared. "I don't take drugs."
"Because all those whiskey sours you down every night don't count?" Casey shook his head and breathed deep. "I know you're fucked up, okay? I get that. You feel all this misplaced guilt. But goddamn it, Luke. You studied to be a shrink. You know that it wasn't your fault. You know that all this stemmed from that accident."
"I appreciate the psycho-analysis, Case."
His friend glared at him, hands splayed out across the table for support. "You didn't really love him."
Luke flinched, taking a long drink from his cup, setting it down gently before looking directly at Casey. "Fuck you."
He ignored the fact that it was the second time in as many hours someone had said that to him and that he'd responded the way he had.
Casey nodded. "Get mad. That's fine. But you know that's the truth. You told me that. Remember that conversation? Where you admitted that what you felt for him wasn't the same as before? That you hadn't been in love with him for a long time?"
Luke kept his eyes on the table, trying desperately to block out what Casey was saying. He didn't want to hear it.
"That night...it was an accident, Luke. Whatever you were arguing about didn't cause it to happen. A trucker not looking where he was going killed Reid." Casey sniffed and Luke saw the tears in the corner of his eyes.
"I want you to leave." Luke glared up at Casey, flicking his eyes away when he saw the pain in his best friend's face. "You walked away, remember?"
Casey shook his head. "You pushed me away, Luke. But I'm still here. I want to -- be whatever you need."
Luke's chest tightened, hands itching to hold on to Casey, but he wouldn't be able to help him. He didn't want anyone's help. "Then be somewhere else. Please."
He looked away as Casey stayed for a long moment, staring at him until finally he stood, walking out of the door without another word. When Luke was sure that he was gone, he shifted his gaze to the chair where Casey had been.
It was for the better.
He didn't need or want anyone.
What he carried was his to do with as he wanted.
There wasn't anything worth--
His mind flashed to blue eyes, clear and warm, making his heart ache in a way it never had but he pushed the memory away.
That wasn't meant for him.
-- -- --
He thought he'd miss New York more than he did.
Gabe laughed every time he said that Oakdale is like a small big city but that was the truth. He lived there one week when he found that one of the hugest companies in the world was based out of the town. He remembered thinking it was an amazing feat to run something like World Wide, Inc. from there but it made his heart quake with excitement. He was slowly falling in love with Oakdale. It was somewhere he could settle for life. Building his production company here was an actual possibility.
He glanced around his living room, taking in the new couch and rugs he'd just bought. All in shades of brown and gold, green accents. He caught himself calculating the type of green and stopped. Sometimes he found that he was a ridiculous person. Deciding to unpack some of the million boxes scattered across his cottage, he rolled up his sleeves. Maybe a couple of hours before he headed into the station.
Setting up on the couch, he opened a box and sat down.
The doorbell pulled him out of his task and he glanced up at the clock, noticing that an hour had gone by. He stood, wiping dusty hands on his jeans and opened the door to find Lucinda Walsh at his door. Grinning wide, he stepped back to let her in, stopping to kiss her cheek. "Mrs. Walsh, come in."
She titled her head up to look him in the eye, a move Noah understood well. He liked to make eye contact with people. You could tell a lot from how they reacted. Lucinda smiled back, patting his cheek softly as she stepped into the room. "I just came to check on my new favorite tenant." Noah smiled at the scarf wrapping her head, all silk and swirls of color.
"Favorite? I bet you say that to all your male tenants."
She threw her head back, laughing deep in her chest, shaking her head as she said, "Well that might actually be the truth normally. But you're about my grandson's age."
He raised an eyebrow, sweeping his hand out toward the couch, watching as she settled gently against the cushions. Her color seemed better than it had the first day he'd met her. Even with the weakness that came from what he later learned was chemotherapy, her presence still managed to be foreboding. That first interview had left him with shakes he hadn't experienced since he was a child.
He'd almost reconsidered trying to lease her cottage. But when she'd asked about his parents and he'd told her that he'd been orphaned at twelve, her entire demeanor seemed to change, face falling slightly.
Somehow an hour later, Noah found that he'd told Lucinda almost everything and he wasn't sure why.
She smiled up at him before studying the room, eyes coming to a halt at the box he'd been unpacking. There were framed photos on the coffee table. Lucinda reached for the first one, the only picture of his mother he still had and stared at it. "She was beautiful."
He nodded, swallowing down the knot that formed whenever he thought of her. He couldn't remember what her voice sounded like, her face a fuzzy memory but he could recall her hugs, the scent of her perfume and powder.
"You said you were five when she died?"
"Yes."
"May I ask what of?"
His knee-jerk reaction was to say a broken spirit but he cleared his throat, voice soft. "Cancer."
Lucinda's gaze jerked to his and he smiled gently. "Ovarian." He motioned to the kitchen as he walked around the couch. He needed a few minutes to gather his thoughts. "Would you like some tea, Mrs. Walsh?"
She shook her head, smile returning though not quite as bright as before. Glancing around the room once more she patted the seat next to her. "No, thank you, darling. Come and sit. Let me pry more."
Noah let out a bark of laughter before taking the seat next to her. "I'd say I don't appreciate it but I'm guessing that's not going to stop you."
"I knew you were an incredibly intelligent young man."
Noah snorted, head falling forward as he did. "You are going to be the most interesting landlord I've ever had, Mrs. Walsh."
"You can be sure of that, sweetheart. And it's Lucinda. Please."
He glanced up quickly, took in her sincerity and nodded. "Okay. Lucinda." Turning his wrist, he noticed the time and calculated how long they could talk. Figuring he had enough time, he formulated a few questions of his own. "Okay. Fire away, Lucinda."
Her grin made him suddenly nervous.
"First question: are you currently single?"
Noah laughed out loud.
-- --
Five weeks into his position and Noah found that running a television station was one of the hardest jobs he'd ever had. Contrary to what Gabe and his other friends thought, it didn't consist of sitting behind a desk all day and giving instructions to peons (their word not his). There were budgets to overlook for their daily shows productions, not to mention scripts to edit and send back to writers that looked on him as an intruder. He wouldn't even think about his love/hate relationship with Katie Snyder. She infuriated and amused him in equal parts.
His staff consisted of a slew of angry writers, three interns, his personal assistant, Molly and the woman he swore might have been the love of his life if he hadn't found girls yucky since the age of six, his production manager, Madeline "but please just call me Maddie, really" Hughes. Maddie managed to make his first month on the job a pleasure. While everyone else gave him a good dose of the evil eye from the moment he'd stepped into Kim Hughes' formidable shoes, Maddie had helped Noah understand how the studio worked, who felt what, how to handle the crew and when not to bother their "celebrities." (Maddie's hands made air quotes as she said the word.)
Every day he felt more and more as if Oakdale was the place he was meant to be. Something pulled him to the town. It might have been due to Noah's romantic nature that, despite his pending divorce, had survived. He hated who he had become with Ryan, what he'd done to both of them even if his reasons had been valid. But he believed that there was another chance waiting for him.
He refused to think that it might have come and gone already.
"Hey, Noah. You got a minute."
Bringing his focus back to where he was, he glanced up, grinned at Maddie leaning against his door frame. "For you, I've got two."
She rolled her eyes. "You're just a ball of wit, Noah."
Shrugging, he dropped the pen he'd been scribbling ideas with on the pad and gave her all his attention. "What can I do for you?"
"Come have dinner at my house."
That wasn't what he'd expected and his face must have given that thought away because Maddie laughed, walking inside his office to sit in the chair across from his, sighing as she did. "God, I love your chairs."
He'd bought them from a little store in Old Town. "I hope you two are happy together. Now, can we get back to this invitation?"
Maddie stared at him. "There's not much more to it than what I said. Would you like to come over for dinner? Casey and I wanted to have a house warming of sorts."
Noah gave her a look.
"What? We're newlyweds."
"Right. So shouldn't you two want to spend as much time alone as possible?"
Maddie's face twisted into a grimace of something Noah couldn't quite put his finger on and not for the first time he had the fleeting thought that there was a fact he wasn't aware of in Maddie's marriage with Casey.
"We eloped. Never got a proper wedding or gave a reception. Just thought it would be nice. This dinner is practice for when we decide to throw the big party" She gave him a surfer hand sign of peace and it made him laugh.
"Uh-huh." Noah placed his elbows on the desk, titling forward to rest on them, and caught Maddie's eye. "You've known me all of what -- five weeks -- I'm not exactly a close friend."
Maddie glared. "Sadly, Noah, you kind of are."
He blinked. "Oh."
"Yeah," she looked down at her hands, fiddling with the wedding band on her finger, "There's a lot going on with Casey."
"I got that. But you love him so--"
Her head jerked up and the shock on her face made Noah close him mouth. He waited a minute before saying, "Was that supposed to be a secret?"
Maddie ran one hand down her face. "I didn't think I was that obvious."
"I assumed it was common knowledge that you loved your husband."
Maddie made a sound that yanked at Noah's heart. "Right."
He sighed, sitting back in his chair and running one hand through his mussed hair. There was a headache forming at his temples. He was about to get involved because he thought there might be something Maddie wasn't aware of.
"He's in love with you, too."
Maddie snorted.
Noah patted himself on having called that one. Maddie had no idea what Casey felt. He'd met the man on three occasions. The first two times Noah had been afraid that Casey would tear his arms off and beat him over the head with them. That had been the look on his face whenever Noah touched Maddie's shoulder or made her laugh. When Maddie had left them together at a recent office party for someone's birthday, he'd mentioned his divorce and how his ex-husband had taken everything. Casey's scowl cleared instantly.
They'd spent the rest of the time talking about Noah and his dating schedule. Casey insisted on introducing Noah to his best friend. Maddie nixed the idea immediately, glaring at Casey as she said, "I don't think that would be for the best."
Noah admitted he was curious what that had been about.
"Okay," Noah raised his hands up and locked gazes with Maddie, "I'll come to your party." Her face lit up but he shook his head. "On one condition."
"Which is?"
"You tell me what's really going on." It wasn't any of his business and he knew that. But there went that romantic streak in him.
Maddie thought it over before nodding. "Deal."
"Good." He reached over to shut his laptop off, closing the files on his desk and setting the pad of ideas aside. "We'll take a late lunch and you can fill me in."
"You're a little bit bossy, aren't you?"
He nodded. "Yes."
-- --
It turned out Noah knew very little about Casey and Maddie's relationship. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that their marriage wasn't real. Some business deal they'd needed to make to keep Maddie's brother out of jail. Noah was hazy on the details but it didn't matter because whether the two of them realized it, there was more to it than what Maddie insisted.
Casey had been involved with someone named Alison for a few years, had even made it so far as the altar when it'd been revealed she'd slept with someone else the night before. He wasn't one to judge but Maddie seemed incredibly angry about it. She claimed it was because Casey had been and was still one of her best friends. Though she seemed even angrier when she mentioned Casey's most recent ex, Jade, and how she'd been the reason Henry had needed bailing out.
How that had ended up in a marriage between the two of them (and what Henry was involved in) was a mystery to Noah.
Somehow he'd agreed to come over for dinner to get to know Casey better and meet some of their friends. He wondered , as he adjusted his tie, if Alison would be there. Remembering the stormy look on Maddie's face as she'd talked about that, he decided that she probably wasn't welcome. He knocked a few times, tapping his fingers on the bottle of wine he'd brought. He heard the faint sound of music and muffled voices before the door opened and the noise became clearer.
Maddie smiled wide at seeing him, taking the bottle out of his hands and kissing his cheek as she pushed him into the foyer. Their house was pretty impressive for people who were barely his age. "What does your husband do again?"
"He's an attorney."
That explained it.
He followed her into an open space that included the living room and dining area. The table was set for only six and Noah breathed easier. He never liked meeting new people.
Casey turned away from the counter, smiling cautiously at him. "Hi, Noah. Glad you could make it."
"Absolutely. Thanks for inviting me."
They stared at each other and then for whatever reason started laughing.
"Okay, now that we reached the awkward stage, let's have a drink and get stupid."
Noah grinned. "I knew I liked you."
The night passed without incident. The other guests included Hunter who talked with Noah about the latest music and the newest advances in computers.(Noah kept up with the former but let Hunter lead the conversation on the latter) and Maddie's best friend, Gwen and Gwen's husband, Will. Noah watched them, pang of envy in his chest at how in love they seemed.
They ended up playing a game of Halo and Noah laughed when Gwen won with no competition from the rest of them. She was ruthless when it came to her video games. Hunter suggested a movie and Noah almost died at the range of titles he found Maddie owned.
"I swear if you weren't married and I wasn't gay, Madeline, I'd want to have your children." His hand paused over a DVD case, turning at the silence that followed that statement. He pulled his hand away, frowning and looked to Casey. "I was kidding. Really."
Casey shook his head, waved him off. "No, it's okay. You just reminded me of someone." He didn't meet Maddie's eyes, turning and calling over his shoulder. "Let me go get some more wine."
Noah looked over the small crowd gathered. "I didn't mean anything-"
Gwen stood up, rubbing one hand on his arm. "No. You just -- it was something an old friend of ours always said. Just threw Casey I think."
"Oh." He didn't know whether to ask if their friend had died because the mood in the room had dampened to where Noah thought that was probably the case. "I'm sorry that he's not here then."
Will gave him a sad smile. "So are we."
They seemed to make an effort to change the subject and Noah ended up discussing his love of movies growing up, how that had parlayed into a career where he'd ended up running a company. He left most of his childhood trauma but he sensed that they might actually be able to understand what that had been like.
The party broke up somewhere past midnight and Noah gathered his coat, turning to give Casey and Maddie a hug.
"Thank you. I appreciate the invite."
Casey gave him a thumps up and grinned. "Anytime."
Noah nodded. "Maybe next time I'll get to meet that elusive best friend of yours."
The shift in their moods was palpable and Noah tried to take back what he'd said. "I didn't mean to bring up a sour subject." The interpersonal relationships in the town of Oakdale, he was starting to learn, were more complicated then anything he'd encountered before.
Maddie patted his shoulder, shaking her head. "No. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just -- things aren't exactly the best with him."
Casey nodded his agreement, throwing an arm around Maddie. "I have hope that one day it'll be better. Then we can set you up and when you get married, you can name us your best people." Noah watched the blush rising in Maddie's face as Casey dropped a kiss on her head. They were utterly ridiculous.
"Okay, then. Thanks for marrying me off to a stranger." He kissed Maddie cheek, shook Casey's hand and left before they gave him three kids and a dog to go along with his husband. The thought wasn't so bad but his mind flashed immediately to Luke's face.
"Get a grip, Mayer."
-- --
Running into Casey the next morning, Noah grinned wide and, on an impulse, hugged him hard. He felt him freeze for a moment and realized that there could be a slight chance --
Casey's hug back was tight and Noah patted his shoulder as they stepped apart. He frowned at the sad look on his -- he guessed he could call Casey a friend -- friend's face. "Hey. You okay?"
He started nodding but instead paused then shook his head. "No. Not really."
Insisting on buying him a coffee, they waited until their server had taken the order then Noah guided Casey aside and motioned. "We don't have long and I know you said you were late for your meeting so just give me the basics."
Casey sighed. "I have a friend. He's my best friend actually and he's in a pain. Constantly."
Noah stayed silent, waited for Casey to continue.
"He -- there was a recent tragedy and he doesn't know how to deal with it so he's fallen back to old habits that nearly killed him before." Shrugging, Casey took the carry-out cup with his coffee, and gave Noah a frustrated glance. "And I don't know what to do to make him stop. He won't listen to me."
Taking a sip of his own drink, Noah mulled over what to say and when he finally looked up at Casey, he gave him an encouraging smile. "Maybe you're not supposed to. Sometimes we have to get ourselves out of the mess we've made." He thought of Luke. "Maybe all you can do is listen and try to be there."
"He won't let me."
Noah shrugged. "Don't give him a choice."
Casey stared at him and Noah looked away. "Just a thought."
"No. That -- thanks, Noah." He leaned in and gave him another hug, patting Noah's back. "I appreciate it." He pulled back, pointed at the exit. "I have to go. But -- you want to meet for drinks tonight, maybe?"
Noah nodded, smiling. "You're on."
He watched Casey leave the cafe, waving once when he passed the windows then disappearing around the corner. Noah thought he was going the wrong direction but he got turned around easily.
Later as he walked to the station he thought that maybe he should have asked what Casey's friend's name was.
-- --
Luke's head pounded a steady beat and he buried his face further into his pillow, groaning at the intrusion. His dreams consisted of blue eyes and a lopsided smile that he refused to leave behind. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, ignoring that the noise was no longer just inside his head. It seemed to be originated from the waking world and gaining strength. The rhythmic sound was suddenly accompanied by a shrill bell.
He hated his doorbell.
Opening his eyes reluctantly, he swung his legs out from under warm covers, stumbling and hitting his knee against the night stand. "Shit." Rubbing at it as he hurried to answer his door, he yelled down the hallway, "I'm coming! Stop trying to knock my door down with your fist, Casey."
The noise stopped.
"How did you know it was me?" came through muffled and Luke rolled his eyes.
Opening the door, he glared first at Casey then at Maddie. "Because you were raised by fucking wolves and have never known how to knock on a door like a normal human being." The cool October breeze made him shiver and he stepped back. "Get in here if you're coming."
Maddie raised an eyebrow. "You're in a bad mood."
He didn't have the patience to deal with either one of them. Leaving them standing in his front entrance, he padded toward his kitchen. He needed coffee. Footsteps followed and he closed his eyes, preparing to do battle. Maddie dumped a bag on his counter that he hadn't noticed at the door and Luke watched as she pulled out what looked to be the ingredients of breakfast. Casey stood at the entrance, staring at him closely and then he smiled warmly.
Surprised by that Luke returned it before waving at them both. "What's going on?" His head ached but it was hunger rather than his norm of a hangover. The night before he'd spent consoling Faith about the drama in her own messy relationship with Parker. If he hadn't seen her devastation, he would have accused her of distracting him to keep him at home.
"You look tired, man."
Luke yawned, one shoulder coming up in a half shrug. "Yeah. Faith drama."
Maddie huffed out a snort, rolling her eyes. "What happened now?"
He rubbed his eyes, taking a seat at his kitchen table, looking up at Casey when he sat next to him. "Parker might be cheating on her, I don't even know."
"What?" Maddie and Casey both said, anger clouding their faces and the sight of it, familiar and hysterical even after all these years made him chuckle.
Raising his hands, he shook his head. "Like I said I don't have a clue what's going on there. She showed up at my door." He took a moment to study his friends before waving a hand between them. "What are you two doing here?"
"Making breakfast."
"Well, she's cooking for you. I have a meeting." Casey said as he stood up, turning and stopping to look at Luke. "Did you want to meet us later tonight? Maybe at the house?"
Luke didn't know what to say so he nodded but then remembered the promise he'd made to Lucinda. "Shoot. I can't. Not tonight. I'm having dinner with Grandmother."
"Come by after if you can." He hesitated, taking a step closer to Luke but in the next moment changed his mind and walked toward his wife. Luke watched him give a soft smile, whispering into her ear and Maddie's face lit up.
Sometimes Luke thought his friends were completely nuts.
Kissing Maddie's cheek, he waved at Luke and disappeared out of the room. Luke waited until the front door closed and then stared at Maddie. "I repeat what are you two up to?" He tapped his fingers on the table, raising an eyebrow but the words didn't carry the weight they normally would have.
"Nothing. We just miss you so we decided that no matter how much of a dickhead you decide to be we're going to keep bothering you and hanging around."
Luke made a face. "That's a new tactic."
Maddie nodded, grinned over her shoulder as she turned one of the burner's on. "Let's just say a friend recommended that we put our money where our feet usually go."
He watched quietly as she began mixing eggs and milk together, stomach growling when she pulled out vanilla. Luke loved Maddie's French toast. "And you expect me to behave, right?"
"Not really." When she turned around, her mouth was drawn into a thoughtful line. "I realized that we've loved you forever. Through ever screw up and you know how I feel about you, Luke, but there's been a lot of those."
The truth hurt more than he wanted to admit.
"This isn't any different." Looking behind her at the pan, she flicked her gaze to his again. "Do you want one or two?"
-- --
"Mrs. Walsh?"
Noah froze as he entered his office to find Lucinda Walsh sitting at his desk casually perusing the documents he'd left littered across the top. "I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be reading those by the way." He looked around the room just to make sure he hadn't walked into an alternate universe or something of that nature."Um...is there something you needed?," he asked as he shooed her away from his desk.
Lucinda patted his cheek but refused to budge. She wore the silk scarf, green and turquoise swirls, that he'd bought for her on a whim at a local store he'd stumbled on. The owner, Lisa something or other, had been hilarious and helpful though she'd spent most of her time flirting with him outrageously. (He'd learned later from one of the interns who'd lived in Oakdale her whole life that it was actually normal behavior.)
Taking the contract Lucinda was holding, he frowned down at her. Maybe he saw her as the grandmother he'd never had and knowing Lucinda Walsh only a mere two months, he realized their current situation wasn't even beyond her boundaries but he had to put his foot down somewhere. "Could you please try not to get me fired, Mrs. Walsh?"
"Noah." She gave him that look but he only stared back.
"I'll call you Lucinda when you step away from my desk, lady."
He couldn't help the smile that twitched at his lips when she burst out laughing. Waiting until she settled comfortably across from him, he took his seat, fixing the mess she'd made.
"You should probably rethink that reality show."
Noah glared at her. He'd already nixed the idea but he wasn't going to tell her that. "Lucinda, not that I don't love seeing you because I do, but is there a reason for your visit?"
"Of course there is, darling."
He waited but when she didn't say anything he sighed. "You planning on sharing with me, Lucy or am I going to guess?"
She scowled at the nickname which he'd taken to calling her after hearing it being used by her boyfriend, John. "I like you so I shall let that pass."
"I appreciate it."
Folding her hands on her lap, she looked directly at him. "I'd like you to have dinner with me tonight."
Noah blinked. "That's why you invaded my office and rummaged through my desk? Which just to let you know could get me fired."
Waving her hands elegantly she shook her head. "I can assure you, Noah dear, that would not be happening."
He raised his eyebrows. "Is that so? Because from my knowledge, Lucy, you don't own this station."
She glared at him and he grinned in return. "You are an undisciplined young man, Noah Mayer. It's rude to call older woman who are fond of you names." Standing up, she leaned over his desk, patting his other cheek. Noah resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
"I think Lucy suits you."
"Perhaps it does. However, it happens to be my grand-daughter's name."
Noah nodded. "That could get confusing I suppose."
Grinning, she started toward the exit, stopping to point in his direction. "I'm pleased you see reason. Also, I expect you at dinner tonight. The Lakeview at eight o'clock. I won't be taking no for an answer."
He sighed, shook his head. "Am I shocked about that? Not really."
"Oh, Noah?"
Looking up, he smiled at her "Yes, Lucinda?"
"I think you have job security here. My daughter is part owner." With that she gracefully walked out of his office, leaving Noah with his mouth hanging open.
"You're a sneaky old woman, Lucinda Walsh!" He yelled after her and couldn't help his own chuckle at the laughter he heard in return.
-- --
Luke decided to take his friend's actions at face value and not try to dissect what they were trying to accomplish. He knew that they loved him, that all their worrying had been because he was a mess. Before the accident, he would have been the same way with them. Sometimes, he wished hard that it had been him that night. Harsh as it seemed, he believed that Reid wouldn't have felt the guilt Luke did.
Maybe that said something about the relationship they'd ended up with.
He shook his head, cleared his mind of all the clutter and shoved the guilt back into the little box he carried it in to examine later. His eyes focused on the envelope in his hands. He heard his front door open and shit, the click of heels across his hardwood floors.
"Luke, you better be home."
He smiled despite the jolt of fear that ran through his chest. Alison was one of his best friends, caring and sweet but as his manager, she scared the shit out of him. He knew she'd had to toughen up in the last year and kick his ass every step of the way from his book release to the book tour. He'd been a complete mess halfway through it but somehow she'd dragged him by the neck and helped him finish the last leg of is tour.
"In the kitchen."
He heard her change directions, appearing in the entry way a few seconds later. Her face showed surprise at seeing the state of his kitchen. Gaze falling on the coffee pot, she hurried toward it, grabbing a mug out of the cupboard and filling it. "This isn't half bad. Who made it?" She looked around the room as if she'd missed someone.
Luke glanced over his shoulder, opening the package in his hands as he did. "Maddie made it." He couldn't help the smirk in his voice.
Alison's face twisted into dislike but she drank the coffee anyway. "I should have guessed." Her eyes lit up when she noticed what he had in his hands. "The messenger got it to you fast." Rounding the counter, she sat to his right, tapping the papers Luke placed on the table. "It's good, Luke."
His eyes scanned the document, catching on a few choice words like "advance" and "second book deal" and "film rights". That last one shocked him enough that he looked up at Alison with wide eyes. "They want to make the book a movie."
Alison smiled, nodding as she took another sip of her coffee. "It's not a done deal, of course. They don't know if anyone will buy the rights but Greg thinks that it's a definite possibility. He wants to give you that option."
Luke's head felt like it was spinning. "I wasn't sure it was even doing that well." He hadn't been keeping up with his sales, not caring one way or the other.
He caught the look Alison gave him. The fact that she managed to keep from rolling her eyes spoke highly of her professionalism. "You didn't care so why would you bother learning that." Taking the contract from his hands, she read for a moment before pointing at a line in the document. "They want a second book as soon as you can get it done." She reached for the large envelope, flipping upside down and shaking it some until a small envelope fell out, handing it to Luke. "Open it."
Luke gave her a suspicious look but did as she asked. He unfolded the page, blinking at the check that he found in between it. His gaze scanned the letter, throat closing up as he read the letter. "They're picking up the second book option." He heard the wonder in his own voice. "But I --" Meeting Alison's eyes, he shook his head. "What -- how did this happen?" He'd barely been holding on when the first book was published and Luke had been sure that he'd screwed it up.
"It's a great book, Luke." Alison said quietly. "We've told you that."
"I've -- this is blowing my mind."
Alison laughed softly. "Well, good. I'm happy that you care enough to be blown away." Her hand found his on the table, patting it once. "I wish you realized how talented you are." Motioning to the check, her smile turned into a smirk. "Take a look at that."
Luke focused on the numbers and sat back, mouth hanging open slightly. "How...?"
"The returns from Facing the Fire were great, Luke."
He couldn't form the words. For so long, Luke felt like everything he did was wrong but this proved that maybe that wasn't the case. There was still hope that he could get somewhere. He noticed Alison watching him quietly from where she sat, playing with her mug of coffee. :This is huge, you know."
He nodded.
"I know."
Something pulled at him. Broke free and buzzed through his mind, made his fingers itch with it. The fear -- it wasn't gone but it was quiet -- and he could hear his thoughts. It had been days, he felt like weeks since he was this sure. His mind flashed on blue eyes, warmth and peace, and he needed to find that again. Knew exactly where he could. He rose from the chair, headed toward his office but at the door way turned to look at Alison. "I just --" He stopped at the smile, one that was real and hadn't seen aimed in his direction for a while.
"Go ahead. I know the way out."
He didn't wait for her to say anything else, didn't say good-bye and headed back to his office, to his desk and safety. As he closed to door behind him, he heard Alison in the hall.
"Hey."
Luke paused with the door half-way closed and stared at her, waiting, hands and feet shaking slightly with the fervor of needing to be at his desk, at his computer, with his thoughts.
"Don't forget dinner with your grandmother tonight. I do not want her to bitch me out, Luke, so show up."
He nodded once and then Alison was gone and he was alone with his thoughts and his writing.
-- --
Noah stared across the table at Lucinda, smiling into his drink every time she attempted to subtly glance at the entrance of the restaurant. With anyone else, Noah thought he wouldn't have noticed it, but Lucinda Walsh wasn't the type of woman to fidget or show nerves. For her, the shuttered glances at the door were a neon sign that she was up to something.
He cleared his throat, Lucinda's gaze settling on him, and he leaned forward to ask quietly, "You planning on telling me why we're really here, Lucy?" He stifled a laugh at the way she narrowed her eyes at him.
"I have no idea what you mean, darling."
"Uh-huh."
He pointedly looked at the door, then back at Lucinda, one eyebrow raised in silent inquiry.
Lucinda sighed, returning her attention to their dinner. Noah frowned as she picked apart her duck, which he had on good authority was delicious, and wondered for the nth time if she was lying when she told him her health was on the mend. She glanced up to see his expression and rolled her eyes. "Do not give me that look, Noah. I am well. I promise."
He waited a beat.
"My appetite will not be returning for some time."
Noah remembered very little about how the chemo had affected his mother. Most of his memories consisted of her warm hands patting his head as she lay in the hospital bed. He thought it was probably for the best that he didn't recall much from those days.
His phone beeped again and Noah rolled his eyes. The texts had been going non-stop and he refused to give in and read them. He knew it was Katie trying to get his attention about the story she wanted to get approved for the next show, but he wouldn't drop everything for her. She needed to understand that wasn't how their relationship was going to work.
Lucinda smirked at him when he turned the phone off. "You show her, darling."
Noah snorted.
"Don't change the topic on me. What are you up to, if you don't mind telling me?"
Lucinda opened her mouth to respond but her eyes widened as she looked behind Noah's shoulder, lighting up in a way he hadn't seen from her yet, and it took him by surprise. He found that it made him smile, too. Lucinda should have that kind of expression more often.
"Grandmother, I'm sorry I'm late. I got caught up in something."
Noah felt all the blood drain from his face and his heart leap to his throat. It couldn't be. Not here.
Lucinda was on her feet before Noah could say anything, stepping forward, and he kept his gaze on his plate. His mind played tricks on him all the time. Last week he'd sworn he'd seen Luke walking around the corner in Old Town. It couldn't be.
"It's okay, sweetheart. Come and meet a friend of mine."
Noah took a deep breath, bringing his gaze up until it clashed with round, brown eyes. Luke's face drained of all color.
"Noah, darling. Meet my grandson, Luke Snyder. Luke, I want you to meet my new friend, Noah Mayer."
|Part Two|
Author(s): freakykat
Rating: NC-17 eventually
Characters/Pairings: Luke Snyder/Noah Mayer
Summary: I let it fall, my heart, and as it fell you rose to claim it. It was dark and I was over, until you kissed my lips and you saved me.
PART ONE
Six months later
"This sucks."
Noah glanced up from where he'd been folding his shirts, raising an eyebrow at his friend, his mouth not quite turning up in a smile. "For an English major, Gabe, your vocabulary could use some expanding."
Gabe rolled his eyes, leaned his hands on his thighs and gave Noah a pointed glare. "You're abandoning me for some stupid job in some po-dunk town. I think I have a right to be a bitch about this."
"This is not what makes you a bitch, my friend." He ducked at the pillow that flew toward him. "Also." He held up one finger. "Station manager for a television studio is hardly a degradation or outside of my field." Then another. "I've asked you a dozen times to come with me." And another. "po-dunk, really? Who even says that, Gabe?"
"I do."
"Well, okay, that totally makes it valid." Noah turned back to his suitcase, pushing the clothes down with his hands to make them all fit. "You never realize how much crap you have until you move." He glanced around the bedroom, pausing briefly at the framed photo on the bedside table before forcing his stare away, concentrating on the task at hand. "I think that might be it."
Gabe leaned over to take the picture off the side table, looking at it closely before offering it to him. "You love this one."
Noah shook his head, snapping the case closed. "I don't want to have reminders of -- the only way I can make it through this if I start fresh." He shrugged at Gabe when he raised an eyebrow. "It's not like I need a photograph to remember him or our life. I have memories for that." He pulled his bags off the bed, signaling toward the other side of the bed. "Can you grab those?"
Gabe picked up his equipment bag and the box of CDs he'd packed before turning toward him. "Anything else?"
Noah took a moment to look around the room then shook his head. "No, I'm done here." He walked out of his old bedroom, glanced around the other rooms briefly, finding nothing for him. Gabe opened the door and Noah walked through it for the last time. He threw his keys under the slat of the door frame after locking up and together they carried everything out to Noah's car, stuffing the last of his things in the backseat.
"What are you going to do with the condo?"
"Ryan is selling it."
Gabe got that look on his face, the one Noah knew meant he wanted to punch someone -- Ryan, probably -- in the face hard. "He making you --"
"Gabe. It's part of the settlement. He bought me out and -- they're buying a place so."
"I really hate him."
Noah wished he did too but the end of their marriage hadn't technically been Ryan's fault. Noah made the stupid mistake that put the period at the end of that sentence. He grabbed Gabe by the shoulders, locked their gazes together. "It's done, man. Ryan is happy and that's -- that's good."
"What about you?"
Noah shrugged, letting one side of his mouth turn up. "I'll get there." He turned his wrist to look at the time, eyes widening when he realized how behind schedule he was. "Come on, I need to drop you off at home before I head out."
Gabe groaned, leaning his head on Noah's shoulder. "Is this really the only way, Noah?"
"It's not forever, dude."
"Yeah, just until we make enough money to get our own production company going, right? Which will take what -- four hundred years?"
Noah smiled for the first time in a long while. "Have you always been a Debbie Downer, Gabriel?"
"I prefer Negative Neil."
Noah placed his arm around Gabe's shoulder, trying not to roll his eyes. "I'm the guy whose marriage ended with his husband -- who I thought was the love of my life by the way and with my luck he probably is -- taking the business we built together along with selling the only home he'd ever known so his husband could start all over again. With his high school sweetheart."
"Who happened to be a girl, don't forget."
Noah pointed his finger at Gabe. "Exactly."
"I told you not to date a bi-sexual."
"Don't start, Gabe." Noah had heard enough to last him a life time. Ryan hadn't left him for Taylor because she was a woman. He knew you couldn't help who you loved. Ever.
"Fine. Fine." Gabe climbed into the passenger seat and Noah went around the car, settling down as he turned the ignition.
"So you finally saw reason and stopped thinking about your mystery guy?"
His hands gripped the steering wheel as he slid easily into traffic. They'd gone over what happened that night a thousand times. Noah believed in fate. For weeks after his encounter with Luke (and he cursed himself endlessly for not having bothered with last names), he'd tried to find out more about him. Gabe even went so far as to attempt to bribe one of the hotel's managers for the name but nothing. A web search lead to a dead end (except for an endless amount of links about the bible which...not helpful). Without a last name there was no way to find anyone on the internet. He'd known what Luke looked like but that didn't really help.
"It's useless to continue searching. Wasn't that what you said?"
He felt Gabe's eyes on him as he drove.
"Uh-huh. You throw away the note?"
Noah focused on the road, blocking out the snort he heard from the passenger seat.
"That's what I thought."
Maybe it was stupid but that note was the only solid evidence Noah had that Luke existed. Waking up alone in the room shouldn't have been as surprising as it was. Or made him as angry as it did. For some reason, he'd felt like they had connected. That Luke might have needed something from Noah. What that was he hadn't known but it was there -- that vague sense he could have helped Luke with the tremendous burden of pain he carried.
He ignored Gabe's pointed silence, focusing on the road ahead. He wanted a fresh start, a chance to make sense of his life. Noah knew better than to think too deeply about the note Luke had left behind. It burned a hole in his wallet, where he'd taken to keeping it folded up, pulling it out whenever he needed a dose of hope.
Luke hadn't wanted to keep in contact but his reasons for it meant something that Noah didn't understand completely.
Maybe he was pining for a fantasy, like Gabe kept telling him, but he trusted his gut. Always had before, even if it took him places he didn't expect, and he believed there was something to that night, to meeting Luke.
He might never see him again in his life but the possibility he represented, the fact that he knew there was a connection to someone out there would be all he needed to aim for.
Noah smiled, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he half-listened to Gabe talking about visiting him in Oakdale.
Oakdale.
His future would be there.
-- --
"Are you listening to me, Luke?"
He rubbed his eyes hard, the hangover from the night before still pressing against his temples and when he looked up at Chris, there was a buzzing in his ears.
"Of course I did. You're being loud enough."
The vein in Chris's head popped out, making Luke smirk at him. He couldn't help it if his mere presence drove the good doctor to tearing his hair out.
"You could die, you know that?"
"Don't be dramatic, Chris. Please."
The other man sputtered, shaking his head while he tried to regain control over his speech. Luke watched him clench his hands into fists and imagined Chris was counting to ten in his head. Maybe even twenty. Luke tended to raise blood pressures with his mere presence at times. He figured the moment was one of those.
Chris seemed to rethink his strategy, rounding his desk and settling down on the chair. Folding his hands together, he stared at Luke for a long while, clearing his throat before asking, "Or is that the point? You trying to kill yourself, Luke?" Luke saw Chris' face closing off and he prepared for the words that followed. "This is about him. I know it is."
Luke glared back, his fingers clutching on the armrest, knuckles white. "We're not doing this."
The silence that fell between them pulsed with emotions that neither one would ever want to have addressed. Since the night of the funeral, Chris had attempted to talk with Luke about what happened twice. Both times he'd failed and left it alone.
Surprising both of them, Chris didn't stop as he had in the past. "Yes, I think we are." Head bent down, it seemed to take Chris some time to gather his thoughts. Luke stood up abruptly, starting for the door but Chris moved fast, blocking his way. "You can't run away from this forever. Do you understand that?"
He huffed out a curse. "You accusing me finally?"
He couldn't stand the way Chris' eyes softened, hand reaching out for Luke. "It was an accident. You didn't mean--"
"Was it? He left me. For you." Chris stepped away, eyes wide with shock and a tiny part of Luke enjoyed that. "Yeah. I knew. I'm not stupid. I'd suspected for a while but after he broke up with me and you two didn't -- I thought I was wrong. But I wasn't."
Chris swallowed. "He wanted to respect what -- he didn't want to hurt you."
Luke felt the heat in his chest, his face, hands trembled with anger and resentment. "Maybe I didn't pay attention because I wanted to hurt him."
Doubts filled Chris' eyes and for one moment Luke thought that he would be punished. That it would be over and he'd pay for everything. But he saw the moment Chris realized what he was doing.
"You want me to hate you because...I don't even know why, Luke. The car accident was just that. An accident. Stop punishing yourself."
He shook his head, pushing past Chris and opening the door. He felt a hand grip his arm and turned, furious at Chris for doing this to him.
"You're sick. The pain you keep having that you've ignored up to now is your body telling you that you need to stop."
Luke yanked until he felt his arm loosen in Chris' hold then walked out into the bright hospital hallway, pretending he couldn't hear Chris calling him. Changing his mind halfway, he turned back, shoving his hands against Chris chest and pushing hard. "Maybe you don't blame me but I blame you."
Chris looked shocked, mouth open as he stared at Luke.
"What? You're really surprised about that? You were sleeping with my --"
"He was your ex, Luke!"
"Because of you!"
"No, because you weren't in love anymore!"
They both froze at the words and Chris closed his eyes, taking a step toward him. "Luke."
"Fuck off."
Striding away past the anxious nurses in the hallway, he moved toward the exit as fast as his feet could take him.
He wanted to be outside. He wanted to be able to breathe. He wanted the heaviness to lift even for just a second.
He wanted to be back in that hotel room with Noah.
-- --
He sipped his coffee, leaning back in his chair, closing his eyes and listened to the bustle of the evening crowd at Java. The sounds took him back to a simpler time when he'd ordered endless cups of coffee while cramming for one exam or another. When Maddie and Casey had been happy, laughing at everything especially Luke. There had been so much life in front of them.
"Snyder."
Luke sighed, opening his eyes to stare up at Casey. Think of the devil... "Go away."
Casey dumped his coat on the chair and it scrapped as he pulled it back to take a seat. The noise set Luke's teeth on edge but he kept his face blank. "What is it you want?"
"I don't want a damn thing from you. But apparently you're slowing killing yourself and my wife is upset about that."
He bit his tongue hard and kept the words from tumbling out. There were things he could never take back. "Tell my dear cousin that I'm fine. Oh, wait. Right. You dumped her and married someone else, didn't you? Okay. Tell my dear friend that I'm fine. Now if that was all." He waved a hand toward the door, catching the flare of anger in Casey's eyes. He waited for the same argument they'd been having for months to start but for whatever reason Casey changed tactics on him. It was disorienting having that happen to him twice in one day.
"You know that I love you, Luke."
He narrowed his eyes because there was more to that. He knew better than to expect Casey to say those words without a reason.
"But you're a piece of shit right now."
And there it was.
"Thanks so much, man. Glad to know you think so highly of me."
Casey thumped one hand on the table. "Jesus Christ, Luke! Do you have any idea what you're doing to us? To your family? Maddie wakes up every day sure that she's going to get a call saying you're dead. From alcohol poisoning or a drug overdose-"
Luke's temper flared. "I don't take drugs."
"Because all those whiskey sours you down every night don't count?" Casey shook his head and breathed deep. "I know you're fucked up, okay? I get that. You feel all this misplaced guilt. But goddamn it, Luke. You studied to be a shrink. You know that it wasn't your fault. You know that all this stemmed from that accident."
"I appreciate the psycho-analysis, Case."
His friend glared at him, hands splayed out across the table for support. "You didn't really love him."
Luke flinched, taking a long drink from his cup, setting it down gently before looking directly at Casey. "Fuck you."
He ignored the fact that it was the second time in as many hours someone had said that to him and that he'd responded the way he had.
Casey nodded. "Get mad. That's fine. But you know that's the truth. You told me that. Remember that conversation? Where you admitted that what you felt for him wasn't the same as before? That you hadn't been in love with him for a long time?"
Luke kept his eyes on the table, trying desperately to block out what Casey was saying. He didn't want to hear it.
"That night...it was an accident, Luke. Whatever you were arguing about didn't cause it to happen. A trucker not looking where he was going killed Reid." Casey sniffed and Luke saw the tears in the corner of his eyes.
"I want you to leave." Luke glared up at Casey, flicking his eyes away when he saw the pain in his best friend's face. "You walked away, remember?"
Casey shook his head. "You pushed me away, Luke. But I'm still here. I want to -- be whatever you need."
Luke's chest tightened, hands itching to hold on to Casey, but he wouldn't be able to help him. He didn't want anyone's help. "Then be somewhere else. Please."
He looked away as Casey stayed for a long moment, staring at him until finally he stood, walking out of the door without another word. When Luke was sure that he was gone, he shifted his gaze to the chair where Casey had been.
It was for the better.
He didn't need or want anyone.
What he carried was his to do with as he wanted.
There wasn't anything worth--
His mind flashed to blue eyes, clear and warm, making his heart ache in a way it never had but he pushed the memory away.
That wasn't meant for him.
-- -- --
He thought he'd miss New York more than he did.
Gabe laughed every time he said that Oakdale is like a small big city but that was the truth. He lived there one week when he found that one of the hugest companies in the world was based out of the town. He remembered thinking it was an amazing feat to run something like World Wide, Inc. from there but it made his heart quake with excitement. He was slowly falling in love with Oakdale. It was somewhere he could settle for life. Building his production company here was an actual possibility.
He glanced around his living room, taking in the new couch and rugs he'd just bought. All in shades of brown and gold, green accents. He caught himself calculating the type of green and stopped. Sometimes he found that he was a ridiculous person. Deciding to unpack some of the million boxes scattered across his cottage, he rolled up his sleeves. Maybe a couple of hours before he headed into the station.
Setting up on the couch, he opened a box and sat down.
The doorbell pulled him out of his task and he glanced up at the clock, noticing that an hour had gone by. He stood, wiping dusty hands on his jeans and opened the door to find Lucinda Walsh at his door. Grinning wide, he stepped back to let her in, stopping to kiss her cheek. "Mrs. Walsh, come in."
She titled her head up to look him in the eye, a move Noah understood well. He liked to make eye contact with people. You could tell a lot from how they reacted. Lucinda smiled back, patting his cheek softly as she stepped into the room. "I just came to check on my new favorite tenant." Noah smiled at the scarf wrapping her head, all silk and swirls of color.
"Favorite? I bet you say that to all your male tenants."
She threw her head back, laughing deep in her chest, shaking her head as she said, "Well that might actually be the truth normally. But you're about my grandson's age."
He raised an eyebrow, sweeping his hand out toward the couch, watching as she settled gently against the cushions. Her color seemed better than it had the first day he'd met her. Even with the weakness that came from what he later learned was chemotherapy, her presence still managed to be foreboding. That first interview had left him with shakes he hadn't experienced since he was a child.
He'd almost reconsidered trying to lease her cottage. But when she'd asked about his parents and he'd told her that he'd been orphaned at twelve, her entire demeanor seemed to change, face falling slightly.
Somehow an hour later, Noah found that he'd told Lucinda almost everything and he wasn't sure why.
She smiled up at him before studying the room, eyes coming to a halt at the box he'd been unpacking. There were framed photos on the coffee table. Lucinda reached for the first one, the only picture of his mother he still had and stared at it. "She was beautiful."
He nodded, swallowing down the knot that formed whenever he thought of her. He couldn't remember what her voice sounded like, her face a fuzzy memory but he could recall her hugs, the scent of her perfume and powder.
"You said you were five when she died?"
"Yes."
"May I ask what of?"
His knee-jerk reaction was to say a broken spirit but he cleared his throat, voice soft. "Cancer."
Lucinda's gaze jerked to his and he smiled gently. "Ovarian." He motioned to the kitchen as he walked around the couch. He needed a few minutes to gather his thoughts. "Would you like some tea, Mrs. Walsh?"
She shook her head, smile returning though not quite as bright as before. Glancing around the room once more she patted the seat next to her. "No, thank you, darling. Come and sit. Let me pry more."
Noah let out a bark of laughter before taking the seat next to her. "I'd say I don't appreciate it but I'm guessing that's not going to stop you."
"I knew you were an incredibly intelligent young man."
Noah snorted, head falling forward as he did. "You are going to be the most interesting landlord I've ever had, Mrs. Walsh."
"You can be sure of that, sweetheart. And it's Lucinda. Please."
He glanced up quickly, took in her sincerity and nodded. "Okay. Lucinda." Turning his wrist, he noticed the time and calculated how long they could talk. Figuring he had enough time, he formulated a few questions of his own. "Okay. Fire away, Lucinda."
Her grin made him suddenly nervous.
"First question: are you currently single?"
Noah laughed out loud.
-- --
Five weeks into his position and Noah found that running a television station was one of the hardest jobs he'd ever had. Contrary to what Gabe and his other friends thought, it didn't consist of sitting behind a desk all day and giving instructions to peons (their word not his). There were budgets to overlook for their daily shows productions, not to mention scripts to edit and send back to writers that looked on him as an intruder. He wouldn't even think about his love/hate relationship with Katie Snyder. She infuriated and amused him in equal parts.
His staff consisted of a slew of angry writers, three interns, his personal assistant, Molly and the woman he swore might have been the love of his life if he hadn't found girls yucky since the age of six, his production manager, Madeline "but please just call me Maddie, really" Hughes. Maddie managed to make his first month on the job a pleasure. While everyone else gave him a good dose of the evil eye from the moment he'd stepped into Kim Hughes' formidable shoes, Maddie had helped Noah understand how the studio worked, who felt what, how to handle the crew and when not to bother their "celebrities." (Maddie's hands made air quotes as she said the word.)
Every day he felt more and more as if Oakdale was the place he was meant to be. Something pulled him to the town. It might have been due to Noah's romantic nature that, despite his pending divorce, had survived. He hated who he had become with Ryan, what he'd done to both of them even if his reasons had been valid. But he believed that there was another chance waiting for him.
He refused to think that it might have come and gone already.
"Hey, Noah. You got a minute."
Bringing his focus back to where he was, he glanced up, grinned at Maddie leaning against his door frame. "For you, I've got two."
She rolled her eyes. "You're just a ball of wit, Noah."
Shrugging, he dropped the pen he'd been scribbling ideas with on the pad and gave her all his attention. "What can I do for you?"
"Come have dinner at my house."
That wasn't what he'd expected and his face must have given that thought away because Maddie laughed, walking inside his office to sit in the chair across from his, sighing as she did. "God, I love your chairs."
He'd bought them from a little store in Old Town. "I hope you two are happy together. Now, can we get back to this invitation?"
Maddie stared at him. "There's not much more to it than what I said. Would you like to come over for dinner? Casey and I wanted to have a house warming of sorts."
Noah gave her a look.
"What? We're newlyweds."
"Right. So shouldn't you two want to spend as much time alone as possible?"
Maddie's face twisted into a grimace of something Noah couldn't quite put his finger on and not for the first time he had the fleeting thought that there was a fact he wasn't aware of in Maddie's marriage with Casey.
"We eloped. Never got a proper wedding or gave a reception. Just thought it would be nice. This dinner is practice for when we decide to throw the big party" She gave him a surfer hand sign of peace and it made him laugh.
"Uh-huh." Noah placed his elbows on the desk, titling forward to rest on them, and caught Maddie's eye. "You've known me all of what -- five weeks -- I'm not exactly a close friend."
Maddie glared. "Sadly, Noah, you kind of are."
He blinked. "Oh."
"Yeah," she looked down at her hands, fiddling with the wedding band on her finger, "There's a lot going on with Casey."
"I got that. But you love him so--"
Her head jerked up and the shock on her face made Noah close him mouth. He waited a minute before saying, "Was that supposed to be a secret?"
Maddie ran one hand down her face. "I didn't think I was that obvious."
"I assumed it was common knowledge that you loved your husband."
Maddie made a sound that yanked at Noah's heart. "Right."
He sighed, sitting back in his chair and running one hand through his mussed hair. There was a headache forming at his temples. He was about to get involved because he thought there might be something Maddie wasn't aware of.
"He's in love with you, too."
Maddie snorted.
Noah patted himself on having called that one. Maddie had no idea what Casey felt. He'd met the man on three occasions. The first two times Noah had been afraid that Casey would tear his arms off and beat him over the head with them. That had been the look on his face whenever Noah touched Maddie's shoulder or made her laugh. When Maddie had left them together at a recent office party for someone's birthday, he'd mentioned his divorce and how his ex-husband had taken everything. Casey's scowl cleared instantly.
They'd spent the rest of the time talking about Noah and his dating schedule. Casey insisted on introducing Noah to his best friend. Maddie nixed the idea immediately, glaring at Casey as she said, "I don't think that would be for the best."
Noah admitted he was curious what that had been about.
"Okay," Noah raised his hands up and locked gazes with Maddie, "I'll come to your party." Her face lit up but he shook his head. "On one condition."
"Which is?"
"You tell me what's really going on." It wasn't any of his business and he knew that. But there went that romantic streak in him.
Maddie thought it over before nodding. "Deal."
"Good." He reached over to shut his laptop off, closing the files on his desk and setting the pad of ideas aside. "We'll take a late lunch and you can fill me in."
"You're a little bit bossy, aren't you?"
He nodded. "Yes."
-- --
It turned out Noah knew very little about Casey and Maddie's relationship. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that their marriage wasn't real. Some business deal they'd needed to make to keep Maddie's brother out of jail. Noah was hazy on the details but it didn't matter because whether the two of them realized it, there was more to it than what Maddie insisted.
Casey had been involved with someone named Alison for a few years, had even made it so far as the altar when it'd been revealed she'd slept with someone else the night before. He wasn't one to judge but Maddie seemed incredibly angry about it. She claimed it was because Casey had been and was still one of her best friends. Though she seemed even angrier when she mentioned Casey's most recent ex, Jade, and how she'd been the reason Henry had needed bailing out.
How that had ended up in a marriage between the two of them (and what Henry was involved in) was a mystery to Noah.
Somehow he'd agreed to come over for dinner to get to know Casey better and meet some of their friends. He wondered , as he adjusted his tie, if Alison would be there. Remembering the stormy look on Maddie's face as she'd talked about that, he decided that she probably wasn't welcome. He knocked a few times, tapping his fingers on the bottle of wine he'd brought. He heard the faint sound of music and muffled voices before the door opened and the noise became clearer.
Maddie smiled wide at seeing him, taking the bottle out of his hands and kissing his cheek as she pushed him into the foyer. Their house was pretty impressive for people who were barely his age. "What does your husband do again?"
"He's an attorney."
That explained it.
He followed her into an open space that included the living room and dining area. The table was set for only six and Noah breathed easier. He never liked meeting new people.
Casey turned away from the counter, smiling cautiously at him. "Hi, Noah. Glad you could make it."
"Absolutely. Thanks for inviting me."
They stared at each other and then for whatever reason started laughing.
"Okay, now that we reached the awkward stage, let's have a drink and get stupid."
Noah grinned. "I knew I liked you."
The night passed without incident. The other guests included Hunter who talked with Noah about the latest music and the newest advances in computers.(Noah kept up with the former but let Hunter lead the conversation on the latter) and Maddie's best friend, Gwen and Gwen's husband, Will. Noah watched them, pang of envy in his chest at how in love they seemed.
They ended up playing a game of Halo and Noah laughed when Gwen won with no competition from the rest of them. She was ruthless when it came to her video games. Hunter suggested a movie and Noah almost died at the range of titles he found Maddie owned.
"I swear if you weren't married and I wasn't gay, Madeline, I'd want to have your children." His hand paused over a DVD case, turning at the silence that followed that statement. He pulled his hand away, frowning and looked to Casey. "I was kidding. Really."
Casey shook his head, waved him off. "No, it's okay. You just reminded me of someone." He didn't meet Maddie's eyes, turning and calling over his shoulder. "Let me go get some more wine."
Noah looked over the small crowd gathered. "I didn't mean anything-"
Gwen stood up, rubbing one hand on his arm. "No. You just -- it was something an old friend of ours always said. Just threw Casey I think."
"Oh." He didn't know whether to ask if their friend had died because the mood in the room had dampened to where Noah thought that was probably the case. "I'm sorry that he's not here then."
Will gave him a sad smile. "So are we."
They seemed to make an effort to change the subject and Noah ended up discussing his love of movies growing up, how that had parlayed into a career where he'd ended up running a company. He left most of his childhood trauma but he sensed that they might actually be able to understand what that had been like.
The party broke up somewhere past midnight and Noah gathered his coat, turning to give Casey and Maddie a hug.
"Thank you. I appreciate the invite."
Casey gave him a thumps up and grinned. "Anytime."
Noah nodded. "Maybe next time I'll get to meet that elusive best friend of yours."
The shift in their moods was palpable and Noah tried to take back what he'd said. "I didn't mean to bring up a sour subject." The interpersonal relationships in the town of Oakdale, he was starting to learn, were more complicated then anything he'd encountered before.
Maddie patted his shoulder, shaking her head. "No. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just -- things aren't exactly the best with him."
Casey nodded his agreement, throwing an arm around Maddie. "I have hope that one day it'll be better. Then we can set you up and when you get married, you can name us your best people." Noah watched the blush rising in Maddie's face as Casey dropped a kiss on her head. They were utterly ridiculous.
"Okay, then. Thanks for marrying me off to a stranger." He kissed Maddie cheek, shook Casey's hand and left before they gave him three kids and a dog to go along with his husband. The thought wasn't so bad but his mind flashed immediately to Luke's face.
"Get a grip, Mayer."
-- --
Running into Casey the next morning, Noah grinned wide and, on an impulse, hugged him hard. He felt him freeze for a moment and realized that there could be a slight chance --
Casey's hug back was tight and Noah patted his shoulder as they stepped apart. He frowned at the sad look on his -- he guessed he could call Casey a friend -- friend's face. "Hey. You okay?"
He started nodding but instead paused then shook his head. "No. Not really."
Insisting on buying him a coffee, they waited until their server had taken the order then Noah guided Casey aside and motioned. "We don't have long and I know you said you were late for your meeting so just give me the basics."
Casey sighed. "I have a friend. He's my best friend actually and he's in a pain. Constantly."
Noah stayed silent, waited for Casey to continue.
"He -- there was a recent tragedy and he doesn't know how to deal with it so he's fallen back to old habits that nearly killed him before." Shrugging, Casey took the carry-out cup with his coffee, and gave Noah a frustrated glance. "And I don't know what to do to make him stop. He won't listen to me."
Taking a sip of his own drink, Noah mulled over what to say and when he finally looked up at Casey, he gave him an encouraging smile. "Maybe you're not supposed to. Sometimes we have to get ourselves out of the mess we've made." He thought of Luke. "Maybe all you can do is listen and try to be there."
"He won't let me."
Noah shrugged. "Don't give him a choice."
Casey stared at him and Noah looked away. "Just a thought."
"No. That -- thanks, Noah." He leaned in and gave him another hug, patting Noah's back. "I appreciate it." He pulled back, pointed at the exit. "I have to go. But -- you want to meet for drinks tonight, maybe?"
Noah nodded, smiling. "You're on."
He watched Casey leave the cafe, waving once when he passed the windows then disappearing around the corner. Noah thought he was going the wrong direction but he got turned around easily.
Later as he walked to the station he thought that maybe he should have asked what Casey's friend's name was.
-- --
Luke's head pounded a steady beat and he buried his face further into his pillow, groaning at the intrusion. His dreams consisted of blue eyes and a lopsided smile that he refused to leave behind. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, ignoring that the noise was no longer just inside his head. It seemed to be originated from the waking world and gaining strength. The rhythmic sound was suddenly accompanied by a shrill bell.
He hated his doorbell.
Opening his eyes reluctantly, he swung his legs out from under warm covers, stumbling and hitting his knee against the night stand. "Shit." Rubbing at it as he hurried to answer his door, he yelled down the hallway, "I'm coming! Stop trying to knock my door down with your fist, Casey."
The noise stopped.
"How did you know it was me?" came through muffled and Luke rolled his eyes.
Opening the door, he glared first at Casey then at Maddie. "Because you were raised by fucking wolves and have never known how to knock on a door like a normal human being." The cool October breeze made him shiver and he stepped back. "Get in here if you're coming."
Maddie raised an eyebrow. "You're in a bad mood."
He didn't have the patience to deal with either one of them. Leaving them standing in his front entrance, he padded toward his kitchen. He needed coffee. Footsteps followed and he closed his eyes, preparing to do battle. Maddie dumped a bag on his counter that he hadn't noticed at the door and Luke watched as she pulled out what looked to be the ingredients of breakfast. Casey stood at the entrance, staring at him closely and then he smiled warmly.
Surprised by that Luke returned it before waving at them both. "What's going on?" His head ached but it was hunger rather than his norm of a hangover. The night before he'd spent consoling Faith about the drama in her own messy relationship with Parker. If he hadn't seen her devastation, he would have accused her of distracting him to keep him at home.
"You look tired, man."
Luke yawned, one shoulder coming up in a half shrug. "Yeah. Faith drama."
Maddie huffed out a snort, rolling her eyes. "What happened now?"
He rubbed his eyes, taking a seat at his kitchen table, looking up at Casey when he sat next to him. "Parker might be cheating on her, I don't even know."
"What?" Maddie and Casey both said, anger clouding their faces and the sight of it, familiar and hysterical even after all these years made him chuckle.
Raising his hands, he shook his head. "Like I said I don't have a clue what's going on there. She showed up at my door." He took a moment to study his friends before waving a hand between them. "What are you two doing here?"
"Making breakfast."
"Well, she's cooking for you. I have a meeting." Casey said as he stood up, turning and stopping to look at Luke. "Did you want to meet us later tonight? Maybe at the house?"
Luke didn't know what to say so he nodded but then remembered the promise he'd made to Lucinda. "Shoot. I can't. Not tonight. I'm having dinner with Grandmother."
"Come by after if you can." He hesitated, taking a step closer to Luke but in the next moment changed his mind and walked toward his wife. Luke watched him give a soft smile, whispering into her ear and Maddie's face lit up.
Sometimes Luke thought his friends were completely nuts.
Kissing Maddie's cheek, he waved at Luke and disappeared out of the room. Luke waited until the front door closed and then stared at Maddie. "I repeat what are you two up to?" He tapped his fingers on the table, raising an eyebrow but the words didn't carry the weight they normally would have.
"Nothing. We just miss you so we decided that no matter how much of a dickhead you decide to be we're going to keep bothering you and hanging around."
Luke made a face. "That's a new tactic."
Maddie nodded, grinned over her shoulder as she turned one of the burner's on. "Let's just say a friend recommended that we put our money where our feet usually go."
He watched quietly as she began mixing eggs and milk together, stomach growling when she pulled out vanilla. Luke loved Maddie's French toast. "And you expect me to behave, right?"
"Not really." When she turned around, her mouth was drawn into a thoughtful line. "I realized that we've loved you forever. Through ever screw up and you know how I feel about you, Luke, but there's been a lot of those."
The truth hurt more than he wanted to admit.
"This isn't any different." Looking behind her at the pan, she flicked her gaze to his again. "Do you want one or two?"
-- --
"Mrs. Walsh?"
Noah froze as he entered his office to find Lucinda Walsh sitting at his desk casually perusing the documents he'd left littered across the top. "I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be reading those by the way." He looked around the room just to make sure he hadn't walked into an alternate universe or something of that nature."Um...is there something you needed?," he asked as he shooed her away from his desk.
Lucinda patted his cheek but refused to budge. She wore the silk scarf, green and turquoise swirls, that he'd bought for her on a whim at a local store he'd stumbled on. The owner, Lisa something or other, had been hilarious and helpful though she'd spent most of her time flirting with him outrageously. (He'd learned later from one of the interns who'd lived in Oakdale her whole life that it was actually normal behavior.)
Taking the contract Lucinda was holding, he frowned down at her. Maybe he saw her as the grandmother he'd never had and knowing Lucinda Walsh only a mere two months, he realized their current situation wasn't even beyond her boundaries but he had to put his foot down somewhere. "Could you please try not to get me fired, Mrs. Walsh?"
"Noah." She gave him that look but he only stared back.
"I'll call you Lucinda when you step away from my desk, lady."
He couldn't help the smile that twitched at his lips when she burst out laughing. Waiting until she settled comfortably across from him, he took his seat, fixing the mess she'd made.
"You should probably rethink that reality show."
Noah glared at her. He'd already nixed the idea but he wasn't going to tell her that. "Lucinda, not that I don't love seeing you because I do, but is there a reason for your visit?"
"Of course there is, darling."
He waited but when she didn't say anything he sighed. "You planning on sharing with me, Lucy or am I going to guess?"
She scowled at the nickname which he'd taken to calling her after hearing it being used by her boyfriend, John. "I like you so I shall let that pass."
"I appreciate it."
Folding her hands on her lap, she looked directly at him. "I'd like you to have dinner with me tonight."
Noah blinked. "That's why you invaded my office and rummaged through my desk? Which just to let you know could get me fired."
Waving her hands elegantly she shook her head. "I can assure you, Noah dear, that would not be happening."
He raised his eyebrows. "Is that so? Because from my knowledge, Lucy, you don't own this station."
She glared at him and he grinned in return. "You are an undisciplined young man, Noah Mayer. It's rude to call older woman who are fond of you names." Standing up, she leaned over his desk, patting his other cheek. Noah resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
"I think Lucy suits you."
"Perhaps it does. However, it happens to be my grand-daughter's name."
Noah nodded. "That could get confusing I suppose."
Grinning, she started toward the exit, stopping to point in his direction. "I'm pleased you see reason. Also, I expect you at dinner tonight. The Lakeview at eight o'clock. I won't be taking no for an answer."
He sighed, shook his head. "Am I shocked about that? Not really."
"Oh, Noah?"
Looking up, he smiled at her "Yes, Lucinda?"
"I think you have job security here. My daughter is part owner." With that she gracefully walked out of his office, leaving Noah with his mouth hanging open.
"You're a sneaky old woman, Lucinda Walsh!" He yelled after her and couldn't help his own chuckle at the laughter he heard in return.
-- --
Luke decided to take his friend's actions at face value and not try to dissect what they were trying to accomplish. He knew that they loved him, that all their worrying had been because he was a mess. Before the accident, he would have been the same way with them. Sometimes, he wished hard that it had been him that night. Harsh as it seemed, he believed that Reid wouldn't have felt the guilt Luke did.
Maybe that said something about the relationship they'd ended up with.
He shook his head, cleared his mind of all the clutter and shoved the guilt back into the little box he carried it in to examine later. His eyes focused on the envelope in his hands. He heard his front door open and shit, the click of heels across his hardwood floors.
"Luke, you better be home."
He smiled despite the jolt of fear that ran through his chest. Alison was one of his best friends, caring and sweet but as his manager, she scared the shit out of him. He knew she'd had to toughen up in the last year and kick his ass every step of the way from his book release to the book tour. He'd been a complete mess halfway through it but somehow she'd dragged him by the neck and helped him finish the last leg of is tour.
"In the kitchen."
He heard her change directions, appearing in the entry way a few seconds later. Her face showed surprise at seeing the state of his kitchen. Gaze falling on the coffee pot, she hurried toward it, grabbing a mug out of the cupboard and filling it. "This isn't half bad. Who made it?" She looked around the room as if she'd missed someone.
Luke glanced over his shoulder, opening the package in his hands as he did. "Maddie made it." He couldn't help the smirk in his voice.
Alison's face twisted into dislike but she drank the coffee anyway. "I should have guessed." Her eyes lit up when she noticed what he had in his hands. "The messenger got it to you fast." Rounding the counter, she sat to his right, tapping the papers Luke placed on the table. "It's good, Luke."
His eyes scanned the document, catching on a few choice words like "advance" and "second book deal" and "film rights". That last one shocked him enough that he looked up at Alison with wide eyes. "They want to make the book a movie."
Alison smiled, nodding as she took another sip of her coffee. "It's not a done deal, of course. They don't know if anyone will buy the rights but Greg thinks that it's a definite possibility. He wants to give you that option."
Luke's head felt like it was spinning. "I wasn't sure it was even doing that well." He hadn't been keeping up with his sales, not caring one way or the other.
He caught the look Alison gave him. The fact that she managed to keep from rolling her eyes spoke highly of her professionalism. "You didn't care so why would you bother learning that." Taking the contract from his hands, she read for a moment before pointing at a line in the document. "They want a second book as soon as you can get it done." She reached for the large envelope, flipping upside down and shaking it some until a small envelope fell out, handing it to Luke. "Open it."
Luke gave her a suspicious look but did as she asked. He unfolded the page, blinking at the check that he found in between it. His gaze scanned the letter, throat closing up as he read the letter. "They're picking up the second book option." He heard the wonder in his own voice. "But I --" Meeting Alison's eyes, he shook his head. "What -- how did this happen?" He'd barely been holding on when the first book was published and Luke had been sure that he'd screwed it up.
"It's a great book, Luke." Alison said quietly. "We've told you that."
"I've -- this is blowing my mind."
Alison laughed softly. "Well, good. I'm happy that you care enough to be blown away." Her hand found his on the table, patting it once. "I wish you realized how talented you are." Motioning to the check, her smile turned into a smirk. "Take a look at that."
Luke focused on the numbers and sat back, mouth hanging open slightly. "How...?"
"The returns from Facing the Fire were great, Luke."
He couldn't form the words. For so long, Luke felt like everything he did was wrong but this proved that maybe that wasn't the case. There was still hope that he could get somewhere. He noticed Alison watching him quietly from where she sat, playing with her mug of coffee. :This is huge, you know."
He nodded.
"I know."
Something pulled at him. Broke free and buzzed through his mind, made his fingers itch with it. The fear -- it wasn't gone but it was quiet -- and he could hear his thoughts. It had been days, he felt like weeks since he was this sure. His mind flashed on blue eyes, warmth and peace, and he needed to find that again. Knew exactly where he could. He rose from the chair, headed toward his office but at the door way turned to look at Alison. "I just --" He stopped at the smile, one that was real and hadn't seen aimed in his direction for a while.
"Go ahead. I know the way out."
He didn't wait for her to say anything else, didn't say good-bye and headed back to his office, to his desk and safety. As he closed to door behind him, he heard Alison in the hall.
"Hey."
Luke paused with the door half-way closed and stared at her, waiting, hands and feet shaking slightly with the fervor of needing to be at his desk, at his computer, with his thoughts.
"Don't forget dinner with your grandmother tonight. I do not want her to bitch me out, Luke, so show up."
He nodded once and then Alison was gone and he was alone with his thoughts and his writing.
-- --
Noah stared across the table at Lucinda, smiling into his drink every time she attempted to subtly glance at the entrance of the restaurant. With anyone else, Noah thought he wouldn't have noticed it, but Lucinda Walsh wasn't the type of woman to fidget or show nerves. For her, the shuttered glances at the door were a neon sign that she was up to something.
He cleared his throat, Lucinda's gaze settling on him, and he leaned forward to ask quietly, "You planning on telling me why we're really here, Lucy?" He stifled a laugh at the way she narrowed her eyes at him.
"I have no idea what you mean, darling."
"Uh-huh."
He pointedly looked at the door, then back at Lucinda, one eyebrow raised in silent inquiry.
Lucinda sighed, returning her attention to their dinner. Noah frowned as she picked apart her duck, which he had on good authority was delicious, and wondered for the nth time if she was lying when she told him her health was on the mend. She glanced up to see his expression and rolled her eyes. "Do not give me that look, Noah. I am well. I promise."
He waited a beat.
"My appetite will not be returning for some time."
Noah remembered very little about how the chemo had affected his mother. Most of his memories consisted of her warm hands patting his head as she lay in the hospital bed. He thought it was probably for the best that he didn't recall much from those days.
His phone beeped again and Noah rolled his eyes. The texts had been going non-stop and he refused to give in and read them. He knew it was Katie trying to get his attention about the story she wanted to get approved for the next show, but he wouldn't drop everything for her. She needed to understand that wasn't how their relationship was going to work.
Lucinda smirked at him when he turned the phone off. "You show her, darling."
Noah snorted.
"Don't change the topic on me. What are you up to, if you don't mind telling me?"
Lucinda opened her mouth to respond but her eyes widened as she looked behind Noah's shoulder, lighting up in a way he hadn't seen from her yet, and it took him by surprise. He found that it made him smile, too. Lucinda should have that kind of expression more often.
"Grandmother, I'm sorry I'm late. I got caught up in something."
Noah felt all the blood drain from his face and his heart leap to his throat. It couldn't be. Not here.
Lucinda was on her feet before Noah could say anything, stepping forward, and he kept his gaze on his plate. His mind played tricks on him all the time. Last week he'd sworn he'd seen Luke walking around the corner in Old Town. It couldn't be.
"It's okay, sweetheart. Come and meet a friend of mine."
Noah took a deep breath, bringing his gaze up until it clashed with round, brown eyes. Luke's face drained of all color.
"Noah, darling. Meet my grandson, Luke Snyder. Luke, I want you to meet my new friend, Noah Mayer."
|Part Two|