Craziness!
So a lot has happened in the last few months. I mean a lot!!!!! Too many painful things that I really don't want to talk about on here, and quite a few things that are good as well. For starters, I feel like I have gained a lot of independence in my life, I finally have a car of my own. It is a good car, and I love it!!! College is going ok. I love my British Lit class. My prof makes it fun, LOL.
Mostly I just sit and think a lot over all the painful things that have happened in the last few months, and all the good things that are happening now. I have so many questions, and so little answers. I just hope things keep getting better with Darius and I. I also keep hoping that our relationship keeps getting stronger, and that we can get married in the future. I hope that things work for the best, and that we will be together for the rest of our lives. I am so scared of so many things, and I want so badly to speak about them to him, but I am so scared. I don't want to live in fear, but I feel sometimes like I have to.
My counselor told me 3 weeks ago something about myself that really hurt me. It was something I didn't realize, but I feel as if I always knew that I did this. She told me that I always sell myself short, and put my feelings last. She said that because I do this, that I am a really weak person emotionally, and that I lost myself somewhere, the real me. Well, I guess that I always knew I did that, but maybe I didnt realize how much. Well heres to finding the real me in me somewhere?!!! How does one even do that??? Especially when you know you have things you need to fix about yourself, and you try, but you feel like its not good enough for the ones you love or the people around you??? Having depression really sucks, especially when you feel like you aren't right about anything.
Mostly I just sit and think a lot over all the painful things that have happened in the last few months, and all the good things that are happening now. I have so many questions, and so little answers. I just hope things keep getting better with Darius and I. I also keep hoping that our relationship keeps getting stronger, and that we can get married in the future. I hope that things work for the best, and that we will be together for the rest of our lives. I am so scared of so many things, and I want so badly to speak about them to him, but I am so scared. I don't want to live in fear, but I feel sometimes like I have to.
My counselor told me 3 weeks ago something about myself that really hurt me. It was something I didn't realize, but I feel as if I always knew that I did this. She told me that I always sell myself short, and put my feelings last. She said that because I do this, that I am a really weak person emotionally, and that I lost myself somewhere, the real me. Well, I guess that I always knew I did that, but maybe I didnt realize how much. Well heres to finding the real me in me somewhere?!!! How does one even do that??? Especially when you know you have things you need to fix about yourself, and you try, but you feel like its not good enough for the ones you love or the people around you??? Having depression really sucks, especially when you feel like you aren't right about anything.