58th Inning

[freakinblur]

A mysterious man dressed in blue stands upon a streetlamp, perched with a mighty pose, a striking image of inspiration! Mayfield can rest safely, knowing their streets are being patrolled by... BONK BOY!

Wait, no. Bonk MAN. Though that doesn't exactly have a good ring to it. Whatever. We'll work on the name later.

The very obvious unknown

Comments

[webball]

Oh WHAT IS THIS, a superhero BARGAIN SALE?!

[Peter is rubbing his eyes in aggravation as he watches a loon in a cape gallivant across the local park, confusing a few children.]

[freakinblur]

Oh hey kids, look! It's Lame Shot, the villain who rains on other people's parades!

[webball]

[Peter glances around, then realizes the finger is pointed squarely at himself. Damn it. Behold, the Spider-Sarcasm Strikes!]

Oh, ha ha, doofus. Where'd you get your cape? Math Camp?

......Wait, is that a gun?

[freakinblur]

Nope. From yer mom's house.

[He spins the pistol on his finger for a moment. Then he holds it up so Peter can see the underside - the clip is missing.]

Yeah. I ain't an idiot though. Kids 'n' all. [Well, he IS an idiot, but at least he knows his gun safety.]

[webball]

[Oh, well, at least this guy only has a few screws loose, and not the whole pack. Peter can at least say that.]

What is all this? Who are you supposed to be, anyway?

[freakinblur]

[Scout quickly pops the gun back into his backpack, and draws out a can of Bonk. He holds it up along side the bat, decorated with the same logo.]

Bonk Man here's brought ta you by Bonk cola!

[webball]

...Right... what are you, their mascot or something?

That looks kinda good, actually.

[He glances around at the kids, then back to Scout. What the hell...? After that nightmare, maybe the kids could use a little fun. Hell, he could probably blow the steam off.]

...Well I guess Bonk Man needs a villain to battle, right?

[freakinblur]

I think I'd be a damn good mascot. They oughta hire me when I get home.

[Scout's thoughts exactly.]

Ain't no sense in bein' a hero if there ain't villains around ta beat up!

[webball]

[Pete looks around for costume ideas, but, coming up with nothing, turns his shirt the wrong way around, backside front.]

Beware the wrath of... Bass Ackwards... kids...!

[freakinblur]

[Scout tries to stifle a laugh, and fails. But he points his bat towards Peter anyway.]

Look out, kids! If this guy touches ya, he'll turn yer insides out! It's really gross.

[webball]

THAAAT'S RIGHT, I'LL...

Jeez, is that too much? They won't be scared of... nah, they'll be fine.

THAT'S RIGHT! IMAGONNAGETCHAKIDNEYS!

[freakinblur]

[Some of the kids squeal and run off in fun, some prepare for battle with Scout.]

Ok guys, ya can't touch 'em or yer kidneys are goners! So put on yer game face, cuz we gotta scare 'im outta here!

[Scout dramatically grimaces at Peter. GRR. The kids follow suit. This is totally ridiculous.]

[webball]

[Wow. That is a SAD display of intimidation. Peter can barely suppress his amusement.]

FOOLS! A criminal mastermind such as myself would NEVER be defeated by such unimpressive faces! My genius intellect is legendary! You'll have to try harder!

[Is he heavily parodying Dr. Octopus? Nope... Not at all. It's the Vulture's voice but Ock's personality, THANK ya very much.]

[freakinblur]

Everyone, menace harder! [Scout raises his hands in the air and growls a bit. The kids do the same, too, and start moving in on Peter.]

[webball]

What...what are you doing? You INSIGNIFICANT INSECTS. I AM NOT...ungh... stop it!

[He recoils a little in exaggerated discomfort]

[freakinblur]

Yeah, you guys got it! Keep it up, we almost got him! [Scout makes dinosaur noises at Peter now. He's not sure what else to do.]