GAWD!
I literally feel like my heart is breaking. I CAN NOT handle this. This stress. This frustration. This pain. Why does this happen to me. This is why I keep everyone at arms length. This is why I dont wanna care about people. Because they hurt, disappoint, and let me down. I know that it happens and all but seriously! Everytime, every fucking time. I am trying sooo hard NOT to cry right now. To NOT let it get to me but its soo hard. Cause I did/do care that he is hurting me. Silly silly me for thinking that he would be different. I just thought for once that this would work and it wouldnt be so hard. I am sooo tired of having to WORK so hard to just have this relationship. I just want to talk to him. And thats the part that fucking sucks. I shouldnt want to. I should just be able to say FUCK YOU I AM DONE. But its too hard. I dont WANT to loose him. Gawd I am pathetic!