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[freak_thankyou]

Pants suck. Designers suck. Pants made for someone my size and six inches taller suck. Pants made for someone my height and siz inches skinnier suck. Pants whose waists sit nearly at my crotch suck. Completely pointless and impractical pockets are just flat out stupid. Shopping in general sucks

Comments

[arrowwhiskers]

I know exaaaactly what you mean. I've gained a lot of weight recently, so all my clothes don't seem to fit right, and those that do all seem really old. My old pants are all too tight but the size larger seems to swim uncomfortably around my hips. Those pants that fit my legs nicely tend to be just a little too tight around the waist. When your clothes don't fit right, it messes up how you feel and what your body feels like because some parts are tight and others just feel awkward. I hate it. I just want to have clothes that fit.

I know what you mean about the feminine thing too though, so, so much. I have also struggled with conflicting identities because I was always "the tomboy", so it was a hard transition to realize that omg, I like wearing tank tops and skirts and things that make me look feminine. Over the years, I've slowly started being interested in showing more and more skin and wearing clothes with a tighter and tighter form around my body. It's sort of strange how it feels like stuff like that shouldn't totally uproot how you think of and see yourself, but it really does. I have found that when I dress girly, I really do feel better about myself, like more confident...but at the same time there is still a nagging feeling of wrongness, like this isn't essentially me, that the "real" me is the one that wore polo shirts and shapeless black pants and would never ever touch a dress. That feeling has really faded a lot, but it's still there. And it applies to a lot of things.

I think it's mostly just weird because of what you said--I fell into this new identity, and it's hard to realize that this IS still me, cause my old identity was so ingrained. But I really like being this way, I really like my new clothes and wearing things that people actually comment on and say look nice. But in a way it's true, I like it too much, I can't go back. My old sorts of clothes just seem so shapeless and unappealing to me now--and even sneakers and keds seem so boring compared to cutesy girly shoes with straps. But even so, it's not like all is lost. I still do express my old self, just in other ways, not so much switching off but more like mixing and matching. I wear dresses with non-dress shoes, or wear mens flannel shirts over a top with a skirt. In a way, I feel like this gives me more freedom to play with fashions and things than other girls might have, exploring more masculine things while fully embracing the feminine, and I really like that.

I guess my point is: identity and expression are really complicated, but there ARE a lot of options and if you play around with some I'm sure you WILL be able to switch between them and have some fun with it. You really do have a lot of room to experiment and decide.