Another nightmare
[Private Post]
I had a nightmare last night. I haven't had one in a long time. In this one, I was running through a field and then suddenly the plants started to tangle in my legs and I couldn't move. I could hear Lex calling for my help, but I couldn't go to him because the plants had pinned me down. Then I heard a voice that told me I'd always fail to save the people I love. I woke up covered in sweat. I feel really anxious now. I know it was just a dream, but I can't help feeling like it was a warning of some kind, or maybe it was my subconscious trying to tell me that I need to stop trying to control Lex.
I never say this to anyone but there's a small part of me that I keep locked away. This part of me wants desperately to protect Lex from everything and everyone. Each time he's hurt or attacked or he takes some risk, I feel this dread. I guess I've always felt this way. I never forget that summer when I chained him to the bed to stop him from getting into danger. I think about that sometimes late at night when I'm alone in my room. It's one of my many sex fantasies about Lex.
I've totally gotten off topic. I wanted to write that Lex is still away on business. I still can't reach him on his cell phone and Molly keeps hanging up on me when I try to talk to her about Lex's trip. I think she really hates me.
Dad and I had an argument this morning at breakfast. I told him I want to fly to China to find Lex and he told me he'd ground me for life if both my feet left the earth at the same time. Of course I meant that I would find a way to fly there in an airplane. He was really angry. He totally exploded at the breakfast table. I probably should have kept my mouth shut, but I couldn't help it. I really miss Lex. I wish I could talk to him just to hear his voice and know that things between us are okay. Every day that goes by leaves me with a fear that he's angry at me.
I had a nightmare last night. I haven't had one in a long time. In this one, I was running through a field and then suddenly the plants started to tangle in my legs and I couldn't move. I could hear Lex calling for my help, but I couldn't go to him because the plants had pinned me down. Then I heard a voice that told me I'd always fail to save the people I love. I woke up covered in sweat. I feel really anxious now. I know it was just a dream, but I can't help feeling like it was a warning of some kind, or maybe it was my subconscious trying to tell me that I need to stop trying to control Lex.
I never say this to anyone but there's a small part of me that I keep locked away. This part of me wants desperately to protect Lex from everything and everyone. Each time he's hurt or attacked or he takes some risk, I feel this dread. I guess I've always felt this way. I never forget that summer when I chained him to the bed to stop him from getting into danger. I think about that sometimes late at night when I'm alone in my room. It's one of my many sex fantasies about Lex.
I've totally gotten off topic. I wanted to write that Lex is still away on business. I still can't reach him on his cell phone and Molly keeps hanging up on me when I try to talk to her about Lex's trip. I think she really hates me.
Dad and I had an argument this morning at breakfast. I told him I want to fly to China to find Lex and he told me he'd ground me for life if both my feet left the earth at the same time. Of course I meant that I would find a way to fly there in an airplane. He was really angry. He totally exploded at the breakfast table. I probably should have kept my mouth shut, but I couldn't help it. I really miss Lex. I wish I could talk to him just to hear his voice and know that things between us are okay. Every day that goes by leaves me with a fear that he's angry at me.