I guess

[freak41]

I'm struggling with the death of my father. It's hard to explain why and it's hard to explain what I'm going through. I've got a hard time letting go of that hatred and anger I still feel towards him. February will be 2 years and I still harbor these feelings. He isn't even here and I'm just still so mad. I'm looking into a therapist. I'm looking for closure. I'm looking for ways to cope. I've been reading self help books on when you lose a parent. I'm looking for someone to just fucking listen to me. That's it. I don't need advice. I just need to explain. and talk. I talk with my brother and tim. but it's not what I really need. I can't ever break down and cry because I hate people seeing me like this.

I'm mad at everything and everyone. I'm resentful, i'm annoyed, i'm unsympathetic. I'm annoyed that I can't talk to my mom because she acts as if nothing ever happened during my teenage years. She acts as if I have no reason to be angry anymore. Half of the time she doesn't say anything and it pisses me off even more. I'm annoyed because I have to take care of her without my brother's help. I'm trying to balance my life along with everyone elses. My brother has an addiction problem and I'm trying to help him too and be his rock and support. Realistically, I'm all he really has that will go to the end of earth for him.

Everything is a struggle and I can't even fucking deal.

I wish this was more positive.