[nothing i can do, total eclipse of the heart]
so i'm not even gonna bother not cutting any of this, as it just seems so pointless, but still.
since i hit my teens i have had a continous battle with my weight. when i was at high school, for some reason it bothered me, but it didn't. i could handle being the "fat kid" i guess because there were people who were being bullied more than i was. back then i was never told about any of the weight programmes that may [or may not] have been avaliable to me, so i just got on with it. i loved my food & i overate, i guess sometimes i did comfort eat, but not cos people were bullying me about my weight, it got more out of control when my gran died. looking back, i can pinpoint that moment to my constant weight gain.
i guess as i got a little older at high school, it did bug me, but cos i never actually hung out with "the cool, thin people" [those who wore really skinny jeans etc] i just didn't really notice it. we only had one really skinny friend in our group so i didn't really know any different. obviously pe was tough, but i hid under baggy clothes.
now that i'm 22, my weight is still an issue for me, but it's never at the forefront of my mind, but a recent issue has made me realise it is time to knuckle down & shed some of it, i do notice my weight more now & i am horrified it got like this. at the beginning of week i decided to do something about it, i gave myself bank holiday monday off, & started on tuesday & since then have done ok.
however, a comment by my dad this morning really set me back. because of all my weight gain, i have stretchmarks, which i've got used to. anyway, this morning he brought them up when i lent over the chair & my tshirt rode up. he was all like "oh fran did you know you have stretchmarks" he's always comments about my weight & makes remarks, but he's hardly a role model to me. at least my mum actually bothers to try & help me loose weight, she never makes rude comments, just suggests other things to me, like alternatives and stuff.
the last time this happened, i asked dad to back off & at least offer me words of encouragement, but he's just the same as he ever was. i hate it =(
sorry about that, needed to come off my chest