[Do I really see what's in her mind, each time I think I'm close to knowing']
For starters I apologise for the emo-ness of this entry. I'm feeling kinda strange tonight & I have the feeling you get when your sinus' hurt when you have a cold, but it's like making me want to cry, if you understand me. I don't know why I'm upset tbh. I guess there's a lot happening & changing in my life right now & I'm confused about where I'm going & what I'm doing.
Today I was re-offered the chance to act a manager for the company for three days while the manager & assistant manager had clashing holidays. I didn't want to do it to begin with, I outright said no way based on some information that I didn't have [ie: how to do it] & also that my assistant manager warned me it wasn't such a good idea & my manager shouldn't really have asked me. But they're really desperate & besides, it's kind of a cool challenge really. We'll have another manager from another shop come in & do all the banking of the money. I just have to be in a hour earlier than usual, open & close the shop & sort out change for the tills, I'm sure I'll be ok. But when I told some of the other staff, they weren't too happy about a 20 year old being above them =/ I doubt many of them bar a couple, will be very supportive. There's an awful lot of sneaky game playing at work atm, regarding holidays, days off & hours & a lot of people who I used to really love & look up to are starting to come out of their shells. It saddens me to think that these people were once so lovely. In a strange way, I think this might be why I'm upset.
I've also come to realise that I miss loads of people. I know we can never go back to the way we were at school, but I can't help but feel that I'll always feel younger than my friends because I am a simple person & small things make me smile, like they do for a child. This was addressed when I met up with a few old friends recently. I really miss my ex-best mate too. Since her boyfriend came into her life, I've seen her like three times? As I typed, she's my ex-best friend now, possibly only just a face I know. It's amazing to think we were once so close.
Maybe this is me growing up, but it can't be because it's so painful. I haven't even cried once today, I think I welled up a bit just before dinner but I won't let myself cry properly in fear I'll show my emotions [which is also unlike me, I cry all the time] I know it's not that time of the month even. I just wish I knew what was wrong.
& it doesn't help that one of Belle's blogs had me close to tears too =(
Today I was re-offered the chance to act a manager for the company for three days while the manager & assistant manager had clashing holidays. I didn't want to do it to begin with, I outright said no way based on some information that I didn't have [ie: how to do it] & also that my assistant manager warned me it wasn't such a good idea & my manager shouldn't really have asked me. But they're really desperate & besides, it's kind of a cool challenge really. We'll have another manager from another shop come in & do all the banking of the money. I just have to be in a hour earlier than usual, open & close the shop & sort out change for the tills, I'm sure I'll be ok. But when I told some of the other staff, they weren't too happy about a 20 year old being above them =/ I doubt many of them bar a couple, will be very supportive. There's an awful lot of sneaky game playing at work atm, regarding holidays, days off & hours & a lot of people who I used to really love & look up to are starting to come out of their shells. It saddens me to think that these people were once so lovely. In a strange way, I think this might be why I'm upset.
I've also come to realise that I miss loads of people. I know we can never go back to the way we were at school, but I can't help but feel that I'll always feel younger than my friends because I am a simple person & small things make me smile, like they do for a child. This was addressed when I met up with a few old friends recently. I really miss my ex-best mate too. Since her boyfriend came into her life, I've seen her like three times? As I typed, she's my ex-best friend now, possibly only just a face I know. It's amazing to think we were once so close.
Maybe this is me growing up, but it can't be because it's so painful. I haven't even cried once today, I think I welled up a bit just before dinner but I won't let myself cry properly in fear I'll show my emotions [which is also unlike me, I cry all the time] I know it's not that time of the month even. I just wish I knew what was wrong.
& it doesn't help that one of Belle's blogs had me close to tears too =(