[Writing - Novel] You are Loved.
This is a short I did for an Rp I am doing with a friend but it does take place in my novel setting.
Nathanial is physically 14 but mentally 36, as he died at 14 but remained a ghost then on he aged mentally but not physically. He is King of the largest country on my world. Damion is his vampiric lover. Wirual is a fallen Arch Angel that was housed inside of Damion's body for 200 years.
Nathanial has fled his world his mind shattered, he an altruist who has never harmed a living soul just killed hundreds to defend an island from an invasion. He can not reconcile with himself what he has done...
This is a very emotionally intense scene between the two of them finally saying things that they have always wanted to, to each other but never having had the chance before.
Warning: Mention of Death, child abuse, love of a minor...umm well let's just say Adult Content warning for a reason.
---------------
Their hearts were connected. It did not take long for Damion to find the one who he referred to as boychild when he finally went looking; Damion remembered the child’s stories and the dreams, the nightmares and the hopes. The part of his mind that was his own had grasped onto those and held them tightly, using them as a shield to allow himself control when he was around Nathanial. But it had failed so many times and he had killed the child that had been his salvation and his sanity. His sobs when Nathan had died had been true; he had lost the last part of himself that had been redeemable. And now look what had been done...A second chance wasted.
What worried Damion the most about the boy when he came upon where he sat was not the quivering of his form but the location where he had placed himself. Twilight town, Sunset hill. Atop the hill on a bench close to the fenced edge, legs kicking lightly as he starred off over the edge at the green hills. Damion could not see his exact location for his blindness but he could hear the legs kicking, the soft humming and the train as it moved below on the tracks. The boy who was terrified of heights was sitting so close to the edge. He truly did shatter...
Taking in a deep breath Damion closed his unseeing eyes, how do I go about this? Wirual why can you not be here this time? You always helped me know what to say to him. Is it possible my words can shatter him more? Is that even possible after what has been done? Gods what do I say?!
Swallowing hard, "Eruantien,” he called out, Nathanial tensing at his Elven name his hands grasping into his legs before he finally spoke up.
“Vampire,” the whispered reply and Damion took a few steps forward.
“The world's falling apart without you, that always seems to happen when you’re not around.”
Nathan let out a soft sad laugh, “They can go on without me. They did once.”
An undignified snort, “Oh yes, and look how well that went.”
A flinch through the boy before Damion continued, “You are not leaving behind a world this time silly boychild. You’re leaving behind people who love you. Silly blind boy, do not make more sob for you, do not break more hearts. I lost you once, I won’t lose you again.” The words came from a parched throat, Damion holding him-self but close, close to the sobs he remembered agonizingly well.
“You sent me away!” Nathan nearly screamed turning on the spot to Damion tears tracking paths and his breathing quick and heavy. “You were the one who said you didn’t love me anymore! How-how d-dare you come here and s-say you love me!” The words were filled with bitterness and Nathan's head dropped arms wrapping about him-self, grasping as hard as he could, nails cutting through cloth at his skin.
“...I have no excuses,” the gruff words and Damion clenched his hands. “I have no excuses for what I did to you, I will give you no poetry or prose, no cloaked words to decipher about life and love like Drefan did to you, like Kael before him. I am a monster Nathanial!,” the words came out in a near roar and his clasped hands moved up now grasping into his own hair for a moment.
“I have never deserved you, never deserved what you gave me, and I know you believe you do not deserve me. Do not deserve Vincent, our children or the other countless thousands who love you! But realize when I say they are in agony without you, and so am I. Your sweet words, your laugh, they were everything I had. I give no excuses for what I did to you every night, I ask not for myself but for others, for our children go home.” Damion’s voice broke for a moment when he mentioned their children and he stiffened himself to stop more emotion coming through.
Nathan’s eyes widened starring at his once mate who he thought he had known so well, “Damion?”
“Gods bedamned Nathanial! I would worship you on your knees if only you asked it of me!” The blood tears began to flow and he pressed palms into his sightless eyes. “I would have done anything, anything! You asked of me, but I could not and I am sorry. I was your death, not the disease, not the will of the Gods. Me. I killed the only thing that ever loved me, and I give you no excuses.”
“Oh! Damion, No!” Nathan shot to his feet his feverish icy blues alight where they had been dull and dead moments before.
“All I wanted was for you to know love again, when you told me Thom asked that of you, to find love again before you died. I wanted you to know unconditional love. A love that did not judge, that did not tell you that you were a monster. You love, more than any of us deserve. Your heart is pure Nathanial, do not listen to Reinn, and screw the Gods. Your heart IS pure. After all this living and dieing, is it not time that you forgive Yourself? You have forgiven everyone. But you. Amin corm (My heart) do not do this to yourself. Do not tear yourself apart and deny yourself the arms of others and the love of those who would wish only the best for you.”
“Bu-but..you left.”
“I would die for you, beg at your knees and worship you. But I would also my Ai’haran (little king) save you from yourself, and from me.”
Shaking his head Nathan looks down at the dirt, “I...I don’t understand, if you loved me why did you hurt me by pushing me away?”
“You had a second chance. You were brought back to life Nathanial; I was not going to destroy that. I was scared, terrified! That once again I would be your death. To kill is all I know, to love is new, and my mind is overpowered, your blood is sweet wine. I pushed you and Joscelin away to save you from me.”
Nathan shook his head hard, “I don’t want to be saved! I just wanted you to love me!” a soft sob left the boy who began to shake. “To be the only one in my life who wouldn’t leave me. I didn’t care Damion, under the whip; under the knife I loved you. I just didn’t want you to leave; everyone else has left me except you. But now...no excuses? But your mind is overpowered?”
Nathan’s head was fogged, he had shattered when he had killed those people and his sanity was tenuous, his mind fragile, his mental strength hanging by a thread. It was difficult to think deeply, to recall from his eidetic memory when he felt so tired.
“Laucious,” the name came out as a soft hiss and icy blues starred at Damion, who when the name was spoken brought down his hands to stare blindly toward where the boy stood. “When we traveled into the Underdark you did not follow us, you said you could not. Laucious is your Vampiric Master, he controls you. He told you to kill me at the beginning, when I was 11. But you did not, why? You said I intrigued you, enough to be punished by your master for not killing the last heir? You have been...”
Nathan's eyes widened and a breath left him and Damion sighed, “No excuses my prince. But yes, Laucious is my master and I must do what he tells me to. Fighting against his commands is a battle of wills which many a time I have lost.”
“He controls you. You were...afraid he would hurt us. But you couldn’t say a thing, “a sad laugh and Nathan shakes his head taking his head in his hands. “I am tired Damion, to think of deep things hurts me. It stings like the broken pieces of my mind are cutting me. I don’t understand what you are trying to say, you left to protect us? But now you come here asking me to return? I am shattered! My mind is no longer whole, I killed people! Never had I laid a hand against people in violence but now I have the death of hundreds on my hands. Blood that will never come clean and you ask me to forgive myself?”
“Forgive a heart that never has meant violence, you did not wish to kill Nathanial. You were trying to protect innocents.”
“But I killed innocents!” came the gurgled scream and the boy collapsed to his knees hands pressing the sides of his skull. It hurt, Gods it hurt. Only images of popping souls, of screaming, blood, it was all he could see, how could he forgive himself!?
“Innocents that had the intentions to kill? You know as well as I that not all angels are pure and not all demons are evil, so what is to say that all half angels are pure and half demons are tainted? You killed both Nathanial. The half angels you killed were not just protecting their home from the demon onslaught they were partaking in slaughter themselves. If both sides continue such wanton destruction then there shall never be peace!”
A whimper left the boy his palms pressing hard against the sides of his head as visions swam before his eyes.
Damion sighed and he moved to Nathanial’s side kneeling.
“If you cannot forgive yourself then ask Vincent for forgiveness, ask Zackary, ask Kallion. Your friends and your family have always been the rock beneath your feet and they will forgive you even if you will not. Allow them to help you to piece your mind back together; Ai’mela (little love) go home. You are loved.”
Sobs began from the broken child whose mind was so much older, gripping his head and rocking, shattered mind unable to cope with what he was being told, so contrary to the visions of violence he could see painted before his mind’s eye.
“Damion,” he spoke and his voice had gone soft.
“Did you only love me because I was young? That I was only 13 when we met?”
The vampire’s brows furrowed and he wiped away his own tears.
“I would have loved you if you were white haired and a woman Nathan.”
The boy through the pain giggled softly and Damion smiled his seductive smile.
“Though I wouldn’t have been as attracted but I would have still loved you. I cannot see my little prince; you once told me it took a man with no sight to love an ugly person such as yourself. That is not true; Wirual when the Arch Angel was housed inside of my body showed me what you look like. Nathanial Peter Quele Royale you are beautiful, not because of your youth, but because of your heart. Your soul is scarred and your heart is broken, and you are torn and shattered but you have never been more beautiful then you are today.”
Nathan let out a soft sound and he latched onto the vampire hard, clinging with all his might to Damion’s shoulders.
“Come home with me, please! I beg it of you; I do not wish to be alone anymore.”
Burying his face into Nathan’s hair he takes in a deep breath grasping the body to him hard.
“I give no excuses.”
“Damn it,” Nathan whispered, bitterness lacing his voice and he rubs his nose on Damion’s doublet. “He will die Damion, not by my hands but Laucious will die. I want you free.”
A sad smile graced Damion’s lips and he pressed a kiss to the boy’s brow, “My angel.”
Soft sighing could be heard and Nathan smiled a little himself, “My monster, this is the man I love.”
“Yes, this is the man that loves you, my beautiful little angel. You need to go home; you cannot repair your own shattered mind. It will take friends and loved ones, and you have them aplenty now. Will you go home for me?”
Sniffling the King nods and he draws back a little, “Soon. Not yet, but soon. I promise.”
Damion hmms and he nods, “Very well. Do you wish me to stay a little while or should I go back to Camar’a?”
Nathan chews on his lower lip, “Stay a little while? Just as long as the sun won’t hurt you.”
“I have another hour and a bit so I shall stay for you,” Damion gives a grin and leans in kissing soft lips sweetly, “For you I would do anything.”
Damion would be punished by Laucious when he returned but at that moment the thought did not even cross his mind, it was of no matter. And when the punishment would come it would be worth the pain to finally after 23 years say what he had always wanted to say. To speak his heart and his mind without a filter to this child he held as his salvation.
“Tell our son as well. That I am sorry.”
Nathan nods against his shoulder, “I promise.”
Damion would close his eyes and he would hold him in his arms then for as long as he could, until the burning of sun upon his skin became too much. He would kiss the young King again before drawing away.
“Damion, when shall I see you again?”
Pain filled his milky brown eyes and Damion turned away.
Nathan let out a soft sound of pain himself and his head fell, tears gathering once more.
“Then...I’ll wait. I promise. Until the day Laucious is dead and I can have you back, as the man I now know you as, the man who loves me and our children with all his heart. And the day you are back with me...” Damion turned about as Nathan licked his lips. “I will forgive myself everything I have done in this life. Okay?”
Damion smiled widely and he chuckled, “Yes my sweet. There is nothing to forgive, but yes. Please do, at least forgive yourself for the sins you believe you have committed. Allow happiness to reign in your heart and I will take you in my arms my sweet angel and I shall never leave again.”
Nathan smiles through his tears and he nods his willful nod, that nod that he used to give when he was young and life had beaten him down but he would go on.
“We both promise?”
“We both promise.”
“Goodbye Damion Ante.”
A sigh and Damion drops into a sweeping bow, “Goodbye my King, my life and my heart, until we meet again Vincent best look after you,” a cheeky grin.
Laughing Nathan shakes his head bemused, “He will. I know he will. Good bye.”
“Take heart in the years to come, until the day I return. You are loved.”
“I...I know.”
Finally.
Finally he did, he watched Damion leave and he could not help the constriction about his heart, years to come...So long until he would see the man’s sweet face. It would feel like eternity but he had promised to persevere and Nathanial kept his promises, always.
Nathanial is physically 14 but mentally 36, as he died at 14 but remained a ghost then on he aged mentally but not physically. He is King of the largest country on my world. Damion is his vampiric lover. Wirual is a fallen Arch Angel that was housed inside of Damion's body for 200 years.
Nathanial has fled his world his mind shattered, he an altruist who has never harmed a living soul just killed hundreds to defend an island from an invasion. He can not reconcile with himself what he has done...
This is a very emotionally intense scene between the two of them finally saying things that they have always wanted to, to each other but never having had the chance before.
Warning: Mention of Death, child abuse, love of a minor...umm well let's just say Adult Content warning for a reason.
---------------
Their hearts were connected. It did not take long for Damion to find the one who he referred to as boychild when he finally went looking; Damion remembered the child’s stories and the dreams, the nightmares and the hopes. The part of his mind that was his own had grasped onto those and held them tightly, using them as a shield to allow himself control when he was around Nathanial. But it had failed so many times and he had killed the child that had been his salvation and his sanity. His sobs when Nathan had died had been true; he had lost the last part of himself that had been redeemable. And now look what had been done...A second chance wasted.
What worried Damion the most about the boy when he came upon where he sat was not the quivering of his form but the location where he had placed himself. Twilight town, Sunset hill. Atop the hill on a bench close to the fenced edge, legs kicking lightly as he starred off over the edge at the green hills. Damion could not see his exact location for his blindness but he could hear the legs kicking, the soft humming and the train as it moved below on the tracks. The boy who was terrified of heights was sitting so close to the edge. He truly did shatter...
Taking in a deep breath Damion closed his unseeing eyes, how do I go about this? Wirual why can you not be here this time? You always helped me know what to say to him. Is it possible my words can shatter him more? Is that even possible after what has been done? Gods what do I say?!
Swallowing hard, "Eruantien,” he called out, Nathanial tensing at his Elven name his hands grasping into his legs before he finally spoke up.
“Vampire,” the whispered reply and Damion took a few steps forward.
“The world's falling apart without you, that always seems to happen when you’re not around.”
Nathan let out a soft sad laugh, “They can go on without me. They did once.”
An undignified snort, “Oh yes, and look how well that went.”
A flinch through the boy before Damion continued, “You are not leaving behind a world this time silly boychild. You’re leaving behind people who love you. Silly blind boy, do not make more sob for you, do not break more hearts. I lost you once, I won’t lose you again.” The words came from a parched throat, Damion holding him-self but close, close to the sobs he remembered agonizingly well.
“You sent me away!” Nathan nearly screamed turning on the spot to Damion tears tracking paths and his breathing quick and heavy. “You were the one who said you didn’t love me anymore! How-how d-dare you come here and s-say you love me!” The words were filled with bitterness and Nathan's head dropped arms wrapping about him-self, grasping as hard as he could, nails cutting through cloth at his skin.
“...I have no excuses,” the gruff words and Damion clenched his hands. “I have no excuses for what I did to you, I will give you no poetry or prose, no cloaked words to decipher about life and love like Drefan did to you, like Kael before him. I am a monster Nathanial!,” the words came out in a near roar and his clasped hands moved up now grasping into his own hair for a moment.
“I have never deserved you, never deserved what you gave me, and I know you believe you do not deserve me. Do not deserve Vincent, our children or the other countless thousands who love you! But realize when I say they are in agony without you, and so am I. Your sweet words, your laugh, they were everything I had. I give no excuses for what I did to you every night, I ask not for myself but for others, for our children go home.” Damion’s voice broke for a moment when he mentioned their children and he stiffened himself to stop more emotion coming through.
Nathan’s eyes widened starring at his once mate who he thought he had known so well, “Damion?”
“Gods bedamned Nathanial! I would worship you on your knees if only you asked it of me!” The blood tears began to flow and he pressed palms into his sightless eyes. “I would have done anything, anything! You asked of me, but I could not and I am sorry. I was your death, not the disease, not the will of the Gods. Me. I killed the only thing that ever loved me, and I give you no excuses.”
“Oh! Damion, No!” Nathan shot to his feet his feverish icy blues alight where they had been dull and dead moments before.
“All I wanted was for you to know love again, when you told me Thom asked that of you, to find love again before you died. I wanted you to know unconditional love. A love that did not judge, that did not tell you that you were a monster. You love, more than any of us deserve. Your heart is pure Nathanial, do not listen to Reinn, and screw the Gods. Your heart IS pure. After all this living and dieing, is it not time that you forgive Yourself? You have forgiven everyone. But you. Amin corm (My heart) do not do this to yourself. Do not tear yourself apart and deny yourself the arms of others and the love of those who would wish only the best for you.”
“Bu-but..you left.”
“I would die for you, beg at your knees and worship you. But I would also my Ai’haran (little king) save you from yourself, and from me.”
Shaking his head Nathan looks down at the dirt, “I...I don’t understand, if you loved me why did you hurt me by pushing me away?”
“You had a second chance. You were brought back to life Nathanial; I was not going to destroy that. I was scared, terrified! That once again I would be your death. To kill is all I know, to love is new, and my mind is overpowered, your blood is sweet wine. I pushed you and Joscelin away to save you from me.”
Nathan shook his head hard, “I don’t want to be saved! I just wanted you to love me!” a soft sob left the boy who began to shake. “To be the only one in my life who wouldn’t leave me. I didn’t care Damion, under the whip; under the knife I loved you. I just didn’t want you to leave; everyone else has left me except you. But now...no excuses? But your mind is overpowered?”
Nathan’s head was fogged, he had shattered when he had killed those people and his sanity was tenuous, his mind fragile, his mental strength hanging by a thread. It was difficult to think deeply, to recall from his eidetic memory when he felt so tired.
“Laucious,” the name came out as a soft hiss and icy blues starred at Damion, who when the name was spoken brought down his hands to stare blindly toward where the boy stood. “When we traveled into the Underdark you did not follow us, you said you could not. Laucious is your Vampiric Master, he controls you. He told you to kill me at the beginning, when I was 11. But you did not, why? You said I intrigued you, enough to be punished by your master for not killing the last heir? You have been...”
Nathan's eyes widened and a breath left him and Damion sighed, “No excuses my prince. But yes, Laucious is my master and I must do what he tells me to. Fighting against his commands is a battle of wills which many a time I have lost.”
“He controls you. You were...afraid he would hurt us. But you couldn’t say a thing, “a sad laugh and Nathan shakes his head taking his head in his hands. “I am tired Damion, to think of deep things hurts me. It stings like the broken pieces of my mind are cutting me. I don’t understand what you are trying to say, you left to protect us? But now you come here asking me to return? I am shattered! My mind is no longer whole, I killed people! Never had I laid a hand against people in violence but now I have the death of hundreds on my hands. Blood that will never come clean and you ask me to forgive myself?”
“Forgive a heart that never has meant violence, you did not wish to kill Nathanial. You were trying to protect innocents.”
“But I killed innocents!” came the gurgled scream and the boy collapsed to his knees hands pressing the sides of his skull. It hurt, Gods it hurt. Only images of popping souls, of screaming, blood, it was all he could see, how could he forgive himself!?
“Innocents that had the intentions to kill? You know as well as I that not all angels are pure and not all demons are evil, so what is to say that all half angels are pure and half demons are tainted? You killed both Nathanial. The half angels you killed were not just protecting their home from the demon onslaught they were partaking in slaughter themselves. If both sides continue such wanton destruction then there shall never be peace!”
A whimper left the boy his palms pressing hard against the sides of his head as visions swam before his eyes.
Damion sighed and he moved to Nathanial’s side kneeling.
“If you cannot forgive yourself then ask Vincent for forgiveness, ask Zackary, ask Kallion. Your friends and your family have always been the rock beneath your feet and they will forgive you even if you will not. Allow them to help you to piece your mind back together; Ai’mela (little love) go home. You are loved.”
Sobs began from the broken child whose mind was so much older, gripping his head and rocking, shattered mind unable to cope with what he was being told, so contrary to the visions of violence he could see painted before his mind’s eye.
“Damion,” he spoke and his voice had gone soft.
“Did you only love me because I was young? That I was only 13 when we met?”
The vampire’s brows furrowed and he wiped away his own tears.
“I would have loved you if you were white haired and a woman Nathan.”
The boy through the pain giggled softly and Damion smiled his seductive smile.
“Though I wouldn’t have been as attracted but I would have still loved you. I cannot see my little prince; you once told me it took a man with no sight to love an ugly person such as yourself. That is not true; Wirual when the Arch Angel was housed inside of my body showed me what you look like. Nathanial Peter Quele Royale you are beautiful, not because of your youth, but because of your heart. Your soul is scarred and your heart is broken, and you are torn and shattered but you have never been more beautiful then you are today.”
Nathan let out a soft sound and he latched onto the vampire hard, clinging with all his might to Damion’s shoulders.
“Come home with me, please! I beg it of you; I do not wish to be alone anymore.”
Burying his face into Nathan’s hair he takes in a deep breath grasping the body to him hard.
“I give no excuses.”
“Damn it,” Nathan whispered, bitterness lacing his voice and he rubs his nose on Damion’s doublet. “He will die Damion, not by my hands but Laucious will die. I want you free.”
A sad smile graced Damion’s lips and he pressed a kiss to the boy’s brow, “My angel.”
Soft sighing could be heard and Nathan smiled a little himself, “My monster, this is the man I love.”
“Yes, this is the man that loves you, my beautiful little angel. You need to go home; you cannot repair your own shattered mind. It will take friends and loved ones, and you have them aplenty now. Will you go home for me?”
Sniffling the King nods and he draws back a little, “Soon. Not yet, but soon. I promise.”
Damion hmms and he nods, “Very well. Do you wish me to stay a little while or should I go back to Camar’a?”
Nathan chews on his lower lip, “Stay a little while? Just as long as the sun won’t hurt you.”
“I have another hour and a bit so I shall stay for you,” Damion gives a grin and leans in kissing soft lips sweetly, “For you I would do anything.”
Damion would be punished by Laucious when he returned but at that moment the thought did not even cross his mind, it was of no matter. And when the punishment would come it would be worth the pain to finally after 23 years say what he had always wanted to say. To speak his heart and his mind without a filter to this child he held as his salvation.
“Tell our son as well. That I am sorry.”
Nathan nods against his shoulder, “I promise.”
Damion would close his eyes and he would hold him in his arms then for as long as he could, until the burning of sun upon his skin became too much. He would kiss the young King again before drawing away.
“Damion, when shall I see you again?”
Pain filled his milky brown eyes and Damion turned away.
Nathan let out a soft sound of pain himself and his head fell, tears gathering once more.
“Then...I’ll wait. I promise. Until the day Laucious is dead and I can have you back, as the man I now know you as, the man who loves me and our children with all his heart. And the day you are back with me...” Damion turned about as Nathan licked his lips. “I will forgive myself everything I have done in this life. Okay?”
Damion smiled widely and he chuckled, “Yes my sweet. There is nothing to forgive, but yes. Please do, at least forgive yourself for the sins you believe you have committed. Allow happiness to reign in your heart and I will take you in my arms my sweet angel and I shall never leave again.”
Nathan smiles through his tears and he nods his willful nod, that nod that he used to give when he was young and life had beaten him down but he would go on.
“We both promise?”
“We both promise.”
“Goodbye Damion Ante.”
A sigh and Damion drops into a sweeping bow, “Goodbye my King, my life and my heart, until we meet again Vincent best look after you,” a cheeky grin.
Laughing Nathan shakes his head bemused, “He will. I know he will. Good bye.”
“Take heart in the years to come, until the day I return. You are loved.”
“I...I know.”
Finally.
Finally he did, he watched Damion leave and he could not help the constriction about his heart, years to come...So long until he would see the man’s sweet face. It would feel like eternity but he had promised to persevere and Nathanial kept his promises, always.