My life is mine to fill or burst. To break or bury...
Wow, sorry guys. I've set a new record for how long I've been absent. I've really been trying to update at least once a month but not having regular access to a computer makes that a little difficult. As much as I prefer to put creative writings and thoughts in here, I'm just gonna keep a log of whats been going on with me. I got through to Senior Chief Ranum, finally, and found out the best news I've got in almost a year. I AM NO LONGER, NOR WILL I EVER BE, REFERRED TO AS A BODILY FLUID AGAIN! That's right, I'm finally done with that fucking monarchy known as the USN. Why? Because I decided so. I stopped showing up and either they were too incompetent, or just too lazy, to come look for me so they just went ahead with my separation paperwork. Yeah. The same Navy who's tried to convince me for the last two years that my free will didn't matter and that "The house would always win." THAT Navy. No year in Leavenworth for me. No getting shot on sight. None of that. Just a simple matter of me saying "I'm done." It's weird. I always thought this would be the time where my new life was dropped on me and everything would be right. I mean, don't get me wrong, being free's better than not, but I don't completely know how to feel. I've dreamed of this for a while now but, I guess it's kind of what Arthur felt after finding The Grail.
"That's uh, a lovely grail your majesty."
"Yeah....it's uh, pretty cool..."
"Now what?"
"I....don't know."
Someone I have a lot of respect for pointed out the difference between liberty and security to me once and I'm really feeling the gravity of that these days. By no means has this given me a new life, but it's definitely made it possible for me to build my own. I get to (have to) get a real job now. No more worrying about my soc getting ran and finding NCIS waiting for me at work one day. It also means I have nothing, other than Ari's mother and her boyfriend, to keep me from seeing her. I can't even imagine how much she's grown since I've seen her. Speaking of which, I've realized that, regardless of whether or not it means anything to him, Tylor deserves my sincere gratitude. I'm sure he was doing it for Ari, not me, but he's taken care of her. It's more than I've been able to do these last couple months and he did it willingly.
I'm sure I've got a central point somewhere in this post, but you'll have to excuse me, I have a lot of mixed thoughts and emotions right now. I'll be going home for the first time in a year this month. I'll be seeing me Droogs and my parents for the first time in far too long. After that I'll be moving into a duplex with Surii and possibly Dill. What'll be nice about that is the place we have waiting for us is attached to Chesyre, Phoenix, and James'. Chesyre and Phoenix have a two year old, Jasmyn, that's a total sweetheart. So, in the unlikely event that I'll get to have Ari stay with me somewhat regularly, she'll have someone around her age to play with. I pray to GOD that I don't have to fight tooth and nail to have my daughter stay with me on a regular basis, but I can almost surely count on it. One foot before the other though, right? It's time to pay off my personal debts (particularly to Ari) and then I can start wondering about how I'm going to get my daughter back in my life...and her father in her's.
The creator's sense of humor never ceases to amaze me. I finally achieve ultimate victory, and all that that means is, now I get to really start fighting. So, I've still got a long road ahead of me, but, the bright side is that I couldn't hope for a better goal. That girl's got a smile that could outshine any grail.
"That's uh, a lovely grail your majesty."
"Yeah....it's uh, pretty cool..."
"Now what?"
"I....don't know."
Someone I have a lot of respect for pointed out the difference between liberty and security to me once and I'm really feeling the gravity of that these days. By no means has this given me a new life, but it's definitely made it possible for me to build my own. I get to (have to) get a real job now. No more worrying about my soc getting ran and finding NCIS waiting for me at work one day. It also means I have nothing, other than Ari's mother and her boyfriend, to keep me from seeing her. I can't even imagine how much she's grown since I've seen her. Speaking of which, I've realized that, regardless of whether or not it means anything to him, Tylor deserves my sincere gratitude. I'm sure he was doing it for Ari, not me, but he's taken care of her. It's more than I've been able to do these last couple months and he did it willingly.
I'm sure I've got a central point somewhere in this post, but you'll have to excuse me, I have a lot of mixed thoughts and emotions right now. I'll be going home for the first time in a year this month. I'll be seeing me Droogs and my parents for the first time in far too long. After that I'll be moving into a duplex with Surii and possibly Dill. What'll be nice about that is the place we have waiting for us is attached to Chesyre, Phoenix, and James'. Chesyre and Phoenix have a two year old, Jasmyn, that's a total sweetheart. So, in the unlikely event that I'll get to have Ari stay with me somewhat regularly, she'll have someone around her age to play with. I pray to GOD that I don't have to fight tooth and nail to have my daughter stay with me on a regular basis, but I can almost surely count on it. One foot before the other though, right? It's time to pay off my personal debts (particularly to Ari) and then I can start wondering about how I'm going to get my daughter back in my life...and her father in her's.
The creator's sense of humor never ceases to amaze me. I finally achieve ultimate victory, and all that that means is, now I get to really start fighting. So, I've still got a long road ahead of me, but, the bright side is that I couldn't hope for a better goal. That girl's got a smile that could outshine any grail.