a rose by any other name
Okay. Today I'm going to post something snarky and petty, just to get it off my chest. I'm going to start a new tag for it, "stranger in a familiar land." It's about living as an Asian, specifically Chinese-American, in America.
I cannot count the number of times I have had this exact conversation. I roughly estimate that it happens at least once a season, and a lot more frequently than that during times I meet many new people.
Perfectly Nice Person (PNP): What's your Chinese name?
Me: 孟慧甯.
PNP: XYZ?
Me: Yeah, something like that.
PNP: What does it mean?
Me: Wise and tranquil.
PNP: Oh how nice!
Me: Thank you!
PNP: And it sounds so pretty! Say it again?
Me: 孟慧甯.
PNP: OPQ?
Me: Something like that.
PNP: No, I want to get it right! JKL, right? I've been told I'm very good at pronouncing foreign words, my accent is very good. Say it again.
I tend to stop the conversation whenever someone moves beyond polite chitchat into "my pronunciation powers -- let me show you them." Sometimes I tell them they're saying my name correctly whether they are or not, sometimes I smile and say, "I'd rather not," and sometimes I distract them with another conversation topic.
I do not mean to suggest that no non-Chinese speaker will pronounce my name correctly after very few tries. I have encountered a few such people. Probably. I just can't think of any right now -- because it is such an UTTERLY UNREMARKABLE SKILL. What -- am I supposed to be impressed? Why aren't you more impressed, then, that I can speak entire sentences that I've thought up all by myself in flawless American English?!
Anyway, the part that exasperates me is this: what's the point? Why do you want to know my Chinese name when you will forget it in five minutes? Worse -- if you do remember it for some unfathomable reason (vanishingly few people have) and try to use it the next time we see each other, you will mangle it for sure then (no exceptions here). I chose an Anglicized name for my life in America for a reason -- so I don't have to cringe when people are trying to hail me. You don't win a cookie for demanding that I say my name over and over again. Even if you do learn to pronounce my Chinese name correctly, you have gained neither insight into my culture nor intimacy with me. And I couldn't care less if you think the meaning is nice or the sound is pretty. If you must feel special by calling me something other than the name by which I introduce myself, please think of a meaningful nickname or choose the name of any empowered television heroine instead.
I had this conversation again just last week -- always with such Perfectly Nice People! I don't hold it against them because as tiresome as the first part of the conversation is, it is also a perfectly polite expression of respectful cultural curiosity. They mean well, I know it. I just...don't want to do it again, you know? It's like Groundhog Day without the payoff.
Today I am thankful for salt and pepper. Salt is an important part of a healthy diet! And pepper makes so many things so much better. And there are so many cute salt and pepper shakers.
I cannot count the number of times I have had this exact conversation. I roughly estimate that it happens at least once a season, and a lot more frequently than that during times I meet many new people.
Perfectly Nice Person (PNP): What's your Chinese name?
Me: 孟慧甯.
PNP: XYZ?
Me: Yeah, something like that.
PNP: What does it mean?
Me: Wise and tranquil.
PNP: Oh how nice!
Me: Thank you!
PNP: And it sounds so pretty! Say it again?
Me: 孟慧甯.
PNP: OPQ?
Me: Something like that.
PNP: No, I want to get it right! JKL, right? I've been told I'm very good at pronouncing foreign words, my accent is very good. Say it again.
I tend to stop the conversation whenever someone moves beyond polite chitchat into "my pronunciation powers -- let me show you them." Sometimes I tell them they're saying my name correctly whether they are or not, sometimes I smile and say, "I'd rather not," and sometimes I distract them with another conversation topic.
I do not mean to suggest that no non-Chinese speaker will pronounce my name correctly after very few tries. I have encountered a few such people. Probably. I just can't think of any right now -- because it is such an UTTERLY UNREMARKABLE SKILL. What -- am I supposed to be impressed? Why aren't you more impressed, then, that I can speak entire sentences that I've thought up all by myself in flawless American English?!
Anyway, the part that exasperates me is this: what's the point? Why do you want to know my Chinese name when you will forget it in five minutes? Worse -- if you do remember it for some unfathomable reason (vanishingly few people have) and try to use it the next time we see each other, you will mangle it for sure then (no exceptions here). I chose an Anglicized name for my life in America for a reason -- so I don't have to cringe when people are trying to hail me. You don't win a cookie for demanding that I say my name over and over again. Even if you do learn to pronounce my Chinese name correctly, you have gained neither insight into my culture nor intimacy with me. And I couldn't care less if you think the meaning is nice or the sound is pretty. If you must feel special by calling me something other than the name by which I introduce myself, please think of a meaningful nickname or choose the name of any empowered television heroine instead.
I had this conversation again just last week -- always with such Perfectly Nice People! I don't hold it against them because as tiresome as the first part of the conversation is, it is also a perfectly polite expression of respectful cultural curiosity. They mean well, I know it. I just...don't want to do it again, you know? It's like Groundhog Day without the payoff.
Today I am thankful for salt and pepper. Salt is an important part of a healthy diet! And pepper makes so many things so much better. And there are so many cute salt and pepper shakers.