turning off inner critic
Today was a typically good teaching day. All day I smiled in my long black dress and black tights. Even though the outfit did not look out of place, I knew that I was in my "concert clothes." It felt somehow like a happy secret. Late in the afternoon, for the only time this semester, I introduced and started the film for the week, then left the hall quietly in the capable care of my TA. I strode to my car, picked up some dinner, drove across town, and made it to my concert call.
The concert itself went tolerably well. Despite the title of the post, I really can't turn off my trained ear -- I know what these pieces can sound like when they are professionally performed, and we were not remotely there. This is not even the best amateur group that I have sung with, nor the second best. In tonight's performance there were four places where the director dropped beats and/or miscued, and in general the timbre, enunciation, and dynamics of the group have a lot of room for improvement. I know all this.
And yet I feel so much joy and pride to be a member of this choir and to have sung in the concert tonight. Making music together, especially before an audience, is an electrifying and humbling experience. The second piece we sang, Morton Lauridson's Lux Aeterna, has an a cappella movement, "O Nata Lux," that can be performed by itself. I sang that piece in college -- I once sang it in St. Peter's Basilica, in the Vatican. I want to cry every time I sing it. I wanted to cry tonight. I wanted to thank each and every member of the choir and let them know what a privilege it is to stand with them.
I was so surprised and pleased at the concert's end. We received a standing ovation, which always brings a blush. And when I waded out into the departing crowds, I saw rahirah , her mother, wildrider , and a colleague! I am so thankful that they were there!
On a less ecstatic note, I have decided that I don't like the organ as an instrument very much at all.
There is so much to be thankful for. Today I am thankful for my physical and mental health.
The concert itself went tolerably well. Despite the title of the post, I really can't turn off my trained ear -- I know what these pieces can sound like when they are professionally performed, and we were not remotely there. This is not even the best amateur group that I have sung with, nor the second best. In tonight's performance there were four places where the director dropped beats and/or miscued, and in general the timbre, enunciation, and dynamics of the group have a lot of room for improvement. I know all this.
And yet I feel so much joy and pride to be a member of this choir and to have sung in the concert tonight. Making music together, especially before an audience, is an electrifying and humbling experience. The second piece we sang, Morton Lauridson's Lux Aeterna, has an a cappella movement, "O Nata Lux," that can be performed by itself. I sang that piece in college -- I once sang it in St. Peter's Basilica, in the Vatican. I want to cry every time I sing it. I wanted to cry tonight. I wanted to thank each and every member of the choir and let them know what a privilege it is to stand with them.
I was so surprised and pleased at the concert's end. We received a standing ovation, which always brings a blush. And when I waded out into the departing crowds, I saw rahirah , her mother, wildrider , and a colleague! I am so thankful that they were there!
On a less ecstatic note, I have decided that I don't like the organ as an instrument very much at all.
There is so much to be thankful for. Today I am thankful for my physical and mental health.