words i live by
My mother made sure that my sister and I understood the importance of "家教" -- literally translated as family-lessons, or being brought up in a good home -- since our infancy. They have served me extremely well, even though given my native temperament toward extremism, I have taken some of them too far. I hope that I can pass them on through words and example as well as my mother has. Of course, some of these carry cultural values that are not mainstream in America, where we now live -- but I think it makes us special :) .
Praiseworthy Behavior:
* Aim to do things from beginning to end, even the first time you try.
* Alternate listening/watching with speaking. Give everyone a chance to hold court.
* When you really care about something, you will make sure it gets taken care of.
* Respect your elders, teachers, those who serve you, and those you oversee.
* Express respect in consistent and tangible ways: warm greetings and kind leave-takings; no face-making when people say off-putting things; using proper terms of address unless otherwise instructed; etc.
* Start early [unfortunately, I have seldom achieved this family-lesson...]
* Knowing when to stop is a great virtue.
* Make eye contact. Sit and stand straight when you should be paying attention to what you're doing.
* Offer to help with chores when you are a guest.
Our Bodies and Minds:
* You will use your eyes and teeth all your life -- never abuse them, or they won't last long enough.
* Stop eating when you feel 70% full. You're already full.
* Sleeping, eating, and "staying regular" are much more important than school and work.
* Don't scratch [a lesson I have great difficulty following].
* Avoid situations that really scare you [I actually elect to disregard this one on occasion, but I see the point].
* Don't make flavored liquids your default drink, which should be room-temperature water.
* Appreciate unexpected situations when you travel or meet new people -- you'll have a better time.
* Avoid addictive behavior and substances, but not puritanically.
On Everyday Aesthetics:
* Some philosophical debates are at best a waste of time. Clean the house or something while you have them.
* Get the highest-quality things that you can comfortably afford.
* When you prepare foods, use the minimal amount of oil and flavorings that give you the desired result.
* Sarcasm and caricatures are often cheap.
* Clutter makes a space less fit for life and work. Don't buy stuff that you know will turn into clutter. Don't even take it when they give it to you for free.
* Don't be a melodrama queen.
* Elephants and cats are really great animals.
The "Thou-Shalt-Not"s:
* Never threaten to leave a relationship when you are arguing -- only end relationships when you are not angry.
* Never be stingy. Money will be there when you really need it.
* Never destroy things to express your emotions. Smashing stuff wantonly is for people without good family lessons.
* Never call anything that may be eaten "disgusting." Someone might enjoy it, or need it to survive.
* Never suffer a child to be struck.
* Never expect other people to clean up your messes.
* Never work for a person or organization you feel you cannot respect.
* Never lift the lid of the soup or stew pot more than absolutely necessary.
* Never put the stir-fry into the wok before BOTH the metal and the oil are hot.
* Never hold something important in your hand after using it (keys, money, phone, etc.) -- put it away, right away!
Being Women:
* A person, especially a woman, must be able to support herself financially.
* Never scrimp on shoes; avoid high-heels. Don't buy clothes that feel uncomfortable.
* Experiment with all the make-up you want, but don't wear anything everyday. Always clean it off completely.
* Don't splay your legs when you wear a skirt or a dress. Don't play with your hair in public.
* Only take up labor-intensive, traditionally "feminine" crafts if you really want to, and have a lot of time to spare.
* Don't carry heavy things or consume foods that are icy or contain alcohol when you have your period.
* Moisturize.
Other Words I Live By:
* My high school art teacher: No matter how you feel, it's never too late to change your mind, try something else.
* A friend's mother: No matter how you feel, remember: this, too, shall pass.
* My adviser: No matter how you feel, avoid believing that your experience is unprecedented.
* Good friend: When you apologize, stop after the "sorry." No "comma buts."
There are probably a bunch that I'm not thinking of. That's okay. Knowing when to stop is a great virtue.
Note: Added 3 "shalt-not"s to the bottom of the category, and one to the "others."
Praiseworthy Behavior:
* Aim to do things from beginning to end, even the first time you try.
* Alternate listening/watching with speaking. Give everyone a chance to hold court.
* When you really care about something, you will make sure it gets taken care of.
* Respect your elders, teachers, those who serve you, and those you oversee.
* Express respect in consistent and tangible ways: warm greetings and kind leave-takings; no face-making when people say off-putting things; using proper terms of address unless otherwise instructed; etc.
* Start early [unfortunately, I have seldom achieved this family-lesson...]
* Knowing when to stop is a great virtue.
* Make eye contact. Sit and stand straight when you should be paying attention to what you're doing.
* Offer to help with chores when you are a guest.
Our Bodies and Minds:
* You will use your eyes and teeth all your life -- never abuse them, or they won't last long enough.
* Stop eating when you feel 70% full. You're already full.
* Sleeping, eating, and "staying regular" are much more important than school and work.
* Don't scratch [a lesson I have great difficulty following].
* Avoid situations that really scare you [I actually elect to disregard this one on occasion, but I see the point].
* Don't make flavored liquids your default drink, which should be room-temperature water.
* Appreciate unexpected situations when you travel or meet new people -- you'll have a better time.
* Avoid addictive behavior and substances, but not puritanically.
On Everyday Aesthetics:
* Some philosophical debates are at best a waste of time. Clean the house or something while you have them.
* Get the highest-quality things that you can comfortably afford.
* When you prepare foods, use the minimal amount of oil and flavorings that give you the desired result.
* Sarcasm and caricatures are often cheap.
* Clutter makes a space less fit for life and work. Don't buy stuff that you know will turn into clutter. Don't even take it when they give it to you for free.
* Don't be a melodrama queen.
* Elephants and cats are really great animals.
The "Thou-Shalt-Not"s:
* Never threaten to leave a relationship when you are arguing -- only end relationships when you are not angry.
* Never be stingy. Money will be there when you really need it.
* Never destroy things to express your emotions. Smashing stuff wantonly is for people without good family lessons.
* Never call anything that may be eaten "disgusting." Someone might enjoy it, or need it to survive.
* Never suffer a child to be struck.
* Never expect other people to clean up your messes.
* Never work for a person or organization you feel you cannot respect.
* Never lift the lid of the soup or stew pot more than absolutely necessary.
* Never put the stir-fry into the wok before BOTH the metal and the oil are hot.
* Never hold something important in your hand after using it (keys, money, phone, etc.) -- put it away, right away!
Being Women:
* A person, especially a woman, must be able to support herself financially.
* Never scrimp on shoes; avoid high-heels. Don't buy clothes that feel uncomfortable.
* Experiment with all the make-up you want, but don't wear anything everyday. Always clean it off completely.
* Don't splay your legs when you wear a skirt or a dress. Don't play with your hair in public.
* Only take up labor-intensive, traditionally "feminine" crafts if you really want to, and have a lot of time to spare.
* Don't carry heavy things or consume foods that are icy or contain alcohol when you have your period.
* Moisturize.
Other Words I Live By:
* My high school art teacher: No matter how you feel, it's never too late to change your mind, try something else.
* A friend's mother: No matter how you feel, remember: this, too, shall pass.
* My adviser: No matter how you feel, avoid believing that your experience is unprecedented.
* Good friend: When you apologize, stop after the "sorry." No "comma buts."
There are probably a bunch that I'm not thinking of. That's okay. Knowing when to stop is a great virtue.
Note: Added 3 "shalt-not"s to the bottom of the category, and one to the "others."