It's got to be better than yesterday
Yesterday was rough. I really struggled at jewellery class. I wasn't really well enough to be there but went anyway but then ended up not achieving much because nothing I did worked. I was trying to file a neat join on both a stone setting for a small silver ring and the ring itself. I finally got the setting filed and soldered but I had to file away so much metal that now it's too bloody small. I tried stretching it but it wasn't successful, apparently there's a different hammer I can use next week. If that doesn't work then I'll have to start at the beginning for the 4th bloody time.
I haven't managed to get a decent join on the ring at all yet and in the process of annealing it, I managed to melt a bit of it. It looks quite interesting but it wasn't at all what I meant to do.
Ah well, it's all a learning process, I guess. And actually, I'm pretty interested in testing metal to destruction - the point where it melts or splits or tears really interests me aesthetically and conceptually. But I have to understand how to do things properly before I start destroying things: I need to be able to control the process before I start riffing off it. And right now my filing really, really sucks - I just can't seem to get it. I know it's just a matter of practice but I don't have time just now to put in extra practice at home. Once I've got the show out of the way, I plan to spend a lot of time in March practising my (very) slowly emerging silversmithing skills. To be fair, my tutor says that I'm doing much better than I think I am. I just have this really bad habit of expecting myself to be able to learn things instantly. Why I should think myself capable of this, when it has never been the case in the past, is a bit of a mystery...
it doesn't help that the college has decided that they are only going to offer 3 years of the course instead of 4, so suddenly our teacher has to rush us through all the different techniques much faster. I think that next week I might put stone setting to one side and get on with the next project, which involves beating the shit out of metal. I think I am probably going to be much happier doing that since I really don't enjoy the more fiddly things like chain making and stone setting.
Anyway, it was a frustrating afternoon and when I got home I was grumpy and weepy because I was exhausted, strung out about the solo show and rapidly going down with the stomach bug that the Kidlet (who is still off school with it) has so kindly shared with the rest of us.
I ate, had a violently upset stomach, had a big wibble, managed not to throw up then crashed out for several hours in a weepy exhausted heap. Unfortunately this upset my extremely delicate sleep cycle so then I was awake all night. I did get a lot of knitting done whilst being up all night though, so it's not all bad. Of course, I should have been pinning instead but I just couldn't face it. Think I can manage some today though.
All in all, I'm bloody glad it's not yesterday anymore!
I've decided that trying to get a dress sent over from the States is complete madness. gold_cell was kind enough to offer to receive the order and post it on but I decided that it came under the category of 'trying to do too much new stuff and stressing myself out unnecessarily'. malabar is going to be in California in April anyway and has offered to go to Dharma Trading, which she loves anyway, to pick me up a couple of dresses. I feel hugely relieved at having one less thing to stress over, so it's clearly the right decision.
So instead of the Red Thread performance, I've worked out an alternative set of related performances for Elly's performance evenings, which are going to happen monthly for 9 months. It's going to be called The Penitent Series and it will incorporate several performances that I've been mulling over for a while. A couple of years ago I was playing around with gilding butter and ever since, I've wanted to lie out in the sunshine and let it melt over me but I've never had the opportunity. I've also been having various thoughts about washing my hair in salt water, letting it dry and then combing it out. Plus, I've got some ideas to do with lard, that have been floating around for a while [EDIT: the ideas not the lard!]. I'm very pleased to have a structure to hang these rather diverse actions on and a place to perform them.
OK, I'm going to try risking a bit more food and if that stays inside me, I'm going upstairs to pin. Ah yes, the endless fucking pinning. It's been more of a penance than a mantra, meditation or ritual recently. It's because I'm doing it under time pressure. It's always a fine line between having a good deadline that focuses me and an impossible deadline that just stresses me to hell and back.
I haven't managed to get a decent join on the ring at all yet and in the process of annealing it, I managed to melt a bit of it. It looks quite interesting but it wasn't at all what I meant to do.
Ah well, it's all a learning process, I guess. And actually, I'm pretty interested in testing metal to destruction - the point where it melts or splits or tears really interests me aesthetically and conceptually. But I have to understand how to do things properly before I start destroying things: I need to be able to control the process before I start riffing off it. And right now my filing really, really sucks - I just can't seem to get it. I know it's just a matter of practice but I don't have time just now to put in extra practice at home. Once I've got the show out of the way, I plan to spend a lot of time in March practising my (very) slowly emerging silversmithing skills. To be fair, my tutor says that I'm doing much better than I think I am. I just have this really bad habit of expecting myself to be able to learn things instantly. Why I should think myself capable of this, when it has never been the case in the past, is a bit of a mystery...
it doesn't help that the college has decided that they are only going to offer 3 years of the course instead of 4, so suddenly our teacher has to rush us through all the different techniques much faster. I think that next week I might put stone setting to one side and get on with the next project, which involves beating the shit out of metal. I think I am probably going to be much happier doing that since I really don't enjoy the more fiddly things like chain making and stone setting.
Anyway, it was a frustrating afternoon and when I got home I was grumpy and weepy because I was exhausted, strung out about the solo show and rapidly going down with the stomach bug that the Kidlet (who is still off school with it) has so kindly shared with the rest of us.
I ate, had a violently upset stomach, had a big wibble, managed not to throw up then crashed out for several hours in a weepy exhausted heap. Unfortunately this upset my extremely delicate sleep cycle so then I was awake all night. I did get a lot of knitting done whilst being up all night though, so it's not all bad. Of course, I should have been pinning instead but I just couldn't face it. Think I can manage some today though.
All in all, I'm bloody glad it's not yesterday anymore!
I've decided that trying to get a dress sent over from the States is complete madness. gold_cell was kind enough to offer to receive the order and post it on but I decided that it came under the category of 'trying to do too much new stuff and stressing myself out unnecessarily'. malabar is going to be in California in April anyway and has offered to go to Dharma Trading, which she loves anyway, to pick me up a couple of dresses. I feel hugely relieved at having one less thing to stress over, so it's clearly the right decision.
So instead of the Red Thread performance, I've worked out an alternative set of related performances for Elly's performance evenings, which are going to happen monthly for 9 months. It's going to be called The Penitent Series and it will incorporate several performances that I've been mulling over for a while. A couple of years ago I was playing around with gilding butter and ever since, I've wanted to lie out in the sunshine and let it melt over me but I've never had the opportunity. I've also been having various thoughts about washing my hair in salt water, letting it dry and then combing it out. Plus, I've got some ideas to do with lard, that have been floating around for a while [EDIT: the ideas not the lard!]. I'm very pleased to have a structure to hang these rather diverse actions on and a place to perform them.
OK, I'm going to try risking a bit more food and if that stays inside me, I'm going upstairs to pin. Ah yes, the endless fucking pinning. It's been more of a penance than a mantra, meditation or ritual recently. It's because I'm doing it under time pressure. It's always a fine line between having a good deadline that focuses me and an impossible deadline that just stresses me to hell and back.