On coercive Evangelical groups
A few nights ago (it was actually tonight, but it is my intention to post this at a later date) I went to Crosswalk. Crosswalk is a weekly meeting at Temple that is affiliated with Campus Crusade for Christ. I kept myself occupied so that I’d have an excuse to arrive a little bit late. I wasn’t prepared to stomach an entire meeting. I usually never am. Anyway, it wasn’t that great. Honestly (and when I say this I’m not expecting sympathy, advice, or Bible verses-please do not give it), I felt pretty terrible that I was there. There’s a lot of bad memories I have about Crosswalk. I won’t detail many of them here. But I will say this. A lot can change in two years.
I remember the first Crosswalk I attended my freshman year. I was so excited to find a group of Christians in the heathen-filled Philadelphia. It was great to see a group of people that cared more about worshipping Jesus then they did about parties and girls. I really loved it. I had an Afro and was wearing Aviators. I was also singing pretty loud.
The next year, after a great year at a Bible study, I was invited to lead one myself. I decided to. I attended the first meeting my sophomore year and it was great. I loved being a leader and welcoming people and being part of that community. Slowly, but surely, I started feeling sick to stomach about the whole thing. As I started regularly worshipping at Circle of Hope, I met a community that loved me. And let me tell you, it contrasted greatly with Crosswalk. I finished the rest of the year with the best attitude that I could and then I decided not to be a leader any longer. It felt good to do that, but I still had a bad taste in my mouth. I genuinely felt discouraged when I regularly attended that group. Maybe I shouldn’t burden Crosswalk, but when I was attending that group I seriously considered turning my back on my faith altogether. I’m still working through all of that.
But once again, this evening it came back. It’s really frustrating to go there. Maybe I envy their evangelical fire. Maybe I wish that I could cry and lift my hands and dance around for Jesus. But I don’t feel that way. And I can’t relate. I’m sorry that this is the case. I don’t mean to discourage anyone from going to Crosswalk. If it’s your thing, by all means, go there. But don’t give me a guilt trip about not going.
I remember the first Crosswalk I attended my freshman year. I was so excited to find a group of Christians in the heathen-filled Philadelphia. It was great to see a group of people that cared more about worshipping Jesus then they did about parties and girls. I really loved it. I had an Afro and was wearing Aviators. I was also singing pretty loud.
The next year, after a great year at a Bible study, I was invited to lead one myself. I decided to. I attended the first meeting my sophomore year and it was great. I loved being a leader and welcoming people and being part of that community. Slowly, but surely, I started feeling sick to stomach about the whole thing. As I started regularly worshipping at Circle of Hope, I met a community that loved me. And let me tell you, it contrasted greatly with Crosswalk. I finished the rest of the year with the best attitude that I could and then I decided not to be a leader any longer. It felt good to do that, but I still had a bad taste in my mouth. I genuinely felt discouraged when I regularly attended that group. Maybe I shouldn’t burden Crosswalk, but when I was attending that group I seriously considered turning my back on my faith altogether. I’m still working through all of that.
But once again, this evening it came back. It’s really frustrating to go there. Maybe I envy their evangelical fire. Maybe I wish that I could cry and lift my hands and dance around for Jesus. But I don’t feel that way. And I can’t relate. I’m sorry that this is the case. I don’t mean to discourage anyone from going to Crosswalk. If it’s your thing, by all means, go there. But don’t give me a guilt trip about not going.