So I met a guy...
We'll call him "JR." He's smart and funny. He asked me out right away and was actually nervous that I would say no. It wasn't like I was even dressed nice that day and I wasn't even wearing makeup. Not that I am a girly-girl like most of you know, but having a guy notice me and compliment me out of sincerity and not out of lust is just... so foreign. I was shocked. But we started dating and he is a gentleman. Also, maintains humor that is quick-witted and mean-spirited - just the way I like it. It feels so nice... that... I feel guilty, like I don't deserve it. I have felt that way before - fear of happiness, of hope. It's easier to push someone away than it is to let them in (and get hurt). I want to relax. I want to enjoy this, to be happy. I don't want to mess it up just because I'm a little on the crazy side. I'm definitely trying to take it slow, get the approval of friends and family this time around. Make sure I don't make it too easy, but also don't make it a trial. I may not have experience in these things, but I am trying. I want to try. I want things to be ok. I just hate not knowing...