Rivers and Roads
We met with the foster program person last night, officially applying to the program, and turned in some paperwork for a criminal background check to start the process. It was an informational meeting, so she just asked some general questions to get a feel for what we wanted, and about us. She's going to assign us to a social worker who will be our main case worker. We have to get ready for the home visits and evaluations, and make sure we're signed up for all of the classes we need to take. There's a child/infant CPR and bloodborne pathogens class, which is free for prospective foster parents, so I just need to sign us up. We won't have a child in the house before June at the very earliest, because it'll take that long for all of the home visits and background checks and everything to get done. We'll be taking the PRIDE class (it's a series of 5-8 hour sessions, basically training us to be foster parents. I think.) in March. A Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Thursday, Friday thing. I'm weirdly nervous about every single step in this process so far. I'm not sure why. I mean, beyond the fact that I apparently feel the need to be nervous about everything all the time. Which is getting old, limbic system. Seriously, can I outgrow that? Thanks.
The home inspection is going to be the thing that takes us the most time and money, I think. I mean, there are 4 visits, and we have time to get things taken care of after the first one. But there are a lot of minor, and one or two major, things we'll need to do and buy. And we have to get the room prepared, which might be a large project. Scott wants to rearrange all the rooms, possibly, and there might have to be some room rearranging in the downstairs to compensate. We're gonna need a bigger boat. And by boat I mean bookcases. Several of them. And maybe a bookaholic intervention plan. But we've been talking about rearranging and buying newer couches and, of course, baby room furniture, and all that stuff. We just need to make a plan for these things, and then follow that plan, as opposed to nebulous "we should maybe" talks we've been doing. So that's not really a surprise. Just more to do.
The thing I didn't count on, is that if my parents want to help out with childcare, they will also have to take some classes and get certified and have a background check. Eeesh. I mean, not if they're just babysitting for an hour or so, but if they're providing care for more than that, say, if we can't get into daycare right away because infants are harder to place, and they wanted to help us out for a week or so when we have to go back to work, then yes, DSHS will need to make sure they aren't secret criminals. (My parents, secret jewel thieves extraordinaire. Who knew?) Because we aren't adopting right away, and we'll be foster parents, this sort of thing is required. It is rather a bunch of hoops to jump through. And it's nerve wracking, because we're jumping through all these hoops, and we might bring home a baby that will be placed back with his or her parents after a few weeks or months, or even a year and more, and then we'll have to grieve and heal and do it all over again. But these kids need people to love them and want them, too. I think I might be that person. Possibly with lots of weeping.
The program is the best way I've heard to make sure these kids get into homes that want them for always, and not bounce them around from place to place, which can be more traumatic. Not that I'm disparaging traditional foster parents per se. But from everything I've read, a child who is sent into foster care, from place to place without finding a home that wants to keep them, has so many more problems and hurdles in life. And I want so much to be a mom, and Scott wants to be a dad (again), and we can be parents to a child and want that child for ours, whether or not we can be certain that we'll get to adopt him or her. The child will never feel like they don't have a place to go. It's scary for us. I may be in for some serious grief. But then again, I'll also be in for some furious joy. So I can't say I'll be getting a bad bargain, all told.
But this is how we're going to start a family, and it's a little different than just (just! Hah!) having a baby. The State has to get all up in our grill, to make sure the kids are going to a responsible home. Me, responsible. Huh. It's weird how I don't feel grown up enough at 39. Perhaps it's true, you don't really grow up until you have kids of your own. Maybe I'll finally get organized now. That would be a minor miracle. Either way, we'll be parents, and we'll have a major miracle of our own to try and keep from biting other people's miracles at the playground. I swear, she's never done that before. Here's a list of all our phone numbers and some character references, and our doctor in case you notice anything odd. No, it isn't weird at all that I have this handy. I'm just super-organized like that. Really.
The home inspection is going to be the thing that takes us the most time and money, I think. I mean, there are 4 visits, and we have time to get things taken care of after the first one. But there are a lot of minor, and one or two major, things we'll need to do and buy. And we have to get the room prepared, which might be a large project. Scott wants to rearrange all the rooms, possibly, and there might have to be some room rearranging in the downstairs to compensate. We're gonna need a bigger boat. And by boat I mean bookcases. Several of them. And maybe a bookaholic intervention plan. But we've been talking about rearranging and buying newer couches and, of course, baby room furniture, and all that stuff. We just need to make a plan for these things, and then follow that plan, as opposed to nebulous "we should maybe" talks we've been doing. So that's not really a surprise. Just more to do.
The thing I didn't count on, is that if my parents want to help out with childcare, they will also have to take some classes and get certified and have a background check. Eeesh. I mean, not if they're just babysitting for an hour or so, but if they're providing care for more than that, say, if we can't get into daycare right away because infants are harder to place, and they wanted to help us out for a week or so when we have to go back to work, then yes, DSHS will need to make sure they aren't secret criminals. (My parents, secret jewel thieves extraordinaire. Who knew?) Because we aren't adopting right away, and we'll be foster parents, this sort of thing is required. It is rather a bunch of hoops to jump through. And it's nerve wracking, because we're jumping through all these hoops, and we might bring home a baby that will be placed back with his or her parents after a few weeks or months, or even a year and more, and then we'll have to grieve and heal and do it all over again. But these kids need people to love them and want them, too. I think I might be that person. Possibly with lots of weeping.
The program is the best way I've heard to make sure these kids get into homes that want them for always, and not bounce them around from place to place, which can be more traumatic. Not that I'm disparaging traditional foster parents per se. But from everything I've read, a child who is sent into foster care, from place to place without finding a home that wants to keep them, has so many more problems and hurdles in life. And I want so much to be a mom, and Scott wants to be a dad (again), and we can be parents to a child and want that child for ours, whether or not we can be certain that we'll get to adopt him or her. The child will never feel like they don't have a place to go. It's scary for us. I may be in for some serious grief. But then again, I'll also be in for some furious joy. So I can't say I'll be getting a bad bargain, all told.
But this is how we're going to start a family, and it's a little different than just (just! Hah!) having a baby. The State has to get all up in our grill, to make sure the kids are going to a responsible home. Me, responsible. Huh. It's weird how I don't feel grown up enough at 39. Perhaps it's true, you don't really grow up until you have kids of your own. Maybe I'll finally get organized now. That would be a minor miracle. Either way, we'll be parents, and we'll have a major miracle of our own to try and keep from biting other people's miracles at the playground. I swear, she's never done that before. Here's a list of all our phone numbers and some character references, and our doctor in case you notice anything odd. No, it isn't weird at all that I have this handy. I'm just super-organized like that. Really.