(no subject)
So it's summer now, and all of my old senior friends have graduated and prepared for the next stage in their life. It's going to be strange not seeing them next year. I guess it's just hitting me now because I just went to a grad. "party" and said my goodbyes to one of them.
I feel a little scared now, too. Being a senior is going to be way different and I am not exactly sure if I am ready for it all. I don't think I'll be able to keep up with it everyone. Sometimes I feel like I'm falling so far behind that I'll never be able to catch up to where I'm supposed to be. My friends all seem so sure about what they are doing, I feel like I should be,too, but I'm not. I'm not sure at all and it scares me to think that I've worked so hard and in the end I'm going to accomplish nothing.
My parents are no help either, but I can't blame them, it's not their fault they don't know fluent English, it's not their fault they cant help me with homework, it's not their fault they don't comprehend the struggles I go through everyday. It's not their fault. I have to keep reminding myself that it's not their fault because sometimes I forget. When I forget, I tend to blame them for everything. I tend to blame them for everything that goes wrong in my life and I forget about all the good. I know I complain a lot about my parents but I guess it's just because I don't understand them. (They don't understand me either so that adds a lot to the chaos)
I hope my mind clears up this summer. I don't want to spend my whole summer brooding over all of this. I don't want to go back to school feeling like a total failure when I haven't even started my life.
I think I'll get a job this summer, at least this way I wont feel like I'm waisting my time.
I feel a little scared now, too. Being a senior is going to be way different and I am not exactly sure if I am ready for it all. I don't think I'll be able to keep up with it everyone. Sometimes I feel like I'm falling so far behind that I'll never be able to catch up to where I'm supposed to be. My friends all seem so sure about what they are doing, I feel like I should be,too, but I'm not. I'm not sure at all and it scares me to think that I've worked so hard and in the end I'm going to accomplish nothing.
My parents are no help either, but I can't blame them, it's not their fault they don't know fluent English, it's not their fault they cant help me with homework, it's not their fault they don't comprehend the struggles I go through everyday. It's not their fault. I have to keep reminding myself that it's not their fault because sometimes I forget. When I forget, I tend to blame them for everything. I tend to blame them for everything that goes wrong in my life and I forget about all the good. I know I complain a lot about my parents but I guess it's just because I don't understand them. (They don't understand me either so that adds a lot to the chaos)
I hope my mind clears up this summer. I don't want to spend my whole summer brooding over all of this. I don't want to go back to school feeling like a total failure when I haven't even started my life.
I think I'll get a job this summer, at least this way I wont feel like I'm waisting my time.