Yang & Evonne’s Wedding FAQ
I know this is like at least 3 months early but hey… I love it. HAHAHA. And some invites are already out on FB anyway.
This is the reason why im marrying him - He writes well!
I jotted down some ideas + requisites and he transformed it into… this!
The wedding FAQ
What should I wear?
* Nothing white, this is very important, a _very_ ugly replacement wardrobe will be prepared for people who wear white, and those who cannot read properly will be given ahpek glasses.
How much should I give for the ang pow?
* As much as your friendship/kinship is worth. The going rate of buying someone… off is about SGD $168 EACH. Paypal is accepted, please add in 3% handling fees to kenshinjeff@gmail.com.
Can I give you presents instead of angpows?
* No. Unless it is an additional USEFUL gift ON TOP of the angpow. We are the poor newly weds.
I got your invitation, but I cannot make it, and I still want to give you guys an angpow cos I’m like so close.
* Your donations are well appreciated. We accept paypal (kenshinjeff@gmail.com) and iBanking (POSB Savings 104-12818-1)
If I cannot make it, after receiving the invitation, what should I do?
* Your pilot skillz are awesome. Please notify us AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, it MAY save us a trip to bangkok.
Can I perform instead of giving an angpow?
* If you have performed in front of more than 300 people, yes, you are welcomed. Or, if you are practising really hard just for the wedding, it would be great. In fact, we will contra your angpow and give YOU an angpow, you know how generous we are, sure earn one. Just do it.
Is it acceptable to cry at your wedding?
* Yes, but please, only happy crying.
Can I give a speech?
* Yes, speeches are welcome. Please confirm your attendance as soon as possible in order to avoid disappointment. Also, if your idea of a speech is to be impromptu, please prepare a larger angpow in advanced, so at least if your speech is not say fantastic, the other speakers will keep their mouth shut since you paid a premium.
Can I bring my partner(s)?
* It depends, read the invitation closely. Just bring, and let us know so we can arrangement the tables.
I’m very single, is there a possibility of meeting new people at your wedding?
* Yes, very much. Anyone who is NOT wearing a ring, you can go ahead and be friends.
Start with the classic lines (See insert A) and follow up with a “so how do you know Yang?” and carry on asking his/her name. It is VERY important that you do a proper introduction, AND ask about “Yang” instead of “Evonne”, because there’s so much more rubbish/jokes/stupid stories to talk about Yang rather than Evonne. Plus if you are a guy, you will appear to look as reliable as Yang, and if you are a girl, well, everyone knows Yang hangs out with cute/fun/friendly girls. The added plus point is, even if you fail, the target will just deem you as “one of yang’s friends” so it’s still okay to hang out with you.
Insert A. Nonembarassing questions for both genders.
- This place looks really grand doesn’t it?
- Could I get you a drink?
- Haven’t I met you somewhere before?
- And if you know the person’s name, do a Classic Yang. ie. “*HELLO EVONNE*” in your sexiest american accent. Sure kill, this is a Peter Chow guarantee.
Can I bring my own camera/DSLR/professionalism camera?
1. Only those with a pre-shared dropbox account. (kenshinjeff@gmail.com)
2. Do not block the ridiculously paid photographer. I will shoot you before you shoot anyone.
3. No blinding flashes.
4. If you do not have a dropbox account, as stipulated in 1, put all your photos and mail it to our PO box. VBOX 881897 SINGAPORE 919191. This address is real.
Why am I not your brother/sister?
* Because, we cannot fit everybody into a room. Plus, brothers/sisters do all the shit work, that’s why they have been selected.
I’m a sister! What should I do?
* Wax/Shave your legs. Ditto to armpits. I cannot afford to pay for photoshop on things like unnecessary hair.
Will there be shark’s fin for your wedding dinner? Can I _not_ eat it?
* Hello, we are chinese, chinese eat shark’s fins for wedding dinner. Will an angmoh stop eating big macs now that they figured that cows contribute the most to global warming? No. If you’re not going to eat your shark’s fin, please give it to the person next to you, it’s a lost cause, don’t let the poor shark die for nothing.
What should I do if the food served is not of acceptable hygiene standards?
* Screw the server, scold them until they get it right, talk to the chef, etc etc, it’s only Singaporean to do so since you are also paying for the dinner.
Should we expect an ang pow from you for the coming CNY?
* Maybe, if you can find either one of us. (Good luck)
(Edit: Evonne: Not till 3 years later, that’s the law and thereafter Yang’s response applies)
I simply love your faq, can I copy some of it off and use it for my own blog/wedding/essay?
* Yes, imitation is the best form of flattery. Please remember to credit us.
My fiance is too humorous for me. XD I’ve read this like 4 times and I’m still laughing!
And oh yes this is for the jiemeis. HAHAHA!
Originally published at www.evonnz.com. You can comment here or there.