my first sad post.
this whole day went by like a tornado in slow motion. not just for me, but for certain people as well... we all got bad trip and cursed a number of times, but apparently cursing doesn't do me any good, i still feel miserable. on the outside, i was my normal self (to all those talking to me)... i had to be. i didn't want people asking me what the problem was, because i didn't want to face the fact that i really WAS depressed. 'if i acted normal,' i thought, 'nobody would inspect anything,' but then i ended up talking to people just as gloomy as i, so... i ended up here.
today, i had the biggest fight with the person i love the most, 'the one' who is the only reason why i even exist. i had never felt as depressed as i did this afternoon.
my tears fell like waterfalls, and with every teardrop my sorrows went along with it, until my eyes had gotten so dry it hurt whenever i would blink.
i feel so insignificant right now. nobody could ever be as horrible as i am. i don't know how i could've done such a thing, or say such a thing to ***.
i only wanted to make *** feel bad for all those times *** had gotten me depressed, but the reply i got was a lot more hurtful than what i had said, because it wasn't bad at all... you know what that reply was?
"...i can't believe you would say that... the only reason why i'm alive is because of you. i pray for you everyday, i pray to God everyday, asking him to keep me alive just so i could see you and take care of you... i just want you to be happy, and this is what you tell me.... i love you so much, and i would never do anything to hurt you... you're my ***! if you wanna think i'm a bad ***, then go ahead. but you don't know how much it hurts me..."
we were both crying, but *** couldn't even cry infront of me, *** even went to the bathroom... which means *** was too embarassed to show me how *** felt. i'm tha only one who has ever made that person cry... and it's all my fault.
i'm actually crying now.
i wish i could say "everything will be alright" to myself and actually mean it, but it seems i can only say it and mean it to those around me. i need *** now more than i ever did... that person is my life.
i guess i'm just scared. i dowana fight with the people i love... i don't know what i'd do without them.
i wish this day never happened.
today, i had the biggest fight with the person i love the most, 'the one' who is the only reason why i even exist. i had never felt as depressed as i did this afternoon.
my tears fell like waterfalls, and with every teardrop my sorrows went along with it, until my eyes had gotten so dry it hurt whenever i would blink.
i feel so insignificant right now. nobody could ever be as horrible as i am. i don't know how i could've done such a thing, or say such a thing to ***.
i only wanted to make *** feel bad for all those times *** had gotten me depressed, but the reply i got was a lot more hurtful than what i had said, because it wasn't bad at all... you know what that reply was?
"...i can't believe you would say that... the only reason why i'm alive is because of you. i pray for you everyday, i pray to God everyday, asking him to keep me alive just so i could see you and take care of you... i just want you to be happy, and this is what you tell me.... i love you so much, and i would never do anything to hurt you... you're my ***! if you wanna think i'm a bad ***, then go ahead. but you don't know how much it hurts me..."
we were both crying, but *** couldn't even cry infront of me, *** even went to the bathroom... which means *** was too embarassed to show me how *** felt. i'm tha only one who has ever made that person cry... and it's all my fault.
i'm actually crying now.
i wish i could say "everything will be alright" to myself and actually mean it, but it seems i can only say it and mean it to those around me. i need *** now more than i ever did... that person is my life.
i guess i'm just scared. i dowana fight with the people i love... i don't know what i'd do without them.
i wish this day never happened.