Personal Thoughts on Relationships and Family Starting
Just a fair warning, this journal might offend a number of people here, so please read at your own discretion.
So on the day of my dad's birthday when I was there for his little birthday celebration, my brother calls him on the phone and the two of them begin to talk for a bit. Then my dad brought up to my brother the subject of "when am I going to get some grandkids?" From what I could tell of the conversation, it seems now that my brother's on board with having kids, though I'm pretty sure he's not with someone at the moment (and he spends time with other women's babies a lot). On that same note, I'm glad my dad stopped bringing that question up with me. I think he finally gets it with me…finally, he understands that I absolutely do not want children whatsoever for the obvious reason (that being I hate kids and want nothing to do with them). To be perfectly honest, though, the idea of both fatherhood and parenthood I both despise and find disgusting, and if it's anyone's fault, it's his. If my previous journals were any indication, my dad would never at all make "Father of the Year" at any point in his life with all he's done to me and my brother. From cheating on his own family to putting my step-mom (whom I've always hated and had to put up with for so long), who I consider another woman, ahead of both me and my brother…HIS OWN FLESH AND BLOOD! That really pissed me off growing up, and for years I had to put up with this. Now I know what some of you might be thinking: "this should make you want to be a better father to your kids than your father was to you." NO! This does not make me think this. All that statement does is instill in me how much more fatherhood and parenthood disgust me! As far as my stance on children goes…I generally do not see children as a blessing. I see them as a burden and sometimes a curse. Having children changes lives and sometimes not for the better. Just because people have children doesn't make them any better than those that choose not to have them, yet somehow in this society if you do not want to have children, you're a horrible person for that. That to me is just stupid. Just because everyone has the ability to reproduce doesn't mean they should reproduce. That's the beauty of choice. This is why I'm still a virgin. This is why I DON'T have sex. I don't want to reproduce. I don't want offspring. That's both a burden and a curse on me because I have to deal with something I want no part of for the rest of my life. I'd have to give up so much of the things I like just to be able to provide for this burden that I had the misfortune of bringing into the world. That is something I DO NOT WANT! If that makes me a horrible person, then I'm sorry, I stand GUILTY AS CHARGED!
I think on that same token, too, I've decided to try to remain by my onesy for either as long as I can or the rest of my life. Honestly, I don't think me being in another relationship with another woman would be worth it in the long run. Since I've been out of my (first and) last one, I've discovered that I've been a lot happier being by myself than I was with someone…not that my ex-girlfriend was bad or horrible or anything I'm just saying that I now that I have experienced what it is like to be in a relationship, I can now say for sure that I'm much happier being by myself. I don't look to be in another relationship anytime soon, and I really don't want to be. I just want to focus on myself and do all the things I want to do, and I want to do them by myself and not be held down or held back by anyone. I have no desire to start a family of my own. I personally do not need that. It's just not for me.
So on the day of my dad's birthday when I was there for his little birthday celebration, my brother calls him on the phone and the two of them begin to talk for a bit. Then my dad brought up to my brother the subject of "when am I going to get some grandkids?" From what I could tell of the conversation, it seems now that my brother's on board with having kids, though I'm pretty sure he's not with someone at the moment (and he spends time with other women's babies a lot). On that same note, I'm glad my dad stopped bringing that question up with me. I think he finally gets it with me…finally, he understands that I absolutely do not want children whatsoever for the obvious reason (that being I hate kids and want nothing to do with them). To be perfectly honest, though, the idea of both fatherhood and parenthood I both despise and find disgusting, and if it's anyone's fault, it's his. If my previous journals were any indication, my dad would never at all make "Father of the Year" at any point in his life with all he's done to me and my brother. From cheating on his own family to putting my step-mom (whom I've always hated and had to put up with for so long), who I consider another woman, ahead of both me and my brother…HIS OWN FLESH AND BLOOD! That really pissed me off growing up, and for years I had to put up with this. Now I know what some of you might be thinking: "this should make you want to be a better father to your kids than your father was to you." NO! This does not make me think this. All that statement does is instill in me how much more fatherhood and parenthood disgust me! As far as my stance on children goes…I generally do not see children as a blessing. I see them as a burden and sometimes a curse. Having children changes lives and sometimes not for the better. Just because people have children doesn't make them any better than those that choose not to have them, yet somehow in this society if you do not want to have children, you're a horrible person for that. That to me is just stupid. Just because everyone has the ability to reproduce doesn't mean they should reproduce. That's the beauty of choice. This is why I'm still a virgin. This is why I DON'T have sex. I don't want to reproduce. I don't want offspring. That's both a burden and a curse on me because I have to deal with something I want no part of for the rest of my life. I'd have to give up so much of the things I like just to be able to provide for this burden that I had the misfortune of bringing into the world. That is something I DO NOT WANT! If that makes me a horrible person, then I'm sorry, I stand GUILTY AS CHARGED!
I think on that same token, too, I've decided to try to remain by my onesy for either as long as I can or the rest of my life. Honestly, I don't think me being in another relationship with another woman would be worth it in the long run. Since I've been out of my (first and) last one, I've discovered that I've been a lot happier being by myself than I was with someone…not that my ex-girlfriend was bad or horrible or anything I'm just saying that I now that I have experienced what it is like to be in a relationship, I can now say for sure that I'm much happier being by myself. I don't look to be in another relationship anytime soon, and I really don't want to be. I just want to focus on myself and do all the things I want to do, and I want to do them by myself and not be held down or held back by anyone. I have no desire to start a family of my own. I personally do not need that. It's just not for me.