hopefully, this will make sense, unlike my last two posts.
".... DO NOT take online relationships seriously, . . . because you put what you wanted there, not what actually is."
Thank you Donovan, and by extension your friend paul, for getting you in a ranting mood, and helping me put together some of my own thoughts on that subject Actually, its less the rant, and more it made me think. The combination of reading those posts, and being asked by a friend a few days ago if I was still afraid of committment, helped me bring my thoughts into focus. I'm not mad at the person for asking the question, really, just frustrated with trying to explain my reasons on the subject of relationships. Let's see.
I am not looking for a relationship right now, or anytime soon. I have a lot in my life to get in order, a career, education, moving into a nother place, making sure beyond a shadow of a doubt my health will remain stable. At this point in my life, if the person of my dreams were to walk up to me and ask me to start a relationship, I would have to decline.
I'm not interested in love for loves sake, I don't believe that my life is empty if I'm not dating somone, or "hitched". On the topic of sex, its fun, but it isn't something I'd enter into a relationship to get. The feeling of being wanted isn't it either, or to not be "alone" You can not be alone by having good friends. Hell, you can even play around sometimes if you have good friends.
My criteria for entering a relationship is not that I crush on them, or just that they are hot. I have to be able to look them in the eyes, and feel inside myself that I can see myself happily waking up next to them and sharing my life and space with them 20, 30 40 years from now. To know that with all the good sides and bad, good times and bad, that I would wake up to see them sleeping, and know I wasn't missing a thing, and luckier than I ever dreamed possible. There are bad times, yes, but by and large, when the day is done, and things are quiet, thats what comes through.
For me, there are necessities for this type of bond to form, that can lead to something long term. Yes, I believe in love at first sight. I do not belive that you can form a lasting relationship without rl contact, on a regular basis. If I don't live with in a few hours drive, its not going to happen. Text doesn't cut it, and never will. I'm saying this because its what I've found to be true for me, not just in general. I'd rather take a pass on my hormones and relationships for years or longer, if the distance is too great, and rl contact isn't practically possible. I can have a much better chance to tell if someone is sincere if I look them in the eyes. Its much easier to be false on the phone, or online. And I've been in enough drama from the fallout of that. I'm not afraid of commitment. I'm not into virtual reality illusions of relationships. I think that you can make friends, and maybe even get a glimmer that something might be possible of more. But thats where it ends.
If I have feelings for someone, I might indeed make them known to them, but if they don't live nearby, they need to understand, that I'm not going to go any further unless it can be something in real life, where I can see them more often than a once in a season visit. I'd rather hang around and wait a long time for a good possibility, content with being friends when said person, than push for something that can't happen from just text. I wanted to make that clear to everyone.
To sum it up: I'm not afraid of commitment, I don't form relationships stronger than friendship with others unless its not long distance. I need to be at a point time in my life where I"m able to be a good partner, and have my life more together. And If the the other weren't ready, but I was, I'd have to walk a fine line. I'd want to tell them I felt like I really could be something more with them, if the time and place were right. Its easy though, to just hear the first part, and not remember my words about preferring a lasting friendship and having patience, rather than trying to force something that isn't right. This is one of the many reasons I just don't casually throw around I love you's, btw. And sometimes the feelings won't be returned, and thats just part of life.
I sometimes fuck up what I mean to say, but at my heart, I'm not intending to pressure. I'm just trying to be there for thosse I care about, in the way that is possible, to have a good time, and to meet and make new friends. And above all, make some music.
Thank you Donovan, and by extension your friend paul, for getting you in a ranting mood, and helping me put together some of my own thoughts on that subject Actually, its less the rant, and more it made me think. The combination of reading those posts, and being asked by a friend a few days ago if I was still afraid of committment, helped me bring my thoughts into focus. I'm not mad at the person for asking the question, really, just frustrated with trying to explain my reasons on the subject of relationships. Let's see.
I am not looking for a relationship right now, or anytime soon. I have a lot in my life to get in order, a career, education, moving into a nother place, making sure beyond a shadow of a doubt my health will remain stable. At this point in my life, if the person of my dreams were to walk up to me and ask me to start a relationship, I would have to decline.
I'm not interested in love for loves sake, I don't believe that my life is empty if I'm not dating somone, or "hitched". On the topic of sex, its fun, but it isn't something I'd enter into a relationship to get. The feeling of being wanted isn't it either, or to not be "alone" You can not be alone by having good friends. Hell, you can even play around sometimes if you have good friends.
My criteria for entering a relationship is not that I crush on them, or just that they are hot. I have to be able to look them in the eyes, and feel inside myself that I can see myself happily waking up next to them and sharing my life and space with them 20, 30 40 years from now. To know that with all the good sides and bad, good times and bad, that I would wake up to see them sleeping, and know I wasn't missing a thing, and luckier than I ever dreamed possible. There are bad times, yes, but by and large, when the day is done, and things are quiet, thats what comes through.
For me, there are necessities for this type of bond to form, that can lead to something long term. Yes, I believe in love at first sight. I do not belive that you can form a lasting relationship without rl contact, on a regular basis. If I don't live with in a few hours drive, its not going to happen. Text doesn't cut it, and never will. I'm saying this because its what I've found to be true for me, not just in general. I'd rather take a pass on my hormones and relationships for years or longer, if the distance is too great, and rl contact isn't practically possible. I can have a much better chance to tell if someone is sincere if I look them in the eyes. Its much easier to be false on the phone, or online. And I've been in enough drama from the fallout of that. I'm not afraid of commitment. I'm not into virtual reality illusions of relationships. I think that you can make friends, and maybe even get a glimmer that something might be possible of more. But thats where it ends.
If I have feelings for someone, I might indeed make them known to them, but if they don't live nearby, they need to understand, that I'm not going to go any further unless it can be something in real life, where I can see them more often than a once in a season visit. I'd rather hang around and wait a long time for a good possibility, content with being friends when said person, than push for something that can't happen from just text. I wanted to make that clear to everyone.
To sum it up: I'm not afraid of commitment, I don't form relationships stronger than friendship with others unless its not long distance. I need to be at a point time in my life where I"m able to be a good partner, and have my life more together. And If the the other weren't ready, but I was, I'd have to walk a fine line. I'd want to tell them I felt like I really could be something more with them, if the time and place were right. Its easy though, to just hear the first part, and not remember my words about preferring a lasting friendship and having patience, rather than trying to force something that isn't right. This is one of the many reasons I just don't casually throw around I love you's, btw. And sometimes the feelings won't be returned, and thats just part of life.
I sometimes fuck up what I mean to say, but at my heart, I'm not intending to pressure. I'm just trying to be there for thosse I care about, in the way that is possible, to have a good time, and to meet and make new friends. And above all, make some music.