The Collision of Science and Art.
Is it bad that, after nearly a week being completely immersed in the right-brain artsy half of my life, I am having a TON of trouble coaxing my mind back into science?
Since the end of classes I've been playing piano like a fiend, writing poetry for the first time in, like, a year, making music projects, writing essays and music assignments, etc, etc, etc. And now it's all done. Histology--the study of cells and tissues and organs and such--is all that remains between me and Christmas break. But I honestly am having SO much trouble make myself do it.
This isn't good.
*sigh* Sometimes I honestly wonder if the only reason I'm still in science, when so many of my other right-brained friends abandoned it so long ago, is because I am so fiercely stubborn with myself. I don't let myself quit, hardly ever. (Even when I was a kid, I swear it took me nearly a year to tell my parents I didn't want to do ballet anymore...) It's times like this if I wonder when I'll finally give in, and how much of my life I will have devoted to trying to go in another direction before I do.
It used to be that I actually felt like studying science in university was a struggle and a constant battle. It felt that way because I often felt like what I was forcing myself/being forced to do academically was literally ripping who I was away from me. I don't feel that way anymore, but I don't know if that means that I've come to terms with who I am, or if it's because I've given up and moved on, and become someone I didn't originally want to be. I hope it's the former, and not the latter, and the truth is, for the longest time I actually prided myself on my somewhat paradoxical existence: I'm the science geek that loves to write, and can have an intelligent conversation about music, history, art and philosophy at the drop of a hat. Because I like all that stuff, and I refuse to limit myself to one thing.
But I'm not actually sure that that's how it works, in reality. Because in reality people choose a career, and a specialty. And honestly, sometimes I just feel insane trying to juggle everything that I am, and everything I do. It's so worth it, but I wonder if I can keep doing this forever. Because at one point I had a dream, to help people, and science was the way to do that. That's why I ended up here, and now the dream is gone, or pushed aside, or whatever....so what? Now what?
The funny thing is, I'm not unhappy. I have awesome friends in my life that I wouldn't know if not for the precise course my life has taken so far, and I'm sure know myself better now than I did coming out of high school, and I like to think I know that what I'm doing is somehow right for me....I like to think it'll all work out. But I can't actually be sure, especially when I feel like the last thing my brain wants to do right now is learn about macrophages or endocrine glands. And I don't quite know what to do with that.
Since the end of classes I've been playing piano like a fiend, writing poetry for the first time in, like, a year, making music projects, writing essays and music assignments, etc, etc, etc. And now it's all done. Histology--the study of cells and tissues and organs and such--is all that remains between me and Christmas break. But I honestly am having SO much trouble make myself do it.
This isn't good.
*sigh* Sometimes I honestly wonder if the only reason I'm still in science, when so many of my other right-brained friends abandoned it so long ago, is because I am so fiercely stubborn with myself. I don't let myself quit, hardly ever. (Even when I was a kid, I swear it took me nearly a year to tell my parents I didn't want to do ballet anymore...) It's times like this if I wonder when I'll finally give in, and how much of my life I will have devoted to trying to go in another direction before I do.
It used to be that I actually felt like studying science in university was a struggle and a constant battle. It felt that way because I often felt like what I was forcing myself/being forced to do academically was literally ripping who I was away from me. I don't feel that way anymore, but I don't know if that means that I've come to terms with who I am, or if it's because I've given up and moved on, and become someone I didn't originally want to be. I hope it's the former, and not the latter, and the truth is, for the longest time I actually prided myself on my somewhat paradoxical existence: I'm the science geek that loves to write, and can have an intelligent conversation about music, history, art and philosophy at the drop of a hat. Because I like all that stuff, and I refuse to limit myself to one thing.
But I'm not actually sure that that's how it works, in reality. Because in reality people choose a career, and a specialty. And honestly, sometimes I just feel insane trying to juggle everything that I am, and everything I do. It's so worth it, but I wonder if I can keep doing this forever. Because at one point I had a dream, to help people, and science was the way to do that. That's why I ended up here, and now the dream is gone, or pushed aside, or whatever....so what? Now what?
The funny thing is, I'm not unhappy. I have awesome friends in my life that I wouldn't know if not for the precise course my life has taken so far, and I'm sure know myself better now than I did coming out of high school, and I like to think I know that what I'm doing is somehow right for me....I like to think it'll all work out. But I can't actually be sure, especially when I feel like the last thing my brain wants to do right now is learn about macrophages or endocrine glands. And I don't quite know what to do with that.