(no subject)
I know people think I'm nuts when I get going about the similarities between karate and music, but I swear they're there. More than that, I realize that they are there because they are everywhere: it's hard to remove a person from their art. They are their art. Which is cool because the Samurai were really onto something when they studied flowerarranging and calligraphy in their capacity as professional warriors.
But when you lose confidence in your art....
I have a jury in piano tomorrow, which means that a panel of three professors judges me in fifteen minutes on my playing to give me a grade for my course in university. This is the last time between now and then that I get to be honest about how I feel. After this, no negative thoughts allowed. How I feel is completely inadequate. It sucks, but it's true. And the worst thing is, the moment I get confident enough to play my stuff, I go to my lesson and my teacher rips it apart.
Mind, that's his job: to criticize me in places where I have to get better. But he's blunt, and a lot of people view him as a jerk. He kind of is a jerk. He's helped me a lot and he has completely changed the way I look at piano playing (for the better, overall). But my confidence in piano has been gone for a long time, and now when it really comes down to it and he says what has to be said, I can't handle it.
Here's the mind blowing ultimate truth though: my problems are all the same. My problems in karate are the same as in music, and they're probably the same everywhere else in my life. Which is why I really wished I could hear my karate Sensei's thoughts on it all, as I was walking out of my lesson feeling like crying because it was so bad. Because when it comes down to it, I play it too safe. You can't play jazz piano safe: when you play it safe the whole thing comes across stale and uninteresting, because that's the point of jazz. Jazz isn't safe. It's spontaneous. I don't play safe on my own, which is why it's so devastating when I practice all week and then show up to my lesson and don't pull it off. But the truth is, I get it all week long and then I just crack when you put someone critical in front of me.
I'm a good piano player. Nobody can deny that. But I have between now and tomorrow to get over myself. I don't know if I can do that.
But when you lose confidence in your art....
I have a jury in piano tomorrow, which means that a panel of three professors judges me in fifteen minutes on my playing to give me a grade for my course in university. This is the last time between now and then that I get to be honest about how I feel. After this, no negative thoughts allowed. How I feel is completely inadequate. It sucks, but it's true. And the worst thing is, the moment I get confident enough to play my stuff, I go to my lesson and my teacher rips it apart.
Mind, that's his job: to criticize me in places where I have to get better. But he's blunt, and a lot of people view him as a jerk. He kind of is a jerk. He's helped me a lot and he has completely changed the way I look at piano playing (for the better, overall). But my confidence in piano has been gone for a long time, and now when it really comes down to it and he says what has to be said, I can't handle it.
Here's the mind blowing ultimate truth though: my problems are all the same. My problems in karate are the same as in music, and they're probably the same everywhere else in my life. Which is why I really wished I could hear my karate Sensei's thoughts on it all, as I was walking out of my lesson feeling like crying because it was so bad. Because when it comes down to it, I play it too safe. You can't play jazz piano safe: when you play it safe the whole thing comes across stale and uninteresting, because that's the point of jazz. Jazz isn't safe. It's spontaneous. I don't play safe on my own, which is why it's so devastating when I practice all week and then show up to my lesson and don't pull it off. But the truth is, I get it all week long and then I just crack when you put someone critical in front of me.
I'm a good piano player. Nobody can deny that. But I have between now and tomorrow to get over myself. I don't know if I can do that.