Merlin 2x13: To Save Gayelot - Part 2
This is the second part of my Merlin 2x13 Spazcap. I just had just written too much to post in one entry. XDD
MERLIN THANKS BALINOR WITH AN EXPRESSION THAT MAKES ME TURNS ME INTO SIX KINDS OF GOO.
AND A WEE GRIN TO MELT THE HEART
THE GAY FAMILY EATS TOGETHER
AND MERLIN TRIES TO MAKE CONVERSATION, THOUGH DADDY IS SUS OF MERLIN’S INTENTIONS [WITH ARTHUR]
HE EXPLAINS THAT THEY ARE ON A BIG GAY QUEST TOGETHER, AND THAT MOLLIFIES DADDY SLIGHTLY (LOL).
THOUGH I’M NOT SURE MERLIN REALISES HE LOOKS RATHER SUSPICIOUS, TALKING ABOUT FINDING THIS “SOMEBODY” ... NAMED ... “BALINOR”
COLIN MORGAN’S ACTING, RIGHT HERE, IS A SAMPLE OF GENIUS. HE IS SO FUCKING AMAZING.
GOD, THIS WHOLE SCENE, I CAN’T EVEN. I’M ALL *FLAIL* AT THE SERIOUSNESS OF BALINOR AND MERLIN’S UNWILLINGNESS TO DIVULGE WHAT HE KNOWS. BUT THEN THEY FUCKING PUT THIS NEXT BIT IN FRONT OF ME, AND I EXPLODE IN YET ANOTHER FIREY BALL OF SQUEE.
BALINOR POINTS AND ASKS WHO HE IS (IN THE FLOUNCEY-EST FUCKING GAY WAY POSSIBLE!! AGJA;LGJALJG!!!!)
UUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNFFFFFFFFFFF ARTHUR!
MERLIN: “HIS NAME IS ... LANCELOT”
SME: *FLAILS* *A;LGKJKALGJA* *THRASHES ABOUT*
JUST LOOK AT THE FUCKING BESOTTED WAY HE LOOKS AT ARTHUR, AND THE NOSTALGIC LOOK HE HAS ON HIS FACE WHILE TALKING ABOUT LANCELOT. HOLYFUCKINGGOD, YOU KNOW MERLIN IS REMEMBERING ALL THOSE HOT THREESOME ROMPS IN THE WEAPONS SHED AFTER “TRAINING”.
A;LKLGKJAL;KGJ *DIES*
THAT LITTLE FUCKING CHEEKY GRIN AS HE REFERS TO ARTHUR LANCELOT AS A “NICE KNIGHT”
*SPAZZES*
BALINOR IS ONTO YOUR HOPELESS LYING THOUGH, MERLIN. HE KNOWS WHO ARTHUR REALLY IS.
PRINCESS OF GAYELOT
DADDY BEAR IS NOT HAPPY ABOUT BEING LIED TO.
BUT HOOOOOOLYFUCKING GOD, THAT ACCENT. UNF UNF UNF. JOHN LYNCH, DO ME.
MERLIN TRIES TO CONVINCE BALINOR TO COME SAVE CAMELOT BY USING HIS SUPER SPECIAL GAYLORD POWA~ TO STOP THE DRAGON FROM ATTACKING THE HETEROES AND RUNNING OFF WITH ALL THE GAYS.THEY HAVE NEEDS AFTER ALL
BUT DADDY IS NOT A BEAR EVEN THOUGH HE LIVES IN A CAVE. GAYLORD DIDN’T APPRECIATE BEING HUNTED LIKE AN ANIMAL. THEREFORE, UTHER CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF.
MERLIN IS SLIGHTLY CRESTFALLEN WHILE LOOKING UP TO HIS DADDY FOR BEING SO BADASS
BALINOR RANTS ABOUT HOW HE WAS ASKED BY UTHER TO TALK TO THE LAST SLASH DRAGON FOR HIS BONDAGE DUNGEONS PEACE MAKING. BUT UTHER IS BASTARD AND ~BETRAYED~ HIM AND SLASHY AND HUNTED DOWN GAY’S AND MAGIC AND RULED THE KINGDOM WITH AN IRON PENIS FIST.
I DO WONDER WHY HE STILL LIKES TO HAVE GAIUS AROUND THOUGH. GAY, MAGICAL, INSOLENT. HE’S ALL THE THINGS UTHER IS TRYING TO DESTROY, BUT METHINKS HE SECRETLY LIKES.
XDDDDD
BACK TO THE GAYLORD’S WOE’S, HE IS STILL VERY BITTER THAT UTHER PURSUED HIS SEXY GAYMAGIC EVEN BEYOND HIS KINGDOM, FORCING HIM INTO HIDING.
SO HE UNDERSTANDS HOW “KILGHARRAH” FEELS. FUCK CAMELOT AND LET IT BURN, IS BASICALLY WHAT BALINOR SAYS. :O
LET’S TAKE A WEE SECOND TO FREAK THE FUCK OUT ABOUT THE SLASH DRAGON. HE HAS A NAME!! A PROPER NAME!! AND I AM READY TO BET IT’S THE YE OLDE ENGLISH MEANING OF EVERY SINGLE THING IT TAKES TO BE A SLASH DRAGON. XDDD
RIGHT, BACK TO THE MERLIN/BALINOR EMOWIZ’S. MERLIN CAN’T BELEIVE BALINOR WOULD LET THE FUTURE GAYELOT FALL, BUT BALINOR COULD CARE LESS - NO ONE CARES ABOUT HIM. AWWW~ POOR BB. MERLIN’S NEXT ARGUEMENT IS “WHAT IF ONE WAS YOUR SON” BUT BALINOR DOESN’T HEAR THE “DADDY, DADDY!! IT’S MEEEEEEEE~” IN MERLIN’S VOICE, SO HE THAT HE DOESN’T HAVE A SON.
BECAUSE ~HELLO~, HE’S ~GAAAAAAY~
MERLIN IS ABOUT TO TELL DADDY DEAREST THAT HE DID SOME MAGIC OF A SUPER SPECIAL KIND ONE NIGHT WHEN HE WAS VERY DRUNK AND HORNY.
BUT ARTHUR INTERUPTS.
MOANING MERLIN’S NAME.
IN HIS ASLEEP.
HALF NAKED.
MERLIN LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF HIM.
MERLIN HAS TO HAVE RESTRAINT THOUGH, BECAUSE POOR BB ARTHUR NEEDS TO RECOVER.
OH BUT HOW HE WANTS IT.
HOLYFUCKINGSHIT
I CANNOT EVEN!!!!
*EXPLODES*
IT DOESN’T END THERE.
MY FUCKING CHRIST, HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY GET ANY BETTER, YOU ASK?
BY ARTHUR, COMING OUT OF THE GAYCAVE NEXT MORNING, YELLING “~I FEEL GREAT~” AND LOOKING LIKE HE’S JUST HAD THE BEST REST SEX IN MONTHS.
AND HE YELLS ABOUT TO MERLIN “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU GIVE ME?”
OH I DON’T KNOW ARTHUR. SOUNDS LIKE A COCK MASSAGE. WITH HIS MOUTH.
*WHIMPERS*
THIS SHOW JUST MAKES IT TOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING EEEEEEEEASY!
OH MY GOD, I AM GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST WITH THE AMOUNT OF AWESOME IN THE LAST TEN MINUTES.
AL;DKJFA;LGKJAG;LKJAGA;LKGJ
MERLIN GETS ARTHUR BACK TO THE PLOT, BY POINTING OUT BALINOR.
WHO IS STANDING OVER BY HIMSELF, NOT LOOKING AWKWARD AT ALL.
LOL BALINOR, JUST LOL.
ARTHUR DOENS’T BELIEVE MERLIN WHEN HE SAYS THAT BALINOR WON’T HELP. DESPITE WHAT’S AT STAKE.
THOUGH HE MIGHT HAVE GOT DISTRACTED BY MERLIN’S OPEN LEGS
OH HO, BUT THE PLOT IS INSISTENT TO MAKE US CRY. OH YES, I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE WITH MERLIN BEING ALL DISAPPOINTED IN HIS FATHER.
/O\ YOU MAKE MY HEART BLEED MERLIN, WITH YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT. DDDD':
THE MENTION OF CAMELOT MEANS WE HAVE TO TAKE A SOBERING MINUTE TO FLASH BACK AND SEE THE POOR TOWNSPEOPLE FIGHTING FIRES AND TRYING TO SAVE THEIR CITY. SET TO REALLY CHEESY HEARTWARMING MUSIC.
GWEN IS UP ON ONE OF ROOFTOP COURTYARDS, WATCHING OVER ALL THE POOR PEOPLE. WHY AREN’T YOU HELPING?!?!?! ANYWAY, GAIUS COMES OVER TO REMIND US ALL THAT MORGANA DOES INDEED EXIST AND THAT SHE WAS, IN FACT, APART OF THE SHOW.
WHICH IS IMMEDIATELY UNDERMINDED BY GWEN SAYING “AND ARTHUR?”
UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS FUCKING SHOW AND ITS RETARDED ARTHUR/GWEN FORCED ROMANCE FUCKING PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH. IT’S 2x04 ALL OVER AGAIN, WHEN ARTHUR JUST FORGOT HIS ALMOST-SISTER MORGANA BECAUSE GWEN WASN’T THERE, AND NOW GWEN’S DOING THE SAME?!?! WHAT THE FLYING FUCKING SHIT?!?! THIS IS SUCH CRAP - YOU DO NOT JUST FORGET ALL ABOUT ONE CHARACTER JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE ~SO IN WUV~ FOR FUCK’S SAKE! MY GOD, AT LEAST SAY YOU MISS MORGANA TOO!
FUCK YOU WRITERS AND YOUR FUCKING STUPID RETARDED SHIT. I HATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WITH “ROMANCE” THIS SEASON. PLEASE BURN IN HELL.
~IGNORES GAIUS SUDDENLY BEING GWEN’S NEW BFF AND TALKING ABOUT LOVE AND BOYFRIENDS~
*GAGS*
OH THANK THE FANGIRL GODS, BRADLEY JAMES IS BACK AND BEING AWESOME. ARTHUR SWAGGERS BACK TO MERLIN, AFTER ALL OF FIVE SECONDS “PERSUADING” BALINOR (LOL, WILL NOT SAY SEXUAL FAVOURS. BUT YOU ALL JUST THOUGHT IT. xDDDD)
MERLIN IS ALLLLLL HOPEFUL THAT HE WILL GET GLOVED!FINGER SEXING THAT ARTHUR IS RIGHT ...
SO THEY SIT/STAND LIKE THE FUCKING CLASSIC MARRIED COUPLE WAITING FOR THE NEWS.
AND I LOL REALLY, REALLY HARD WHEN BALINOR SAYS “FUCK NO FAREWELL”.
XDDD OMG ARTHUR LOOKS SHELL-SHOCKED. LOLOL!!
UNF, LOVE THAT FIRST THING MERLIN DID WAS LOOK AT ARTHUR!!
*FLAILS*
INDIGNANT ARTHUR IS INDIGNANT.
BALINOR IS STILL HBIC THOUGH, AND STILL SAYS UTHER. CAN. BUUUUUURN.
MERLIN IS ANGRY AND DISAPPOINTED.
THE MARRIED COUPLE UNITE IN ANGER AGAINST BALINOR.
ARTHUR SAYS THE PEOPLE OF CAMELOT ARE DOOMED.
BALINOR RETORTS THAT UTHER HAS NO HEART/BRAINS/WILLPOWER EITHER.
MERLIN SAYS THAT BALINOR IS NO BETTER THAN HIM.
OH, BUUUUUUUUUUUURN!!!
A;KLKGJALKGJ BUT ARTHUR HAS TO BE ONE MORE SLICE OF AWESOMECAKES, AND ADDRESSES MERLIN “NOT TO WASTE HIS TIME” (EEKK, TEAMLOVIN’ FTW!) WHILE SNIPING AT BALINOR. XDDD
MERLIN THOUGH, HAS TO HAVE THE LAST WORD (BECAUSE HE’S A GIRL) AND DELIVERS A VERY CUTTING REMARK ABOUT GAIUS SPEAKING HIGHLY OF HIM AND HIS GAY SEX. OHOOOoooOOooOOoOOO MERLIN, WAY TO STAB THAT KNIFE IN THERE.
BALINOR JUST LOOKS FUCKING HOT. I’M SORRY, NOTHING ELSE TO SAY HERE.
MERLIN WANTS TO TELL BALINOR THE TRUTH - THAT HE IS A FATHER
BUT KEEPS GETTING INTERRUPTED BY A SHOUTING, IMPATIENT ARTHUR. SO MERLIN JUST TELLS BALINOR THAT “THERE’S NO POINT. YOU WILL NEVER MEASURE UP TO MY ARTHUR” AND THEY RIDE OFF INTO THE FOREST.
SOMETIME LATER, THEY HAVE STOPPED FOR SEXING TIEMZ REST. ARTHUR JUST CAN’T HELP BUT CHECK MERLIN’S BUTT OUT WHILE HE’S BENDING DOWN LIKE THAT.
OH, WHILE HE’S TALKING ABOUT RIDDLING MERLIN. WITH SPERM
A;GKJKJA;LGJALJ
GAY SEX SAYS WHUT.
THEN HE ADMITS HIS FEELINGS AND TELLS MERLIN THAT HE LIKES HIM.
WITH THIS FUCKING LOOK ON HIS FACE.
AND A PHALLIC STICK IN HIS HAND.
MERLIN IS SMIRKING UP A STORM.
*FLAILS*
BUT THEN ARTHUR POKES HIM WITH HIS STICK PENIS!!!
THEY LOVE IT.
IT’S ALL JUST FOREPLAY FOR MERLIN - HE STARTS TALKING ABOUT HOW HE FEELS THE SAME AND ARTHUR’S NOT ARROGANT, JUST SUPERCILIOUS.
ARTHUR IS ALL “WOW, THAT’S RATHER BIG FOR YOU. SURE YOU CAN WEAR THAT?” (ZOOOOMG, PLEASE TELL ME I WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT JUMPED IMMEDIATELY TO ARTHUR COMPARING PENIS SIZES WITH MERLIN AND THAT “BIG WORD” TALK. ALKGALKGJA;L!!!!!)
MERLIN IMMEDIATELY REPLIES THAT ARTHUR IS CONDESCENDING. IN THE BEDROOM. AND OVERBEARING. *VERY* OVERBEARING.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THERE ARE NOT WORDS.
THEY EVEN HAVE THEIR SNIPPY LOVERS BANTER.
*DIES*
IT’S 1x10 ALL OVER AGAIN, MERLIN HOLDING A SWORD ALL WILLY-NILLY AS HE SPINS AROUND:
ONLY TO SEE DADDYBEAR!!
BALINOR ADDRESSES MERLIN (AND NOT THE PRINCESS) AND ARTHUR LOOKS ROUND, ALMOST AS IF HE JUST NOW REALISED THAT MERLIN IS USEFUL FOR MORE THAN JUST GOOD SEX.
BALINOR IS GOING TO HELP THEM!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY MERLIN AND ARTHUR ARE HAPPY COOKIES!! =DDDDDDDD
(THOUGH, SUPER LULZ AT ARTHUR BEING HAPPY ABOUT NOT HAVING TO REWARD BALINOR. I KNOW HE WOULD HAVE ANYWAY, BUT HE GOT ALL HAPPY-EXCITED THEN, LIKE HE JUST FOUND A NEW TOY LANCELOT. XDD)
AWWW, ISN’T THIS A SWEET SCENE WITH DADDY AND BB MERLIN, COLLECTING FIREWOOD.
LOL @ MERLIN’S WOOD BEING “TOO WET TO LIGHT”.
I DOUBT IT MERLIN, ARTHUR COULD ALWAYS GET YOUR “WOOD” TO LIGHT. XDDD
MERLIN BRINGS UP BALINOR’S MAGIC IN A LULZY WAY, AND WE LEARN THAT “THE OLD RELIGION CANNOT BE TAUGHT”. THIS MAKES ME LOL ALL OVER THE PLACE, BECAUSE IT’S TOTALLY A FUCKING METAPHOR FOR HOMOSEXUALITY. YOU’RE BORN WITH IT
SIDE NOTE: JOHN LYNCH IS LOOKING PRETTY FINE.
OMG, AND MERLIN NOT-SO-CASUALLY BRING UP EALDOR. SAYING “YOU TOOK REFUGE WITH A WOMAN”. I DIED AND I DIED AND I DIED, BECAUSE THE SHOW IS TRYING TO SAY “BALINOR HAD SEX WITH HUNITH” IN A ~VAGUE~ AND ~UNSUSPECTING~ WAY.
LOL! LOOK AT BALINOR’S FACE. XDD HE DNW HET LOVIN’!
IMMA CALL HIM “GAYNOR” FROM NOW ON, BECAUSE IT’S CLEARLY HIS RIGHTFULLY APPROPRIATE NAME.
GAY!MERLIN TRIES TO TELL GAYNOR THAT HE IS HIS SON BY SAYING HUNITH IS HIS MOTHER. LOL GAYNOR IMMEDIATELY THINKS THAT HUNITH MARRIED AND BABIED, BECAUSE CLEARLY THEY WERE NEVER GETTING IT ON. XDDDD THAT THOUGHT NEVER CROSSED HIS MIND, MERLIN!
GUH, BUT JUST LOOK AT MERLIN’S ADORABLE WOOBIE FACE!
AND THEN HE TELLS GAYNOR “I’M YOUR YA SON” WITH A LOOK THAT BREAKS EVERY VIEWERS HEART.
GAYNOR LOOKS ALL BEWILDERED AND NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY/DO. HE “DOESN’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A SON”
MERLIN: “OR I A FATHER”
/O\ OH MY HEART! IT HAS NEVER BLED LIKE THIS BEFORE. COLIN FUCKING MORGAN’S ACTING IS JUST ... SO POWERFUL RIGHT THERE, IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY FOR MERLIN THAT HE COULD ACTUALLY HAVE THE CHANCE TO KNOW HIS FATHER.
*SWEEPS SILLY TEARS*
ARTHUR WALKS BY WITH HIS PHALLIC POKING PENIS, EYESEXING UP MERLIN TO TELL HIM YOU. ME. LOG. NOW.
MERLIN PLEADS WITH GAYNOR NOT TO TELL ARTHUR THE TRUTH, BECAUSE HE IS AFRAID ARTHUR WILL BE ANGRY AT HIS NON-SUPA-SEKRIT-GAY-MAJAKIL-POWA.
THEY HAVE A SYMBOLIC “PASSING OF THE GAY” FROM FATHER TO SON WITH PHALLIC STICKS.
GAYNOR SMILES
MERLIN SMILES
AND I MELT INTO A PILE OF MUSH. THE COMBINATION OF THE MUSIC, MERLIN’S TEARY FACE, JOHN LYNCH’S WEE SMILE AND THE WEIGHT OF THE FAMILY REUINION IS JUST TOO MUCH TO HANDLE.
LOL ARTHUR IS SLEEPING WITH HIS MOUTH OPEN
ALL READY FOR MERLIN’S COCK AND BALLS
MERLIN IS WATCHING HIM, CLEARLY BESOTTED
HE CANNOT KEEP THE WANT AND LUST FROM HIS FACE AS HE LOOKS AT THAT INVITING MOUTH.
THEIR SEXING IS INTERRUPTED WITH BACKSTORY THOUGH, AS GAYNOR SITS THERE PLAYING WITH HIS GAY METAPHORS (IE, KNIVES) AND MERLIN WONDERS WHY HE NEVER RETURNED TO EALDOR.
I’D’VE THOUGHT THAT WAS OBVIOUS, MERLIN. GAYNOR IS GAY AND MAGICAL, SO HE DIDN’T WANT TO PUT YOUR VILLAGE IN DANGER BECAUSE UTHER IS AN ARSE FOR HUNTING DOWN AND KILLING GAYS. AND MAGIC PEOPLE.
DUH!
MERLIN SHOWS JUST HOW NAIVE HE IS BY SAYING THEY COULD HAVE GONE WITH GAYNOR, AND BEEN A FAMILY (SINCE GAYNOR WOULDN’T HAVE HAD ANY OTHER FAMILY). GAYNOR IS SENSIBLE AND ASKS WHAT KIND OF LIFE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN.
MERLIN SMILES WITH HAPPY TEARS AND SAYS “WE’D HAVE BEEN ... HAPPY”
SME: *HEART: BREAKS*
HE EVEN PROMISES THAT, AFTER THIS IS ALL OVER, HE WILL TAKE GAYNOR TO EALDOR AND HE CAN SEE HIS MOTHER AGAIN SINCE THEY WERE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS
WITH THE MOST BLISSFUL, SWEETEST SMILE YOU’VE EVER SEEN.
THIS IS THE POINT WHERE I LOSE MY SHIT COMPLETELY AND START HYSTERICALLY BAWLING LIKE A MANIAC. MERLIN ABSOLUTELY DESTROYS ME WITH HOW COMPLETELY NAIVE HE IS, HOW HAPPY HE IS AT THE THOUGHT OF HAVING A FAMILY AND HIS TEARS/CRYING WHILST SMILING IS WHAT BREAKS ME TO PIECES.
*CRIES AND CRIES AND CRIES AND CRIES*
GAYNOR WOULD LIKE THAT.
BUT HUNITH WOULDN’T REGONISE HER.
MERLIN: *HOPE: BREAKS*
GAYNOR DOES REKINDLE MERLIN’S HOPE THOUGH, WHEN HE TELLS HIM THAT “HE SEES HUNITH IN [MERLIN]” (LOL, SURELY NOT IN THE EARS? XDD)
MERLIN FEELS VERY PROUD OF THE “KINDNESS” COMPLIMENT, TO BOTH HIM AND HIS MOTHER.
SME: *HEARTS: ACHES*
HOWEVER, MERLIN DECIDES TO GET BACK TO THE PLOT AND STOP TRYING TO KILL ALL THE FANGIRLS, BY ASKING HOW YOU BECOME A DRAGONLORD.
BUT OF COURSE, THE GAY IS HANDED DOWN FROM FATHER TO SON. BUT YOU WON’T KNOW YOU’RE GAY ENOUGH UNTIL YOU FACE YOUR FIRST SLASH DRAGON.
LOL SHOW. OH BUT HOW I AM LIKING YOUR WEE SHOT OF MERLIN WORRYING ABOUT THIS - OBVIOUSLY HIS SELF-ESTEEM HAS TAKEN A HIT LAST TIME THE DRAGON SHOUTED THAT HE WASN’T GAY ENOUGH.
BUT THE SHOW JUST CAN’T HELP ITSELF, AND HAS TO DESTROY WHAT IS LEFT OF US.
GAYNOR SUGGESTS GOING TO BED, SAYING “GOODNIGHT ... SON”
MERLIN LOOKS OVER AT HIM, NOT QUITE BELIEVING WHAT HE HEARD.
THEN HE GIVES A SMALL SMILE, LIKING IT ALL VERY MUCH.
HE HAS A LITTLE TROUBLE FINDING HIS VOICE, BECAUSE HE’S ALL CHOKED UP ABOUT IT. BUT HE MANAGES TO SAY “SLEEP WELL, FATHER”.
LOOKING LIKE THE HAPPIEST KID IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.
MY LIFE IS ENDED HERE, BECAUSE IT CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE. FOR SERIOUS. MERLIN JUST KILLED ME WITH HIS LOVABLE LOVE FOR HIS FATHER, AND HOW HAPPY HE WAS AT BEING ABLE TO EXPRESS IT. I AM CRYING, SHAKING, HYSTERICAL AND DEAD. OH HOW I WISHED THE EPISODE COULD HAVE ENDED HERE, TO SAVE US ALL EVEN MORE GUT-WRENCHING PAIN.
NEXT MORNING, MERLIN WAKES UP TO FIND THE MOST ADORABLE WOODEN WEE DRAGON NEAR HIS HEAD.
A PRESENT FROM DADDY!! /O\
SME: *STILL DEAD*
BUT! ARTHUR SAVES THE DAY BY WAKING MERLIN UP WITH SOME GLOVE!FINGERING SEX.
HE GETS OUT HIS BLOOD SPERM COVERED PENIS FOR SOME ROUGH SEX LOVIN’.
THEY ARE INTERRUPTED HOWEVER, BY SOME PANSY SOILDERS, SO ARTHUR CAN SHOW OFF HIS BADASSERY.
AS CAN GAYNOR.
PWAOR, NGL:
EVEN MERLIN JOINS THE FIGHTING!!!
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE~!
BUT LOL, GAY!MERLIN FLOUNCES ABOUT, FIGHTING LIKE A PANSY
AND OF COURSE HIS SWORD-PENIS GETS KNOCKED OUT OF HIS HANDS.
OH NOES, ATTACK OF THE EVIL!PEEN!
WHO SHOULD COME TO THE RESCUE BUT DADDYBEAR!! =DD YAY FATHER/SON MOMENT OF AMAZINGNESS!
WHICH IS IMMEDIATELY AND COMPLETELY RUINED BY GAYNOR BEING STABBED IN THE FUCKING CHEST!!!
\O/
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
OMG JOHN’S ACTING! HIS PAIN!
MERLIN IS ROAWR ANGRY AND FUCKING BLOWS THIS BITCH AWAY!
MERLIN HOLDS GAYNOR AS HE FALLS TO THE GROUND, DYING.
GOD, MERLIN IS IN SO MUCH PAIN AS HE BEGS “NO, PLEASE NO”
BUT MERLIN IS INTERRUPTED, BECAUSE HIS FATHER HAS IMPORTANT THINGS TO SAY ABOUT DEFEATING THE DRAGON.
MERLIN DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR IT THOUGH; HE IS IN TOO MUCH PAIN ABOUT HIS FATHER DYING.
MERLIN STILLS LONG ENOUGH TO HEAR SOME OF THE MOST HEARTWARMING AND HEART FELT WORDS FROM HIS FATHER - THAT MERLIN WILL MAKE HIM PROUD.
HE DOES NOT, HOWEVER, HAVE THE STRENGTH TO GIVE MERLIN ONE LAST GESTURE OF AFFECTION.
AND THAT, MORE THAN ANYTHING, CAUSED ME TO HOWL LIKE A WOUNDED DOG.
NO!
SME: *DIES FROM HEARTACHE*
ARTHUR IS FURIOUS
AND UNABLE TO BARE MERLIN’S EXUDING CRUSHING PAIN.
CAMELOT
IS
DOOMED.
ARTHUR IS THE BEARER OF BAD NEWS.
MERLIN CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO DEAL.
ARTHUR ANNOUNCES THAT THE LAST DRAGONLORD IS DEAD.
MERLIN CANNOT HIDE HIS PAIN.
SME: *CRIES WITH MERLIN*
GAIUS CANNOT HANDLE IT.
UTHER CANNOT HANDLE IT.
ARTHUR HOWEVER, WANTS TO BATTLE ON FOR MERLIN’S SAKE, LIKE THE BADASS SOILDER HE IS.
HE ASKS FOR KNIGHTS BRAVE ENOUGH TO GO TO CERTAIN DEATH.
SIR FUCKING LEON IS THE BRAVEST OF THEM ALL, STEPPING UP FIRST.
A DOZEN KNIGHTS GATHER ROUND ARTHUR IN A VERY SYMBOLIC “ROUND TABLE”.
I C WOT U DID THAR, SHOW.
SME: *CRIES KNOWING THEY ARE ALL GOING TO DIE*
MERLIN CRIES OVER HIS WEE DRAGON, KNOWING THEY ARE ALL GOING TO DIE
AND BECAUSE HE COULDN’T SAVE HIS FATHER
GAIUS SITS DOWN TO COMFORT MERLIN IN A RETARDED WAY, SAYING IT’S ONLY WITH HIS FATHER’S DEATH THAT HE COULD INHERIT HIS POWER.
BUT SWITCHING OVER TO AN EPIC MOMENT OF EPICNESS, WE HAVE LULZ OF THE HIGHEST DEGREE. MERLIN HOLDING ARTHUR’S HAND
TELLING HIS LOVER TO BE CAREFUL
ARTHUR LULZ @ HIS SRSBSNS FACE. “YES SIRE” ARTHUR TEASES, WANTING TO GET IN A BIT MORE ROLE PLAY SEX-PLAY BEFORE HE GOES OFF TO CERTAIN DEATH.
ARTHUR MENTIONS “IF HE DIES” AND MERLIN SOUNDS CLEARLY TERRIFIED, BECAUSE HE CANNOT THINK OF LOSING HIS MOST BELOVED.
MY FUCKING GOD, THEY ARE IN SUCH LOVE.
ARTHUR HEARS HIS PANIC
AND NEEDS TO TOUCH HIS BOYFRIEND TO HELP CALM HIM
AND TELLS HIM THAT “NO MAN IS WORTH YOUR TEARS”.
\O/ OHMYFUCKINGGOD, ARTHUR JUST SAID THAT?! TELLING MERLIN NOT TO CRY OVER HIM? OR THIS MYSTERIOUS MAN (GAYNOR) IN THE FOREST?! :OOOOOOO GAY LOVE ADVICE SAYS WOT!
MERLIN’S EARS CAN ONLY GLOW AS HE JOKES “YOU’RE CERTAINLY NOT!”
YET THE NEXT THING HE DOES IS GRAB A SWORD.
OH I SEE YOU CHECKING OUT MERLIN’S SWORD-LONG PENIS THAR ARTHUR.
HE IS COMING WITH ARTHUR.
WHILE MENTIONING HIS ROYAL BACKSIDE.
AND GRINNING LIKE A FOOL IN LOVE.
ZOMG THEY EVEN FINISH OFF THIS EXCHANGE WITH A CLASH OF THEIR PENISES.
ARTHUR STILL UNASHAMEDLY PERVING, ONCE THEY MOVE TOWARD THE DOOR, TO FACE THE “DRAGON” IN ARTHUR’S PANTS
ARTHUR: “ARE YOU REALLY?”
MERLIN: “I LOVE YOU. OF COURSE I’M GOING TO.”
“I KNOW IT’S HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL”
A;LFKGJA;LKKGJJ!!!!!!!!
ARTHUR IS ASTOUNDED BY THE EXTENT OF MERLIN’S LOVE.
*FLAILS*
MERLIN’S CARES ABOUT “THE ARMOUR” - LOL SOMEONE HAS A KINK, METHINKS.
ARTHUR GRABS MERLIN FOR ONE LAST SNOG-FEST, BEFORE THEY RIDE OUT.
A;GKJA;LKLGJ
TOGETHER, UP FRONT, SHAGGING RIDING TO THE LOTR SOUNDTRACK.
MERLIN’S WOOBIE EARS ARE SCARED OF THE DARK.
LOLWUT, NO ARMOUR FOR MERLIN? CRIKEY, HE REALLY DOES LOVE ARTHUR!
ARTHUR HELPS BY GIVING NECK!PORN
BUT THE DRAGON DOES COMETH.
LANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SYMBOLIC ROUND TABLE
AND KNOCKING THEM ALL OUT WITH HIS TAIL.
THE KNIGHTS ALL HUDDLE IN A CORNER, AND GET COOKED BY THE DRAGON’S FIREPOWER.
HE LOOKS AWFULLY CREEPY AND PLEASED WITH HIS DESTRUCTION. \O/
SME: NO! SIR LEON! D:
ARTHUR GRABS THE BIGGEST PHALLIC GAY SYMBOL HE CAN, AND POINTS IT AT THE DRAGON.
SME: *LULZ ALL OVER THE PLACE*
SOMEHOW ARTHUR DOESN’T BURN TO A CRISP, DESPITE THE FIREBALL HEADING RIGHT AT HIM.
POKES THE DRAGON WITH GAY PHALLIC SPEAR
AND GETS SUPERGAYPWNED.
CHECK OUT MERLIN’S COMPLETE WORRY AND LOVE FOR ARTHUR!
AND BY THE POWER OF THIS GAYLOVE, MERLIN’S FATHER IS ABLE TO SPEAK TO MERLIN AND CHANNEL HIS GHEIPOWA~ TO HIM.
\O/ MERLIN’S DOING IT!!
THE DRAGON PLEAS FOR HIS LIFE, BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT HIS RACE TO BECOME EXTINCT.
MERLIN PRETENDS TO BE FIERCE~
AND THE DRAGON COWERS
BUT MERLIN SHOWS MERCY.
OMFG YES! YES! YESYESYES! THE DRAGON SURVIVED! THANK FUCKING CHRIST!
*CRIES TEARS OF JOY*
OFF HIS FLIES TO SEEK A NEW GAY REFUGE.
NOT TWO SECONDS AFTER SLASH DRAGON HAS FLOWN AWAY, ARTHUR WAKES UP.
WHAT THE FLYING SHIT?!?!?!?!?
BUT I’LL FORGIVE BECAUSE MERLIN SAYS “YOU DEALT HIM A MORTAL BLOW” IN THE SEXIEST FUCKING VOICE IMAGINABLE.
LOVE OOZING OUT OF HIS FACE.
ADJ;LAKGJALGKJ
MERLIN KNOWS THAT ARTHUR WILL NOW BE WITH HIS FOREVER. THEIR GAY LOVE POWER COMBINED, THEY ARE CAPTAIN GAY!
LOL ARTHUR SOUNDS (AND LOOKS) LIKE HE’S GETTING THE BEST BLOW JOB OF HIS LIFE.
AFTERWARDS, THE BOYS WALK BACK TO CAMELOT, HAND IN HAND.
UTHER IS SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED HE STILL HAS A SON
OUR BOYS ARE WALKING THEIR GAY VICTORY MARCH IN SLO-MO
~COMPLETELY IGNORING GWEN/ARTHUR~
GAIUS HUGS MERLIN TIGHTLY
AND SAYS THE ONLY TWO WORDS NECESSARY: “MY BOY”
SME: *HEART: MELTS*
MERLIN EXPLAINS THAT HE FELT HIS FATHER THERE WITH HIM, AND GAIUS IS SAYS THE SWEETEST THING EVER - HE MAY NOT BE HIS FATHER, BUT YOU’VE STILL GOT ME.
AND THEY WALK AWAY, ARM IN ARM.
THE END.
*WAILS*
*CRIES*
I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S OVER. D:
I WILL HAVE TO BURY MYSELF IN FIC FOR NEXT NINE MONTHS TO DULL THE PAIN.
GODDAMN, I KNEW THAT SIR LEON WAS GOING TO DIE, AND THAT MERLIN’S MAGIC WOULD STILL BE UNREVEALED. BUT I AM SO GLAD THE SLASH DRAGON SURVIVED.
BUT I NEED SEASON THREE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!!
IN CONCLUSION:
+ GAY LIKE WHOA, NEVER DISAPPOINTS
+ SLASH DRAGON LIVING
+ COLIN’S ACTING WAS AMAZING
- MERLIN NOT TELLING ARTHUR ABOUT HIS DAD
- BALINOR DYING WITHIN TEN MINUTES! DDD:
- SIR LEON DYING DDDDDD:
- WTF ARTHUR BEING ASLEEP/KNOCKED OUT FOR ALL THE BIG REVEALS! D:<
- HAVING TO WAIT NINE MONTHS TILL NEXT SEASON!
MERLIN THANKS BALINOR WITH AN EXPRESSION THAT MAKES ME TURNS ME INTO SIX KINDS OF GOO.
AND A WEE GRIN TO MELT THE HEART
THE GAY FAMILY EATS TOGETHER
AND MERLIN TRIES TO MAKE CONVERSATION, THOUGH DADDY IS SUS OF MERLIN’S INTENTIONS [WITH ARTHUR]
HE EXPLAINS THAT THEY ARE ON A BIG GAY QUEST TOGETHER, AND THAT MOLLIFIES DADDY SLIGHTLY (LOL).
THOUGH I’M NOT SURE MERLIN REALISES HE LOOKS RATHER SUSPICIOUS, TALKING ABOUT FINDING THIS “SOMEBODY” ... NAMED ... “BALINOR”
COLIN MORGAN’S ACTING, RIGHT HERE, IS A SAMPLE OF GENIUS. HE IS SO FUCKING AMAZING.
GOD, THIS WHOLE SCENE, I CAN’T EVEN. I’M ALL *FLAIL* AT THE SERIOUSNESS OF BALINOR AND MERLIN’S UNWILLINGNESS TO DIVULGE WHAT HE KNOWS. BUT THEN THEY FUCKING PUT THIS NEXT BIT IN FRONT OF ME, AND I EXPLODE IN YET ANOTHER FIREY BALL OF SQUEE.
BALINOR POINTS AND ASKS WHO HE IS (IN THE FLOUNCEY-EST FUCKING GAY WAY POSSIBLE!! AGJA;LGJALJG!!!!)
UUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNFFFFFFFFFFF ARTHUR!
MERLIN: “HIS NAME IS ... LANCELOT”
SME: *FLAILS* *A;LGKJKALGJA* *THRASHES ABOUT*
JUST LOOK AT THE FUCKING BESOTTED WAY HE LOOKS AT ARTHUR, AND THE NOSTALGIC LOOK HE HAS ON HIS FACE WHILE TALKING ABOUT LANCELOT. HOLYFUCKINGGOD, YOU KNOW MERLIN IS REMEMBERING ALL THOSE HOT THREESOME ROMPS IN THE WEAPONS SHED AFTER “TRAINING”.
A;LKLGKJAL;KGJ *DIES*
THAT LITTLE FUCKING CHEEKY GRIN AS HE REFERS TO ARTHUR LANCELOT AS A “NICE KNIGHT”
*SPAZZES*
BALINOR IS ONTO YOUR HOPELESS LYING THOUGH, MERLIN. HE KNOWS WHO ARTHUR REALLY IS.
PRINCESS OF GAYELOT
DADDY BEAR IS NOT HAPPY ABOUT BEING LIED TO.
BUT HOOOOOOLYFUCKING GOD, THAT ACCENT. UNF UNF UNF. JOHN LYNCH, DO ME.
MERLIN TRIES TO CONVINCE BALINOR TO COME SAVE CAMELOT BY USING HIS SUPER SPECIAL GAYLORD POWA~ TO STOP THE DRAGON FROM ATTACKING THE HETEROES AND RUNNING OFF WITH ALL THE GAYS.THEY HAVE NEEDS AFTER ALL
BUT DADDY IS NOT A BEAR EVEN THOUGH HE LIVES IN A CAVE. GAYLORD DIDN’T APPRECIATE BEING HUNTED LIKE AN ANIMAL. THEREFORE, UTHER CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF.
MERLIN IS SLIGHTLY CRESTFALLEN WHILE LOOKING UP TO HIS DADDY FOR BEING SO BADASS
BALINOR RANTS ABOUT HOW HE WAS ASKED BY UTHER TO TALK TO THE LAST SLASH DRAGON FOR HIS BONDAGE DUNGEONS PEACE MAKING. BUT UTHER IS BASTARD AND ~BETRAYED~ HIM AND SLASHY AND HUNTED DOWN GAY’S AND MAGIC AND RULED THE KINGDOM WITH AN IRON PENIS FIST.
I DO WONDER WHY HE STILL LIKES TO HAVE GAIUS AROUND THOUGH. GAY, MAGICAL, INSOLENT. HE’S ALL THE THINGS UTHER IS TRYING TO DESTROY, BUT METHINKS HE SECRETLY LIKES.
XDDDDD
BACK TO THE GAYLORD’S WOE’S, HE IS STILL VERY BITTER THAT UTHER PURSUED HIS SEXY GAYMAGIC EVEN BEYOND HIS KINGDOM, FORCING HIM INTO HIDING.
SO HE UNDERSTANDS HOW “KILGHARRAH” FEELS. FUCK CAMELOT AND LET IT BURN, IS BASICALLY WHAT BALINOR SAYS. :O
LET’S TAKE A WEE SECOND TO FREAK THE FUCK OUT ABOUT THE SLASH DRAGON. HE HAS A NAME!! A PROPER NAME!! AND I AM READY TO BET IT’S THE YE OLDE ENGLISH MEANING OF EVERY SINGLE THING IT TAKES TO BE A SLASH DRAGON. XDDD
RIGHT, BACK TO THE MERLIN/BALINOR EMOWIZ’S. MERLIN CAN’T BELEIVE BALINOR WOULD LET THE FUTURE GAYELOT FALL, BUT BALINOR COULD CARE LESS - NO ONE CARES ABOUT HIM. AWWW~ POOR BB. MERLIN’S NEXT ARGUEMENT IS “WHAT IF ONE WAS YOUR SON” BUT BALINOR DOESN’T HEAR THE “DADDY, DADDY!! IT’S MEEEEEEEE~” IN MERLIN’S VOICE, SO HE THAT HE DOESN’T HAVE A SON.
BECAUSE ~HELLO~, HE’S ~GAAAAAAY~
MERLIN IS ABOUT TO TELL DADDY DEAREST THAT HE DID SOME MAGIC OF A SUPER SPECIAL KIND ONE NIGHT WHEN HE WAS VERY DRUNK AND HORNY.
BUT ARTHUR INTERUPTS.
MOANING MERLIN’S NAME.
IN HIS ASLEEP.
HALF NAKED.
MERLIN LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF HIM.
MERLIN HAS TO HAVE RESTRAINT THOUGH, BECAUSE POOR BB ARTHUR NEEDS TO RECOVER.
OH BUT HOW HE WANTS IT.
HOLYFUCKINGSHIT
I CANNOT EVEN!!!!
*EXPLODES*
IT DOESN’T END THERE.
MY FUCKING CHRIST, HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY GET ANY BETTER, YOU ASK?
BY ARTHUR, COMING OUT OF THE GAYCAVE NEXT MORNING, YELLING “~I FEEL GREAT~” AND LOOKING LIKE HE’S JUST HAD THE BEST REST SEX IN MONTHS.
AND HE YELLS ABOUT TO MERLIN “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU GIVE ME?”
OH I DON’T KNOW ARTHUR. SOUNDS LIKE A COCK MASSAGE. WITH HIS MOUTH.
*WHIMPERS*
THIS SHOW JUST MAKES IT TOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING EEEEEEEEASY!
OH MY GOD, I AM GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST WITH THE AMOUNT OF AWESOME IN THE LAST TEN MINUTES.
AL;DKJFA;LGKJAG;LKJAGA;LKGJ
MERLIN GETS ARTHUR BACK TO THE PLOT, BY POINTING OUT BALINOR.
WHO IS STANDING OVER BY HIMSELF, NOT LOOKING AWKWARD AT ALL.
LOL BALINOR, JUST LOL.
ARTHUR DOENS’T BELIEVE MERLIN WHEN HE SAYS THAT BALINOR WON’T HELP. DESPITE WHAT’S AT STAKE.
THOUGH HE MIGHT HAVE GOT DISTRACTED BY MERLIN’S OPEN LEGS
OH HO, BUT THE PLOT IS INSISTENT TO MAKE US CRY. OH YES, I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE WITH MERLIN BEING ALL DISAPPOINTED IN HIS FATHER.
/O\ YOU MAKE MY HEART BLEED MERLIN, WITH YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT. DDDD':
THE MENTION OF CAMELOT MEANS WE HAVE TO TAKE A SOBERING MINUTE TO FLASH BACK AND SEE THE POOR TOWNSPEOPLE FIGHTING FIRES AND TRYING TO SAVE THEIR CITY. SET TO REALLY CHEESY HEARTWARMING MUSIC.
GWEN IS UP ON ONE OF ROOFTOP COURTYARDS, WATCHING OVER ALL THE POOR PEOPLE. WHY AREN’T YOU HELPING?!?!?! ANYWAY, GAIUS COMES OVER TO REMIND US ALL THAT MORGANA DOES INDEED EXIST AND THAT SHE WAS, IN FACT, APART OF THE SHOW.
WHICH IS IMMEDIATELY UNDERMINDED BY GWEN SAYING “AND ARTHUR?”
UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS FUCKING SHOW AND ITS RETARDED ARTHUR/GWEN FORCED ROMANCE FUCKING PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH. IT’S 2x04 ALL OVER AGAIN, WHEN ARTHUR JUST FORGOT HIS ALMOST-SISTER MORGANA BECAUSE GWEN WASN’T THERE, AND NOW GWEN’S DOING THE SAME?!?! WHAT THE FLYING FUCKING SHIT?!?! THIS IS SUCH CRAP - YOU DO NOT JUST FORGET ALL ABOUT ONE CHARACTER JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE ~SO IN WUV~ FOR FUCK’S SAKE! MY GOD, AT LEAST SAY YOU MISS MORGANA TOO!
FUCK YOU WRITERS AND YOUR FUCKING STUPID RETARDED SHIT. I HATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WITH “ROMANCE” THIS SEASON. PLEASE BURN IN HELL.
~IGNORES GAIUS SUDDENLY BEING GWEN’S NEW BFF AND TALKING ABOUT LOVE AND BOYFRIENDS~
*GAGS*
OH THANK THE FANGIRL GODS, BRADLEY JAMES IS BACK AND BEING AWESOME. ARTHUR SWAGGERS BACK TO MERLIN, AFTER ALL OF FIVE SECONDS “PERSUADING” BALINOR (LOL, WILL NOT SAY SEXUAL FAVOURS. BUT YOU ALL JUST THOUGHT IT. xDDDD)
MERLIN IS ALLLLLL HOPEFUL THAT HE WILL GET GLOVED!FINGER SEXING THAT ARTHUR IS RIGHT ...
SO THEY SIT/STAND LIKE THE FUCKING CLASSIC MARRIED COUPLE WAITING FOR THE NEWS.
AND I LOL REALLY, REALLY HARD WHEN BALINOR SAYS “FUCK NO FAREWELL”.
XDDD OMG ARTHUR LOOKS SHELL-SHOCKED. LOLOL!!
UNF, LOVE THAT FIRST THING MERLIN DID WAS LOOK AT ARTHUR!!
*FLAILS*
INDIGNANT ARTHUR IS INDIGNANT.
BALINOR IS STILL HBIC THOUGH, AND STILL SAYS UTHER. CAN. BUUUUUURN.
MERLIN IS ANGRY AND DISAPPOINTED.
THE MARRIED COUPLE UNITE IN ANGER AGAINST BALINOR.
ARTHUR SAYS THE PEOPLE OF CAMELOT ARE DOOMED.
BALINOR RETORTS THAT UTHER HAS NO HEART/BRAINS/WILLPOWER EITHER.
MERLIN SAYS THAT BALINOR IS NO BETTER THAN HIM.
OH, BUUUUUUUUUUUURN!!!
A;KLKGJALKGJ BUT ARTHUR HAS TO BE ONE MORE SLICE OF AWESOMECAKES, AND ADDRESSES MERLIN “NOT TO WASTE HIS TIME” (EEKK, TEAMLOVIN’ FTW!) WHILE SNIPING AT BALINOR. XDDD
MERLIN THOUGH, HAS TO HAVE THE LAST WORD (BECAUSE HE’S A GIRL) AND DELIVERS A VERY CUTTING REMARK ABOUT GAIUS SPEAKING HIGHLY OF HIM AND HIS GAY SEX. OHOOOoooOOooOOoOOO MERLIN, WAY TO STAB THAT KNIFE IN THERE.
BALINOR JUST LOOKS FUCKING HOT. I’M SORRY, NOTHING ELSE TO SAY HERE.
MERLIN WANTS TO TELL BALINOR THE TRUTH - THAT HE IS A FATHER
BUT KEEPS GETTING INTERRUPTED BY A SHOUTING, IMPATIENT ARTHUR. SO MERLIN JUST TELLS BALINOR THAT “THERE’S NO POINT. YOU WILL NEVER MEASURE UP TO MY ARTHUR” AND THEY RIDE OFF INTO THE FOREST.
SOMETIME LATER, THEY HAVE STOPPED FOR SEXING TIEMZ REST. ARTHUR JUST CAN’T HELP BUT CHECK MERLIN’S BUTT OUT WHILE HE’S BENDING DOWN LIKE THAT.
OH, WHILE HE’S TALKING ABOUT RIDDLING MERLIN. WITH SPERM
A;GKJKJA;LGJALJ
GAY SEX SAYS WHUT.
THEN HE ADMITS HIS FEELINGS AND TELLS MERLIN THAT HE LIKES HIM.
WITH THIS FUCKING LOOK ON HIS FACE.
AND A PHALLIC STICK IN HIS HAND.
MERLIN IS SMIRKING UP A STORM.
*FLAILS*
BUT THEN ARTHUR POKES HIM WITH HIS STICK PENIS!!!
THEY LOVE IT.
IT’S ALL JUST FOREPLAY FOR MERLIN - HE STARTS TALKING ABOUT HOW HE FEELS THE SAME AND ARTHUR’S NOT ARROGANT, JUST SUPERCILIOUS.
ARTHUR IS ALL “WOW, THAT’S RATHER BIG FOR YOU. SURE YOU CAN WEAR THAT?” (ZOOOOMG, PLEASE TELL ME I WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT JUMPED IMMEDIATELY TO ARTHUR COMPARING PENIS SIZES WITH MERLIN AND THAT “BIG WORD” TALK. ALKGALKGJA;L!!!!!)
MERLIN IMMEDIATELY REPLIES THAT ARTHUR IS CONDESCENDING. IN THE BEDROOM. AND OVERBEARING. *VERY* OVERBEARING.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THERE ARE NOT WORDS.
THEY EVEN HAVE THEIR SNIPPY LOVERS BANTER.
*DIES*
IT’S 1x10 ALL OVER AGAIN, MERLIN HOLDING A SWORD ALL WILLY-NILLY AS HE SPINS AROUND:
ONLY TO SEE DADDYBEAR!!
BALINOR ADDRESSES MERLIN (AND NOT THE PRINCESS) AND ARTHUR LOOKS ROUND, ALMOST AS IF HE JUST NOW REALISED THAT MERLIN IS USEFUL FOR MORE THAN JUST GOOD SEX.
BALINOR IS GOING TO HELP THEM!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY MERLIN AND ARTHUR ARE HAPPY COOKIES!! =DDDDDDDD
(THOUGH, SUPER LULZ AT ARTHUR BEING HAPPY ABOUT NOT HAVING TO REWARD BALINOR. I KNOW HE WOULD HAVE ANYWAY, BUT HE GOT ALL HAPPY-EXCITED THEN, LIKE HE JUST FOUND A NEW TOY LANCELOT. XDD)
AWWW, ISN’T THIS A SWEET SCENE WITH DADDY AND BB MERLIN, COLLECTING FIREWOOD.
LOL @ MERLIN’S WOOD BEING “TOO WET TO LIGHT”.
I DOUBT IT MERLIN, ARTHUR COULD ALWAYS GET YOUR “WOOD” TO LIGHT. XDDD
MERLIN BRINGS UP BALINOR’S MAGIC IN A LULZY WAY, AND WE LEARN THAT “THE OLD RELIGION CANNOT BE TAUGHT”. THIS MAKES ME LOL ALL OVER THE PLACE, BECAUSE IT’S TOTALLY A FUCKING METAPHOR FOR HOMOSEXUALITY. YOU’RE BORN WITH IT
SIDE NOTE: JOHN LYNCH IS LOOKING PRETTY FINE.
OMG, AND MERLIN NOT-SO-CASUALLY BRING UP EALDOR. SAYING “YOU TOOK REFUGE WITH A WOMAN”. I DIED AND I DIED AND I DIED, BECAUSE THE SHOW IS TRYING TO SAY “BALINOR HAD SEX WITH HUNITH” IN A ~VAGUE~ AND ~UNSUSPECTING~ WAY.
LOL! LOOK AT BALINOR’S FACE. XDD HE DNW HET LOVIN’!
IMMA CALL HIM “GAYNOR” FROM NOW ON, BECAUSE IT’S CLEARLY HIS RIGHTFULLY APPROPRIATE NAME.
GAY!MERLIN TRIES TO TELL GAYNOR THAT HE IS HIS SON BY SAYING HUNITH IS HIS MOTHER. LOL GAYNOR IMMEDIATELY THINKS THAT HUNITH MARRIED AND BABIED, BECAUSE CLEARLY THEY WERE NEVER GETTING IT ON. XDDDD THAT THOUGHT NEVER CROSSED HIS MIND, MERLIN!
GUH, BUT JUST LOOK AT MERLIN’S ADORABLE WOOBIE FACE!
AND THEN HE TELLS GAYNOR “I’M YOUR YA SON” WITH A LOOK THAT BREAKS EVERY VIEWERS HEART.
GAYNOR LOOKS ALL BEWILDERED AND NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY/DO. HE “DOESN’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A SON”
MERLIN: “OR I A FATHER”
/O\ OH MY HEART! IT HAS NEVER BLED LIKE THIS BEFORE. COLIN FUCKING MORGAN’S ACTING IS JUST ... SO POWERFUL RIGHT THERE, IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY FOR MERLIN THAT HE COULD ACTUALLY HAVE THE CHANCE TO KNOW HIS FATHER.
*SWEEPS SILLY TEARS*
ARTHUR WALKS BY WITH HIS PHALLIC POKING PENIS, EYESEXING UP MERLIN TO TELL HIM YOU. ME. LOG. NOW.
MERLIN PLEADS WITH GAYNOR NOT TO TELL ARTHUR THE TRUTH, BECAUSE HE IS AFRAID ARTHUR WILL BE ANGRY AT HIS NON-SUPA-SEKRIT-GAY-MAJAKIL-POWA.
THEY HAVE A SYMBOLIC “PASSING OF THE GAY” FROM FATHER TO SON WITH PHALLIC STICKS.
GAYNOR SMILES
MERLIN SMILES
AND I MELT INTO A PILE OF MUSH. THE COMBINATION OF THE MUSIC, MERLIN’S TEARY FACE, JOHN LYNCH’S WEE SMILE AND THE WEIGHT OF THE FAMILY REUINION IS JUST TOO MUCH TO HANDLE.
LOL ARTHUR IS SLEEPING WITH HIS MOUTH OPEN
ALL READY FOR MERLIN’S COCK AND BALLS
MERLIN IS WATCHING HIM, CLEARLY BESOTTED
HE CANNOT KEEP THE WANT AND LUST FROM HIS FACE AS HE LOOKS AT THAT INVITING MOUTH.
THEIR SEXING IS INTERRUPTED WITH BACKSTORY THOUGH, AS GAYNOR SITS THERE PLAYING WITH HIS GAY METAPHORS (IE, KNIVES) AND MERLIN WONDERS WHY HE NEVER RETURNED TO EALDOR.
I’D’VE THOUGHT THAT WAS OBVIOUS, MERLIN. GAYNOR IS GAY AND MAGICAL, SO HE DIDN’T WANT TO PUT YOUR VILLAGE IN DANGER BECAUSE UTHER IS AN ARSE FOR HUNTING DOWN AND KILLING GAYS. AND MAGIC PEOPLE.
DUH!
MERLIN SHOWS JUST HOW NAIVE HE IS BY SAYING THEY COULD HAVE GONE WITH GAYNOR, AND BEEN A FAMILY (SINCE GAYNOR WOULDN’T HAVE HAD ANY OTHER FAMILY). GAYNOR IS SENSIBLE AND ASKS WHAT KIND OF LIFE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN.
MERLIN SMILES WITH HAPPY TEARS AND SAYS “WE’D HAVE BEEN ... HAPPY”
SME: *HEART: BREAKS*
HE EVEN PROMISES THAT, AFTER THIS IS ALL OVER, HE WILL TAKE GAYNOR TO EALDOR AND HE CAN SEE HIS MOTHER AGAIN SINCE THEY WERE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS
WITH THE MOST BLISSFUL, SWEETEST SMILE YOU’VE EVER SEEN.
THIS IS THE POINT WHERE I LOSE MY SHIT COMPLETELY AND START HYSTERICALLY BAWLING LIKE A MANIAC. MERLIN ABSOLUTELY DESTROYS ME WITH HOW COMPLETELY NAIVE HE IS, HOW HAPPY HE IS AT THE THOUGHT OF HAVING A FAMILY AND HIS TEARS/CRYING WHILST SMILING IS WHAT BREAKS ME TO PIECES.
*CRIES AND CRIES AND CRIES AND CRIES*
GAYNOR WOULD LIKE THAT.
BUT HUNITH WOULDN’T REGONISE HER.
MERLIN: *HOPE: BREAKS*
GAYNOR DOES REKINDLE MERLIN’S HOPE THOUGH, WHEN HE TELLS HIM THAT “HE SEES HUNITH IN [MERLIN]” (LOL, SURELY NOT IN THE EARS? XDD)
MERLIN FEELS VERY PROUD OF THE “KINDNESS” COMPLIMENT, TO BOTH HIM AND HIS MOTHER.
SME: *HEARTS: ACHES*
HOWEVER, MERLIN DECIDES TO GET BACK TO THE PLOT AND STOP TRYING TO KILL ALL THE FANGIRLS, BY ASKING HOW YOU BECOME A DRAGONLORD.
BUT OF COURSE, THE GAY IS HANDED DOWN FROM FATHER TO SON. BUT YOU WON’T KNOW YOU’RE GAY ENOUGH UNTIL YOU FACE YOUR FIRST SLASH DRAGON.
LOL SHOW. OH BUT HOW I AM LIKING YOUR WEE SHOT OF MERLIN WORRYING ABOUT THIS - OBVIOUSLY HIS SELF-ESTEEM HAS TAKEN A HIT LAST TIME THE DRAGON SHOUTED THAT HE WASN’T GAY ENOUGH.
BUT THE SHOW JUST CAN’T HELP ITSELF, AND HAS TO DESTROY WHAT IS LEFT OF US.
GAYNOR SUGGESTS GOING TO BED, SAYING “GOODNIGHT ... SON”
MERLIN LOOKS OVER AT HIM, NOT QUITE BELIEVING WHAT HE HEARD.
THEN HE GIVES A SMALL SMILE, LIKING IT ALL VERY MUCH.
HE HAS A LITTLE TROUBLE FINDING HIS VOICE, BECAUSE HE’S ALL CHOKED UP ABOUT IT. BUT HE MANAGES TO SAY “SLEEP WELL, FATHER”.
LOOKING LIKE THE HAPPIEST KID IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.
MY LIFE IS ENDED HERE, BECAUSE IT CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE. FOR SERIOUS. MERLIN JUST KILLED ME WITH HIS LOVABLE LOVE FOR HIS FATHER, AND HOW HAPPY HE WAS AT BEING ABLE TO EXPRESS IT. I AM CRYING, SHAKING, HYSTERICAL AND DEAD. OH HOW I WISHED THE EPISODE COULD HAVE ENDED HERE, TO SAVE US ALL EVEN MORE GUT-WRENCHING PAIN.
NEXT MORNING, MERLIN WAKES UP TO FIND THE MOST ADORABLE WOODEN WEE DRAGON NEAR HIS HEAD.
A PRESENT FROM DADDY!! /O\
SME: *STILL DEAD*
BUT! ARTHUR SAVES THE DAY BY WAKING MERLIN UP WITH SOME GLOVE!FINGERING SEX.
HE GETS OUT HIS BLOOD SPERM COVERED PENIS FOR SOME ROUGH SEX LOVIN’.
THEY ARE INTERRUPTED HOWEVER, BY SOME PANSY SOILDERS, SO ARTHUR CAN SHOW OFF HIS BADASSERY.
AS CAN GAYNOR.
PWAOR, NGL:
EVEN MERLIN JOINS THE FIGHTING!!!
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE~!
BUT LOL, GAY!MERLIN FLOUNCES ABOUT, FIGHTING LIKE A PANSY
AND OF COURSE HIS SWORD-PENIS GETS KNOCKED OUT OF HIS HANDS.
OH NOES, ATTACK OF THE EVIL!PEEN!
WHO SHOULD COME TO THE RESCUE BUT DADDYBEAR!! =DD YAY FATHER/SON MOMENT OF AMAZINGNESS!
WHICH IS IMMEDIATELY AND COMPLETELY RUINED BY GAYNOR BEING STABBED IN THE FUCKING CHEST!!!
\O/
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
OMG JOHN’S ACTING! HIS PAIN!
MERLIN IS ROAWR ANGRY AND FUCKING BLOWS THIS BITCH AWAY!
MERLIN HOLDS GAYNOR AS HE FALLS TO THE GROUND, DYING.
GOD, MERLIN IS IN SO MUCH PAIN AS HE BEGS “NO, PLEASE NO”
BUT MERLIN IS INTERRUPTED, BECAUSE HIS FATHER HAS IMPORTANT THINGS TO SAY ABOUT DEFEATING THE DRAGON.
MERLIN DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR IT THOUGH; HE IS IN TOO MUCH PAIN ABOUT HIS FATHER DYING.
MERLIN STILLS LONG ENOUGH TO HEAR SOME OF THE MOST HEARTWARMING AND HEART FELT WORDS FROM HIS FATHER - THAT MERLIN WILL MAKE HIM PROUD.
HE DOES NOT, HOWEVER, HAVE THE STRENGTH TO GIVE MERLIN ONE LAST GESTURE OF AFFECTION.
AND THAT, MORE THAN ANYTHING, CAUSED ME TO HOWL LIKE A WOUNDED DOG.
NO!
SME: *DIES FROM HEARTACHE*
ARTHUR IS FURIOUS
AND UNABLE TO BARE MERLIN’S EXUDING CRUSHING PAIN.
CAMELOT
IS
DOOMED.
ARTHUR IS THE BEARER OF BAD NEWS.
MERLIN CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO DEAL.
ARTHUR ANNOUNCES THAT THE LAST DRAGONLORD IS DEAD.
MERLIN CANNOT HIDE HIS PAIN.
SME: *CRIES WITH MERLIN*
GAIUS CANNOT HANDLE IT.
UTHER CANNOT HANDLE IT.
ARTHUR HOWEVER, WANTS TO BATTLE ON FOR MERLIN’S SAKE, LIKE THE BADASS SOILDER HE IS.
HE ASKS FOR KNIGHTS BRAVE ENOUGH TO GO TO CERTAIN DEATH.
SIR FUCKING LEON IS THE BRAVEST OF THEM ALL, STEPPING UP FIRST.
A DOZEN KNIGHTS GATHER ROUND ARTHUR IN A VERY SYMBOLIC “ROUND TABLE”.
I C WOT U DID THAR, SHOW.
SME: *CRIES KNOWING THEY ARE ALL GOING TO DIE*
MERLIN CRIES OVER HIS WEE DRAGON, KNOWING THEY ARE ALL GOING TO DIE
AND BECAUSE HE COULDN’T SAVE HIS FATHER
GAIUS SITS DOWN TO COMFORT MERLIN IN A RETARDED WAY, SAYING IT’S ONLY WITH HIS FATHER’S DEATH THAT HE COULD INHERIT HIS POWER.
BUT SWITCHING OVER TO AN EPIC MOMENT OF EPICNESS, WE HAVE LULZ OF THE HIGHEST DEGREE. MERLIN HOLDING ARTHUR’S HAND
TELLING HIS LOVER TO BE CAREFUL
ARTHUR LULZ @ HIS SRSBSNS FACE. “YES SIRE” ARTHUR TEASES, WANTING TO GET IN A BIT MORE ROLE PLAY SEX-PLAY BEFORE HE GOES OFF TO CERTAIN DEATH.
ARTHUR MENTIONS “IF HE DIES” AND MERLIN SOUNDS CLEARLY TERRIFIED, BECAUSE HE CANNOT THINK OF LOSING HIS MOST BELOVED.
MY FUCKING GOD, THEY ARE IN SUCH LOVE.
ARTHUR HEARS HIS PANIC
AND NEEDS TO TOUCH HIS BOYFRIEND TO HELP CALM HIM
AND TELLS HIM THAT “NO MAN IS WORTH YOUR TEARS”.
\O/ OHMYFUCKINGGOD, ARTHUR JUST SAID THAT?! TELLING MERLIN NOT TO CRY OVER HIM? OR THIS MYSTERIOUS MAN (GAYNOR) IN THE FOREST?! :OOOOOOO GAY LOVE ADVICE SAYS WOT!
MERLIN’S EARS CAN ONLY GLOW AS HE JOKES “YOU’RE CERTAINLY NOT!”
YET THE NEXT THING HE DOES IS GRAB A SWORD.
OH I SEE YOU CHECKING OUT MERLIN’S SWORD-LONG PENIS THAR ARTHUR.
HE IS COMING WITH ARTHUR.
WHILE MENTIONING HIS ROYAL BACKSIDE.
AND GRINNING LIKE A FOOL IN LOVE.
ZOMG THEY EVEN FINISH OFF THIS EXCHANGE WITH A CLASH OF THEIR PENISES.
ARTHUR STILL UNASHAMEDLY PERVING, ONCE THEY MOVE TOWARD THE DOOR, TO FACE THE “DRAGON” IN ARTHUR’S PANTS
ARTHUR: “ARE YOU REALLY?”
MERLIN: “I LOVE YOU. OF COURSE I’M GOING TO.”
“I KNOW IT’S HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL”
A;LFKGJA;LKKGJJ!!!!!!!!
ARTHUR IS ASTOUNDED BY THE EXTENT OF MERLIN’S LOVE.
*FLAILS*
MERLIN’S CARES ABOUT “THE ARMOUR” - LOL SOMEONE HAS A KINK, METHINKS.
ARTHUR GRABS MERLIN FOR ONE LAST SNOG-FEST, BEFORE THEY RIDE OUT.
A;GKJA;LKLGJ
TOGETHER, UP FRONT, SHAGGING RIDING TO THE LOTR SOUNDTRACK.
MERLIN’S WOOBIE EARS ARE SCARED OF THE DARK.
LOLWUT, NO ARMOUR FOR MERLIN? CRIKEY, HE REALLY DOES LOVE ARTHUR!
ARTHUR HELPS BY GIVING NECK!PORN
BUT THE DRAGON DOES COMETH.
LANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SYMBOLIC ROUND TABLE
AND KNOCKING THEM ALL OUT WITH HIS TAIL.
THE KNIGHTS ALL HUDDLE IN A CORNER, AND GET COOKED BY THE DRAGON’S FIREPOWER.
HE LOOKS AWFULLY CREEPY AND PLEASED WITH HIS DESTRUCTION. \O/
SME: NO! SIR LEON! D:
ARTHUR GRABS THE BIGGEST PHALLIC GAY SYMBOL HE CAN, AND POINTS IT AT THE DRAGON.
SME: *LULZ ALL OVER THE PLACE*
SOMEHOW ARTHUR DOESN’T BURN TO A CRISP, DESPITE THE FIREBALL HEADING RIGHT AT HIM.
POKES THE DRAGON WITH GAY PHALLIC SPEAR
AND GETS SUPERGAYPWNED.
CHECK OUT MERLIN’S COMPLETE WORRY AND LOVE FOR ARTHUR!
AND BY THE POWER OF THIS GAYLOVE, MERLIN’S FATHER IS ABLE TO SPEAK TO MERLIN AND CHANNEL HIS GHEIPOWA~ TO HIM.
\O/ MERLIN’S DOING IT!!
THE DRAGON PLEAS FOR HIS LIFE, BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT HIS RACE TO BECOME EXTINCT.
MERLIN PRETENDS TO BE FIERCE~
AND THE DRAGON COWERS
BUT MERLIN SHOWS MERCY.
OMFG YES! YES! YESYESYES! THE DRAGON SURVIVED! THANK FUCKING CHRIST!
*CRIES TEARS OF JOY*
OFF HIS FLIES TO SEEK A NEW GAY REFUGE.
NOT TWO SECONDS AFTER SLASH DRAGON HAS FLOWN AWAY, ARTHUR WAKES UP.
WHAT THE FLYING SHIT?!?!?!?!?
BUT I’LL FORGIVE BECAUSE MERLIN SAYS “YOU DEALT HIM A MORTAL BLOW” IN THE SEXIEST FUCKING VOICE IMAGINABLE.
LOVE OOZING OUT OF HIS FACE.
ADJ;LAKGJALGKJ
MERLIN KNOWS THAT ARTHUR WILL NOW BE WITH HIS FOREVER. THEIR GAY LOVE POWER COMBINED, THEY ARE CAPTAIN GAY!
LOL ARTHUR SOUNDS (AND LOOKS) LIKE HE’S GETTING THE BEST BLOW JOB OF HIS LIFE.
AFTERWARDS, THE BOYS WALK BACK TO CAMELOT, HAND IN HAND.
UTHER IS SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED HE STILL HAS A SON
OUR BOYS ARE WALKING THEIR GAY VICTORY MARCH IN SLO-MO
~COMPLETELY IGNORING GWEN/ARTHUR~
GAIUS HUGS MERLIN TIGHTLY
AND SAYS THE ONLY TWO WORDS NECESSARY: “MY BOY”
SME: *HEART: MELTS*
MERLIN EXPLAINS THAT HE FELT HIS FATHER THERE WITH HIM, AND GAIUS IS SAYS THE SWEETEST THING EVER - HE MAY NOT BE HIS FATHER, BUT YOU’VE STILL GOT ME.
AND THEY WALK AWAY, ARM IN ARM.
THE END.
*WAILS*
*CRIES*
I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S OVER. D:
I WILL HAVE TO BURY MYSELF IN FIC FOR NEXT NINE MONTHS TO DULL THE PAIN.
GODDAMN, I KNEW THAT SIR LEON WAS GOING TO DIE, AND THAT MERLIN’S MAGIC WOULD STILL BE UNREVEALED. BUT I AM SO GLAD THE SLASH DRAGON SURVIVED.
BUT I NEED SEASON THREE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!!
IN CONCLUSION:
+ GAY LIKE WHOA, NEVER DISAPPOINTS
+ SLASH DRAGON LIVING
+ COLIN’S ACTING WAS AMAZING
- MERLIN NOT TELLING ARTHUR ABOUT HIS DAD
- BALINOR DYING WITHIN TEN MINUTES! DDD:
- SIR LEON DYING DDDDDD:
- WTF ARTHUR BEING ASLEEP/KNOCKED OUT FOR ALL THE BIG REVEALS! D:<
- HAVING TO WAIT NINE MONTHS TILL NEXT SEASON!