(no subject)
[It's time to make a decision. I have to pass the torch to someone, it's the least I can do. The question is who? Hajime's staying. I knew he would but it's still unfortunate. I don't like the thought of leaving him behind but he's a grown man. He's responsible for his own actions.
I don't regret what I did or the choice that I made. I'm headed where I want to be. I still don't know where Bunta and I are going and then there's Ryou to consider. Of course, this doesn't help me make a decision. I'm expected to train the next one which is a damn sight better than what I was given.
Hajime's a prospect though I'm wary. I know I can't avoid him forever - I don't want to avoid him forever - but he has to know that it's over, that I've moved on and he needs to as well. Soon enough, we're going to be in different worlds and I can't say that the prospect doesn't frighten me. Hajime's been there, for damn near a decade, he's always been there. There's a special place in my heart for that man and there always will be.
He was there after Kippei left. He held me while I cried too many times to count. He was my safety net and my comfort when I didn't have a friend in the world. Those things are beautiful, treasured, not easily forgotten. I never want to forget them. There's too much of me in his life and too much of him in mine and no old flame, no matter how beloved or passionate it may be, can erase that.
I want to see him. I want to see Hajime one last time before I leave. I want to talk to him again; it's been so long since we've last spoken, really spoken, something more than small talk over pastries and tea. Has it really been months since our fight in the library?
I already miss him.]
[Screened: I don't know why it didn't occur to any of us to do this earlier but anyway. I was thinking it'd be a lot of fun to have one last get together before we head out of here, preferably after the camera stops rolling. Filming for us ends in two weeks and it'll take a few days, at least, to get everything ready for the next lot. So I was thinking we could have a party somewhere, get out of the house for a change without the damn cameras. What do you say?]