TV licensing - the story continues!
Some time ago I posted about my annoyance at TV Licensing's repeated harassment and how I dealt with it. On Friday I came home to not one but two envelopes with the dreaded TV-Licensing logo on the envelope. I was irked but not terribly surprised, since I hadn't been expecting them to take any notice of my previous complaints.
Inside the first envelope, which had "IMPORTANT INFORMATION ENCLOSED" printed on it, I found a threatening leaflet telling me that my area had been scheduled for a visit by Enforcement Officers and that I should buy my TV licence right away to avoid being taken to court and prosecuted. On the inside of the leaflet it had lots of information about "what to expect when you go to court". I was irate. I wrote on the front as I had done with the last one, "I STILL DON'T HAVE A TV! WILL YOU STOP SENDING ME THESE LETTERS ALREADY???"
Then I wrote on the inside next to all of their comments:
"What to expect when you go to court" - yes, for not having a TV license when I don't have a TV
"We will present evidence of you having watched TV without a license" - and without a TV either! Miraculous!
"and of your failure to respond to repeated attempts to contact you" - Hah! I phoned you, I wrote back to you, and now I'm writing back again. Failure to respond, my ARSE.
"If you are prosecuted you may be liable for additional court costs and fees" - I should sue you for wasting my time
"If you are blind you can apply for a 50% discount on your TV licence. If you are over 75, you can apply for a free Over 75 TV licence." - If you are STUPID, you can apply to work for TV Licensing!
and so forth.
On the front of the envelope next to IMPORTANT INFORMATION ENCLOSED, I wrote: "The important information is that I don't have a TV! Now stop sending me these and wasting the postman's time."
(There was no line to write beneath on this letter, sadly.)
Yet somehow I wasn't satisfied with that. I picked up the phone and called TV Licensing.
Phone: *rings*
Spotty, skinny young man (I knew by the sound of his voice, all right??): Uhhh, hello, TV Licensing?
Me: I'd like to apply for an Over 75 TV License.
SSYM (completely innocent and unaware of my warped sense of humour): Ok ma'am, can I take your name please?
SSYM: *spends a good 5 minutes painstakingly asking for and entering in all my address details etc*
SSYM: Can I have your National Insurance Number?
Me: I don't have one. [Actually I do, but I couldn't remember it on the spot.]
SSYM: Oh, well you'll need to provide alternative proof of your date of birth.
Me: Why?
SSYM: So we can prove that you're over 75.
Me: But I'm not over 75...
SSYM: Uhm, but didn't you say -
Me: - but then I don't have a TV either.
SSYM: ????
Me: *tries, somewhat unsuccessfully, not to laugh* Since your lot are trying to make me get a TV licence even though I don't have a TV, I figured perhaps I could get an Over 75 one even though I'm not over 75. No? Really? Oh, that's too bad... Are you sure?
Finally I relented and took pity on him and he agreed to register my address as not having a TV etc etc, which I've heard before and didn't really believe, but I hung up the phone and laughed and laughed.
The capper to the story? After my phone call with Spotty Skinny Young TV Licensing Man, I opened the second letter.
"Thank you for informing us recently that you do not have a television..."
So it looks like my previous returned, edited, written-below-the-line letter did actually reach them and was read and had some effect!
Of course, this letter still threatened Enforcement Officer visits etc, and had a form to complete and return: "Please tick one: I actually have a TV and would like to renew or purchase a TV license; I am planning to get a TV and would like to purchase a TV license" etc. I drew two boxes, wrote "No" and "No" next to them and ticked both. The best part, though, was that it came with a reply-paid envelope! So I posted it and everything else back to them without even having to use my own stickytape. (Oh, and this one did have a "Do not write below this line". I did, of course.)
Inside the first envelope, which had "IMPORTANT INFORMATION ENCLOSED" printed on it, I found a threatening leaflet telling me that my area had been scheduled for a visit by Enforcement Officers and that I should buy my TV licence right away to avoid being taken to court and prosecuted. On the inside of the leaflet it had lots of information about "what to expect when you go to court". I was irate. I wrote on the front as I had done with the last one, "I STILL DON'T HAVE A TV! WILL YOU STOP SENDING ME THESE LETTERS ALREADY???"
Then I wrote on the inside next to all of their comments:
"What to expect when you go to court" - yes, for not having a TV license when I don't have a TV
"We will present evidence of you having watched TV without a license" - and without a TV either! Miraculous!
"and of your failure to respond to repeated attempts to contact you" - Hah! I phoned you, I wrote back to you, and now I'm writing back again. Failure to respond, my ARSE.
"If you are prosecuted you may be liable for additional court costs and fees" - I should sue you for wasting my time
"If you are blind you can apply for a 50% discount on your TV licence. If you are over 75, you can apply for a free Over 75 TV licence." - If you are STUPID, you can apply to work for TV Licensing!
and so forth.
On the front of the envelope next to IMPORTANT INFORMATION ENCLOSED, I wrote: "The important information is that I don't have a TV! Now stop sending me these and wasting the postman's time."
(There was no line to write beneath on this letter, sadly.)
Yet somehow I wasn't satisfied with that. I picked up the phone and called TV Licensing.
Phone: *rings*
Spotty, skinny young man (I knew by the sound of his voice, all right??): Uhhh, hello, TV Licensing?
Me: I'd like to apply for an Over 75 TV License.
SSYM (completely innocent and unaware of my warped sense of humour): Ok ma'am, can I take your name please?
SSYM: *spends a good 5 minutes painstakingly asking for and entering in all my address details etc*
SSYM: Can I have your National Insurance Number?
Me: I don't have one. [Actually I do, but I couldn't remember it on the spot.]
SSYM: Oh, well you'll need to provide alternative proof of your date of birth.
Me: Why?
SSYM: So we can prove that you're over 75.
Me: But I'm not over 75...
SSYM: Uhm, but didn't you say -
Me: - but then I don't have a TV either.
SSYM: ????
Me: *tries, somewhat unsuccessfully, not to laugh* Since your lot are trying to make me get a TV licence even though I don't have a TV, I figured perhaps I could get an Over 75 one even though I'm not over 75. No? Really? Oh, that's too bad... Are you sure?
Finally I relented and took pity on him and he agreed to register my address as not having a TV etc etc, which I've heard before and didn't really believe, but I hung up the phone and laughed and laughed.
The capper to the story? After my phone call with Spotty Skinny Young TV Licensing Man, I opened the second letter.
"Thank you for informing us recently that you do not have a television..."
So it looks like my previous returned, edited, written-below-the-line letter did actually reach them and was read and had some effect!
Of course, this letter still threatened Enforcement Officer visits etc, and had a form to complete and return: "Please tick one: I actually have a TV and would like to renew or purchase a TV license; I am planning to get a TV and would like to purchase a TV license" etc. I drew two boxes, wrote "No" and "No" next to them and ticked both. The best part, though, was that it came with a reply-paid envelope! So I posted it and everything else back to them without even having to use my own stickytape. (Oh, and this one did have a "Do not write below this line". I did, of course.)