stressventage
let me please, please, please, please, please vent about my stress.
First of all, going to the gym was totally the right thing to do. A workout helped me feel so much better. I'm much calmer now.
But anyway.
Well, first there are the underlying foundational layers:
1) going back to school in less than two weeks. Have not started packing. Housing may change even between now and when I get back. (Reslife called today saying more stuff has opened up, and I have to call them to figure out if I want any of those instead. Also, Nomi has offered me Naomi's spot if she decides not to come for fall. That, really, seems like it would be ideal.)
2) My cousin Nancy's cancer is getting worse; more swelling in her brain is causing facial paralysis and slurring of speech and she's horrendously thin and altogether not doing well at all.
3) The leftovers of JP, I'm sure. Most of the time I'm better with that, but there's still bound to be a couple times a day I get misty.
Now, add on the daily events of the past few weeks.
1) Last week: working eight-plus hours a day, sleeping six-minus hours a night, and having very little free time. Had the weekend, but still slept very little. These past two nights have been the closest to eight horus I've gotten.
2) This week: Babysitting four days, with Tuesday off for PT. Monday: six hours? I can't even remember. Today: eight. Tomorrow: six or more. Friday: I can't till 11, cause of PT at 9, but after that, who knows how long.
Saturday, I hope I can do something with some friends somewhere. At 10pm I'm walking in the Relay for Life (local people, wanna join? raise money for cancer research...). Then after midnight, I either go to Rocky (I might do that for the screaming stress relief, and 'cause I haven't been all summer) or go home to bed, and then on Sunday is our New Student Send-Off (woohoo!)
3) Next week: Babysitting for seven-eight hours a day four days, except for Monday when I'm doing seven hours and then get a two-hour break and then go sit someone else for three hours. And, um, I'm leaving for school the week after, so I might possibly wanna think about packing? PLUS, my mom's finally found me a spa and bought me a massage for that requested birthday present. I have to do that before I leave. When? A mystery.
And finally, plaster on top the individual stresses of today.
1) Parents yelling at me in the morning for not making phone calls, sending mail, doing all other sorts of things
2) Babysitting a tantrum-prone six-year-old and her temper-prone ten-year-old aunt. Tantrum count today: five, or maybe six. Temper count: several for each tantrum, and a few tacked on in other spots.
3) We got home from our activity 20 or 30 minutes late, which wouldn't have been a problem except that Bailie had a doctor's appointment. And Janet storms out with her, very angry at her (though it was my fault, really), and she starts crying... so I stay for a little while, to watch Madasyn (as;ldkfjas;ldfkhasdflkh stupid "modernly" spelled name!), and then to wait for Janet to explain...
4) I go home half an hour after Maddie's dad picks her up, and get reamed by both parents for not doing anything as I was babysitting the girls. like making phone calls and plunking them down in front of the tv. Bah!
5) my mom's all in a bad, nasty, screamy mood and just wants someone to bitch at. My dad's not too happy either. I go back to Janet's, apologize, make as speedy an exit as she allows, come home for dinner. We get all yelly the whole evening. Dinner is tense. there is much bad air.
6) with all this brewing up, I was wondering just how I'd survive without crying. And then my head says to me, "GO WORK OUT." And I say, "Good thinkin', head!"
And I do just that, and don't even read as I work out-- just let my mind be blank. I didn't do much thinking (relatively speaking), and that was what I needed -- a mental respite, a purely physical activity. Yeah. I returned feeling refreshed.
Tonight's plans: chill, shower, and sleep. Perhaps some more tea, because tea is such my friend. And maybe also some cheese, because it would be tasty.
First of all, going to the gym was totally the right thing to do. A workout helped me feel so much better. I'm much calmer now.
But anyway.
Well, first there are the underlying foundational layers:
1) going back to school in less than two weeks. Have not started packing. Housing may change even between now and when I get back. (Reslife called today saying more stuff has opened up, and I have to call them to figure out if I want any of those instead. Also, Nomi has offered me Naomi's spot if she decides not to come for fall. That, really, seems like it would be ideal.)
2) My cousin Nancy's cancer is getting worse; more swelling in her brain is causing facial paralysis and slurring of speech and she's horrendously thin and altogether not doing well at all.
3) The leftovers of JP, I'm sure. Most of the time I'm better with that, but there's still bound to be a couple times a day I get misty.
Now, add on the daily events of the past few weeks.
1) Last week: working eight-plus hours a day, sleeping six-minus hours a night, and having very little free time. Had the weekend, but still slept very little. These past two nights have been the closest to eight horus I've gotten.
2) This week: Babysitting four days, with Tuesday off for PT. Monday: six hours? I can't even remember. Today: eight. Tomorrow: six or more. Friday: I can't till 11, cause of PT at 9, but after that, who knows how long.
Saturday, I hope I can do something with some friends somewhere. At 10pm I'm walking in the Relay for Life (local people, wanna join? raise money for cancer research...). Then after midnight, I either go to Rocky (I might do that for the screaming stress relief, and 'cause I haven't been all summer) or go home to bed, and then on Sunday is our New Student Send-Off (woohoo!)
3) Next week: Babysitting for seven-eight hours a day four days, except for Monday when I'm doing seven hours and then get a two-hour break and then go sit someone else for three hours. And, um, I'm leaving for school the week after, so I might possibly wanna think about packing? PLUS, my mom's finally found me a spa and bought me a massage for that requested birthday present. I have to do that before I leave. When? A mystery.
And finally, plaster on top the individual stresses of today.
1) Parents yelling at me in the morning for not making phone calls, sending mail, doing all other sorts of things
2) Babysitting a tantrum-prone six-year-old and her temper-prone ten-year-old aunt. Tantrum count today: five, or maybe six. Temper count: several for each tantrum, and a few tacked on in other spots.
3) We got home from our activity 20 or 30 minutes late, which wouldn't have been a problem except that Bailie had a doctor's appointment. And Janet storms out with her, very angry at her (though it was my fault, really), and she starts crying... so I stay for a little while, to watch Madasyn (as;ldkfjas;ldfkhasdflkh stupid "modernly" spelled name!), and then to wait for Janet to explain...
4) I go home half an hour after Maddie's dad picks her up, and get reamed by both parents for not doing anything as I was babysitting the girls. like making phone calls and plunking them down in front of the tv. Bah!
5) my mom's all in a bad, nasty, screamy mood and just wants someone to bitch at. My dad's not too happy either. I go back to Janet's, apologize, make as speedy an exit as she allows, come home for dinner. We get all yelly the whole evening. Dinner is tense. there is much bad air.
6) with all this brewing up, I was wondering just how I'd survive without crying. And then my head says to me, "GO WORK OUT." And I say, "Good thinkin', head!"
And I do just that, and don't even read as I work out-- just let my mind be blank. I didn't do much thinking (relatively speaking), and that was what I needed -- a mental respite, a purely physical activity. Yeah. I returned feeling refreshed.
Tonight's plans: chill, shower, and sleep. Perhaps some more tea, because tea is such my friend. And maybe also some cheese, because it would be tasty.