New Year’s Eve. Everybody’s filling out surveys about the last year and what they expect next year to bring and blah blah blah. Well, next year is going to be fucking amazing. It better be fucking amazing. I better get a real job and straight A’s, and both clubs better run fantastically smoothly all year, and my apartment had better ( Read more... )

 
              I get to work and the car next to mine has a baby in it. I walk through the door and their car alarm goes off. Is that your car? My boss asks. No, I tell her, it’s the car next to mine- it’s got a baby in it. The woman she is ringing out- who has at least two more kids attached to her, by the way- announces that’s her car, and I say ( Read more... )

My muffler committed suicide the other day. Picture me stomping around Newington Stop and Shop looking for something made out of wire that I can break and wrap around my car, Christie holding phones and keys safe, Bryce jacking up my car (after I try without a jack for half an hour) while I’m fluttering around convinced my car’s going to fall on ( Read more... )