11 Years
This month marks 11 years since my mom died. I am often asked by people who have recently lost a parent or close loved one if the pain ever goes away. My answer is no, but it does dull. I still miss her every single day. But I have found that if I keep an open conversation with her going in my mind, it keeps her close to me. I ask her questions and I hear answers. Whether they are from her spirit guiding me, or if they are just subconscious thoughts that my own mind conjured, who knows? I know I'm not going to question it though. It makes me happy to feel that connection to her.
So, although the pain never really goes away, it does dull with time. The other thing that time does, however, is start to erode your memories. Recently I realized I can't remember the sound of her voice. That is hard to deal with, but I still have photos of her everywhere that I spend time and in that way I can continue to remember what she looked like and I try to replay different events so that I can remember how she thought, loved, and cared for me and her family.
I do believe that we are all made of energy, so I don't think my mom is truly gone. Her body died and was cremated. Her energy lingers somewhere. Maybe she's moved on to another body. Maybe she has gone on to join the other energy fields of people whose bodies have died, or maybe she's hovering over me right now. Nobody knows for sure, but it is at least a comfort to truly know in my heart that her energy does live on somewhere.
I love you mom, wherever you are.
So, although the pain never really goes away, it does dull with time. The other thing that time does, however, is start to erode your memories. Recently I realized I can't remember the sound of her voice. That is hard to deal with, but I still have photos of her everywhere that I spend time and in that way I can continue to remember what she looked like and I try to replay different events so that I can remember how she thought, loved, and cared for me and her family.
I do believe that we are all made of energy, so I don't think my mom is truly gone. Her body died and was cremated. Her energy lingers somewhere. Maybe she's moved on to another body. Maybe she has gone on to join the other energy fields of people whose bodies have died, or maybe she's hovering over me right now. Nobody knows for sure, but it is at least a comfort to truly know in my heart that her energy does live on somewhere.
I love you mom, wherever you are.