Something's better than nothing (X-Posted from OD)
I don't think I can really write all that I've been wanting to say, but haven't.. still can't. Instead, I'll post SOMETHING. Why? Because, something's better than nothing, right? Well, maybe not. Or maybe so. Took this off of Glassy Surface's diary.. it's cool.
I want..... world peace, friendship, to understand, love, intimacy, a good saxophone, music, an outlet for my emotions, to find where I belong, to decide on a major, to be respected, to be viewed as intelligent, to be a good writer, to be a good photographer, to be brilliantly creative, to be a profound martial artist, to lose weight, to be content, to teach, to be a good jazz musician, to be a good listener, to leave my "mark" on the world in some way, to have my family forever, to bring back those I've lost, to truly experience touch and embrace, to feel safe, to help others, to see beauty and be part of it and to realize that I will never have all of my wants.
I have..... My life, my family, my animals, a few good friends, many of my material wants, freedom, the ability to think, the ability to create, the ability to experience, opportunity and the ability to realize that I have far too much of some things and far too little of others.
I wish..... that the world would unite in peace, that I could decide what I want to do with the gifts I've been given, that I could feel truly happy and truly loved, that I was less self-conscious, that I were more healthy, that I were more talented, that I were more driven, that I were wealthier (simply because this would allow me to make decisions with more ease), that I were younger, that everyone I know could be happy and at peace and that I wouldn't have to wish for the simple things.
I love..... love, hugs, laughter, peace, friendship, animals, corn on the cob, the ocean, coloring, music, voice, language, cool drinks, books, new knowledge, ice cream, physical touch, smiles, tears, reason, sleeping, beauty, air conditioning on a hot day, creating, instant messages, emails, the saxophone, pineapple pizza, hot soup, mashed potatoes, bittersoursweetsalty, children, teachers, intelligence, conversation, culture and the idea that love is boundless.
I miss..... old friends, my childhood, feeling secure, certainty, Saturday morning cartoons, not being able to understand, relying on others.. my childhood. I really think I miss that the most. All the things that are associated with being a child, those are things I miss.
I fear..... war, destruction, heights, fire, loss, intense physical pain, that I will never be completely loved, that I will never be able to decide what to do in life, that my fears are growing in number with each passing day.
I see..... nothing clearly.
I hear..... music, laughter and voice.
I know..... nothing with any degree of certainty.
*WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...*
Laughed? Within the last two hours.
Danced? About a month ago.
Hugged someone? Yesterday.. my mom, quite briefly as I left to come back up to school.
Talked to an ex? What's that? Well, techinically speaking, I could probably say a week ago.
Nightmare? Last night, I'm sure.
Watched your favorite movie? I have more than one. Not sure..
Book you read: My Critical Thinking textbook.
Last movie you saw: I believe it was "The Lion King," actually.
Last movie you saw on the big screen: I'm not even entirely sure.
Last phone number you called: Jessica's.. just to say hello, because I was reading her diary and was thinking of her. I'm about to call Evelyng, though.
Last show you watched on TV: Some cartoon in the middle of the night.. I'm not sure what it was, but it had a bunch of cats in it and a Japanese family (no, it wasn't Sailor Moon.. it was much cuter). It was on PBS.
Last thing you had to drink: Pineapple/Orange/Banana Minute-Maid juice.
Last time you showered: This morning.. I'm about due, I think.
Last thing you ate: A "Cool Ranch" dorito.
So, is this better than nothing?
I want..... world peace, friendship, to understand, love, intimacy, a good saxophone, music, an outlet for my emotions, to find where I belong, to decide on a major, to be respected, to be viewed as intelligent, to be a good writer, to be a good photographer, to be brilliantly creative, to be a profound martial artist, to lose weight, to be content, to teach, to be a good jazz musician, to be a good listener, to leave my "mark" on the world in some way, to have my family forever, to bring back those I've lost, to truly experience touch and embrace, to feel safe, to help others, to see beauty and be part of it and to realize that I will never have all of my wants.
I have..... My life, my family, my animals, a few good friends, many of my material wants, freedom, the ability to think, the ability to create, the ability to experience, opportunity and the ability to realize that I have far too much of some things and far too little of others.
I wish..... that the world would unite in peace, that I could decide what I want to do with the gifts I've been given, that I could feel truly happy and truly loved, that I was less self-conscious, that I were more healthy, that I were more talented, that I were more driven, that I were wealthier (simply because this would allow me to make decisions with more ease), that I were younger, that everyone I know could be happy and at peace and that I wouldn't have to wish for the simple things.
I love..... love, hugs, laughter, peace, friendship, animals, corn on the cob, the ocean, coloring, music, voice, language, cool drinks, books, new knowledge, ice cream, physical touch, smiles, tears, reason, sleeping, beauty, air conditioning on a hot day, creating, instant messages, emails, the saxophone, pineapple pizza, hot soup, mashed potatoes, bittersoursweetsalty, children, teachers, intelligence, conversation, culture and the idea that love is boundless.
I miss..... old friends, my childhood, feeling secure, certainty, Saturday morning cartoons, not being able to understand, relying on others.. my childhood. I really think I miss that the most. All the things that are associated with being a child, those are things I miss.
I fear..... war, destruction, heights, fire, loss, intense physical pain, that I will never be completely loved, that I will never be able to decide what to do in life, that my fears are growing in number with each passing day.
I see..... nothing clearly.
I hear..... music, laughter and voice.
I know..... nothing with any degree of certainty.
*WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...*
Laughed? Within the last two hours.
Danced? About a month ago.
Hugged someone? Yesterday.. my mom, quite briefly as I left to come back up to school.
Talked to an ex? What's that? Well, techinically speaking, I could probably say a week ago.
Nightmare? Last night, I'm sure.
Watched your favorite movie? I have more than one. Not sure..
Book you read: My Critical Thinking textbook.
Last movie you saw: I believe it was "The Lion King," actually.
Last movie you saw on the big screen: I'm not even entirely sure.
Last phone number you called: Jessica's.. just to say hello, because I was reading her diary and was thinking of her. I'm about to call Evelyng, though.
Last show you watched on TV: Some cartoon in the middle of the night.. I'm not sure what it was, but it had a bunch of cats in it and a Japanese family (no, it wasn't Sailor Moon.. it was much cuter). It was on PBS.
Last thing you had to drink: Pineapple/Orange/Banana Minute-Maid juice.
Last time you showered: This morning.. I'm about due, I think.
Last thing you ate: A "Cool Ranch" dorito.
So, is this better than nothing?