we can't be that old yet
yestarday i went to a friends...wedding? its a shame, well hopefully it isnt a shame. HOPEFULLY its the best thing for her and shes happy forever. but i hate to feel that shes confining herself in a box shes created but doenst necassarily have to submit to.
the ceremony was nice i have to say. quaint, small, but there was still this haze of highschool holding over the roof of the church. me and matt arrived late, as laura walked up the aile. i looked through the door to see if there was any glass panels i coudl bang on to try and stop her from crossing the threshold. when i hugged her it felt no differnt then the last time i saw her, and she gave the same seeeannnny when i saw her, so im so confused. shes the same girl, i just wish i knew her on a more indepth level so i could understand what she is thinking and feeling.
after the ceremony i dropped matt off at his house and drove over to natalies so i could follow her to the reception. me, her, ashely h and john holtzman sat in her room idlely as we wating for sara and Jt. of course the wait turned into longer then we expected so i got the chance to really see how natalie and johns relationship worked, and i am very confused on what she hung onto. but its not somethng i really have the right to dissect, or have the ability to, and i dont care on top of it. so we get to the reception, and i immediataly dont want to be there for any reason at all. i dropped off mine and matt's presents, and snuck out without even saying hi to laura or saying goodbye to anyone i came with. i regretted it the rest of the day, well im not sure if its regret. i felt like i was doing what i wanted to do, but a weight of insecurity clenched my lungs the rest of the day, and i hope i didnt offend her. whatever.
we cant be this old yet, the rest of the day we set off fireworks in a bazooka at matt's house. played full contact soccer at the upper field with hockey fights out of nowhere. paradox! nothing and everything changes. we change and stay the same. pushing and pulling, a choice is just that, and that is waht makes forgiving possible.
whatever.
fireworks tonight, and as of now, i am going. flaking out on todd, but i think he knows i would flake out on anyone for this. even if it meant them hating me forever.
the ceremony was nice i have to say. quaint, small, but there was still this haze of highschool holding over the roof of the church. me and matt arrived late, as laura walked up the aile. i looked through the door to see if there was any glass panels i coudl bang on to try and stop her from crossing the threshold. when i hugged her it felt no differnt then the last time i saw her, and she gave the same seeeannnny when i saw her, so im so confused. shes the same girl, i just wish i knew her on a more indepth level so i could understand what she is thinking and feeling.
after the ceremony i dropped matt off at his house and drove over to natalies so i could follow her to the reception. me, her, ashely h and john holtzman sat in her room idlely as we wating for sara and Jt. of course the wait turned into longer then we expected so i got the chance to really see how natalie and johns relationship worked, and i am very confused on what she hung onto. but its not somethng i really have the right to dissect, or have the ability to, and i dont care on top of it. so we get to the reception, and i immediataly dont want to be there for any reason at all. i dropped off mine and matt's presents, and snuck out without even saying hi to laura or saying goodbye to anyone i came with. i regretted it the rest of the day, well im not sure if its regret. i felt like i was doing what i wanted to do, but a weight of insecurity clenched my lungs the rest of the day, and i hope i didnt offend her. whatever.
we cant be this old yet, the rest of the day we set off fireworks in a bazooka at matt's house. played full contact soccer at the upper field with hockey fights out of nowhere. paradox! nothing and everything changes. we change and stay the same. pushing and pulling, a choice is just that, and that is waht makes forgiving possible.
whatever.
fireworks tonight, and as of now, i am going. flaking out on todd, but i think he knows i would flake out on anyone for this. even if it meant them hating me forever.