The Silence for llamachan
Title: The Silence
Recipient: llamachan
Pairing: N/Leo
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 4,903 words
Warnings: character death
Summary: The first time Hakyeon heard him sing, or rather the first time he would remember it, his mother died.
Notes: i followed the prompt very loosely, mostly i remembered a comic i read some time ago. i’m sorry, i hope you like this anyway. all mistakes are mine, thank you my beta for the help. mythology is altered to suit the fic.
The first time Hakyeon heard the Song was at the age of 3. It wasn’t a memory he could remember, but his mother would tell him about it from time to time, whenever the topic was brought up. It was him who asked her about the topic the first time. It was when he was 5, standing in front of his father’s grave while he felt his mother’s hand tremble around his own. He had gathered the courage in the silence and asked her, “Mum, what did it sound like when Dad died?”
She had kneeled down, taken his hand in both of hers. “It’s quiet at first, the Song, barely above a whisper, and his voice is so soft, so sweet, but the melody... It moves you to tears,” she sighed and moved her hands to cup his face. Her thumbs rubbed against his cheeks, just below his eyes. “You were crying too when your father died. Even though you didn’t understand what the Song meant, you cried. The Song turns louder gradually, as he gets closer, and then, when you think the Song is about to reach its climax, that’s when he begins to wail.”
“What happens next?” Hakyeon asked.
“Next, it’s just quiet, completely quiet.”
“And then?”
“And then you try to figure out whose death the banshee cried for.”
The island Hakyeon lived on was small. His village was one of the largest ones there though, but it was healthy, so only a single banshee was attached to the area. At least, that was what they had concluded based on the Songs they had heard over the centuries. No one actually ever did see a banshee.
Woken in the middle of the night by a nearby Wail, Hakyeon found that tears had run in his sleep. The cry was distant enough for him to feel at ease, it was not crying for his mother.
There had been more Wails lately though the Songs were often too quiet or far away for Hakyeon to hear. He easily understood why the banshee had been busier as of late. The harvest had not been very successful this year and the weather was unkind, the banshee crying for the fishermen lost to the storm. When people died in the sea, it would wander through the city at night to bring the message from the Otherworld to the families of the deceased.
He laid back in his bed, breathing in deeply and wondered, as he closed his eyes, what it would feel like to live in a big city, banshees crying every night all over town.
When Hakyeon went to the market the morning after, it was not difficult to find out who died. He had woken up a little later than he had planned, and by the time he arrived and was standing in between the stands, everyone around him was chattering about it. He quickly found a familiar face, a friend, who filled him in on the situation. Hakyeon had been right, the banshee had wailed for the boat that disappeared two days ago.
“Didn’t the captain bring his son? He was so young.”
“Yeah, heard he had insisted on going since they were lacking in crew,” Jaehwan said with a sigh, “Just a few years younger than me that boy, a couple more for you.”
Hakyeon nodded, sighing too.
“Are you heading home now?” he asked Jaehwan, and his friend nodded at him.
“You’re late today,” Jaehwan reasoned, “You should hurry, they don’t have a lot to offer, the best may already be gone now.”
“Right, of course. I had trouble sleeping because of the banshee. I’ll see you soon?”
They hugged each other before parting, going in opposite ways and as Hakyeon continued to pass through the stands and people, hearing their conversations, he began to feel suffocated, surrounded by death.
Hakyeon felt at ease waking up one morning as he realised that there had been no Wails this night, no Songs. The rest of the city seemed to feel the same way, the chatters more light than the past weeks, and when he returned from the market, he greeted his mother in the kitchen with a smile. He grabbed a ball of yarn on the table when he sat next to her and held it loosely in his hands as she pulled at the thread on the other end. She had spent more time doing this lately, knitting, and she was good at it, her fingers fast. Funny, Hakyeon didn’t have many memories of her knitting when he was a child.
“We can sell some of it,” she had said when he asked her about it two weeks ago. He had felt a little shameful from hearing that answer, the sentiment burning in his gut. It was true that his job didn’t earn them much money, but it embarrassed him that his mother wanted to step in like this. He wished to take care of her now that she had grown older and weak, like she had taken care of him by herself when he was young. Hakyeon felt his stomach churn again as he thought about it.
“Mum.”
“Yes, son?”
“I’m sorry.” She looked up from her work and smiled, bringing one of her hands to stroke Hakyeon’s hair.
“What are you apologising for?” she asked.
Hakyeon kept quiet, giving her a small smile. He didn’t feel an ounce better.
“That’s a very high salary,” Hakyeon said when Jaehwan finished.
“I guess they’re getting desperate. No one really wants to go out in that weather anymore after everything that’s happened this month. Or even if they do, their families won’t let them.”
“I’m afraid I can’t leave my mother either, she wouldn’t be able to make a living for herself if I didn’t come back. “ Jaehwan nodded, like he already knew his answer. ”You have a fiancé too, Jaehwan,” he reminded him, his tone slightly reprimanding. It had Jaehwan bite his lips and he looked nervous, eyes shifting.
“I’m doing this for her. Her family is well off compared to mine, and I think- I don’t think they’ll let me marry her if I don’t do something to turn things around.”
Surprised, Hakyeon’s eyes widened, and Jaehwan nodded as to confirm, his expression displeased. Hakyeon lifted his hands and pressed them against his own cheeks. He cast his eyes to the ground, contemplating on the situation, but he could not think of any advice to offer.
“When are they leaving?” he finally asked after a minute or so.
“Tomorrow morning. They’ll take anyone into the crew until they leave since there’s going to be a lot of goods to pick up and they need all the assistance they can get. Don’t worry so much, Hakyeon. I’ll be back in 5 days.”
“It’s not recommended to set sail these days, I don’t like this.” Hakyeon had a grimace on his face as he spoke. Jaehwan smiled at him - how could he smile? - and hugged him.
“I promise I’ll back, okay?”
Hakyeon hit him before returning the hug.
It was almost midnight and though Hakyeon had gone to bed, he was not sleeping, lying under his blankets with his eyes open. At first, he was not sure what it was he heard; just a small voiced entering his mind. It was a strange voice, one he didn’t recognise, and he closed his eyes, trying to listen harder.
It came from outside he realised as it grew louder. He did his best to listen more closely, captured by the voice, but he could not recognise any of the words even as they became clearer and clearer to him. His chest tightened and it felt as if strings were pulling at his heart while he listened. He could not understand the words, but the song of the sweet voice made him ache.
Hakyeon gasped, realising what he was listening to. It was the first time since his father’s death that he had heard the Song. Usually, only the Wail was loud enough for him to hear. He jumped out of bed and ran to his mother’s room, worried.
His mother only opened her eyes when he grabbed her hand and kneeled at her bed. He could see it, how life was slipping out of her. The banshee was still singing clearly somewhere outside. She squeezed her eyes a little, like she was having trouble seeing him, and he gripped her hand a little tighter. Her breaths were deep, chest heaving and falling visibly, but they were slowing down after each one. Hakyeon felt it too, in his hands, her arm becoming heavy as she lost the power to hold it up for him.
Hakyeon hadn’t noticed when the Song had ended or when the banshee began to wail. His mind was too preoccupied to listen, but when it stopped he was struck by the sudden silence. Tears were running down his eyes and he wiped them away with an exaggerated motion before he spun around and ran out of the room. It occurred to him that the banshee would still be nearby and irrationally, he felt anger towards it as he rushed outside.
He found the banshee in their yard, its back faced Hakyeon, already on its way.
“Hey!” Hakyeon shouted at it as his rage soared. He was sure it was the banshee, the description he had heard as a child just right. The clothes it wore were white and too thin for a regular man to walk around in at night the current season. It ignored him it seemed, so Hakyeon shouted again, louder this time. To his surprise, it stopped and turned its head.
The banshee’s skin was almost as pale as his clothes, and there seemed to be a glow to it, an unnatural and cold air emitting from it. Its hair was dark however, as were its eyes as they met Hakyeon’s.
Hakyeon opened his mouth, he wanted to yell something at it, but as they looked at each other, he felt his anger dissolve. He sealed his lips and remembered. The banshee was not the cause of death, it was the messenger. After a short moment, the banshee turned again to leave, and Hakyeon stood on his spot outside of the door to his house, watching it until it disappeared out of sight.
Though the trees had begun growing leaves, the night air was still icy. Hakyeon was wearing a coat and a scarf along with a thick blanket draped over his shoulders as he walked through the streets. It was hours past midnight. Perhaps the clock had already struck 3 at night, he mused as he turned around a corner. He had had trouble sleeping at night the past days and he would lie in his bed, staring at the ceiling until slumber finally took him, but tonight he had felt restless and wandered outside. It comforted him some to roam through the streets despite the cold, even if he didn’t have any purpose.
He was walking mindlessly when he suddenly heard a voice singing. He halted for a short second before he went ahead again, his pace slowing down. The voice became a little louder, as if he was getting closer to the source, and he followed it carefully, looking to his sides as if they could come from there. The road split itself in two as he continued, and Hakyeon stopped before the two paths. Eyes downcast to help himself concentrate better, he listened to the voice carefully, trying to figure out which way it was coming from. He was still unsure upon taking the first steps and the volume of the voice didn’t increase, but walking a little further, he began to notice the change. He was getting closer.
Hakyeon recognised it immediately; it was sitting with its legs crossed on the ground, gazing at the sky while it sang. It wore the same clothes as before, white garments, and it cast a luminous aura, a pale appearance like a small moon on earth. Hakyeon felt his heart rate speed up. It hammered in his ears in a pace faster than the steps he took. There was still some distance between them, but the banshee must have felt his presence, or perhaps it could hear the loud beats of Hakyeon’s heart, because it lowered its head, slowly, and turned to watch Hakyeon. It didn’t stop singing, and a shudder ran through his body when their eyes met.
He clutched the blanket around him tighter, palms sweating despite the cold. He stepped up to it until they were facing each other, only few steps apart. As Hakyeon stood still before it, the banshee ended its song and silence enveloped them.
“Am I dying?” Hakyeon asked in a whisper. His voice was hoarse.
The other was silent, eyeing Hakyeon before it said, “No.”
Hakyeon breathed, relaxing slightly. Relieved. “Then why are you here, singing?”
“This is a different song.”
It occurred to Hakyeon that the song he had heard when his mother died had been very different. The song itself from that time had been enough to bring Hakyeon to tears, each note a needle to his heart. The song he had heard tonight, though he had been too scared to notice at first, had been serene. They were worlds apart.
“You can see me.” It was the banshee that spoke, and Hakyeon blinked, realising that he wasn’t supposed to be able to see it from the tone it spoke in.
“ I- uh. Yes.”
A cold breeze passed between them and Hakyeon shivered. The banshee didn’t look like it had felt it.
“Are you not cold?” Hakyeon asked, looking at the thin robes it wore. They fell loosely over its body. Even its collarbones were exposed. Hakyeon himself, though packed in his winter wardrobe, was freezing, but nonetheless, he grabbed the blanket and held it out, offering it to the other.
“I am cold, but I cannot feel it.” The way it looked at him was enough to give Hakyeon chills, but he kept his arm outstretched. It lowered its gaze to look at the blanket in his hands and another moment in silence passed before it took the offered item, draping it around its own body.
They were both quiet, looking at each other, but while Hakyeon watched him with interest, and mild fear if he was honest, the banshee had a blank expression on its face.
“Ah, do you… Perhaps... Have a name?” Hakyeon asked, breaking the tension though it was likely that he was the only one feeling it. The banshee continued to stare at him with the same expression until it looked away as if it was thinking about the question.
Then it said, tightening its grip on Hakyeon’s blanket, “My name is Taekwoon.”
It was crazy, but no matter how many times he told himself that, he couldn’t help himself. Instead of strolling around thoughtlessly as he usually would, he walked with careful steps tonight, trying to be as quiet as he could while he kept his ears alert.
Hakyeon didn’t have to walk the same route as he had the last time. He had lived here his entire life; he already knew a faster way to his wanted destination. He arrived to the spot he met Taekwoon two nights ago shortly, but there was no one there. He sat down where he estimated Taekwoon had been sitting last time, and the ground was cold and hard below, making him shiver when he touched it.
There was no way for him to check the time, but after waiting for what felt like a long time, Hakyeon began to lose his hope. It was cold, he was cold, his body shaking and teeth clattering for sitting motionlessly for so long out there. He began to fear that his lips were turning blue as well.
He stood, legs wavering slightly, and looked to his sides, wondering where to go. Should he head home? He felt silly for what he had done. He had gone out to look for Taekwoon, a messenger of the Otherworld, an omen of death. Of course it would have turned out like this, he thought. It had been a bad idea from the very beginning and it had meant to fail.
“That’s not as much as what they offered in autumn.”
“Of course it’s not. It’s not even the same job anyway,” Jaehwan said, as if it was obvious.
Hakyeon made a face, discontent, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Jaehwan beat him to it.
“You need the money still though.”
“Yeah... I do.”
“I don’t understand why you don’t just move out of your old house and buy a smaller space. It’d be cheaper to take care of, I mean, you’re not in a relationship at the moment or even planning to, so there’s no point in keeping such a big place.”
Hakyeon knew he was right, but it was hard for him to let go right now. He wouldn’t know what to do with all his parents’ old belongings either. He couldn’t make himself sell them. Hakyeon sighed; he had done that a lot recently as things didn’t go his way any longer.
“When’s the next trip?”
“You know, I could introduce you to-” Jaehwan began, mind still floating in that topic.
“Jaehwan.”
“Oh, fine. On Monday, but I suggest you go down to the harbour today and find the captain, or someone else might take the open spot before you.”
“Right. Thanks for telling me about it.”
Jaehwan smiled, showing his teeth, “You’re welcome! Maybe the work will tire you out so much you can sleep at night now.”
Hakyeon reached out to hit his friend for the remark.
Summer meant longer days and shorter nights. It did little to help Hakyeon’s sleeping condition, the sky already becoming brighter by the time he finally felt he was able to sleep. It was minutes to four when Hakyeon was lying in his bed sleeplessly again and he decided that he may not sleep that night. He stood up and walked up to his window, opening it to let in some fresh air. It was still dark outside, but it was light enough for him to see the neighbourhood and streets below him. He leaned against the window frame and closed his eyes.
Birds were chirping outside already though it was only a few so far. When Hakyeon opened his eyes and scanned through the streets, curious to see if there was anything worth observing, he noticed a figure not too far away, wandering around. His eyes widened.
He was too far away for Hakyeon to see his face, but there was no doubt. Even in the light, Taekwoon seemed to shine. Hakyeon’s eyes followed him as he went down the street, getting closer to his house. He thought of calling out to him, he should be close enough to hear him now, but Hakyeon was too afraid it would wake the street. As Taekwoon got even closer, Hakyeon noticed that his lips were moving and he realised that he was singing. He leaned a bit over the window frame, trying to hear what it sounded like.
Despite only having heard the Song once, Hakyeon recognised it right away. He froze, suddenly feeling numb for a brief second before he felt the fear. His hands began to tremble as the voice got stronger and he knew that it was not simply because he was getting closer. It was Taekwoon, who were singing louder.
It was obvious to Hakyeon that he was not heading towards his home, but he couldn’t help but panic and he stepped back from the window quickly, scrambling with the lock as he closed it again. He shut the curtains quickly and stood in the middle of his room, a hand clasped over his own mouth. Taekwoon’s song was growing powerful outside and Hakyeon’s eyes began to prickle with tears.
Someone nearby was about to die.
Hakyeon had given up on meeting Taekwoon again months ago, so he was surprised when they were face to face again this autumn. It was a different place than the first, but once again, Taekwoon was sitting on the ground. Upon seeing him, Hakyeon sat next to him carefully, grateful that it had not been raining that day. Neither of them spoke for a long time and Hakyeon would’ve thought his presence was ignored had it not been for the fact that Taekwoon was staring at him.
“I guess I’m not dying tonight either,” Hakyeon said, as if to start a conversation. He continued when he met no reply, “Shame. We’re setting sail again in two days though a storm’s coming up. I don’t want to die by drowning.”
“You won’t die,” Taekwoon said quietly, surprising him. His voice when he spoke was so soft, even more than when he was singing.
“You know when I’m dying,” Hakyeon replied after a pause, and Taekwoon turned his body towards him, nodding.
There was another pause, and Hakyeon raised his head to look at the sky. It was a full moon tonight and it shone bright in the dark sky, pure white. It resembled Taekwoon, he thought.
“Can you sing for me?” Hakyeon asked carefully, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. He was leaning against a tree, but Taekwoon still sat on the ground. His body would have blended well with the snow there had it not been for the blanket Hakyeon had lent him. Taekwoon straightened his back, his chest pushed forward slightly and he began to sing.
Hakyeon smiled, from the very first note to the last.
Hakyeon’s umbrella was not big enough to protect the two of them very well against the pouring rain, but it was all they could do. It had been three months since they last met and Hakyeon had spent two good hours filling Taekwoon in on what he had been up to during that time. The rain had started somewhere in the middle of it and Hakyeon had simply taken his umbrella out with a grin, already prepared for the weather. Now, after he had finished, they were just sitting there, listening to the rain next to each other.
“Will you tell me what you will do from now on?” Taekwoon asked. The question took Hakyeon off guard, he had never been asked of anything before from him.
“Uh, sure, but you know, it’s not like I can predict the future? I think you’re better at that than me.” Taekwoon said no more, so Hakyeon began talking again, “Well, the day after tomorrow Jaehwan’s daughter turns one, so they’re holding a small gathering that I’ve been invited to. I think I’ll gift her something of my mother’s, she had a lot of valuable jewellery just collecting dust now. It’ll almost be like an heirloom.”
Taekwoon didn’t look particularly interested in what Hakyeon was saying, and he wondered why he had asked Hakyeon to tell him about his plans, but he continued as he wasn’t told to stop. “I got an additional job, so Tuesday in two weeks I’ll be heading towards the neighbour island for work. It takes 2 days just to get there. And then, then I guess I’ll pay an old friend of mine a visit there if I have time. When I get back, I’ll… I don’t really know, I guess I’ll go looking for you again? I don’t want to let another three months pass. We should plan these meetings from now on, you’re not easy to find.”
Hakyeon rubbed his shoulder with his free hand and he was taken aback when Taekwoon suddenly took the umbrella from his hand and held it for them instead. He stared at the top of the umbrella like he didn’t understand how it could be floating, but then he turned his eyes to Taekwoon, blushing.
Their hands had touched at the exchange, and Taekwoon’s fingers had been cold, but soft, the skin smooth. He ran his fingers across the spot, his own skin much harder, callus. He wondered when they had become like this. His thoughts were cut off when Taekwoon began to sing without warning.
It was a new song, one Hakyeon hadn’t heard before. He still did not know the language Taekwoon sang in, but he was surprised at how sorrowful it sounded.
His heart ached.
Hakyeon’s body immediately went numb from the cold. It had happened so fast, losing his footing on the wet deck, his grip slipping and then another tilt of the boat, and he had been thrown off and hit the water before he had a chance to hold his breath. His chest burned horribly as water went into his lungs. He coughed, only to let more water enter his body, and his mind went into panic mode, but there was no helping it, his body refused to move.
He sank, slowly and further down the sea. He didn’t know if that was why his vision began to blacken, if it was because he was falling further away from the surface or because his eyes were simply beginning to fail him. He blinked and though the water did not sting his eyes, he found it hard to keep them open. Everything around him turned darker. It was quiet, eerily so and perhaps it would have appeared peaceful, to be swallowed up in the dark silence, but his chest was hurting, his lungs stung and so did his throat. His body screamed for air.
A light appeared before him, a small sheen in the middle of the darkness, and Hakyeon thought that surely, he was dying now. His eyes closed, but he could still feel the light behind his eyelids and it became stronger and brighter with each moment.
Hakyeon did not feel the touch; neither did he feel the pull. He didn’t feel anything until he resurfaced from the water and was laid down somewhere, the surface hard and cold, scratching against his body. He coughed vigorously, the water spilling past his lips while his body doubled over. It hurt, as if something was clawing roughly against the insides of his chest and throat as it made its way out. Breathing was no better, irregular, and every intake of air was painful.
When Hakyeon opened his eyes it took a couple of seconds before he regained his sight. He was met with white. He blinked, and it stung slightly, as did the brightness. He tilted his head, found that his neck was sore and he looked up at Taekwoon, who was watching him with a concerned expression, beads of water falling from his dark hair onto Hakyeon’s body. Hakyeon opened his mouth to speak, but it only caused another coughing fit.
He removed his eyes from Taekwoon to see what was behind him, but he only saw water and the angry waves. They were in the middle of the sea, on a rock somewhere he grasped. Along with this, he realised that he could feel it too, water was splashing around them, droplets hitting them. As parts of the numbness began to fade and Hakyeon regained more of his senses, he understood that he was shaking, every inch of his body prickling and stinging from the cold. His teeth clattered harshly and he couldn’t seem to stop it, his jaw weak. It was difficult to move as well, his body as heavy as lead, but he managed to turn his head to look at Taekwoon more comfortably - as comfortable as it could get with the etching surface against the back of his head. Hakyeon could hardly think of anything but the cold.
Taekwoon looked as drenched as he felt, and Hakyeon silently watched him, unable to speak. Taekwoon swallowed and licked his lips before he parted them. When he began to sing, Hakyeon wasn’t surprised. He was so cold.
The Song was beautiful; it was the first time Hakyeon noticed that. It was something he had always been too scared of to listen carefully to, but now he could feel it, the melancholy. He understand why it would always bring him to tears, but there were no tears tonight, and when Taekwoon brought his hand to Hakyeon’s face, swiping his bangs away from his eyes and let it rest against his cheek, Hakyeon felt relief. He did his best to smile. How well it went, he didn’t know. He couldn’t tell.
Hakyeon closed his eyes, listening to Taekwoon and the way his voice blended with the sound of the waves. It was odd, he knew Taekwoon was raising his voice; he always would when it came to the Song, but to him, it sounded like his voice was fading instead. He did his best to listen, to get the very end of the Song. Though it was becoming harder to hear, he could still feel it, a familiar sensation pulling at his heart. Still, tears did not fall.
Taekwoon stopped singing. The Song was over, and he knew what was next. A speculation came to Hakyeon.
Did banshees cry?
Hakyeon didn’t have the energy to open his eyes and see. It didn’t matter however. The Wail never reached his ears.
Recipient: llamachan
Pairing: N/Leo
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 4,903 words
Warnings: character death
Summary: The first time Hakyeon heard him sing, or rather the first time he would remember it, his mother died.
Notes: i followed the prompt very loosely, mostly i remembered a comic i read some time ago. i’m sorry, i hope you like this anyway. all mistakes are mine, thank you my beta for the help. mythology is altered to suit the fic.
The first time Hakyeon heard the Song was at the age of 3. It wasn’t a memory he could remember, but his mother would tell him about it from time to time, whenever the topic was brought up. It was him who asked her about the topic the first time. It was when he was 5, standing in front of his father’s grave while he felt his mother’s hand tremble around his own. He had gathered the courage in the silence and asked her, “Mum, what did it sound like when Dad died?”
She had kneeled down, taken his hand in both of hers. “It’s quiet at first, the Song, barely above a whisper, and his voice is so soft, so sweet, but the melody... It moves you to tears,” she sighed and moved her hands to cup his face. Her thumbs rubbed against his cheeks, just below his eyes. “You were crying too when your father died. Even though you didn’t understand what the Song meant, you cried. The Song turns louder gradually, as he gets closer, and then, when you think the Song is about to reach its climax, that’s when he begins to wail.”
“What happens next?” Hakyeon asked.
“Next, it’s just quiet, completely quiet.”
“And then?”
“And then you try to figure out whose death the banshee cried for.”
The island Hakyeon lived on was small. His village was one of the largest ones there though, but it was healthy, so only a single banshee was attached to the area. At least, that was what they had concluded based on the Songs they had heard over the centuries. No one actually ever did see a banshee.
Woken in the middle of the night by a nearby Wail, Hakyeon found that tears had run in his sleep. The cry was distant enough for him to feel at ease, it was not crying for his mother.
There had been more Wails lately though the Songs were often too quiet or far away for Hakyeon to hear. He easily understood why the banshee had been busier as of late. The harvest had not been very successful this year and the weather was unkind, the banshee crying for the fishermen lost to the storm. When people died in the sea, it would wander through the city at night to bring the message from the Otherworld to the families of the deceased.
He laid back in his bed, breathing in deeply and wondered, as he closed his eyes, what it would feel like to live in a big city, banshees crying every night all over town.
When Hakyeon went to the market the morning after, it was not difficult to find out who died. He had woken up a little later than he had planned, and by the time he arrived and was standing in between the stands, everyone around him was chattering about it. He quickly found a familiar face, a friend, who filled him in on the situation. Hakyeon had been right, the banshee had wailed for the boat that disappeared two days ago.
“Didn’t the captain bring his son? He was so young.”
“Yeah, heard he had insisted on going since they were lacking in crew,” Jaehwan said with a sigh, “Just a few years younger than me that boy, a couple more for you.”
Hakyeon nodded, sighing too.
“Are you heading home now?” he asked Jaehwan, and his friend nodded at him.
“You’re late today,” Jaehwan reasoned, “You should hurry, they don’t have a lot to offer, the best may already be gone now.”
“Right, of course. I had trouble sleeping because of the banshee. I’ll see you soon?”
They hugged each other before parting, going in opposite ways and as Hakyeon continued to pass through the stands and people, hearing their conversations, he began to feel suffocated, surrounded by death.
Hakyeon felt at ease waking up one morning as he realised that there had been no Wails this night, no Songs. The rest of the city seemed to feel the same way, the chatters more light than the past weeks, and when he returned from the market, he greeted his mother in the kitchen with a smile. He grabbed a ball of yarn on the table when he sat next to her and held it loosely in his hands as she pulled at the thread on the other end. She had spent more time doing this lately, knitting, and she was good at it, her fingers fast. Funny, Hakyeon didn’t have many memories of her knitting when he was a child.
“We can sell some of it,” she had said when he asked her about it two weeks ago. He had felt a little shameful from hearing that answer, the sentiment burning in his gut. It was true that his job didn’t earn them much money, but it embarrassed him that his mother wanted to step in like this. He wished to take care of her now that she had grown older and weak, like she had taken care of him by herself when he was young. Hakyeon felt his stomach churn again as he thought about it.
“Mum.”
“Yes, son?”
“I’m sorry.” She looked up from her work and smiled, bringing one of her hands to stroke Hakyeon’s hair.
“What are you apologising for?” she asked.
Hakyeon kept quiet, giving her a small smile. He didn’t feel an ounce better.
“That’s a very high salary,” Hakyeon said when Jaehwan finished.
“I guess they’re getting desperate. No one really wants to go out in that weather anymore after everything that’s happened this month. Or even if they do, their families won’t let them.”
“I’m afraid I can’t leave my mother either, she wouldn’t be able to make a living for herself if I didn’t come back. “ Jaehwan nodded, like he already knew his answer. ”You have a fiancé too, Jaehwan,” he reminded him, his tone slightly reprimanding. It had Jaehwan bite his lips and he looked nervous, eyes shifting.
“I’m doing this for her. Her family is well off compared to mine, and I think- I don’t think they’ll let me marry her if I don’t do something to turn things around.”
Surprised, Hakyeon’s eyes widened, and Jaehwan nodded as to confirm, his expression displeased. Hakyeon lifted his hands and pressed them against his own cheeks. He cast his eyes to the ground, contemplating on the situation, but he could not think of any advice to offer.
“When are they leaving?” he finally asked after a minute or so.
“Tomorrow morning. They’ll take anyone into the crew until they leave since there’s going to be a lot of goods to pick up and they need all the assistance they can get. Don’t worry so much, Hakyeon. I’ll be back in 5 days.”
“It’s not recommended to set sail these days, I don’t like this.” Hakyeon had a grimace on his face as he spoke. Jaehwan smiled at him - how could he smile? - and hugged him.
“I promise I’ll back, okay?”
Hakyeon hit him before returning the hug.
It was almost midnight and though Hakyeon had gone to bed, he was not sleeping, lying under his blankets with his eyes open. At first, he was not sure what it was he heard; just a small voiced entering his mind. It was a strange voice, one he didn’t recognise, and he closed his eyes, trying to listen harder.
It came from outside he realised as it grew louder. He did his best to listen more closely, captured by the voice, but he could not recognise any of the words even as they became clearer and clearer to him. His chest tightened and it felt as if strings were pulling at his heart while he listened. He could not understand the words, but the song of the sweet voice made him ache.
Hakyeon gasped, realising what he was listening to. It was the first time since his father’s death that he had heard the Song. Usually, only the Wail was loud enough for him to hear. He jumped out of bed and ran to his mother’s room, worried.
His mother only opened her eyes when he grabbed her hand and kneeled at her bed. He could see it, how life was slipping out of her. The banshee was still singing clearly somewhere outside. She squeezed her eyes a little, like she was having trouble seeing him, and he gripped her hand a little tighter. Her breaths were deep, chest heaving and falling visibly, but they were slowing down after each one. Hakyeon felt it too, in his hands, her arm becoming heavy as she lost the power to hold it up for him.
Hakyeon hadn’t noticed when the Song had ended or when the banshee began to wail. His mind was too preoccupied to listen, but when it stopped he was struck by the sudden silence. Tears were running down his eyes and he wiped them away with an exaggerated motion before he spun around and ran out of the room. It occurred to him that the banshee would still be nearby and irrationally, he felt anger towards it as he rushed outside.
He found the banshee in their yard, its back faced Hakyeon, already on its way.
“Hey!” Hakyeon shouted at it as his rage soared. He was sure it was the banshee, the description he had heard as a child just right. The clothes it wore were white and too thin for a regular man to walk around in at night the current season. It ignored him it seemed, so Hakyeon shouted again, louder this time. To his surprise, it stopped and turned its head.
The banshee’s skin was almost as pale as his clothes, and there seemed to be a glow to it, an unnatural and cold air emitting from it. Its hair was dark however, as were its eyes as they met Hakyeon’s.
Hakyeon opened his mouth, he wanted to yell something at it, but as they looked at each other, he felt his anger dissolve. He sealed his lips and remembered. The banshee was not the cause of death, it was the messenger. After a short moment, the banshee turned again to leave, and Hakyeon stood on his spot outside of the door to his house, watching it until it disappeared out of sight.
Though the trees had begun growing leaves, the night air was still icy. Hakyeon was wearing a coat and a scarf along with a thick blanket draped over his shoulders as he walked through the streets. It was hours past midnight. Perhaps the clock had already struck 3 at night, he mused as he turned around a corner. He had had trouble sleeping at night the past days and he would lie in his bed, staring at the ceiling until slumber finally took him, but tonight he had felt restless and wandered outside. It comforted him some to roam through the streets despite the cold, even if he didn’t have any purpose.
He was walking mindlessly when he suddenly heard a voice singing. He halted for a short second before he went ahead again, his pace slowing down. The voice became a little louder, as if he was getting closer to the source, and he followed it carefully, looking to his sides as if they could come from there. The road split itself in two as he continued, and Hakyeon stopped before the two paths. Eyes downcast to help himself concentrate better, he listened to the voice carefully, trying to figure out which way it was coming from. He was still unsure upon taking the first steps and the volume of the voice didn’t increase, but walking a little further, he began to notice the change. He was getting closer.
Hakyeon recognised it immediately; it was sitting with its legs crossed on the ground, gazing at the sky while it sang. It wore the same clothes as before, white garments, and it cast a luminous aura, a pale appearance like a small moon on earth. Hakyeon felt his heart rate speed up. It hammered in his ears in a pace faster than the steps he took. There was still some distance between them, but the banshee must have felt his presence, or perhaps it could hear the loud beats of Hakyeon’s heart, because it lowered its head, slowly, and turned to watch Hakyeon. It didn’t stop singing, and a shudder ran through his body when their eyes met.
He clutched the blanket around him tighter, palms sweating despite the cold. He stepped up to it until they were facing each other, only few steps apart. As Hakyeon stood still before it, the banshee ended its song and silence enveloped them.
“Am I dying?” Hakyeon asked in a whisper. His voice was hoarse.
The other was silent, eyeing Hakyeon before it said, “No.”
Hakyeon breathed, relaxing slightly. Relieved. “Then why are you here, singing?”
“This is a different song.”
It occurred to Hakyeon that the song he had heard when his mother died had been very different. The song itself from that time had been enough to bring Hakyeon to tears, each note a needle to his heart. The song he had heard tonight, though he had been too scared to notice at first, had been serene. They were worlds apart.
“You can see me.” It was the banshee that spoke, and Hakyeon blinked, realising that he wasn’t supposed to be able to see it from the tone it spoke in.
“ I- uh. Yes.”
A cold breeze passed between them and Hakyeon shivered. The banshee didn’t look like it had felt it.
“Are you not cold?” Hakyeon asked, looking at the thin robes it wore. They fell loosely over its body. Even its collarbones were exposed. Hakyeon himself, though packed in his winter wardrobe, was freezing, but nonetheless, he grabbed the blanket and held it out, offering it to the other.
“I am cold, but I cannot feel it.” The way it looked at him was enough to give Hakyeon chills, but he kept his arm outstretched. It lowered its gaze to look at the blanket in his hands and another moment in silence passed before it took the offered item, draping it around its own body.
They were both quiet, looking at each other, but while Hakyeon watched him with interest, and mild fear if he was honest, the banshee had a blank expression on its face.
“Ah, do you… Perhaps... Have a name?” Hakyeon asked, breaking the tension though it was likely that he was the only one feeling it. The banshee continued to stare at him with the same expression until it looked away as if it was thinking about the question.
Then it said, tightening its grip on Hakyeon’s blanket, “My name is Taekwoon.”
It was crazy, but no matter how many times he told himself that, he couldn’t help himself. Instead of strolling around thoughtlessly as he usually would, he walked with careful steps tonight, trying to be as quiet as he could while he kept his ears alert.
Hakyeon didn’t have to walk the same route as he had the last time. He had lived here his entire life; he already knew a faster way to his wanted destination. He arrived to the spot he met Taekwoon two nights ago shortly, but there was no one there. He sat down where he estimated Taekwoon had been sitting last time, and the ground was cold and hard below, making him shiver when he touched it.
There was no way for him to check the time, but after waiting for what felt like a long time, Hakyeon began to lose his hope. It was cold, he was cold, his body shaking and teeth clattering for sitting motionlessly for so long out there. He began to fear that his lips were turning blue as well.
He stood, legs wavering slightly, and looked to his sides, wondering where to go. Should he head home? He felt silly for what he had done. He had gone out to look for Taekwoon, a messenger of the Otherworld, an omen of death. Of course it would have turned out like this, he thought. It had been a bad idea from the very beginning and it had meant to fail.
“That’s not as much as what they offered in autumn.”
“Of course it’s not. It’s not even the same job anyway,” Jaehwan said, as if it was obvious.
Hakyeon made a face, discontent, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Jaehwan beat him to it.
“You need the money still though.”
“Yeah... I do.”
“I don’t understand why you don’t just move out of your old house and buy a smaller space. It’d be cheaper to take care of, I mean, you’re not in a relationship at the moment or even planning to, so there’s no point in keeping such a big place.”
Hakyeon knew he was right, but it was hard for him to let go right now. He wouldn’t know what to do with all his parents’ old belongings either. He couldn’t make himself sell them. Hakyeon sighed; he had done that a lot recently as things didn’t go his way any longer.
“When’s the next trip?”
“You know, I could introduce you to-” Jaehwan began, mind still floating in that topic.
“Jaehwan.”
“Oh, fine. On Monday, but I suggest you go down to the harbour today and find the captain, or someone else might take the open spot before you.”
“Right. Thanks for telling me about it.”
Jaehwan smiled, showing his teeth, “You’re welcome! Maybe the work will tire you out so much you can sleep at night now.”
Hakyeon reached out to hit his friend for the remark.
Summer meant longer days and shorter nights. It did little to help Hakyeon’s sleeping condition, the sky already becoming brighter by the time he finally felt he was able to sleep. It was minutes to four when Hakyeon was lying in his bed sleeplessly again and he decided that he may not sleep that night. He stood up and walked up to his window, opening it to let in some fresh air. It was still dark outside, but it was light enough for him to see the neighbourhood and streets below him. He leaned against the window frame and closed his eyes.
Birds were chirping outside already though it was only a few so far. When Hakyeon opened his eyes and scanned through the streets, curious to see if there was anything worth observing, he noticed a figure not too far away, wandering around. His eyes widened.
He was too far away for Hakyeon to see his face, but there was no doubt. Even in the light, Taekwoon seemed to shine. Hakyeon’s eyes followed him as he went down the street, getting closer to his house. He thought of calling out to him, he should be close enough to hear him now, but Hakyeon was too afraid it would wake the street. As Taekwoon got even closer, Hakyeon noticed that his lips were moving and he realised that he was singing. He leaned a bit over the window frame, trying to hear what it sounded like.
Despite only having heard the Song once, Hakyeon recognised it right away. He froze, suddenly feeling numb for a brief second before he felt the fear. His hands began to tremble as the voice got stronger and he knew that it was not simply because he was getting closer. It was Taekwoon, who were singing louder.
It was obvious to Hakyeon that he was not heading towards his home, but he couldn’t help but panic and he stepped back from the window quickly, scrambling with the lock as he closed it again. He shut the curtains quickly and stood in the middle of his room, a hand clasped over his own mouth. Taekwoon’s song was growing powerful outside and Hakyeon’s eyes began to prickle with tears.
Someone nearby was about to die.
Hakyeon had given up on meeting Taekwoon again months ago, so he was surprised when they were face to face again this autumn. It was a different place than the first, but once again, Taekwoon was sitting on the ground. Upon seeing him, Hakyeon sat next to him carefully, grateful that it had not been raining that day. Neither of them spoke for a long time and Hakyeon would’ve thought his presence was ignored had it not been for the fact that Taekwoon was staring at him.
“I guess I’m not dying tonight either,” Hakyeon said, as if to start a conversation. He continued when he met no reply, “Shame. We’re setting sail again in two days though a storm’s coming up. I don’t want to die by drowning.”
“You won’t die,” Taekwoon said quietly, surprising him. His voice when he spoke was so soft, even more than when he was singing.
“You know when I’m dying,” Hakyeon replied after a pause, and Taekwoon turned his body towards him, nodding.
There was another pause, and Hakyeon raised his head to look at the sky. It was a full moon tonight and it shone bright in the dark sky, pure white. It resembled Taekwoon, he thought.
“Can you sing for me?” Hakyeon asked carefully, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. He was leaning against a tree, but Taekwoon still sat on the ground. His body would have blended well with the snow there had it not been for the blanket Hakyeon had lent him. Taekwoon straightened his back, his chest pushed forward slightly and he began to sing.
Hakyeon smiled, from the very first note to the last.
Hakyeon’s umbrella was not big enough to protect the two of them very well against the pouring rain, but it was all they could do. It had been three months since they last met and Hakyeon had spent two good hours filling Taekwoon in on what he had been up to during that time. The rain had started somewhere in the middle of it and Hakyeon had simply taken his umbrella out with a grin, already prepared for the weather. Now, after he had finished, they were just sitting there, listening to the rain next to each other.
“Will you tell me what you will do from now on?” Taekwoon asked. The question took Hakyeon off guard, he had never been asked of anything before from him.
“Uh, sure, but you know, it’s not like I can predict the future? I think you’re better at that than me.” Taekwoon said no more, so Hakyeon began talking again, “Well, the day after tomorrow Jaehwan’s daughter turns one, so they’re holding a small gathering that I’ve been invited to. I think I’ll gift her something of my mother’s, she had a lot of valuable jewellery just collecting dust now. It’ll almost be like an heirloom.”
Taekwoon didn’t look particularly interested in what Hakyeon was saying, and he wondered why he had asked Hakyeon to tell him about his plans, but he continued as he wasn’t told to stop. “I got an additional job, so Tuesday in two weeks I’ll be heading towards the neighbour island for work. It takes 2 days just to get there. And then, then I guess I’ll pay an old friend of mine a visit there if I have time. When I get back, I’ll… I don’t really know, I guess I’ll go looking for you again? I don’t want to let another three months pass. We should plan these meetings from now on, you’re not easy to find.”
Hakyeon rubbed his shoulder with his free hand and he was taken aback when Taekwoon suddenly took the umbrella from his hand and held it for them instead. He stared at the top of the umbrella like he didn’t understand how it could be floating, but then he turned his eyes to Taekwoon, blushing.
Their hands had touched at the exchange, and Taekwoon’s fingers had been cold, but soft, the skin smooth. He ran his fingers across the spot, his own skin much harder, callus. He wondered when they had become like this. His thoughts were cut off when Taekwoon began to sing without warning.
It was a new song, one Hakyeon hadn’t heard before. He still did not know the language Taekwoon sang in, but he was surprised at how sorrowful it sounded.
His heart ached.
Hakyeon’s body immediately went numb from the cold. It had happened so fast, losing his footing on the wet deck, his grip slipping and then another tilt of the boat, and he had been thrown off and hit the water before he had a chance to hold his breath. His chest burned horribly as water went into his lungs. He coughed, only to let more water enter his body, and his mind went into panic mode, but there was no helping it, his body refused to move.
He sank, slowly and further down the sea. He didn’t know if that was why his vision began to blacken, if it was because he was falling further away from the surface or because his eyes were simply beginning to fail him. He blinked and though the water did not sting his eyes, he found it hard to keep them open. Everything around him turned darker. It was quiet, eerily so and perhaps it would have appeared peaceful, to be swallowed up in the dark silence, but his chest was hurting, his lungs stung and so did his throat. His body screamed for air.
A light appeared before him, a small sheen in the middle of the darkness, and Hakyeon thought that surely, he was dying now. His eyes closed, but he could still feel the light behind his eyelids and it became stronger and brighter with each moment.
Hakyeon did not feel the touch; neither did he feel the pull. He didn’t feel anything until he resurfaced from the water and was laid down somewhere, the surface hard and cold, scratching against his body. He coughed vigorously, the water spilling past his lips while his body doubled over. It hurt, as if something was clawing roughly against the insides of his chest and throat as it made its way out. Breathing was no better, irregular, and every intake of air was painful.
When Hakyeon opened his eyes it took a couple of seconds before he regained his sight. He was met with white. He blinked, and it stung slightly, as did the brightness. He tilted his head, found that his neck was sore and he looked up at Taekwoon, who was watching him with a concerned expression, beads of water falling from his dark hair onto Hakyeon’s body. Hakyeon opened his mouth to speak, but it only caused another coughing fit.
He removed his eyes from Taekwoon to see what was behind him, but he only saw water and the angry waves. They were in the middle of the sea, on a rock somewhere he grasped. Along with this, he realised that he could feel it too, water was splashing around them, droplets hitting them. As parts of the numbness began to fade and Hakyeon regained more of his senses, he understood that he was shaking, every inch of his body prickling and stinging from the cold. His teeth clattered harshly and he couldn’t seem to stop it, his jaw weak. It was difficult to move as well, his body as heavy as lead, but he managed to turn his head to look at Taekwoon more comfortably - as comfortable as it could get with the etching surface against the back of his head. Hakyeon could hardly think of anything but the cold.
Taekwoon looked as drenched as he felt, and Hakyeon silently watched him, unable to speak. Taekwoon swallowed and licked his lips before he parted them. When he began to sing, Hakyeon wasn’t surprised. He was so cold.
The Song was beautiful; it was the first time Hakyeon noticed that. It was something he had always been too scared of to listen carefully to, but now he could feel it, the melancholy. He understand why it would always bring him to tears, but there were no tears tonight, and when Taekwoon brought his hand to Hakyeon’s face, swiping his bangs away from his eyes and let it rest against his cheek, Hakyeon felt relief. He did his best to smile. How well it went, he didn’t know. He couldn’t tell.
Hakyeon closed his eyes, listening to Taekwoon and the way his voice blended with the sound of the waves. It was odd, he knew Taekwoon was raising his voice; he always would when it came to the Song, but to him, it sounded like his voice was fading instead. He did his best to listen, to get the very end of the Song. Though it was becoming harder to hear, he could still feel it, a familiar sensation pulling at his heart. Still, tears did not fall.
Taekwoon stopped singing. The Song was over, and he knew what was next. A speculation came to Hakyeon.
Did banshees cry?
Hakyeon didn’t have the energy to open his eyes and see. It didn’t matter however. The Wail never reached his ears.