I'm going insane.
Now, I'm not a religious person, but when stress this immense falls on my shoulders, prayer provides an alright relief (or at least something to occupy myself with while I'm waiting for the stress to pass). Not real prayer, really.. More like a great begging of the universe to move just a little bit to the left or the right, just a little bit up or down, just for a second, so that things can settle into place the way that I hope they do.
Recently, it's been as follow (and be sure to keep in mind the distressed, sad, desperate, and otherwise pathetic tone with which it's recited):
Please, please, please, PLEASE let me go to Connecticut College. PLEASE. Please, please. I'll work SO hard. I'll thank my parents SO much. PLEASE. I'll even make sure that my GPA is high enough freshman year that I can get a scholarship for the next 3 years. I'll do something great for the college. I'll make them SO happy that they accepted me. PLEASE. I'll do good deeds every day for the rest of my life. Just please let me go. Please, please. I'll do just about anything. Please, please let me end up at Connecticut College. PLEASE.
And in about a week's time, this entry will either be extremely sweet and nostaligic to look back on, or an absolute, tragic pity.
Truth be told, I think the latter is the more feasable of the two. ConnColl is, first of all, VERY selective... Its yearly class is composed of between 33 and 35% of applicants, whose average SAT is a 1390, 71 to 73% of them graduating in the top 10% of their class. Now, these numbers aren't that crazy when you compare them to my stats.. I'm easily within the top 10%, and although I had a 1320 on my SATs, ConnColl said that they ARE considering writing, on which I scored a fairly impressive 770... So I don't think I'm in too much trouble. But, then again, I've undoubtedly been compared to valedictorians, students who have gotten 1600s on their SATs, and kids who have single-handedly fed an entire third-world nation for a year. It's a GOOD school. I'm so scared.
Secondly, ConnColl is EXPENSIVE. I've heard that they're generous with their financial aid, but I've definitely got some much more financially sound options not only presenting themselves to me, but getting on down on their knees and begging me to take advantage. What will my parents say? They're entirely convinced that the Honors programs at my safeties are just as prestigious as ConnColl or Bates... But it's taken some time to get them to realize that my happiness and comfort is more important to me than the prestige of the institution. It's not all about prestige. Would I LOVE to be able to say that I went to a First-Tier school? To have a degree that will boost my chances of attending an Ivy League graduate school tenfold? OF COURSE. But that's not WHY I love ConnColl. It's just PERFECT (well, almost... Wesleyan was REALLY perfect, but I'm not gonna let myself think about that right now, because I'll just get even more upset). I really hope that my parents see how much more a ConnColl education is worth to me.. and that a tiny financial margin shouldn't force me to attend a school that I really don't want to attend, over one that will make me so, so happy. I've offered to pay the difference, but my parents have refused... They won't ALLOW me to have debt when I come out of college, even though most people DO. I hate that; their pride could keep me out of a school that I truly want to end up at.
BUT I'm getting ahead of myself. First step is praying for admission. Second step is praying for money. Third step is praying for empathy.
PLEASE, please, PLEASE let me go to ConnColl. I haven't wanted anything so much in a long time, maybe ever. I can't even stand going to their website anymore. Those pictures of the huge green field, with the backdrop of the Long Island sound... They break my heart. Have a look for yourself:
I have to go there. I have to. I'm getting so attached to it.
I know that I'll be happy if I end up at Bates, as well.. And Wheaton, I could be happy with, if not a little disappointed that I had ended up at a safety school.. But ConnColl would be amazing. Please, please. Please. The wait is killing me. The longer I anticipate the decision, the more I fall in love with it. Such an indirect proportion is so difficult, seeing how much more disappointment would follow a rejection now, or an admission without financial security, or whatever I end up with.
Alright, I'm talking in circles now. ARGH. Just please put me out of my misery soon, whatever the decision is. I'll live with it... Just please let me know, so I can move on with my life. But please.. ConnColl. Please. I'm begging. I'm really begging.
Of course, this entire entry is pointless, because ConnColl has already made up its mind. But.. please. Just pray anyway. Or hope, or beg, or whatever you do. Maybe it'll help somehow.
Time has absolutely stopped in anticipation of these stupid decisions. It's too much to deal with... It's absolutely maddening. At this rate, once I get the rest of my notifications, I won't be mentally stable enough to even ATTEND college.
Recently, it's been as follow (and be sure to keep in mind the distressed, sad, desperate, and otherwise pathetic tone with which it's recited):
Please, please, please, PLEASE let me go to Connecticut College. PLEASE. Please, please. I'll work SO hard. I'll thank my parents SO much. PLEASE. I'll even make sure that my GPA is high enough freshman year that I can get a scholarship for the next 3 years. I'll do something great for the college. I'll make them SO happy that they accepted me. PLEASE. I'll do good deeds every day for the rest of my life. Just please let me go. Please, please. I'll do just about anything. Please, please let me end up at Connecticut College. PLEASE.
And in about a week's time, this entry will either be extremely sweet and nostaligic to look back on, or an absolute, tragic pity.
Truth be told, I think the latter is the more feasable of the two. ConnColl is, first of all, VERY selective... Its yearly class is composed of between 33 and 35% of applicants, whose average SAT is a 1390, 71 to 73% of them graduating in the top 10% of their class. Now, these numbers aren't that crazy when you compare them to my stats.. I'm easily within the top 10%, and although I had a 1320 on my SATs, ConnColl said that they ARE considering writing, on which I scored a fairly impressive 770... So I don't think I'm in too much trouble. But, then again, I've undoubtedly been compared to valedictorians, students who have gotten 1600s on their SATs, and kids who have single-handedly fed an entire third-world nation for a year. It's a GOOD school. I'm so scared.
Secondly, ConnColl is EXPENSIVE. I've heard that they're generous with their financial aid, but I've definitely got some much more financially sound options not only presenting themselves to me, but getting on down on their knees and begging me to take advantage. What will my parents say? They're entirely convinced that the Honors programs at my safeties are just as prestigious as ConnColl or Bates... But it's taken some time to get them to realize that my happiness and comfort is more important to me than the prestige of the institution. It's not all about prestige. Would I LOVE to be able to say that I went to a First-Tier school? To have a degree that will boost my chances of attending an Ivy League graduate school tenfold? OF COURSE. But that's not WHY I love ConnColl. It's just PERFECT (well, almost... Wesleyan was REALLY perfect, but I'm not gonna let myself think about that right now, because I'll just get even more upset). I really hope that my parents see how much more a ConnColl education is worth to me.. and that a tiny financial margin shouldn't force me to attend a school that I really don't want to attend, over one that will make me so, so happy. I've offered to pay the difference, but my parents have refused... They won't ALLOW me to have debt when I come out of college, even though most people DO. I hate that; their pride could keep me out of a school that I truly want to end up at.
BUT I'm getting ahead of myself. First step is praying for admission. Second step is praying for money. Third step is praying for empathy.
PLEASE, please, PLEASE let me go to ConnColl. I haven't wanted anything so much in a long time, maybe ever. I can't even stand going to their website anymore. Those pictures of the huge green field, with the backdrop of the Long Island sound... They break my heart. Have a look for yourself:
I have to go there. I have to. I'm getting so attached to it.
I know that I'll be happy if I end up at Bates, as well.. And Wheaton, I could be happy with, if not a little disappointed that I had ended up at a safety school.. But ConnColl would be amazing. Please, please. Please. The wait is killing me. The longer I anticipate the decision, the more I fall in love with it. Such an indirect proportion is so difficult, seeing how much more disappointment would follow a rejection now, or an admission without financial security, or whatever I end up with.
Alright, I'm talking in circles now. ARGH. Just please put me out of my misery soon, whatever the decision is. I'll live with it... Just please let me know, so I can move on with my life. But please.. ConnColl. Please. I'm begging. I'm really begging.
Of course, this entire entry is pointless, because ConnColl has already made up its mind. But.. please. Just pray anyway. Or hope, or beg, or whatever you do. Maybe it'll help somehow.
Time has absolutely stopped in anticipation of these stupid decisions. It's too much to deal with... It's absolutely maddening. At this rate, once I get the rest of my notifications, I won't be mentally stable enough to even ATTEND college.