you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
i'm so much in love. so painfully, helplessly, hopelessly in love. there's so many things that needed to be said that i didn't. lissy knows i want her here, and she says she wants to be here. i do believe her. as hard as it is for me to have faith, i do believe her. she was so wonderful this weekend, more than i ever could have dreamed of. i don't know who reads this anyway, i've made it friends only and i never add friends because i don't want people to know anything about me. but at least i can sort things out in my head a bit more by writing it.
i feel so ill today. i slept a little last night, only to wake up to being voided of all emotional rationale. it's so weird. i don't want to admit to it, but i'm completely given over to spending the rest of my life with her. this weekend only served to confirm my helplessness. i hate not being able to decide my own future but i guess we all fall in love for a reason. i miss her so much right now. i can't think of anything else. i feel so sick. we hardly ate at all over the holiday, and i think it's making me even more sick. i couldn't eat when i got home last night, i can't eat now, and i'm so heartbroken. she's so...enchanting. so wonderful. i wish she knew how much she means to me. and i wish i meant the same to her. maybe i do, maybe. i know i was nothing like that which she expected but she was still so affectionate and loving that it didn't matter to me. all my life i've had partners and friends whom i lveod dearly, but they all had little things about them which irritated me, made me think they weren't perfect. but lissy doesn't. there is nothing about her i'd ever change. nothing at all. and it scares me to think that this perfection is so fragile. like walking along a blades edge; one wrong foot and it'll all come tumbling down. i don't want that. i want this to last forever and ever amen. because she's the one.
i gotta get back to work.
i feel so ill today. i slept a little last night, only to wake up to being voided of all emotional rationale. it's so weird. i don't want to admit to it, but i'm completely given over to spending the rest of my life with her. this weekend only served to confirm my helplessness. i hate not being able to decide my own future but i guess we all fall in love for a reason. i miss her so much right now. i can't think of anything else. i feel so sick. we hardly ate at all over the holiday, and i think it's making me even more sick. i couldn't eat when i got home last night, i can't eat now, and i'm so heartbroken. she's so...enchanting. so wonderful. i wish she knew how much she means to me. and i wish i meant the same to her. maybe i do, maybe. i know i was nothing like that which she expected but she was still so affectionate and loving that it didn't matter to me. all my life i've had partners and friends whom i lveod dearly, but they all had little things about them which irritated me, made me think they weren't perfect. but lissy doesn't. there is nothing about her i'd ever change. nothing at all. and it scares me to think that this perfection is so fragile. like walking along a blades edge; one wrong foot and it'll all come tumbling down. i don't want that. i want this to last forever and ever amen. because she's the one.
i gotta get back to work.