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It's super hot upstairs so instead of cleaning my room as I would like to be doing, I've decided to waste time on the internet.
Good things that have happened so far this week: I got an email from Sarah, whom I have missed TONS and of course, she's engaged. Who isn't? Anyway, I'm happy for her and I would really like for us to be able to keep in contact much better than we have in the past. I'm so bad at that, but working on it.
Other things that have happened: I wrote a letter to my manager yesterday asking for a raise. I'm pretty certain that I won't get it, even though I didn't ask for a lot, but because of the people I work for, I know it's not going to happen. So basically I think the letter was my two weeks notice, which sucks. I just can't afford to pay my bills right now on the money that I make and that really sucks. Plus, I think I do more than my share of work when I'm there and I'm the only receptionist who knows how to do everything and how to do it correctly the first time. I guess that's what happens when you work with 16 year old girls who only care about their boyfriends and drinking. Anyway, I just feel like I go to work and end up babysitting rather than working and it frustrates the crap out of me. So I wrote a letter to Christine saying that I believe I should get a raise and that I should make this much money because I do this, this and this and have to deal with so and so and if I can't make this much money then I have to go elsewhere. It sucks, but I have to do it, I can't afford to make one car payment and then have no money the rest of the month. So, we'll see how this goes.
Sunday night I went to Kayla's commissioning for her Guatemala missions trip. It was at my parent's church and it was really nice. The team did a great job on their dramas and my little Kayla is quite the actress. After the dramas, the church's worship leader got up to lead everyone in a few minutes of worship. Those few minutes of worship made me realize what I've been missing for a long time now. And it made me realize how long it's been since I truly experienced worship. Amber and I went for a walk yesterday afternoon and I was explaining to her the difference between the 2 churches I've been to in my life and the 10 minutes of worship I experienced at her church and the difference was amazing. It made me realize how petty and selfish and fake people can be and how I have become one of those people in the last few months. To be in a room where people actually WANT to worship God and actually do, compared to a sanctuary full of people who simply show up out of habit and because it's "the right thing to do" totally opened my eyes to how I have changed lately and how much I hate it. I've just been struggling lately with myself and it's time to stop. It's like I was telling Shawn last night, I am dreading going to camp on Sunday. Now, camp isn't exactly my ting in the first place, but any other year that I go, I change my attitude about it because there are kids there that need an influence and need to see God. But for the past couple of days I've been thinking about how much I don't want to go and how much I'm going to hate it, etc. My whole attitude has sucked lately and I have to get over it now. I don't want to go to camp Sunday and then be crappy all week when there are kids there who may have never heard about God or may have questions and will be afraid to ask me because I'm the counselor with an attitude or the one who looks like she hates it here. I need to do something. I think I know what it is, I'm just weighing options right now.
Well, this entry has been tons of fun, but I think it's time to get back to cleaning.