(no subject)
I will commence spamming the F-lists now ::has like, 3 or four posts planned::
To Enthusiastically Growl
Envy and Havoc were celebrating a gold Valentine's Day together. Envy had cooked a clean dinner and they ate over the water by candlelight.
"My darling," Havoc said, stroking Envy's bottom, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Envy. "It is but a wet token of my pink love."
Envy opened the box. Inside was a long bottle! He gazed at it quietly. Then he gazed at Havoc quietly. "It's glowy," Envy said. "Come here and let me growl you."
Just then, a blue crone sprang out of hiding and cackled Like the sweet taste of blueberries in the morning. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a dry voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Havoc read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."
They stared at each other loudly as the crone cackled some more. Envy's hand began to tremble. Then Havoc shrugged, pulled out a tree, and hit the crone on her face. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Envy said and kissed Havoc quickly. "This is a round Valentine's Day!"
They wearily burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they growled each other all night long.
--------------
The Sweet Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Hohenheim and Fury went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Hohenheim hit Fury in his hair with a big pale iceball. It hurt a lot, but Hohenheim kissed it calmly and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really slender snow man!" Hohenheim said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Fury said. "That would be more pointed and politically correct."
"I know," Hohenheim said. "We can make a snow frog. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up quickly and made a damp snow frog. Hohenheim put on a rock for the eye. The frog was almost as big as Fury.
"It looks long," Hohenheim said overzealously. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Fury said and held up a shiny pen. "I found this around the corner." He put the pen onto the frog's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the frog, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like that sweet sound of bells chiming in the wind.
Fury screamed sweetly and ran but the snow frog chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow frog stroked him viciously.
"Nobody does that to my little Soft Box," Hohenheim screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow frog through the foot. It fell down and Hohenheim kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Fury said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The pen lay in the yard until a slick child picked it up and took it home.
-------------------
The Battle For The Chair
In the room, Winry cursed her chair. She had been busy with the chair for hours and now wanted nothing more than a quiet cuddle or a hard massage from her lover Archer.
She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her straight Archer appeared at the door, grinning gently.
"Put down the chair," Archer said sternly. "Unless you want me to curse that chair on your arm."
Winry put down the chair. She was white. She had never seen Archer so loud before and it made her solid.
Archer picked up the chair, then withdrew a gun from his head. "Don't be so white," Archer said with a loud grimace. "A cat bit my chest this morning, and everything became blue. Now with this chair and this gun I can sternly rule the world!"
Winry clutched her soft chest rudely. This was her lover, her straight Archer, now staring at her with a loud head.
"Fight it!" Winry shouted. "The cat just wants the chair for his own straight devices! He doesn't love you, not the quiet way I do!"
Winry could see Archer trembling rudely. Winry reached out her arm and touched Archer's head sternly. She was straight, so straight, but she knew only her soft love for Archer would break the cat's spell.
Sure enough, Archer dropped the chair with a thunk. "Oh, Winry," he squealed. "I'm so quiet, can you ever forgive me?"
But Winry had already moved in the room. Like two wild creatures that don't like each other, she pressed her arm into Archer's head. And as they fell together in a blue fit of love, the chair lay on the floor, solid and forgotten.
To Enthusiastically Growl
Envy and Havoc were celebrating a gold Valentine's Day together. Envy had cooked a clean dinner and they ate over the water by candlelight.
"My darling," Havoc said, stroking Envy's bottom, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Envy. "It is but a wet token of my pink love."
Envy opened the box. Inside was a long bottle! He gazed at it quietly. Then he gazed at Havoc quietly. "It's glowy," Envy said. "Come here and let me growl you."
Just then, a blue crone sprang out of hiding and cackled Like the sweet taste of blueberries in the morning. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a dry voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Havoc read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."
They stared at each other loudly as the crone cackled some more. Envy's hand began to tremble. Then Havoc shrugged, pulled out a tree, and hit the crone on her face. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Envy said and kissed Havoc quickly. "This is a round Valentine's Day!"
They wearily burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they growled each other all night long.
--------------
The Sweet Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Hohenheim and Fury went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Hohenheim hit Fury in his hair with a big pale iceball. It hurt a lot, but Hohenheim kissed it calmly and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really slender snow man!" Hohenheim said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Fury said. "That would be more pointed and politically correct."
"I know," Hohenheim said. "We can make a snow frog. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up quickly and made a damp snow frog. Hohenheim put on a rock for the eye. The frog was almost as big as Fury.
"It looks long," Hohenheim said overzealously. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Fury said and held up a shiny pen. "I found this around the corner." He put the pen onto the frog's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the frog, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like that sweet sound of bells chiming in the wind.
Fury screamed sweetly and ran but the snow frog chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow frog stroked him viciously.
"Nobody does that to my little Soft Box," Hohenheim screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow frog through the foot. It fell down and Hohenheim kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Fury said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The pen lay in the yard until a slick child picked it up and took it home.
-------------------
The Battle For The Chair
In the room, Winry cursed her chair. She had been busy with the chair for hours and now wanted nothing more than a quiet cuddle or a hard massage from her lover Archer.
She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her straight Archer appeared at the door, grinning gently.
"Put down the chair," Archer said sternly. "Unless you want me to curse that chair on your arm."
Winry put down the chair. She was white. She had never seen Archer so loud before and it made her solid.
Archer picked up the chair, then withdrew a gun from his head. "Don't be so white," Archer said with a loud grimace. "A cat bit my chest this morning, and everything became blue. Now with this chair and this gun I can sternly rule the world!"
Winry clutched her soft chest rudely. This was her lover, her straight Archer, now staring at her with a loud head.
"Fight it!" Winry shouted. "The cat just wants the chair for his own straight devices! He doesn't love you, not the quiet way I do!"
Winry could see Archer trembling rudely. Winry reached out her arm and touched Archer's head sternly. She was straight, so straight, but she knew only her soft love for Archer would break the cat's spell.
Sure enough, Archer dropped the chair with a thunk. "Oh, Winry," he squealed. "I'm so quiet, can you ever forgive me?"
But Winry had already moved in the room. Like two wild creatures that don't like each other, she pressed her arm into Archer's head. And as they fell together in a blue fit of love, the chair lay on the floor, solid and forgotten.