(no subject)
it has been a little while, hasn’t it?
i always feel the pull back here, whether to read or to post, whenever i am feeling the most reflective. almost by default, i am a hyper-nostalgic person. i can’t help it- i tend to remember so much. rose always said if she couldn’t remember something happening, she could just ask me and i could probably work my way through it. i don’t think i romanticize my memories, or The Old Days. i’ve simply collected too many- even other people’s stories and experiences, that aren’t even mine to keep. they take up a lot of space in my mind, and (for better or worse) i really do hold them dear. the more that time goes by, when memories tend to fade, they still feel close and bright to me. it can feel pretty lonely sometimes to be the sole cup-bearer going on with all of these little packages of time stored not too far away.
we went to see mewithoutyou last week, almost twenty years to the month after i saw them play for the first time. they played at a church in Brandon, they had just signed to tooth and nail, and were out on a tour with maybe anberlin and maybe someone else- maybe watashi wa? i had just really met casey a few weeks before at cornerstone. the weekend before mewithoutyou, he had played at the same venue and told me about them, about how wonderful they were as people, about how much he loved Philadelphia and had thought about moving there, about how i really had to go. and so i went. honestly, there is probably an entry about it in this livejournal.
but standing there watching them play for the last time in Orlando-i was deep in thinking about all of the twisting paths for my friends and i between that first day and that last day: who had found love, who had lost it, who had become parents, who had left this world altogether. what a winding road, coming to a full circle for some and for others on an eternal trajectory.
anyway, all of this to say love to you, my little livejournal. love to all of the stories you tell and the people you’ve brought me to- some of the very dearest people i know, to this little sacred space in the internet that holds such special memories. its a little digital totem emblematizing some of the most special times that are further and further away but still feel so very close.
i always feel the pull back here, whether to read or to post, whenever i am feeling the most reflective. almost by default, i am a hyper-nostalgic person. i can’t help it- i tend to remember so much. rose always said if she couldn’t remember something happening, she could just ask me and i could probably work my way through it. i don’t think i romanticize my memories, or The Old Days. i’ve simply collected too many- even other people’s stories and experiences, that aren’t even mine to keep. they take up a lot of space in my mind, and (for better or worse) i really do hold them dear. the more that time goes by, when memories tend to fade, they still feel close and bright to me. it can feel pretty lonely sometimes to be the sole cup-bearer going on with all of these little packages of time stored not too far away.
we went to see mewithoutyou last week, almost twenty years to the month after i saw them play for the first time. they played at a church in Brandon, they had just signed to tooth and nail, and were out on a tour with maybe anberlin and maybe someone else- maybe watashi wa? i had just really met casey a few weeks before at cornerstone. the weekend before mewithoutyou, he had played at the same venue and told me about them, about how wonderful they were as people, about how much he loved Philadelphia and had thought about moving there, about how i really had to go. and so i went. honestly, there is probably an entry about it in this livejournal.
but standing there watching them play for the last time in Orlando-i was deep in thinking about all of the twisting paths for my friends and i between that first day and that last day: who had found love, who had lost it, who had become parents, who had left this world altogether. what a winding road, coming to a full circle for some and for others on an eternal trajectory.
anyway, all of this to say love to you, my little livejournal. love to all of the stories you tell and the people you’ve brought me to- some of the very dearest people i know, to this little sacred space in the internet that holds such special memories. its a little digital totem emblematizing some of the most special times that are further and further away but still feel so very close.