(no subject)
we're inching towards the 4 year anniversary of my leaving Los Angeles.
On May 4th, 2012, Adam Yauch died of cancer. Priya and Ojas were in Los Angeles visiting and I was driving west to meet them in Santa Monica for dinner. I listened to KDay for the entire drive over. They were playing Beastie Boys and filling their bumps with memorium shout outs from emcee's and artists who knew him. I was crying and the whole day felt all too heavy.
That night, I went to R Bar with Natalie to escape the heat and we sat in the very back, where it's dark and quiet, and talked about all of the uncertainties that were plaguing our lives.
One of mine was my time in California and how my time there was going to play out.
A year later, on May the 4th, I was pulling on to the freeway with my dad and a car full of my most precious possessions that I could not stand to send in the post. We headed east. The night before, we had spent the night in the Westin downtown. I cried late, late into the night in the bathroom, while my dad slept in the next room. I cried every night until we reached Florida, too sad to let it go and say good bye. When we left the city, I could hardly stand to admit to myself that we weren't going back.
My heart still feels alot of that weight. We miss Los Angeles so much. We talk about it everyday.
Our friends, our family, our church, our neighborhood, our old block, our burritos, our everything.
Alot of me, when I feel like I really Became me, was informed by my time there.
When I think about the day, now not too far off, when I will have been away for longer than I was ever there, I feel conflicted.
I'm scared of it. Alot of me still feels very tied up into who I was when I was there. So what of me now? Who am I here, in Tampa?
Who am I here, 4 years later? 4 years older (!!) ?
I need to turn and face the sun; it rises in the east. Like me.
On May 4th, 2012, Adam Yauch died of cancer. Priya and Ojas were in Los Angeles visiting and I was driving west to meet them in Santa Monica for dinner. I listened to KDay for the entire drive over. They were playing Beastie Boys and filling their bumps with memorium shout outs from emcee's and artists who knew him. I was crying and the whole day felt all too heavy.
That night, I went to R Bar with Natalie to escape the heat and we sat in the very back, where it's dark and quiet, and talked about all of the uncertainties that were plaguing our lives.
One of mine was my time in California and how my time there was going to play out.
A year later, on May the 4th, I was pulling on to the freeway with my dad and a car full of my most precious possessions that I could not stand to send in the post. We headed east. The night before, we had spent the night in the Westin downtown. I cried late, late into the night in the bathroom, while my dad slept in the next room. I cried every night until we reached Florida, too sad to let it go and say good bye. When we left the city, I could hardly stand to admit to myself that we weren't going back.
My heart still feels alot of that weight. We miss Los Angeles so much. We talk about it everyday.
Our friends, our family, our church, our neighborhood, our old block, our burritos, our everything.
Alot of me, when I feel like I really Became me, was informed by my time there.
When I think about the day, now not too far off, when I will have been away for longer than I was ever there, I feel conflicted.
I'm scared of it. Alot of me still feels very tied up into who I was when I was there. So what of me now? Who am I here, in Tampa?
Who am I here, 4 years later? 4 years older (!!) ?
I need to turn and face the sun; it rises in the east. Like me.