(no subject)
I'm starting to think the days don't matter anymore. Every day is just like the day before. I wake up, I see Tamaki sleeping there, I leave. I spend the day wandering aimlessly with my camera in my pocket and then...I come back and eat in silence. Even at home she'd talk to me, even if it was just to yell at me for not being her Ritsuka. Here...it's like I could disappear and no one--
No, Soubi would know. I know I can't leave him. And I won't, but he's getting new friends and even though I told him to do that and even though I'm happy for him, I'm...disappearing again. I need to use my camera. I need memories to hold onto. I thought I could do without them, but here, I think I need them as much as I ever did. People disappear without a trace and people just keep going on with their lives. Hisoka is gone. So is Max. Haruhi. Tamaki's friend, Kyouya. And Alfons... Seimei. Who's next? Who's to say I won't be next, leaving Soubi here?
At least he wouldn't be alone. Maybe he wouldn't even notice.
I hate feeling like this. My doctor is gone and now I don't have anyone to talk to. Miku has her new friends and I don't want to interfere. Ch' that sounds so selfish. I should just go out and do something before I end up turning into a mess. More of one than I already am.
Seimei, what would you have done? You probably would have been stronger, huh? Maybe the world really is better when I just don't care anymore. It wouldn't hurt so much anymore at least.
I wish you were here and yet I'm glad you aren't. If you were here, you'd take Soubi away from me and then I'd have nothing left.
No, Soubi would know. I know I can't leave him. And I won't, but he's getting new friends and even though I told him to do that and even though I'm happy for him, I'm...disappearing again. I need to use my camera. I need memories to hold onto. I thought I could do without them, but here, I think I need them as much as I ever did. People disappear without a trace and people just keep going on with their lives. Hisoka is gone. So is Max. Haruhi. Tamaki's friend, Kyouya. And Alfons... Seimei. Who's next? Who's to say I won't be next, leaving Soubi here?
At least he wouldn't be alone. Maybe he wouldn't even notice.
I hate feeling like this. My doctor is gone and now I don't have anyone to talk to. Miku has her new friends and I don't want to interfere. Ch' that sounds so selfish. I should just go out and do something before I end up turning into a mess. More of one than I already am.
Seimei, what would you have done? You probably would have been stronger, huh? Maybe the world really is better when I just don't care anymore. It wouldn't hurt so much anymore at least.
I wish you were here and yet I'm glad you aren't. If you were here, you'd take Soubi away from me and then I'd have nothing left.