Yours, Forever & Always. Part One
Title: Yours, Forever & Always
Author: forgivemealways
Length: 1/2
Genre: Romance
Pairings: Hosu, Yoosu.... squint for Jaeho
Ratings: PG
Summary: When he's gone...you finally realize your heart was beating for him all along
Beta'd by: my lovely jie jie <33
Author's Notes IMPORTANT...MUST READ
Junsu's thoughts are in italics
Yunho's thoughts are bolded
Yoochun's thoughts are underlined
Also please take into consideration that I spent quite some time for this fic so please leave a comment. I can honestly say that I will not update if there is not an adequate amount of comments because at the end of the day it's the comments that keep me writing
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Yours, Forever & Always. Part One
I needed you... but you needed him.
Junsu tried to blink away the tears blurring his vision. Several ink smudges decorated the piece of paper making the writing thick and unclear. He couldn't bring himself to sign it with love at the end like he usually does. With a heavy heart he folded the letter carefully and placed it on the bedside table. Beside the letter were a beautiful diamond ring and a set of house keys with initials JY.KJ engraved on it.
With one final glance at the wedding picture which hung above their bed, Junsu grabbed his luggage and walked out of the master bedroom. Having a last look around the apartment they had shared, he closed the door, putting a chapter of his life to rest.
KIm Junsu finally got to have a taste of freedom, but the aftertaste of bitterness lingered in his heart.
---------------------------------------
"I'm home." A handsome young man announced tiredly as he entered the modern inspired apartment. The echoes of welcome that would've normally been announced upon his arrival were replaced with utter silence. The once familiar drift of a delicious dinner being prepared was missing. "Junsu I'm home." He waited at the door for a greeting hoping that Junsu was preoccupied in the washroom, but for five minutes Yunho was met with nothing but deafening silence.
Walking into the appartment, it felt especially cold as if something important was missing. "Su...where are you?" His wife would usually be in the kitchen preparing dinner for him around this time. In hopes of finding Junsu in the kitchen, he quickly strolled towards the kitchen but there was no Junsu. On the dining table, several wrapped plates of food were left. The steam from the food produced small droplets of water on the saran wrap, indicating that it was still warm.
Where could he be? Why is the dinner wrapped up like this today?
Giving up the search for his wife in the kitchen, Yunho went to their master bedroom to change out of his stuffy suit and to see if his wife was resting on their bed instead. The bed was empty, and on the bedside table there was a letter addressed to him. Thinking that Junsu was in trouble, he quickly opened the letter.
Dear Yunho,
I am sorry to leave just like this without explaining to you in person. But please understand that I have done something very wrong. I am very sorry for reading your journal. I know I have no rights to invade your privacy , so you have every right to be mad at me. I knew from the beginning that you didn't love me and that Jae hyung still holds onto your heart. I can't blame you for not loving me because I would never be able to let go of the one I loved too if I was in your shoes. I know I'll never be more than just a replacement for hyung. Even my parents have proven this when they insisted on carrying through with the wedding with me replacing hyung. Yunho thanks for everything, now you are no longer restricted by a burden like me. I hope you will find your happiness very soon.
Junsu
Thinking it was all a big joke, Yunho quickly opened the closet to see if this was all just an acrimonious prank.
Junsu's belongings were all gone...every article that Junsu owned...were all gone.
Wasn't this what you always wanted? You always wanted him to leave, and now he's finally done it.
Yunho looked at the exquisite ring on the table and unknowingly something wet trailed down his cheek.
Congratulations, Jung Yunho. After trying so hard you finally drove him away. With his stubborn nature, you thought he would never leave you no matter how badly you treated him. You abused him at every chance you got, never physically but always emotionally. You always try to put him down , telling him he could never be Kim Jaejoong...but then again, no one could ever be Kim Junsu either.
The house suddenly seemed a lot colder and darker. The bright and warm essence that would've once kept the house lively, died.
The tears became unstoppable, each drop reminding him of this newfound lonliness. His heart grew heavy for a yearning of something...each heartbeat slow and long, hurting his insides. A bitter smile laced his lips.
He'll come back. He always does. Junsu will never leave me.
The dense grey clouds consumed the radiant sunlight, and the rain started to pour in Seoul, South Korea.
-------------------------
Junsu sat on the bus watching the endless buildings whiz by. He felt like a little lost puppy abandoned by its owner. It was different being out in the real world again, he was no longer protected by Yunho's overprotective nature.
He didn't know where to go. Junsu had bascially lost contact with most of his friends after being married to Yunho. He scrolled through the list of contacts on his phone, eyes lingering on a particular name, Park Yoochun. Yoochun was his best friend ever since Junsu was a baby, the two had such a strong bond that others often mistake them for being in a relationship. Unconsciously, he pressed the call button.
"Hi Yoochun speaking...hello...hello?"
"H-Hey Yoochun"
"J-Junsu? Junsu is that you?"
With slight hesitation Junsu found his voice again. "Yeah it's me Junsu. Do you think I can see you right now? I..I'm sorry didn't even ask if it's convenient or not. If you're too busy..."
"Where do you want to meet?"
"H-Huh?" Oh um I'm by the small cafe we used to always go to. I don't even know if you remember that place or not."
"Yeah I'll see you there."
The corners of his full lips lifted into a tiny smile. It would be nice to see Yoochun again. His happy thoughts were soon filled with guilt for leaving. Was his husband alright? Had he eaten dinner? What wife would ever leave their husband just like that? He cursed himself for not being stronger to look beyond Yunho's behaviour.
You were always just a replacement for Jaejoong hyung.
========Flashback==========
"Hyung! Calm down, you're turning into a bridezilla!" Junsu laughed at Jaejoong's red face.
"Hey, it's not everyday I get to go shopping with my baby brother, especially now since the wedding is getting closer. Come on we have to find you a nice white suit to make you the prettiest boy there that day."
"But don't you want to be the prettiest?"
"Why would I need to be the pretiest? I don't have to impress anybody but my hubby from now on."
Laughter filled the air as the two brothers continued with thier shopping spree.
A very tired Junsu made way into his room of the Kim mansion. He looked at the countless shopping bags and felt elated from all his new things. Jaejoong had not come home with him because he was supposed to meet Yunho for dinner. Junsu was about to pick up the phone to call Yoochun, when the phone began to ring. Expecting it to Yoochun, he answered light heartedly.
"Hey Chunnie."
"Junsu it's me."
"Omma?" Hearing the muffled sobs on the other line, Junsu had a dreadful feeling. "Omma what happened?"
"Su ah...Jaejoong...Jaejoong got into an accident, and he's in the hospital right now in critical condition. T-The doctor doesn't know if he's going to make it through tonight.
The phonecall ended with a young man struggling to see from his tear filled vision.
The white walls of the hospital washed out any lively essence lingering in the air. Junsu looked at the people standing outside of the operating room. His omma was in a state of distress, her frail body shivered from the thought of losing a child. His appa showed no emotion, face drained of any colour.
On one of the benches, Junsu saw his future brother in law, Yunho sitting motionlessly. Though he appeared calm and strong, one couldn't miss the the wet trails of tears cascading down his cheeks.
The operating light turned off. A look of sorrow tainted the doctor's eyes. Heaven had opened its' gates to another angel.
Kim Jaejoong, age 23, was pronounced dead at 10:46pm, was involved in a pedestrian accident with a drunk driver.
Junsu's dad broke down and cried.
Why was God being so cruel? Why was God taking away their child? Why was God ending their child's life at such a young age? Why did God have to punish them?
Junsu's mind went blank, his brother was gone. The tears started to form wetspots on his thin t-shirt. He went into the room wanting to look at his hyung's face for the last time. Yunho was already in the room, his head on Jaejoong's cold body, his body shaking with violent sobs.
"Silly we have to get married soon, wake up. Haha there I laughed, babe your joke isn't funny anymore. Please, wake up, please..."
"Why did you leave me? You promised me forever."
Junsu watched the broken couple helplessly.
========Flashback Ends===========
It was wrong from the very start.
===============Flashback========
~Three Weeks Later~
"I don't care. The wedding will go ahead as planned."
"B-But Mr.Jung our Jaejoong had just left, how can the wedding still proceed?"
"I don't care how...it just has to happen. You promised me that one of your pretty sons would be betrothed to my Yunho. You can not break a promise you had once boasted about."
"But how can the wedding still proceed if the one Yunho loves is gone?"
"What about your other son? I'm sure he could take the place of Jaejoong. The wedding is set and it will go on, just with Junsu being the bride instead of Jaejoong."
"There can't be a wedding if the love is not there."
"As for love, it will blossom over time."
"But Junsu is still so young."
"Don't forget Kim, if you break your promise...I'll make sure your company goes down."
That night the Kim household was in a state of distress.
"You're going to marry him."
Glass shattered as the young man threw a tantrum for the unreasonable offering.
"I won't and I can't. He belongs to Jaejoong hyung and he doesn't love me. You can't force love."
"You were always a rebel and I won't take it anymore. When you were young, you were always bratty. As you got older I thought it would get better but you always end up disappointing in me one way or another. Here is a chance for you to make your appa proud and you're doing what, throwing it away? Why won't you marry Jung Yunho? For that poor boy Yoochun who believes he can give you everything?
Pounding could be heard as Mr.Kim fumbled with the keys making sure it was tightly locked from the other side.
========Flashback Ends============
The bus ride seemed a lot longer than he had remembered. He got off the bus, surprised that he still remembered where this little cafe was. Looking at the beautiful sights of Korea he had long forgotten, each step towards the cafe felt a little lighter but he was nervous without a doubt. What does Yoochun look like now? How could he face Yoochun after not contacting him for two years? Was Yoochun mad at him?
In front of the entrance of the little cafe, a tall young man stood waiting patiently with an umbrella shielding him from the rain.
Breathing became a hard task, Junsu was rooted to the ground as their eyes came into contact. Soon Junsu couldn't feel the rain hitting his slender shoulders, he couldn't feel the cold that had once enveloped his body. Instead he felt warmth, something he had been yearning for.
"It's been a long time Su."
"Yoochun..."
"Shh... it's okay. I'm here."
Junsu felt himself being protected by somebody else rather than his husband.
-------------
The rain seemed to be getting fiercer and and heavier. Yunho sat by the window staring off into the distance.
He was supposed to be back by now... where could he be? He doesn't have many friends.
'I'm sorry the customer you have dialed is currently unavailable, please try again later.'
He let out a frustrated sigh, this was the tenth time he called Junsu's cell.
-------------
"The cafe is closed." Junsu let out a disappointed sigh, he was looking forward to the caramel mocha he always took for granted during thier college days.
"I can make it open again." Yoochun smiled at Junsu's disappointed puppy eyes.
"Huh?"
Before Junsu could comprehend what Yoochun was saying, Yoochun was unlocking the cafe door with a key. Junsu stared at him wide eyed, in a state of cofusion.
"I own the place now Su."
"W-What?"
"I rememebered how you always loved this place. Remember how you would complain when you didn't get your daily does of caffeine from this place? I bought this place... it just reminded me so much of you."
Junsu was speechless.
"So what will it be Su, a piping hot cup of caramel mocha with extra whipped cream on top?"
Junsu nodded timidly, his eyes twinkled welcoming this newborn warmth.
"Chun ah...do you think I can stay with you for awhile?" He felt himself withering under Yoochun's intense gaze.
Their eyes locked, Junsu shifted nervously.
"I'm sorry I didn't even ask if you had a companion or...I just...I'm sorry. Pretend I didn't say anything..." He was cut off.
"I don't have anyone." I only had you. "Stay with me." Forever, where you belong.
They sat sipping their drinks quietly, comfort seeping in the air.
-------------------------
He twisted and turned, rolling all over the mattress. His hands grabbing for the soft body he was so accustomed to but all he felt was the cool air. He sat up on the bed, insomnia creeping in his blood. He looked at the empty space beside him and he couldn't breathe.
The space looked too foreign, too empty.
His heart faltered.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to be Kim Junsu. You weren't supposed to fall.
========Flashback======
He wasn't Jaejoong. His laugh, his eyes, his smile...everything, everything about him was different from Jaejoong. This wasn't the way things were supposed to be, you were supposed to marry his older brother, not him, and live happily ever after. You hated how you could see yourself in his almond hazel orbs, you hated his awkard raspy voice, you hated how he was so feminine, at least Jaejoong had some masculinity in him, but this boy had none; zip; zero. You hated his outrageous s-line that women would die for. You hated how his laughter would linger in your ears.
You hated him.
Because he would never be Jaejoong.
He was Kim Junsu, and you hated him for that.
Standing at the alter in your crisp black tuxedo; you went through all the reasons why you hated him over and over again. The music began to play and the church became silent. You watched, waiting for his presence at the door. You hated him, hated him with passion. You can't even comprehend why but you just hated him.
Yunho's breath got caught in his throat. Kim Junsu was beautiful. The snow white tuxedo wrapped snugly around his slim figure. The dim sunlight through the church windows made his milky skin glow against the darkness. You started to feel something quicken in your heart, and you knew you needed to suppress it.
Junsu took his spot beside you, and your gazes met for a brief second. You felt yourself drown in those innocent gold hazel orbs.
The ring slid down Junsu's thin finger with ease. Yunho leaned in to give the bride a kiss, tainting his soft pink lips.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. Are there any objections?"
Sunlight blared into the dim room. "I object! The wedding cannot proceed, Junsu you can't marry him."
Yunho pulled Junsu behind him protectively.
========Flashback Ends=========
"Did something happen?"
The silence was deafening, the tension that had once dissolved quickly reappeared. Junsu lowered his head not knowiing how to answer such a simple question.
"N-No, nothing happened." Junsu tried to give his best smile.
Yoochun gave Junsu's hand a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry...I just...I hate seeing you like this. When you're ready to let it all out, you can use me as the punching bag."
Giggles could be heard between the two. "Silly Chun."
I'll always be there for you.
---------------------------------
Three hours.
"Sorry the customer you have dialed is currently unavailable, please try again later."
Yunho felt a dip in the mattress and his heart leaped in joy. "Su is that you?" Tears blurred his vision as he realized it was only Junsu's dog snuggling close to him.
"Susu do you miss umma?"
The tiny puppy whimpered.
"Appa misses him too." Yunho whispered quietly.
You made me breathe again after Jaejoong's death...and I was scared.
============Flashback=======
After the wedding dinner, the young newlywed couple made their way into Yunho's recently renovated apartment. Setting his eyes on the modern furniture and kitchen, Junsu was immediately in love with it. Like his older brother, Junsu had developed a passion for cooking.
The corners of Yunho's lips twitched as Junsu resembled a kid going to Disneyland for the first time.
"I'm going for a shower, just tell me if you need anything. Don't touch anything."
Junsu nodded nervously.
Once Yunho was out of sight, Junsu immediately went into the kitchen, his eyes widening at all the stainless steel appliances. Sure the Kim family had lived in luxury, but their kitchen was nothing compared to this one. Oh all the goodies Junsu could make! His fingers ghosted against the cold metal surface excitedly. A small whimper came from the far corner of the large kitchen, letting his curiousity win, Junsu went to see what was causing the noise in the corner. His heart swelled at the brown toy poodle staring back at him with the most innocent looking eyes, Junsu couldn't help himself and picked the puppy up.
"Hi there, what's your name?"
He looked around for a tag or some indication of what the dog was called, seeing none a small twinkle appeared in his eyes.
"From now on you're going to be called Susu alright little one?"
Susu snuggled into her master's warm embrace.
Junsu noticed various pictures placed beautifully all over the living room, in order to get a better look at the photos he walked into the living room. Every picture, each moment, each frame was of Jaejoong and Yunho.
Their sweet embraces, the tender loving gazes, the goofy grins made Junsu feel like an intruder, in this new home of his.
He didn't belong here. There was no room for him here.
Being so absorbed by the pictures, Junsu didn't take any notice of the puppy jumping out of his arms. The puppy jumped around the room excitedly pawing at anything in sight and accidentally knocked down something.
Light reflected off thousands of jagged pieces of glass, Junsu gasped in horror. The puppy whimpered innocently.
"What happened?" Yunho ran into the room immediately. "That's Jaejoong's favorite glass rose. Didn't I tell you not to touch anything? You must think this is all just a joke don't you?"
Junsu flinched from Yunho's piercing gaze.
"I'm sorry....I-I."
Five angry fingerprints stained Junsu's pale ebony cheek.
"You think saying sorry will make me pity you? Sorry, sorry, sorry, that's all you know how to say. You think sorry would get us both out of this misery? You think sorry will bring Jaejoong back? You think sorry will make Jaejoong alive again? God damn it! Why aren't you fighting back? Why are you so weak?"
Junsu retreated to their shared bedroom quietly.
Susu hid in the corner of the living room, eyes wide with fright.
That night Junsu cried silently hoping the person on the other side of the bed wouldn't notice.
Yunho noticed, but urged himself to sleep.
=======Flashback Ends=========
"I know this is nothing compared to the room at your old house but you'll have to live with it." Yoochun led Junsu into the tiny guest room. "Get some rest, it's been a long night." A sincere smile graced his lips.
"Thank you so much, I..I don't know what I would've done without you Chun." Junsu's eyes glazed.
"If you need anything, my room is just across from yours. Now sleep, it's been a long night." The door closed.
When the rain finally stopped, the heavy clouds parted and like diamonds the stars shone brightly illuminating the dark sky.
Junsu sat by the window watching the stars.
I'm a horrible wife.
-------------------------
At the same time, Yunho was also lured by the twinkling stars. Susu was sleeping soundly on his lap. The young master sat by the windowsill admiring the same scenery, from the other side of Seoul.
I'm an awful husband.
----------------------
Did you even notice that I was gone?
-----------------
I feel like a part of me is missing.
----------------------
I can't sleep tonight...it feels weird not being in your arms.
-------------------
I try to grab for you... hold you in my arms, but all I feel is air.
---------------------
I'll never be Jaejoong hyung.
----------------------
There's only one Kim Junsu.
------------------------
It will never be me.
----------------------
I can't breathe without you.
----------------------
It hurts
------------------
I'm sorry for always hurting you.
------------------
Are you thinking of me.... like how I'm thinking of you?
------------------
I can't get you out of my head.
-----------------
Maybe this was for the better.
------------------
Please come back...I'll do anything to have you beside me once again.
----------------
I - I miss you
----------------
I need you
-------------------
Sleep enticed the numb hearts to rest.
The stars illuminated the dark quiet city.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Yunho awoke to the sound of sizzling bacon coming from the kitchen. Excitedly he jumped up from their bed running towards the kitchen wanting Junsu in his arms badly. He never thought that he could miss someone this badly... and it had only been one night. Junsu had been hurt so many times, and all of them were because of Yunho. He would try his hardest to make up for all the pain he had inflicted on his wife. He wanted Junsu to know that.... Yunho needed him.
"Junsu!" Yunho ran into the kitchen happily.
HIs body went limp.
The kitchen was empty, it had only been a fragment of his imagination.
I was a jerk, but you would put up with me, always with a smile on your face.
=========Flashback============
Junsu looked a bit startled when he saw Yunho standing at the kitchen doorway.
"Yunho, I was just about to call you for breakfast, come and have some while it's still hot."
"Why are we having kimchee and rice? I hate kimchee and rice. Jaejoong would never cook this unpleasing meal for me." Yunho knew he was being unreasonable but if being harsh was the only way to drive Junsu away, he was willing to do it. "I don't want any of this shit." With force Yunho swiped the plates of food onto the floor causing it to shatter.
Junsu quietly kneeled down to pick up the broken pieces of glass, ignoring the cuts on his smooth hands from the jagged irregular pieces.
"I'm sorry Yunho, I didn't know you hated kimchee and rice. Why don't I make you something different? Just tell me what you want to eat and I'll make it for you. I'll be very quick so you won't be late for work."
Yunho watched quietly as Junsu prepared breakfast once again. A feeling of guilt sat in his stomach as he watched Junsu wince slightly from the cuts on his hand.
===========Flashback Ends========
==========Flashback=============
The old grandfather clock struck 1 am.
Junsu sat patiently in the living room waiting for his husband. Old korean drama (flip) Korean game show (flip) another game show (flip)
Junsu sighed, there was nothing good on TV.
The front door swung open, a pungent odour of alcohol clung to the air. Yunho walked in, the effects of alcohol made his movements jerky and his speech slurred.
"J-Jaejoong...Jae is that you?"
Junsu quickly went to Yunho's side to help him gain some balance. "No, I'm Junsu."
"Junsu?" Yunho laughed. "I hate you! I hate you so badly! Why do you always fucking try to be Jaejoong? Why do you always pretend to be as good as Jaejoong? You won't ever fucking be your brother." Unknowingly, Yunho began using Junsu as a punching bag.
The next morning Yunho woke up with a killer hangover. He was glad that it was Saturday, which meant no work for the two days. The delicious smells of breakfast wafted into the room, obliging to his stomach Yunho made his way down to the kitchen. He entered the kitchen quietly, watching Junsu prepare breakfast. His eyes were immediately drawn to a bruise the size of an orange on Junsu's left arm.
"Yunho you're awake! I was just preparing some breakfast."
"Junsu your arm"
Junsu fidgeted uncomfortably trying to cover up the bruise by tugging down the sleeve of his thin cotton shirt.
"It's nothing, I was just clumsy and hit it against the table."
But Yunho knew better.
"Breakfast is ready...if you don't like it, I can make something else."
Yunho sat down quietly beside his wife and started eating. His taste buds went on over drive, he had to admit Junsu was definitely on par with Jaejoong's cooking or even beyond Jaejoong's cooking.
"Does this taste alright? I can make you something else." Junsu was about to stand up.
"No it tastes delicious."
The tension slowly started dissolving.
"Junsu let me see your arm."
"Don't worry about it Yunho ah, my arm is fine."
Not believing a single word, Yunho grasped his wife's arm lightly. HIs heart sank as he watched Junsu wince from the pain.
"Here let me put some medication on it." Yunho lightly rubbed the white substance onto Junsu's thin arm.
Junsu's eyes lingered on Yunho's downcast face which was in deep concentration.
"Su ah, I'm sorry."
"W-What?"
"I'm sorry."
"But what are you..." Junsu was quickly silenced by Yunho's finger against his plump lips.
"I'm sorry for yesterday." And everything else.
============Flashback Ends=======
Yunho sipped his glass of coffee, the taste was just wrong. Even though it was always just instant coffee why did the ones Junsu make taste so much better? He watched the space before him, the kitchen suddenly seemed a lot larger.
Glancing at his clock, he noticed it was already 9:00.
"Su I'm off for..." He looked up and realized nobody was there. "...work." His voice faltered.
When I treat you like crap, you still praise me... why do you always treat me so well?
==========Flashback============
"Yunho come sit here and have a chat with your wife and me." Mrs.Jung waved her son over, seeing his mother's eyes sparkle with delight, he obediently sat down beside his wife. "Junsu was telling me how good of a husband you are and I don't believe him." Her laughter rang through the air.
"It's true umma! Yunho always treated me so well. He is always helping me around the house...he is so clingy that I think I'm getting sick of him." Junsu laughed softly.
Mrs.Jung laughed happily, her eyes landing on the entwined hands of the young couple.
Yunho squeezed Junsu's hand gently indicating a sign of appreciation, and Junsu squeezed his hand back.
Junsu had lied for him, and Yunho couldn't understand why. Why would Junsu treat him so well when all he's done was make the other cry? Yunho knew that if he was in Junsu's position, he would've ratted himself out a long time ago, but Junsu, he put up with Yunho's harsh treatments with a smile on his face everyday never wanting anything in return from Yunho.
Yunho's heart felt like lead.
=======Flashback Ends=========
==========Flashback==========
The entrance door opened revealing a tired and exhausted man. "I'm home." He said weakly to greet his wife.
Hearing the weak greeting, Junsu knew something was wrong. He quickly made way to the living room and found Yunho lying tiredly on their cream leather couch. Junsu knelt down beside Yunho worriedly.
"Yunho ah are you feeling alright?" Junsu felt Yunho's forehead. "Gosh you have a fever." He quickly rid his husband of the uncomfortable attire and wrapped two large blankets around the shivering body.
Yunho moaned uncomfortably, his head pounding.
"Don't move I'll be back with some food for you."
~ 1 Hour Later~
Junsu came back into the living room with a steaming bowl of congee. He lifted Yunho up, supporting the heavier man against his tiny body.
"Yunho ah I know you're tired right now, but you have to eat, I made you some congee."
Carefully he fed the food to his husband, making sure it wasn't too hot. After the food, Junsu laid Yunho back down on the soft haven. His eyes lingered on the masculine face.
Will I ever be more than just a replacement of hyung for you?
Yunho groaned, feeling the rhythmic pounding of head lessen. "I need you...Don't leave me... Don't leave me...Jaejoong ah."
Junsu got his answer, yet he hoped after all this time he would've meant something more.
"Jaejoong don't leave me." The grasp on Junsu's wrist tightened.
"I'm here, I won't leave you."
Feeling the grip on his wrist loosen, Junsu quickly made way to the kitchen wanting to make some warm fluids for his husband.
"Promise me you'll stay with me...please don't leave me...I need you...Junsu don't leave me."
========Flashback Ends=======
The cafe shop was finally quiet after a long morning, but the fast paced, continuous rounds of customers coming in had kept his thoughts away from home for a bit. Now that the shop entered its mid day quietness, Junsu found his thoughts trailing back towards the place he used to call home and its master.
Junsu looked at the picture of him and Yunho clutched in his hands. His fingers outlined the other's face lightly tracing the features which seemed so familiar yets so foreign to him.
He had hoped that Yunho would've at least given him a chance.
Given them a chance.
=========Flashback======
"Achooo" Junsu sniffled, his body shivering from the cold winter air.
"Junsu ah are you cold?"
He shook his head not wanting to trouble his husband. "I'm fine. Yunho go back to sleep, you've been so tired from work already."
Suddenly Junsu felt a pair of arms wrapped tightly against his thin waist. His back was pressed tightly against a warm chest. Junsu felt the warmth from Yunho engulfing his own body, his cheeks flushed a deep pink, feeling protected and loved for the first time since his wedding.
"I don't like it when you're cold."
Every night after that, Junsu was protected from the cold.
=========Flashback Ends============
============Flashback==========
"I'm home." Yunho announced as he stepped into the house.
"You're home early today." Junsu looked at his husband, his eyes glazed with curiousity.
"Yeah"
"Is there something wrong Yunho ah? Are you hiding someting behind your back?"
"Nothing"
Not wanting to press further questions, Junsu turned around to resume his work. Cold metal met with his warm skin, Junsu's eyes landed on a gorgeous Tiffany bracelet on his right wrist.
"Yunho ah?"
"Happy Birthday Su."
Junsu's cheeks flushed with happiness. His eyes danced to the extravagent birthday cake that Yunho was holding. The candles flickered like stars lighting up Junsu's heart.
"H-How did you know?"
Yunho pulled Junsu's small frame into his body. He breathed in the familiar strawberry scent. Their bodies relaxed against each others. "You're my wife...how can I not know about your birthday?" Shyly he placed a kiss on Junsu's rosy cheek.
"I'm so happy! Thank you so much." Junsu's face lit up.
Their eyes met.
Yunho felt himself drown, and this time he didn't resist.
============Flashback Ends==========
It was Saturday which meant family day at the young master Jung's household. The weekends were usually filled with walks on the beach, movies and other fun activities that the couple enjoyed before Yunho's long and tiring work schedule.
But this weekend would be different.
Business was slow today, Junsu took the opportunity to relax. His fingers gravitated towards the white gold bracelet on his right wrist.
---------------------------
Yunho was cleaning the house. Junsu didn't like a messy house and Yunho didn't want his wife to come home to a big mess.
His eyes landed on a large dolphin plush.
The corners of his lips lifted into a small smile.
Sunlight danced into the warm house.
=========Flashback==========
Yunho pinned his giggling wife onto the soft mattress. "Jung Junsu is such a kid." Yunho continued his tickle attack on his helpless prey.
"Take that back I'm not a kid." Junsu pouted slightly.
"Ow...is that how you treat your husband? Hit my head with the lovely dolphin I worked so hard on winning for you at the amusement park?" An amused chuckle escaped Yunho's lips.
"Well that's what you get for calling me a kid."
Before Junsu could complain any further, Yunho had already captured Junsu's lips with his own.
"Okay I take it back, Mrs.Jung is actually a big kid with a duck butt.
==============Flashback Ends===============
============Flashback===============
The couple was having a romantic candlelit dinner at home, the atmosphere was lively and warm. Everything was perfect except Junsu looked a little stressed over a problem.
"Wifey what's wrong? Why are you looking so distressed? Smile babe...it's my birthday."
Junsu looked down at his plate of pasta guiltily.
"Su, what's wrong?" Concern flashed in Yunho's eyes. "You know you can tell me anything right?"
Junsu played with his fingers nervously. "I - It's just that today is your birthday and I didn't even manage to get you the perfect gift. All I did was prepare the dinner...I feel so horrible. I'm sorry Yunho."
"Is that all? I thought something horrible had happened! You never fail to amuse me babe." Yunho chuckled in amusement causing Junsu's face to warm.
The CD player spun, filling the room with romantic tunes. Junsu's eyes lighted up hearing the familiar lyrics of his favourite song.
"May I have this dance?" A soft smile played played Yunho's lips as he waited for Junsu's hand.
The two rocked back and forth slowly to the soft melody.
"Yunho ah"
"Hmm?"
"Can you tell me what you want for your birthday?"
"I'll tell you once this song is over."
Once the song came to an end, Junsu looked at his husband innocently but Yunho didn't utter a single word. When the two settled on their bed, Junsu felt a little scared by Yunho's sudden change of mood.
Yunho pulled Junsu's small frame into his arms, but unlike other nights his hold was tighter and more protective tonight. Junsu could feel his husband's pounding heartbeat against his back.
"Su ah"
"W-What's wrong?"
Junsu turned around to find Yunho hovering over his petite frame.
"You're beautiful Junsu." and Yunho's mouth captured Junsu's plush lips in a long lingering kiss.
The distance between the two bodies closed, their bodies melted against each other.
That night the two had become one.
==========Flashback Ends==========
============Flashback==========
Junsu laid on Yunho's chest as the two watched the night sky that was decorated by millions of stars.
"Yunho ah"
"Hmm?"
"I love you." If it was any softer Yunho would've been sure he would've missed it.
Junsu listened to Yunho's heartbeat hoping to get a response. Junsu bit his lips nervously, it was a little selfish to be expecting a response. For five minutes Junsu felt like he couldn't breathe even when he was listening to the calm beating.
Not being able to take the silence anymore, Junsu poked his head up to take a peek at his husband only to find Yunho in dreamland.
"Silly you're not supposed to sleep in situations like these." He pressed a light kiss on Yunho's lips. Feeling the cold seep into his skin, he laid on Yunho once again letting himself drift off into dreamland.
Unknown to Junsu, Yunho was never a heavy sleeper.
He had wanted to respond to Junsu's confession
But was too scared to say anything.
============Flashback Ends============
============Flashback======================
Junsu was cleaning up Yunho's storage room because the mess was getting unbearable in his eyes. A comforting warmth spread about his body as he heard his phone vibrate from a text message.
********
Mrs.Jung I miss you =(
-Mr.Jung
**********
A smile spread across Junsu's full lips. He sat on the spare single bed reading the text over and over again. After the tenth time of reading it, Junsu decided it was time to clean again. As he started to dust the bedside table, a very pretty book caught his attention.
Junsu picked up the book and traced the rough leather cover. The small lock on the side of the book told Junsu of the book's importance, but Junsu's curiousity got the best of him making him try to break the lock.
The lock suddenly became loose and the white pages of the book fluttered open.
The Diary of Jung Yunho
March 10
I was at the family function today and I laid eyes on teh most beautiful person ever. From his physique, I could say he was a man, but his feminine features told me a different story. Later I found out that he was a male, the son of my appa's business parter Kim Dong. Kim Jaejoong was his name...ahh what a beautiful name.
I hope I get to see Jaejoong again
-Yunho
..........
March 24
Guess what journal? I got to see Jaejoong again! I was very excited ot finally see him again after such a long period of time. I felt like such a middle school girl blushing everytime our eyes met. I noticed he was blushing too...how cute! I don't know what urged me to talk to him, but I felt like I just needed to know him better. Once we started to talk, we really hit it off...it was GREAT! We have so much in common...you know those cliche stories of love at first sight... well I think I may have just started my own cliche.
I'm really beginning to like this Kim Jaejoong... very much
-Yunho
.........
March 31
I'm so excited! I'm having a date tonight...with Jaejoong! I'm so excited...what should I wear? Tie or no tie...would it be too formal? Hair spiked or flat? Should I wear the Lacoste or Boss cologne? I'm such a mess right now! Arghs! I still haven't gotten ready yet...and I only have 5 hours and 23 minutes left before I have to go pick him up! That's it, I'm going to ask mom to pick my outfit for me.
Extrememly nervous and excited, hoping I don't screw up
-Yunho
.........
April 1
So we went on our date yesterday and I really like him. I gave him flowers. Should I send him flowers today? Roses maybe... would that be too girly? But then again he did really like the flowers I bought for him yesterday. Think brain think...what would I want from a guy if he asked me out...nothing...what think harder brain!
I will be the catalyst to my romantic life
-Yunho
........
April 5
Well I haven't even asked Jaejoong out yet again and you're probably wondering why...well the reason is because we're going to get MARRIED! Okay let me explain the story thoroughly, so before Jaejoong and I were born, our parents had already decided they would betrothe Jaejoong to me. When they saw our chemistry...let's just say our parents were more than thrilled.
Kim Jaejoong is going to be Mrs.Jung
-Yunho
...........
April 10
I finally got to meet Jaejoong's little brother, Junsu, today. Junsu and Jaejoong look nothing alike...but I can't deny Junsu is pretty as well. Like Jaejoong, Junsu has got quite feminine features. It was sort of hard to have a conversation with Junsu because he is extremely shy.
Wedding countdown begins now!
-Yunho
..........
April 17
The wedding is approaching...excited!
I'm gonna be happily married...soon
-Yunho
...........
May 20
I am breathing but my heart doesn't beat anymore, not ever since Jaejoong got taken away from me.
-Yunho
..........
June 5
It has been agreed by both families that the wedding will go on...except this time I'm marrying Junsu. But Junsu is not Jaejoong.
-Yunho
..............
July 10
Junsu is now officially my wife...it should've been Jaejoong. Oh Jae, I miss you so much.
-Yunho
..........
July 11
Yesterday was the first night we spent together in the house. To be honest I'm quite scared...I still don't know much about Junsu. I heard him cry the whole night, maybe I was too harsh on him. I know it wasn't his entire fault for breaking Jae's crystal...but he should've known better or been more careful.
-Yunho
..........
July 13
Why does he always fucking try to be Jaejoong? He's not Jaejoong and never will be. Does he think that cooking or acting like Jaejoong will just make me love him like that? I hate him... he isn't Jaejoong.
-Yunho
..........
July 15
I hated how Junsu treats me so nicely even when I'm such a big jerk. He never complains, not even when I took my anger out on him. I really don't want to hurt him anymore.
-Yunho
...........
July 25
I don't like it when Junsu's scared...in fact I hate it. I don't know why but whenever I see him scared and I am the cause of it...I really want to hit myself. I don't know why but I just feel like I want to protect him. I don't know what these feelings are...and they are scaring me.
-Yunho
............
August 1
I think I might have felt something for Junsu...and I know I shouldn't. My heart needs to remain with Jae. I promised him forever and I can't break that promise. My heart is reacting to Junsu the way it used to react to Jae.
I'm really scared,
-Yunho
................
August 14
I took Junsu's virginity yesterday...I don't know if I truly like him or just using him as a replacement for Jae. I'm so confused now.
-Yunho
............
August 16
I don't know why but everytime I see Junsu smile, I'll feel myself smiling with him. Whenever he's sad I'll feel my heart dying along with his faltering smile. I never want to see Junsu cry because tears will unknowingly fall down my own cheeks. Junst...do you know how important he is becoming to me? I can't fall asleep at night unless he is safe and warm in my arms. I'm scared when he is sad...I'm scared when he is unhappy...I'm scared he won't be there for me...I'm scared that he might leave me...like Jaejoong.
-Yunho
...............
August 18
Junsu was joking around today talking about how he would elope with the person he used to like if I ever treated him badly. I held him close so tightly, he complained that he was dying from the lack of oxygen. Please don't ever mention leaving me Junsu because I get so scared that you will leave me...you don't understand how much I need you.
-Yunho
.............
August 19
We spent the whole night watching the stars talking about our childhoods. It amused me how childlike my wife was and still is. Throughout his stories, Junsu kept mentioning a Yoochun...I have no clue why I hate this guy already...it must be his name...what kind of a stupid name is Yoochun anyway? Doesn't Yunho and Junsu flow more smoothly? Well I definitely think it does.
-Yunho
...........
August 23
Junsu ah...I..I ...thank you for being there.
-Yunho
.................
September 5
Whenever I dreamt of my memories with Jaejoong, I always see Junsu. Why is Junsu there? Those were the special moments I shared with Jae...why is Junsu in them? I hate Junsu I don't love Junsu...I love Jaejoong.
-Yunho
...........
September 6
I have finally figured out the feelings I have for Junsu. He is nothing more than just a replacement of Jae. I don't love Junsu now and I never will because I had promised Jae forever...I can't betray Jae.
-Yunho
-------------------------------
Junsu dropped the tiny leather book onto the floor not wanting to continue reading.
"See Junsu, see how gullible you've been?" He quietly scolded himself while sobbing softly.
Feeling his legs weaken, Junsu landed on the soft carpeted floor. He tried to weaken the echoes of his sobs with his small hands.
Two Hours Later
"Su ah, I'm home!" Yunho called out happily waiting for a reply from his wife. Hearing no reply but a distinct chopping sound, he tiptoed into the kitchen to check on his wife. Yunho quietly set down his briefcase on the kitchen table. He walked up to Junsu quietly and wrapped his strong arms around his wife's slender waist.
"Mrs.Jung...Mr.Jung has arrived home." He pressed a soft kiss on Junsu's porcelain cheek.
"Huh? Oh I'm sorry I was so into making dinner I didn't hear you." Junsu directed his attention to the vegetables he was chopping.
"Su ah you're really quiet today, it's sort of refreshing." Yunho giggled lightly.
Yunho was expecting to earn a smack from his wife but instead of a smack, Yunho felt Junsu's body went rigid in his hold.
"Su is something wrong?" He immediately led his wife to a chair. Wanting a remedy for his aching limbs, Yunho sat on a chair and pulled Junsu onto his lap.
"Su ah what's wrong?" Yunho looked at Junsu's downcast face. "Su look at me...did I do something wrong?" Yunho felt himself go limp at Junsu's red puffy eyes showing obvious signs of crying. "Su did I do something wrong? Please don't cry." He gently brushed off some tears with his thumb.
"I-It's nothing...I-It's just that I..I guess I miss seeing Yoochun." Junsu answered quietly.
Yunho's heart stopped beating.
He tightened his hold on Junsu. "I'm here for you Su...I'll always be here for you. If you want someone to hold you, I'll hold you. If you want someone to take your anger out on, I'll be your punching bag. If you need support, I'll be there to hold your hand."
"What if I want someone to love me?"
"I - I"
"Yunho do you love me?"
"I - I."
Yunho seemed at lost when he saw fresh tears roll down Junsu's cheeks.
"It's okay Yunho you don't have to answer me...I understand."
"Junsu I"
"I really have to make dinner." Junsu got up silently making his way to the pots and pans
He doesn't love you, you're nothing while Jaejoong hyung is his everything.
Even if I can't say it, can't you see how much you've become to me?
===========Flashback Ends============
"Junsu are you sure you're alright? I can ask Changmin to take over for you if you don't feel well."
"Yoochun I'm fine." Junsu peeked at Yoochun's skeptical look. "Really I'm doing fine."
Yoochun began to rub small circles on Junsu's back. "Su throwing up twice in the morning doesn't seem fine to me. Su if you're sick or tired or..."
"I think it's just stress Chun."
"Su you're looking very pale. I'm taking you home to get some rest."
"But what about the shop..."
"Don't worry about it, I'll get Changmin to look after it. Your health is the most important right now."
I'll always protect you, no matter what.
---------------------------------------
Yunho slumped onto the cream leather couch, his eyes landing on the wedding picture of him and Junsu. His chest tightened as his eyes lingered on Junsu's face. Yunho picked up the photo and let his fingers dance over his wife's face in the portrait.
Two months passed by, and there was still no signs of Junsu returning.
Yumho felt himself slowly dying on the inside, his heart was still beating but it had nothing sentimental to beat for anymore. He felt wetness on his cheeks as he remembered all the moments the married couple had shared together. Yunho could still see Junsu's childish pout, hear Junsu's dolphin laugh, feel Junsu smack his toned arms as he endlessly made fun of his wife.
Each night after work Yunho would walk around Seoul in various districts in hopes of finding Junsu. Regardless of fatigue or illness, Yunho would still search for his wife, but each night he still came home to an empty apartment.
His worst fear did come true, Junsu did leave him.
Just as Yunho was about to make his way to the bedroom, the phone suddenly rang.
"Hello this is Dr.Joon speaking, is Mrs.Jung there?"
"Um he's not at home right now but I am his husband."
"Oh well in that case I know as a doctor I shouldn't reveal information about my patient, But Junsu hasn't picked up his health report in two months already and I was getting worried. I just hope Junsu wouldn't be angered if I tell you about his report."
"It's alright you can tell me, I'll notify my wife once he comes back."
"Thank you so much Mr.Jung. Back to the health report, during the last checkup I discovered that Mrs.Jung wasn't ill, he was just feeling nauseous because he is already a month pregnant. Congratulations Mr.Jung and please send my wishes to Mrs.Jung.
Yunho's breath hitched.
"Mr.Jung...are you still there?"
"Um yeah."
"Have a good evening."
"Thank you so much."
Why do the people I love always leave me?
*
*
*
End of Part One
=================
Author's note:
I have worked hard for this story, so please show me the amount of effort I have put in this story was worth it. LEAVE A COMMENT! please... no silent readers
Part Two will come soon depending on how many comments I am able to receive
-forgivemealways