Apr 09, 2008 08:56
I guess I owe the few of you that still write on here my semi-annual update. I suppose I will be quite forward with it and say that through the last nine months or so my lifestyle has changed drastically...like it would more than likely shock you. I have fallen in love with life. For so long it seemed like something that I was constantly struggling with. I became torn between pleasing myself, others, and my God. Somehow I have come to a place in my life where it seems like I am able to do all at the same time. It's unbelievable really.
Me...care free...who would have thought?
So if you have the time and patience to read on, I will give you a little insight on where my happiness stems from.
I left American Eagle. That's right. I was just so unhappy there. Sure, I made more than enough to survive but it really wasn't worth it. I am 21. I should not have been that stressed about a retail job. I got to the point where I cared too much and I wasn't given any respect in return. Quite frankly, they screwed me over and still expected me to stay and put up with their crap. No thanks. One summer's worth of the river made me realize that it just wasn't worth the effort.
My mother and I are closer than we have ever been. I can't believe that I made our relationship as difficult as I did for so long. She did something for me very recently that made me realize that she is the best friend I will ever have. I really love her so much.
Speaking of love, I am in it. Completely. I know I have said many times before that I was head over heals for a guy before but I love him so much. I would marry him tomorrow if I could and I have no doubt that we will be happy together for the rest of our lives. We both have been hurt before and we have had a rough road even together but the fact that we have made it through the things we have makes me confident in our potential as a couple. I honestly at this point can't imagine a future without him.
The river just started running again. FINALLY! I was starting to get really impatient. I love that place and lifestyle so much. Those boys and few girls out there are like family and I would do anything for them. For most of my life all of my friendships have seemed so fickle and fragile and based on such trivial things such as whether I was edge or not, whether I liked the same band as you, or what I was willing to do for someone. Not anymore. There is something so strange and wonderful about the relationships I acquired last summer.
I have three ladies in my life right now that would have my back in any situation and I would do the same for them. Those three are my mother, Allison, and Candace. Allison and Candace are two of the female guides at High Country. Allison trained with me and we have become so close over the past year. Candace is a senior guide who has the sweetest personality but could kill you...yes, any of you. She is by far one of the best guides we have and more than likely the best female one on the river. We have already covered how important my mother has become. I sincerely enjoy being with all three of them and for the first time in my life I am not stressed about what conversations to start and whether anyone even cares about what I have to say. Now all I need to do is get Tara back in the states...maybe at the river? Ha...damn your fear of water, Tara!
The boys at the river are like my brothers. I must say that I have had difficultly with my brother's marriage simply because it is slowly becoming evident that he is making a life of his own. Don't get my wrong, I am SO proud of him. I wish him the best but for a while I really missed having that older protective masculine figure. The guys at the outpost have unknowingly done such a good job of filling that void. They are like family to me. No man will ever replace my brother but it helps me cope with the lack of him in my life having thirty boys who ACT like they are my brother.
I am also working at Macaroni Grill now...yeah. Thank God the river started back or I would be getting really fat. I love my new job. I struggle financially and I live pay check to pay check but I am so much happier there. I love my managers and they show us all so much respect. That's a huge change of pace for me.
So if you didn't know, I am moving to Chattanooga for several reasons but to sum it up..it's where I found myself and it's where I found so many of the people I have come to love. I feel at home there and The closer I get to leaving, the brighter life seems to get. Anyone is welcome to come visit me. I would love to take any of you rafting you just have to let me know. Even if you just want to drive down to party with us, that's fine. I am dying to share this beautiful place I have found.