this blank check is starting to disintegrate.
times like these, i realize that this distance between us has been created, maintained and pruned by you.
what use is it to talk to me about your feelings, your concerns about this disconnect between us, if you're going to proceed by neglecting me and forgetting that i exist? no night time phone calls, no i miss yous, no i love yous, only half-hearted apologies.
we have this conversation, it puts me in my place, i think about the ways in which i should proceed to fix the problems and "make you feel loved." i make plans, goals, motivate myself to do things differently. my roadblock: you. i am met with your indifference, your negligence, your apathy, and why else wouldn't i revert to tripping about how you spent your day. i thought you were at work. you called in sick because you didn't feel up to going to work. instead, you were on facebook. you were on your computer. instead of nursing this back to health, you ran away, like you've run away so many times. stop fucking telling me in words that i am too good for you, that you don't deserve my salvation, if you won't even put the effort in to remedy the problems between us that you have manifested.
there's a term for this in sociology and it's called reckless indifference. in fact, at this point in time, it could be considered intent.
in legal terms, that implies justification to litigate. but i have no standing. i am a single party and my resources have been depleted. the cost of fighting is grossly disproportionate.
what use is it to talk to me about your feelings, your concerns about this disconnect between us, if you're going to proceed by neglecting me and forgetting that i exist? no night time phone calls, no i miss yous, no i love yous, only half-hearted apologies.
we have this conversation, it puts me in my place, i think about the ways in which i should proceed to fix the problems and "make you feel loved." i make plans, goals, motivate myself to do things differently. my roadblock: you. i am met with your indifference, your negligence, your apathy, and why else wouldn't i revert to tripping about how you spent your day. i thought you were at work. you called in sick because you didn't feel up to going to work. instead, you were on facebook. you were on your computer. instead of nursing this back to health, you ran away, like you've run away so many times. stop fucking telling me in words that i am too good for you, that you don't deserve my salvation, if you won't even put the effort in to remedy the problems between us that you have manifested.
there's a term for this in sociology and it's called reckless indifference. in fact, at this point in time, it could be considered intent.
in legal terms, that implies justification to litigate. but i have no standing. i am a single party and my resources have been depleted. the cost of fighting is grossly disproportionate.