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my boyfriend doesn't really like taking photos and he's not that photogenic. i think there's a total of two pictures that i have of him that look the same -- he looks different in every photograph.
we get into petty arguments and disagreements all the time; the both of us start throwing around insults, he demands an apology and i refuse to give it to him, or i insist that he's the one in the wrong and i deserve the apology. we bicker, we argue, we talk about how impossible it is to be in this relationship, how it hurts us more than it helps, how he makes me cry or how i make him cry.
but we bounce back faster than i ever had in a relationship. there's a kind of permanence to this. i worry that he's upset with me but i don't worry that he'll leave me over it, even if he threatens to or hypothesizes about it out loud. and maybe this is for all the little things we do when we argue. i don't apologize until i really really have the heart to, which eliminates forced, bitter apologies and joseph getting disappointed over it. even when i'm mad at him he'll tell me he loves me, that he misses me and i'll reciprocate. when he's so upset at me that we can't continue our conversation, he'll pause for a moment and tell me how much he loves me even though we fight. and within hours, i can't hold a grudge anymore. maybe this is immature -- if i can get over it so easily, then why would hark about it so long in an argument? but really, it's not so much that there wasn't any meaning to the subject at hand, it shows that our disagreements mean so relatively little.
he decided for sure today that he move to chicago, so i guess we're in the process of planning. this whole, drought out planning process. but i think this will be epic.
waking up next to joseph, grumpy grumpy non-morning joseph. sharing cigarettes in the snow, unless we both decide to quit before winter announces itself. eating breakfast together, or foregoing breakfast to make love or shower, to nap a little bit longer, huddle under the blankets in body heat. waiting for him to come home at night. or him waiting for me to finish class, finish homework, finish whatever it is i need to do. sleeping together, napping together, sharing blankets and sharing pillows. memories in the making: it's pretty much all i've been looking forward too, as of late.