Mar 19, 2004 23:17
Nobody gets it. the only person who brought me any grief is now gone. caitlin went home because her dad said she had too. nobody understands how im feeling right now. i cant stop shaking nor crying. i think im gonna try killing myself tomorrow. taylor expects me to keep waiting and when i dont want her to call me she does and when i do she doesnt like now. i even called her telling her she shouldve and hung up and once again she still hasnt called me. what the fock. i dont think she thinks im serious but i am. it wont stop hurting. why cant it just all go away? its like either way i look in life my only way out is death. thats not jaci. thats not how i think. theres really something wrong with me. things are really starting to get to me. i feel numb small and unimportant. i cant sit around anymore pretend my life is okay. im unstable. everything in my life is like sinking. my friends, school, her, parents, life. why wont taylor just ask to come see me now. why would she perfer to wait when i might not even be here tomorrow? why would you ever wanna wait? wouldnt you want to do things the second you get the chance? maybe thats just me. im gonna end up having a stroke. caitlin says this is really getting bad and that i dont smile really and im always crying and that im manic depressive. thats pretty bad when someone like caitlin is usually happy and shes even starting to feel like me. i dont care. not anymore. incase something does happen i want you guys to know that the people who have actually given me support that i thank you alot. and if any of you care thanks for that too. im sorry for always bringing everyone down and for making everyone apart of my problems. ill miss you. goodnight.