(no subject)
This seems ridiculous to me. Doesn't seem fair.
So, I have a week off right now. A full week. Have been in the greatest spirits I've been in in years. It's fantastic.
I found out today my great-grandmother passed away Monday. This has me really upset.
And the most upsetting part is that I don't know why. I haven't seen her in four years and the last time I saw her, she pretty much told me she was bothered by practically every decision I've ever made. To put it lightly, I always got the idea she didn't approve of me and DEFINITELY didn't approve of my decisions. My tattoos, my piercings, my choice in guys...hell, even when I was a kid, she didn't approve of the fact that I was a kid.
She never bothered to get to know me for who I was. She never bothered to listen to my opinions, nothing. Nothing that I did mattered to her.
And I'm THIS upset by her passing away. She was eighty nine years old.
I didn't know her. She didn't bother to try to know me. And I'm really bothered by that, I think.
I never got to say my piece.
I never got to look her in the eye and say, "Hey, listen, you may not think I know what I'm doing and you may not approve of it, but this is who I am and this is what makes me who I am. I like tattoos, guys with tattoos who aren't necessarily Irish-Catholic and I like pit bulls. I like standing up for myself, voting and driving. I like being a strong person. I like not needing to rely on anyone, but relying on those I love. I am proud of my mother for being who she is. I'm proud of her for raising me without my father - and I'm even more proud of her for doing it without your approval.
"I'm stronger BECAUSE I didn't listen to your way of doing things. I'm stronger for being a woman who liked having a guy, but didn't need one. I'm stronger for going out on my own, for being myself. And I'm sorry, but your opinion of me doesn't make me any less confident that I can conquer the world."
I never got to say any of that.
I never got to tell her that, no, I didn't agree with her opinions, but she was family and I loved her for that. I never got to show her that I was doing well, even if it wasn't with her approval.
And this has me more upset than you know.
So, I have a week off right now. A full week. Have been in the greatest spirits I've been in in years. It's fantastic.
I found out today my great-grandmother passed away Monday. This has me really upset.
And the most upsetting part is that I don't know why. I haven't seen her in four years and the last time I saw her, she pretty much told me she was bothered by practically every decision I've ever made. To put it lightly, I always got the idea she didn't approve of me and DEFINITELY didn't approve of my decisions. My tattoos, my piercings, my choice in guys...hell, even when I was a kid, she didn't approve of the fact that I was a kid.
She never bothered to get to know me for who I was. She never bothered to listen to my opinions, nothing. Nothing that I did mattered to her.
And I'm THIS upset by her passing away. She was eighty nine years old.
I didn't know her. She didn't bother to try to know me. And I'm really bothered by that, I think.
I never got to say my piece.
I never got to look her in the eye and say, "Hey, listen, you may not think I know what I'm doing and you may not approve of it, but this is who I am and this is what makes me who I am. I like tattoos, guys with tattoos who aren't necessarily Irish-Catholic and I like pit bulls. I like standing up for myself, voting and driving. I like being a strong person. I like not needing to rely on anyone, but relying on those I love. I am proud of my mother for being who she is. I'm proud of her for raising me without my father - and I'm even more proud of her for doing it without your approval.
"I'm stronger BECAUSE I didn't listen to your way of doing things. I'm stronger for being a woman who liked having a guy, but didn't need one. I'm stronger for going out on my own, for being myself. And I'm sorry, but your opinion of me doesn't make me any less confident that I can conquer the world."
I never got to say any of that.
I never got to tell her that, no, I didn't agree with her opinions, but she was family and I loved her for that. I never got to show her that I was doing well, even if it wasn't with her approval.
And this has me more upset than you know.