*groan*
After two shorter periods of sleep, I feel better. Still anxious though I dont have a reason to be, but better, calmer, my head is cleared for now. Every time I let it all out like that, I still feel as sick as I did in the first place, only there is the added feeling there is a big-ass mallet hovering over my head.. waiting and wondering if people will respond, expecting more shite.
*sighs a bit, and shrugs*
Messed up really, but at least things are calm for now. Funny how the intrusive memories/thoughts give me trouble the very night after I sort out my sleeping patterns. Typical, heh. Wonder what time i'll get to sleep tonight. Mike is over right now, listening to the 13th "2 Sense" with me whilst I write this. Chilled pepsi max nearby, somewhat relaxed, thank fuck. Something still needs to change, but I seriously cannot muster the energy, willpower, or DESIRE to change anything. Change needs effort, and im not going to make an effort on something I dont really think I care about.
I guess thats fucked up too. Recurring, distressing problems, but I seriously dont -really- seem to care. I want them to go away, but I dont seem to care about it, just like anything else. Blargh. The other funny thing is that after I said I went to go look out my window? I didnt, I had to be up in 4 hours at that point, to go out and fish up the board money for my grandfather, so I didnt.
If I cant get inspired, life needs to smack me across the ass with a baseball bat, maybe that'll make me care and DO SOMETHING. Just, hiding again for now.
Ah well, for now, pepsi max..
*sighs a bit, and shrugs*
Messed up really, but at least things are calm for now. Funny how the intrusive memories/thoughts give me trouble the very night after I sort out my sleeping patterns. Typical, heh. Wonder what time i'll get to sleep tonight. Mike is over right now, listening to the 13th "2 Sense" with me whilst I write this. Chilled pepsi max nearby, somewhat relaxed, thank fuck. Something still needs to change, but I seriously cannot muster the energy, willpower, or DESIRE to change anything. Change needs effort, and im not going to make an effort on something I dont really think I care about.
I guess thats fucked up too. Recurring, distressing problems, but I seriously dont -really- seem to care. I want them to go away, but I dont seem to care about it, just like anything else. Blargh. The other funny thing is that after I said I went to go look out my window? I didnt, I had to be up in 4 hours at that point, to go out and fish up the board money for my grandfather, so I didnt.
If I cant get inspired, life needs to smack me across the ass with a baseball bat, maybe that'll make me care and DO SOMETHING. Just, hiding again for now.
Ah well, for now, pepsi max..