(no subject)
it's my first journal entry. how exciteing!
i just read someone's myspace profile and saw something very nice! the person sums themself up in a few lines and indiciates what bands they like...and then they write "i dont do labels. they're fuckin retarded. i am a vegetarian." she does not yet understand what the word label means?
another subject, non related to the last; vegis/vegans bother me quite a bit. i really hate how they have to rub their lifestyle into other people's faces. they tend to think that when someone offers them food, they must say "no thanks, i'm a vegitarian".
when i tell people that i don't tell people about myself, they say stuff like, "oh, well you can tell people in like a year." they simply don't understand what i'm trying to say. oh and by the way, it has been a year already for me.
yeah well the point i'm making is that i seriously think the only reason why people don't eat animal products is to feel better and more pure than other people.
these past two months have been pretty good. very confuseing and scarry, but yeah, it's been great. i've been getting some very nice feelings lately. i've pretty much euphoric when i'm at school.
yeah, school. i love it more than i ever have! i can't believe this is going to be my last year. it's not fair because i finaly am able to understand how easy, fun, and wonderful phs is.
it just seems so amazing that we have all of this stuff in our grasp. this sounds really lame - but i really think we have a great school. hah.
i've been going crazy with organisation. i feel such disgust when i know i don't have everything in perfect order. i was never like that before...seriously. i've been such a messy person for my entire life. my room used to be a pile of clothes on the floor, and now it's cleaner than a whistle.
i've also developed a fear of germs. i used to be absolutely careless with this... i would hardly ever wash my hands unless i went to the bathroom or something. like, i'ld come home from an 8 hour day and work and not wash my hands and touch food i was eating and stuff like that. lol. but yeah, now i wash my hands whenever i'm close to a sink. and i've had WAY more hXc hygene as well. i went from a disgusting, vile, dirty mess with no concern for health or cleanliness, and now it's just so easy to not have that problem.
yeah. crazy obcessions are the flux of i
anyways, to get onto another subject - i'm going to be turning 18 in a couple of months from now. it's quite scarry.
i remember saying a lot of stuff to myself and others like, "yeah, i'm going to definately quit smoking cigarettes before i'm 18 years old, because people who don't quit before they're 18 never quit"(theres a statistic that says somehting like that). there are a lot of bad habits like that, that i have broken, but there isn't enough. i feel so inept and immiture and weak. i was REALLY hopeing i would be more advanced by now. and i really hadno idea that time was moving this fast...this is crazy. it was like, on friday i think when i realised it was november and that january is right around the corner. it was just...such an intesely creepy feeling. yeah.
plus everyone has the 'window of oppurtunity' thing. now that i'm going to be 18 soon, it means that the "window of oppurtunity" thing is starting to leave.
but i don't want to just talk about my worries about this issue, because: 1.i'm not even that worried and 2. i' don't even have anything to worry about.
it's just...creepy. yeah.
chapstick all natureal vitamin e, beeswax, mango butter, shea butter = the best chap stick i've ever had. it seriously reconstructs your lips. it's amazing.
i got a new job and worked my first day today. it was really fun and i loved the job. i don't feel like explaining what it is that i do though. i've done that enough today.
i recently learned just how much what people think of me matters to me. it's really lame and hard to get under control. one of the reasons why it's hard to get into control is because i'm just so full of doubt - like, i think a lot of people have negitive opinions of me the things i've done in the past. theres a certain group of people, and whneever i try to talk to thme i stumble my words and choke up so much and act like nothing but myself..and all of this is just totaly out of my control. i try so hard to stay grounded and to just be natural, but i like can't. and now they avoid me because i keep coming off as weird as hell.
yeah, that's got to be the worst thing about me as a person.
i didn't sleep well last night, i went to bed at around 7am and woke up at like 11am. and now it's 5am, and i'm "not allowed" to go to sleep until it's atleast 8pm tonnight.
i have a lot of homework to do, and i tried doing it 6 hours ago and was simply unable to. my mind was running way too slow to think. i'ld so easily get off focus and i just couldn't pay attention to anything i was reading. i'm about to try to start working on it again, after this is done.
i seriously HATE feeling slow like this. like, mentaly.
alright. i don't think i have anything else to say. I really didn't want this essay to be a bunch of random stuff... i most def. should have planend it out a little better and added in more structure and all.
yeah.
o
i just read someone's myspace profile and saw something very nice! the person sums themself up in a few lines and indiciates what bands they like...and then they write "i dont do labels. they're fuckin retarded. i am a vegetarian." she does not yet understand what the word label means?
another subject, non related to the last; vegis/vegans bother me quite a bit. i really hate how they have to rub their lifestyle into other people's faces. they tend to think that when someone offers them food, they must say "no thanks, i'm a vegitarian".
when i tell people that i don't tell people about myself, they say stuff like, "oh, well you can tell people in like a year." they simply don't understand what i'm trying to say. oh and by the way, it has been a year already for me.
yeah well the point i'm making is that i seriously think the only reason why people don't eat animal products is to feel better and more pure than other people.
these past two months have been pretty good. very confuseing and scarry, but yeah, it's been great. i've been getting some very nice feelings lately. i've pretty much euphoric when i'm at school.
yeah, school. i love it more than i ever have! i can't believe this is going to be my last year. it's not fair because i finaly am able to understand how easy, fun, and wonderful phs is.
it just seems so amazing that we have all of this stuff in our grasp. this sounds really lame - but i really think we have a great school. hah.
i've been going crazy with organisation. i feel such disgust when i know i don't have everything in perfect order. i was never like that before...seriously. i've been such a messy person for my entire life. my room used to be a pile of clothes on the floor, and now it's cleaner than a whistle.
i've also developed a fear of germs. i used to be absolutely careless with this... i would hardly ever wash my hands unless i went to the bathroom or something. like, i'ld come home from an 8 hour day and work and not wash my hands and touch food i was eating and stuff like that. lol. but yeah, now i wash my hands whenever i'm close to a sink. and i've had WAY more hXc hygene as well. i went from a disgusting, vile, dirty mess with no concern for health or cleanliness, and now it's just so easy to not have that problem.
yeah. crazy obcessions are the flux of i
anyways, to get onto another subject - i'm going to be turning 18 in a couple of months from now. it's quite scarry.
i remember saying a lot of stuff to myself and others like, "yeah, i'm going to definately quit smoking cigarettes before i'm 18 years old, because people who don't quit before they're 18 never quit"(theres a statistic that says somehting like that). there are a lot of bad habits like that, that i have broken, but there isn't enough. i feel so inept and immiture and weak. i was REALLY hopeing i would be more advanced by now. and i really hadno idea that time was moving this fast...this is crazy. it was like, on friday i think when i realised it was november and that january is right around the corner. it was just...such an intesely creepy feeling. yeah.
plus everyone has the 'window of oppurtunity' thing. now that i'm going to be 18 soon, it means that the "window of oppurtunity" thing is starting to leave.
but i don't want to just talk about my worries about this issue, because: 1.i'm not even that worried and 2. i' don't even have anything to worry about.
it's just...creepy. yeah.
chapstick all natureal vitamin e, beeswax, mango butter, shea butter = the best chap stick i've ever had. it seriously reconstructs your lips. it's amazing.
i got a new job and worked my first day today. it was really fun and i loved the job. i don't feel like explaining what it is that i do though. i've done that enough today.
i recently learned just how much what people think of me matters to me. it's really lame and hard to get under control. one of the reasons why it's hard to get into control is because i'm just so full of doubt - like, i think a lot of people have negitive opinions of me the things i've done in the past. theres a certain group of people, and whneever i try to talk to thme i stumble my words and choke up so much and act like nothing but myself..and all of this is just totaly out of my control. i try so hard to stay grounded and to just be natural, but i like can't. and now they avoid me because i keep coming off as weird as hell.
yeah, that's got to be the worst thing about me as a person.
i didn't sleep well last night, i went to bed at around 7am and woke up at like 11am. and now it's 5am, and i'm "not allowed" to go to sleep until it's atleast 8pm tonnight.
i have a lot of homework to do, and i tried doing it 6 hours ago and was simply unable to. my mind was running way too slow to think. i'ld so easily get off focus and i just couldn't pay attention to anything i was reading. i'm about to try to start working on it again, after this is done.
i seriously HATE feeling slow like this. like, mentaly.
alright. i don't think i have anything else to say. I really didn't want this essay to be a bunch of random stuff... i most def. should have planend it out a little better and added in more structure and all.
yeah.
o