Light the Fire

[foreverlsu]

Hello. I want to apologize to all who read this in the first place. My previous entries have seem to been about hating things going on, and feeling so alone, but for the first time in a while, I felt alive, and where I least expected it. and to all those who like to check on me, which I love by the way, thank you. I am finally getting some rest. Anyways, the past week, month and year have just been off and I dont know why? couldnt explain it to you if I tryed. Its been a mix of spreading myself too thin to just not caring enough about the little things I take for grantit(spelling?) like the friends Ive had for so long and the things I enjoyed doing in high school. I realized this weekend a part of me has been missing, that I dont know if Ive been trying to hide or just havent felt comfortable sharing with others, but thats not the case anymore. the one thing missing that kept me upbeat and alive all through high school, kept me happy, made me me, was my FAITH. and not only my faith, but the people I am able to share it with. I guess I havent paid much attention to it, and ignored it, but Im not the crazy fraternity guy most people think of me as. I dont go around sleeping with girls all the time, I dont do drugs, I DO care what other people think and surprisingly football, girls and politics are not the only things that run through my brain. I AM A MAN OF MY FAITH. I am not saying I want to be a priest, sorry to some ::cough:: Hooch, but the part of me thats been missing in my life this year, has been God. To those who are still reading this and havent stopped in awe, God loves you. I really dont know what is sparking me to write this, but its pouring out of me. Maybe it is that its Holy Week or something, but Ive finally discovered one thing thats been bothering me for so long, that I hope will help me in the future. This year has been rough since the begining, from hurricanes, to losing my grandmother, to getting into ANOTHER bad car accident, lost friendships, and to lost trust, its been rough.Ive been saying for the longest time, I was alone, but honestly, I never was. Why? Ill give you a hint, he created you. As many of you know, I am catholic, and I am proud of it, but I never told anyone that, I went to church,and though I prayed, something was missing. Id go to church on Sundays, and live a life of hypocracy the next six. Hypocracy, in a sense, that God was only God for an hour, and the next 167 hours of my week, I didnt take the time to realize he was there all along. As many of you dont know, amongst all I do, one of the things I love the most and I feel, I never show any appreciation for,is DYRT, the Diocesan Youth Retreat Team. For the past year, I would partake in retreats, lead talks and even small group discussions. For the longest time, and to this point, it was routine for me, go talk about God for a couple hours, see some of my closest friends and go home. That would give me some God points right? I was completely wrong! I never appreciated DYRT, because it wasnt DYB, which to this point of my life has been one of the greatest things that ever happened to me. I had the opportunity to give a retreat this week with Jim, Steph, Neal, Connie and Christine. First off, let me say, that without the people mentioned above, I would not be the person I am today. I have been friends with this group since my time at CLI, which for those of you who dont know me, sparked my faith journey. If I wasnt able to do this, with these people, than well, I wouldnt be writing this now would I. I never thought I would say this, but at times, I had no faith, after all Ive preached done and been a part of, they were the ones who kept that fire from completely burning out. Now, others have helped me along the way,but they were the ones always there to ignite that spark. Ive always known this, but never appreciated it until it was so noticable to me this past Saturday. The retreat started as routine, but when we broke into groups for prayer, I was given scripture with Stephanie. Ive been given this topic before, but like I said, Id say things and completely forget about them when we were done. Well Steph, who by the way, lights up a room when you see her, is the best person I could have asked to help with this session. The topic was scripture, the bible. How we use, what we do with it, what can we do to better it, and what it means to us. As previous retreats, Id think of some cool things to say, but it was never me speaking, it was just a character. I know this sounds wrong, but everything Id say, I meant, I would just never do it myself. So in other words, Id tell these kids to have a gameplan for mass, by reading the bible and preparing themselves, and I myself not thinking about what I had just TAUGHT, would continue on with my busy life and think nothing of it. O Man was I wrong. I dont know what happened this Saturday, but it struck me that I have to stop, listen and take in the readings, and enjoy mass as I would an LSU football game. Impossible, right? I thought so, but was definatley proven wrong. When I came home, I told myself I had to change, and when I forced myself to go to mass, I came out the happiest I had ever been in a while. It was the story of the passion, which by far is one of the greatest stories ever told. Another thing that hits me from Saturday, besides the fun things you can discover by randomly opening a bible, was when a kid raised her hand and asked who we were, in awe of why would we want to spend time preaching to kids, when as I stated before the group, I could have very well been on the beach and having a good time with friends. Stephanie and I both proclaimed, we are the Diocesan Youth Retreat Team, and I guess that, that was the first time in a while, I felt like I had accomplished something in my faith life that I had been moving so far away from in the past. I still have a long way to go, and I wont be doing it alone. Remember why your here, who you are, and where you came from. Dont ever hold back on your friends, and remember that your never alone. Thank you Jenn, thank you Jim, thank you Neal, thank you Steph, thank you Connie, thank you Christine, thank you ALL. I am who I am because of those I am able to share my faith with. I hope one day to share it with you. Remember what this week is and cherish it. Love you all. Thank you. I want to leave you with my favorite quote from the bible, which I feel at this time is very neccesary.
2 Timothy 4:7
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have KEPT THE FAITH."